Hey, At Least We Spelled Anonymous Right

We generally like to stay away from stories that are still making the rounds of the Main Stream Media (Motto: I'm on deadline. Never mind the facts.) but the current Newsweek imbroglio is too full of irony for us to pass. You might say it is ironicus at its maximus.

Newsweek based their story on the report of an "anonymous source." On Sunday, however, Newsweek said the source, who originally said he saw references to desecration of a Koran, could no longer be sure when asked again. "Apparently we didn't catch the fact that he wasn't sober the first time we talked to him," said Michael Isikoff, the reporter who co-wrote the story along with John Barry.

"There is a certain journalistic standard that should be met, and in this case it was not met," said White House spokesman Scott McClellan. "The report was not accurate, and it was based on a single anonymous source who cannot personally substantiate the report."

When asked how he could say something like that without his head exploding when the administration had based it case about the WMD's Saddam had on the word of Ahmad Chalabi who was incorrect, or the fact that the administration relied on a single source for information about Saddam's bioweapons program and that also proved to be incorrect, McClellan stated that his head in fact does explode, but he has vents installed behind his ears that keep it from blowing apart. "I just get these really bad headaches for a moment or two," he said.

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice had described the Newsweek report as "appalling" and said it had created a "very major problem" for Washington in the Muslim world. When asked to compare the problem the Newsweek article had caused with the invasion of Iraq and the mishandled occupation she replied, "Well, you're really talking about apples and oranges there. Newsweek really isn't in our league."

Rice said that at least 14 people were killed in anti-US protests in Afghanistan last week sparked by the Newsweek report. When asked how she was certain there was a link between the violence and the Newsweek article since on May 9, long before the release of the article, Two US Marines and up to 23 militants were killed in a clash in eastern Afghanistan amid an ongoing upsurge in violence she replied that "It's women's intuition."

The State Department, moving to undo damage it says was caused by a Newsweek article is telling its embassies to spread the word abroad that America respects all religious faiths. In a two-page cable sent Monday night to all U.S. diplomatic posts, the department told the ambassadors to inform host governments and local media that "The United State might bomb your country and kill innocent civilians, or bungle the occupation causing children to starve, or arrest you without cause and hold you because you have dark skin, but we would never ever ever call Mohammed a poopy head. You have our word on it."

The Pentagon on Monday condemned the Newsweek story, which it said was "demonstrably false" and had damaged the United States as well as causing the loss of life abroad. "But not as much loss of life as one of our daisy cutters," commented one Pentagon official, "Those babies turn the rag heads into jello, know what I mean?"

Speaking to reporters accompanying her back from Iraq, Rice stressed that Muslims were highly sensitive following the abuse of inmates in Iraq's Abu Ghraib prison, and that it did not take much to fuel "an ideology of hatred against the United States. We're pretty sure they can get over that invade a couple of countries, blow up women and children for no reason, torture people thing, but Korans in the toilet? That could be a deal breaker."

When asked for his response to the Newsweek article, President Bush said, "Personally I don't get it. I mean is it 'Koran' or 'Qu'ran' or what?