Friday Hound Blogging

Ah, vacation. That blessed time of the year when, instead of being at work thinking about being some place else, you are some place else thinking about all you'll have to do when you get back to work. And so it has been with your friends here at IM Central. We won't bore you with the details except to say all the charges have been dropped and the damage repaired.

So, back to business, and as you know that business is shining the light of truth in the dark corners of the vile and tangled swamp which is home to the overlords and seeing what scurries away. And what better place to watch overlords scurry than Tucson Death Camp for Greyhounds where it seems people with souls have noticed the number of injured greyhounds being dumped on them by the track has taken a dramatic rise. Why it's almost as if the wholesale exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit has led to putting the desperate grasping for the few remaining dollars above the safety and well being of the units. We, of course, know this cannot be true as the overlords have told us on many occasions about the depth of their commitment and the lengths they will go to see that the dogs are well cared for, right general manager of Tucson Greyhound Park?

Dale Popp said he wanted to set the record straight, after animal advocacy groups cited concerns about mistreatment of greyhounds at the race track.

 Well of course he does. Honesty and transparency have long been hallmarks of the way overlords interact with those who question their priorities. Especially at Tucson. So enlighten us Mr. Popp.

Popp said he takes the welfare of the dogs seriously.

Ah. Well, thanks for clearing that up. Glad to know you're on top of this.

In the past few weeks, rescue groups have taken in 28 greyhounds, 24 of which were former racing dogs, with injuries ranging from broken legs to heat stroke. The groups have already spent more than $30,000 to treat the dogs, and volunteers estimated the cost to exceed $100,000 this year.

Hmmm...so when you say you take the welfare of the dogs seriously you mean unless it costs you money then it's, there's the gate Fido, limp your scrawny butt on out of here if you can't earn your keep.

Popp said greyhound racing may be a business, but workers at the park love their dogs too. "There are some very hard working people behind the scenes to take care of these dogs," Popp said.

No kidding? So where are those hard working people when a dog gets hurt? Oh wait, we know. They're the ones who cart therm over to the fence and dump them on the rescue groups right? Greyhounds can weigh 70 or 80 pounds each so when you have to cart that many to the used up pile that can get to your back, you know? Guess that's what makes it hard work.

Popp said kennel owners who brought in the race dogs were very passionate about the sport. Many of them had nicknames for the dogs and brought them treats regularly.

Aw. That's really cute. So when the owner is standing at the rail watching the dog race he can say, "Oh look, Flopsy broke his leg. What a shame. Well, clean out his crate and call the breeding farm. We still got three more races to get through." Touching. Really touching.

Before every race every dog undergoes a medical examination.

So if it has a broken leg, or has been electrocuted before the race you'll know it right away. Good thinking. Safety first we always say.

"Everything we do is monitored by the state," he said. "Not just that, they also do surprise kennel inspections."

Yeah. Except your state monitor is Rory Goree. The man is about as useful as a pitching coach on a T-ball team.

Staff members said the first few inches of the track is soft fluff so dogs don't injure their paws.

Got it, but legs, backs, necks, spines, inability to tolerate large voltages coursing through their bodies...mmm...not so much. Lucky you got out with all your parts still working, huh Dusty?

I am a young girl, just turning two in August. I am sweet, gentle and very friendly. My foster mom says I am very good. I am playful. I am housebroken. I love other dogs. I have loved all the kids I have meet so far. I can go up small flights of stairs but have not tried long flights yet. I love to go for walks and play with toys. I am just a little jumpy at unexpected noises but I have only been off the racetrack a week so I will get used to things. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Hey, you know who we haven't heard from in a while? That committed public servant, professional rhetorician, roustabout scientist and friend of the blog overlord Rory Goree that's who. Let's slide over to the coprophagous side of town and see what the old wastrel has been up to shall we?

If I told a story about one of my ex-racing greyhounds, a story that pertained to its racing history, I would have no problem showing anyone my greyhound’s tattoos if they asked to see them. That’s what people with pride in their adopted ex-racing greyhounds do.

Well, if the greyhound in question happened to be there with you of course, but we get it. You're still on about Gina and Grey2K aren't you, but since you are only writing for people who already agree with you there is no need to clearly say what you mean--sort of the passive aggressive approach to opinion writing, right? Or maybe it's just easier for you to take ideas people have already stated, obfuscate them a little and present them as your own deep thoughts. Come to think of it, that's not such a bad strategy for someone whose last original thought was labeling his shoes L and R so he'd remember how to put them on in the morning.

Some like to play the "they are picking on me" game when they themselves perpetuate the picking, bullying and harassment. When questioned, they will not answer honestly, instead they resort to the “they are picking on me” diatribes and side-step providing the simple truth.

Umm...so the answer "it's none of your business" wasn't what you were looking for? And as for bullying, how about this:

"Then grab her and run like hell!!!" That message was followed by a joke about a "get away car."

Sounds like a bit of a threat to us, and as for harassment:

SHOW US THEM TATS! And when you do show them, please be sure an independent person with no connections and nothing to gain or lose verifies this.

Not to be pedantic about it or anything, but the phrase is show us those tats, although the random capitalization is a nice example of the spittle-flecked psychosis that has attended this entire affair. And speaking of psychosis, what is it you hope to achieve by this revelation you so ardently seek in your own obdurate and puerile way?

If a dog was truly an ex-racing greyhound and those who love greyhounds inquire about this dog, why is there a need to hide a dog’s identity, a dog’s history? Why deny this or any greyhound the right to be who it truly is and was?  What is the secret? What is the fear?  Are you afraid the truth negates your fairytale and will expose a long standing pattern of deception which will come out?

Oh, we get it now. You think knowing those numbers would unlock the truth about what people who think the wholesale exploitation and abuse of innocent living creatures for (no) profit is a festering sore on the body of society are really up to, right? Sort of the Rosetta stone of the animal rights wackos; the key to the enigma machine of those who suffer from chronic altruism.

Well, allow us to put what passes for your mind at rest. There is no deep dark secret, no hidden agenda. It's simply that people afflicted with congenital empathy feel obligated to clean up the detritus of your barbaric industry, a detritus that consists of living, breathing, sentient beings.

Think about this G man: the only reason Gina was adopted was because the people who had her didn't want her anymore. Why not? Who has the real secret here? What about you Dew? Anybody ever try to decode your ears?

Are you looking for a care-free girl that can let the wind blow through her ears (check her in a car with a moon roof!) and is still respectable enough to introduce to your mother? An independent girl but still VERY affectionate? A girl with the usual talents, yet also adventurous enough to try new things, such as a cake walk and walking off with the first prize? Beautiful Dew just might be that special lady to add to your life. She is in foster, doing great with house rules, and enjoying her retirement! Come meet this special girl. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know that confronting time, the dragon mounted pillager of youth, will leave them singed and dispirited...erm...we mean know that we have often used our pixels on this page to discourse on the plight of the overlords.  Hapless creatures, it seems, storm tossed on the sea of free enterprise and left abandoned on the rocky shoals of indifference, disgust and disdain.

Or, put another way, no one wants these bozos within a parsec of them. Regular people don't want them; track owners don't want them; even legislators--whom we must admit have standards only slightly above pit vipers--don't want them. So what is a poor, besieged overlord to do? The application deadline for Walmart greeter school has passed, and even though they have their certificate of completion from the third grade, employers seem to think that the ability to exploit innocent living creatures for (no) profit, then abandon them to an uncertain fate when they no longer produce is not an appropriate skill set for those who wish to use their labor to make a contribution to the betterment of society.

Truly a dilemma wouldn't you say? OK, you probably wouldn't say. Like us, you'd probably say "Welcome to the Karma Restaurant doofus. There is no menu. You get what you deserve," but let's set that aside for a moment and consider the situation from the overlords' perspective. Point number one: Your "sport" is about as popular as an Ebola outbreak in Central Park. Point number two: You are about as welcome in human society as a steaming hot bowl of chlamydia soup. Point number three: Your ability to obtain and maintain gainful employment outside of the wholesale abuse and neglect of greyhounds industry is on a par with the efficacy of flying cement trucks. Add it all up and only one conclusion is possible:

You need to start your own track.

The Iowa Greyhound Association has formally requested a license to operate a dog racing track in Dubuque next year.

When asked why they thought a track would be successful in a climate where tracks are closing all over the country and revenue from greyhound racing is dropping faster than Scott DesJarlais drops his wedding vows, a spokesperson for the IGA who did not want his named used due to outstanding warrants, replied, "Because."

An official from the Iowa Racing and Gaming Commission tells the Telegraph Herald the license application was received Wednesday, the final day an application could be submitted.

"We were all just getting ready to go home, the official said, "when this shabby looking fellow rides up on an old bicycle and asks if this is the Racing Commission Headquarters. I thought he was some sort of panhandler and I was about to give him some change when he says he's the president of the IGA and hands us this grimy envelope.  All I can say is it's a good thing spelling doesn't count. Oh, by the way, before he rode away he did ask us if anyone had any spare change."

Reporters requesting an explanation from the IGA as to why it took so long to complete the application were told Rory Goree had been hired as a consultant. "He charged us $37.50," a spokesperson said. "We're hoping the track will generate enough profit in the first five years so we can pay him."

Hmmm. What do you think  Silver? Mr. Goree probably shouldn't make any plans for that money huh?

I am a very easy going, sweet boy. I am happy, very smart and obedient. I absolutely love to be around people. I have discovered the toy box and love to play with toys. The other dog in my foster home can come right up and take the toys from me and I do not growl or snap. I am housebroken. I do not like being in the crate. I walk very well on my leash. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here. 

Hounds Home For The Holiday

Every once in a while it occurs to us here in the marbled halls of IM Central that we have done things more than once, and no, the staccato nature of our memory is not due to the long term partnership we have with our blogging partner, Mr. Stolichnaya, or maybe we should refer to him as Dr. Stolichnaya because he is just the prescription for getting along in a country where abstract legal entities are free to worship as they see fit, (we're guessing worshiping Mammon fits them nicely) but living, breathing actual humans who happen not to have a y chromosome are more regulated than guns in Georgia. See what we did there? We call him Dr. Stolichnaya because he prescribes. Play on words. We crack us up.

Where were we? Oh yeah, traditions. OK, since anything we consciously do more than once around here we consider a tradition, and since we plan to spend the actual holiday cowering in the bathroom with three very nervous skinny dogs while our neighbors reenact the barrage of Fort McHenry, we thought this would be a good time to bring back Hounds Home for the Holiday, or as we like to call it, H³.

And this is a very good day to do an H³ too, because we just found out overlords have feelings! Now we always knew they were capable of exhibiting previously unrecorded levels of greed and callousness, but we never really considered those actual feelings. Now we find out that overlords have feelings just like you and those feelings can be hurt.

First a little back story. A few weeks back the overlords closed down a kennel in Arkansas and gave the owner the boot. A bunch of units...er...greyhounds were evacuated from the kennel. Holy Crap, you're thinking, the overlords acted in the best interest of the dogs? Well, maybe, maybe not because instead of sending the canine refugees to forever homes, they sent them to auction. This prompted well known animal rights wacko Carey Theil to question whether the overlords really had the greyhounds' best interests at heart, or whether it was just a question of some money needing to get from where it was into someone's pocket.

Now we have to tell you that overlord Gary Guccione was shocked we tell you shocked that Theil would question his motives and so he took to the overlord website to express his dismay.

When the National Greyhound Association (NGA) evacuated dozens of neglected greyhounds from an Arkansas farm in May and later banned its owner from greyhound racing for life, greyhound welfare advocates around the country applauded. At least, the real greyhound welfare advocates applauded. But not Carey Theil, Grey2K’s top mouthpiece. Instead, Theil condemned NGA’s humane intervention.

OK, but to be perfectly clear there Mr. Guccione sir, he really didn't condemn your intervention, he condemned the fact that you sold the dogs you took off the farm to the highest bidder. You kind of left that part out.

Animosity is surely what drove Carey Theil to condemn NGA for “not pressing charges” against the Arkansas breeder, knowing full well that only the county prosecutor had the authority to do so.

Yeah, except you told the prosecutor not to press charges and said you wouldn't cooperate if he did, so that sort of tied his hands, you know? We're not certain, but we think that's what Theil was upset about.

It was certainly “promoting hostility” when Carey vilified NGA for offering 21 of the evacuated greyhounds at auction, despite the fact that this was required under Kansas lien laws.

Umm...about that "lien" G. You never really explained what that was about, produced the actual document, or clarified how a legal contract between two people who aren't you meant you got to insert yourself into the situation and sell the dogs. Enquiring minds want to know!

The FBI defines hate groups as those whose “primary purpose is to promote animosity, hostility and malice” against people of a particular race, religion, disability, sexual orientation, ethnicity/national origin, or other “immutable characteristic.” Although the Grey2K attacks on greyhound racing aren’t based on any of those “immutable characteristics,” they are certainly filled with animosity, hostility and malice.

OK we think you just said this is how the FBI defines a hate group, but Grey2K doesn't do that, so they're not a hate group as defined by the FBI. Uh...Thank you?

For instance, one Grey2K supporter posted this response to news that a long-time NGA member had died: “I’m sure there’s a special place in hell for him.” A follow-up comment expressed the view that the deceased man’s family members would likely join him there.

 Not really following your thought here big G. How does the opinion of one person commenting on a Grey2K site relate to selling dogs you don't own? Besides, if you want to talk about inappropriate, we've got two words for you, Rory Goree.

Grey2K calls it “education.” We call it “hate speech.”

Hmmm...You might have a point there G².When people see innocent living creatures treated as commodities, put knowingly in harm's way, mistreated and abandoned when they no longer perform...well, they hate that stuff, so if they talk about it. We guess you could call that hate speech in a way.

It’s not about the greyhounds. It’s about the money.

 Again, just to be clear, you are saying that to attack Grey2K and not because it's the industry motto, right? Which way did you take that Abby?

Abby is a very sweet young lady that just wants to be loved. Is that so wrong? She is shy but not afraid to lean into the people she loves. This sweetheart gets along very well with her foster sisters and brother. The kitty was a different story the first few days despite the fact she's a gazillion sizes bigger. Can you say petrified? Gentle is her middle name. Who has love enough to fill this young girls heart? For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

We're going to take a time out this week from our usual slog through the twisted and stunted dystopia that is the blasted landscape of greyhound exploitation and tell you about a very good friend of ours whom we never met. She was a tireless advocate for greyhound freedom recognized around the world by people in and out of the racing industry. In addition to her work for greyhound liberation, she was also a professional athlete and fashion model.

Even though she didn't become active in greyhound advocacy until later in her life, she participated in many anti-racing campaigns, including the Massachusetts ban on greyhound racing in 2009, and the campaigns in Rhode Island and New Hampshire to name a few. Everywhere she went she drew crowds and became the living embodiment of the future greyhounds deserved and the increasing possibility that working together we could achieve that future for all the greyhounds still held in captivity. Earlier this week she lost her battle with cancer. She will be well and truly missed. Below is our favorite photo of her:

Oh, Zoe is the one on the left. We think she's looking at a picture of Rory Goree walking around the track at Tucson in his bare feet.

Wish you could have known her Kiowa. Her ability to inspire people was a big reason you're now heading for a couch.

I am very puppy like and a little mischievous. I am very curious of everything around me. I love to stick my nose in everything and investigate. I am very playful and sweet. I love to be rubbed and petted. I love to run and play outside with all the other Greyhounds in my foster home. I got along great with the neighbor’s small dogs. I have absolutely loved everyone I have met. I am housebroken.
For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging (Thursday Edition)

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know that the one constant in this life is decline...erm...we mean know that above all else we strive for egalitie here in the marbled halls of IM Central, along with libertie and fraternite which is pretty much all we remember from Mrs. LePage's 11th grade French class, except for the week we spent learning to say "ne 'on veut sortir avec moi," which we then tried on Elizabeth Arlen in the hopes that we could impress her with our European suaveity. She instantly replied "Jamais de la vie perdant," which sent us excitedly back to our French to English dictionary...and then to the local grocery for our favorite comfort food, RC Cola and a package of Snowballs.

What was our point? Oh yeah, egalitie--equality, balance, fairness. Our rumination along these lines--aside from reviving an unfortunate high school memory--brought us to the realization that since we were late with our usual FHB last week, being early this week would restore the stars to their proper orbits, the seasons to their proper balance, and America to the nation it once was, instead of a fever swamp populated by creatures with small minds and even smaller hearts.

OK that last one may be a bit much to hope for. Apparently endless war tends to bruise one's humanity--permanently. And speaking of bruised humanity (Segues. Gotta love 'em) let's head down to Tucson Deathcamp for Greyhounds and check on the superior level of care and support the units...erm...the highly trained athletes,who are the beneficiaries of large investments of time and money, are receiving today.

Record heat in Tucson Monday led to some questions about whether it was safe for greyhounds to race.

Now, frankly we're surprised that this is even still an issue because a few years ago, roustabout scientist and friend of the blog Rory Goree put this whole issue to rest by walking around the track on a hot day in his bare feet. So, overfed, undereducated, middle aged doofis strolling around the track on a hot day, sweating from every pore on his body equals greyhounds running flat out with only panting to cool themselves. It's science people. You can't argue with facts.

Tucson Greyhound Park would not comment Monday.  But the Arizona Department of Racing listed several reasons why racing could continue.

"Well, the biggest reason is if they don't race they don't make money," said Bill Walsh, Director of the Arizona Department of Racing. "Of course when they do race they don't make money either," he added, "So I guess they have to race, but racing isn't profitable, so if they didn't race everyone would be better off, especially the dogs, but by racing they don't make money and the dogs are put at risk, but they need to make money so they keep racing which doesn't make them any money. I've lost my train of thought."

Oh that train's not lost Billy boy, it's lying in a smouldering heap down at the bottom of the ravine.

"Give the dogs a break, for gosh sakes, if the ADOR cared, they'd issue this edict themselves but that's what I would prefer the track do, show that they do have a little bit of concern for the dogs' well-being," said Ward 6 Tucson City Council member Steve Kozachik.

Hey come on Mr. Kozachik, haven't you been listening? They need to race, which doesn't make money, so racing is the only way they can make money. We can't make it more clear than that, right Dahlia?

Dahlia is an eight year old brindle female who likes cats and small dogs, but could also be an only dog. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog will recognize the flash of awareness that leads the low rumble of futility drawing ever closer...erm...we mean will recognize the name Rory Goree, long time friend of the blog, knockabout scientist and High Commissioner of the Arizona Department of Racing, donut procurement division. Well, it seems Mr. Goree has a problem. No not that problem. That's not as much a problem as a character fault. Mr. Goree's problem is that in the past few months he has  penned at least two  columns using evidenced based logic--if by evidenced based logic you mean innuendo, unsubstantiated claims and sweeping generalizations--challenging the animal rights wackos to come clean and admit they aren't really in it for the dogs, but just want to tap into some of the sweet, sweet muneez that swirls around greyhound rescue. This brings up an interesting point. Mr. Goree seems to believe that there is a lot of cash around when it comes to greyhound rescue, but apparently, there's no filthy lucre when it comes to racing itself. Now, if we were cynics we might come to the conclusion that Mr. Goree is just jealous that people are willing to spend buckets o' dollars to save innocent living creatures trapped in the clutches of a barbarous, heartless industry, but when it comes to dropping some of those Benjamins on the overlords themselves...not so much. If we were cynics we might believe that. Just spit-balling here.

But back to our story. So the Gorster throws down the gauntlet to the animal rights wackos and what response does he get? Bupkus. Nada. Crickets man. Now, in our defense, Mr. G, we must point out that we did respond to your first missive. OK, we missed the second because we have lives. Our bad. Well, Rory Goree may be a lot of things, but he is not a person you can just ignore, so once again he has taken to the interoobz to excoriate and just generally dismantle those who think that by saving greyhounds they are actually saving greyhounds.

If you listen to the “humane advocate protectors” (aka the ones who are constantly collecting money and dolling out paychecks, travelling around the world, handing out awards, enjoying perks) you would think they have struck the death blow to greyhound racing in one particular state.

Which "particular state" are you referring to there Mr. Goree? Iowa? Arizona?  You're going to have to be a little more specific. Maybe you mean Colorado where they don't have any operating tracks left, but they outlawed greyhound racing anyway, just to make sure it didn't come back.

If you are anti-greyhound racing and have surrendered your hard earned cash to the “humane advocate protectors” hopefully you realize it is most likely spent to fund personal hobby excursions, travel in style, wine & dine and keep files more extensive than the NSA on anyone and everyone. However you may be shocked to know they actively supported a bill that expands the ability of greyhound racing revenue stream. And now that the bill they supported which expands the ability of greyhound racing to make money the “humane advocate protectors” have now informed the world that this law must be removed. (insert donation button here???)

 Well, all we can say is given the results, they must be wining and dining the right people, but that phrase "actively supported a bill that expands the ability of greyhound racing revenue stream" seems to be missing a word or two. The Bill expands the ability of (the) greyhound racing revenue stream to do what? Maybe that's why the “humane advocate protectors” want the Bill removed: it makes no grammatical sense. By the way, have you trademarked “humane advocate protectors” yet? It's sure to catch on just like Crystal Pepsi.

I’ve been crisscrossing the country the last few weeks (on my own dime) and have heard those in the inner circle of the “humane advocate protectors” admit that particular individuals are only in it for the paycheck and have done nothing to help the anti-greyhound racing movement.

OK. Little tip for you G.  You are one of the most recognizable overlords around. When you were United Greyhound Racing Director of Welfare and Advocacy you personally oversaw the disappearance of 140 greyhounds, the cruelty scandal at TGP and the heatstroke deaths of at least eight dogs during transport. If you think the “humane advocate protectors” are going to take you into their "inner circle" we'd like to talk to you about a great business idea we have--starting a strip club in Riyadh. Dude, there isn't even a bar in that town! Plum ripe for the picking man, that's all we're saying.

Time for those who truly are against greyhound racing to stop bankrolling the “humane advocate protectors” gravy train and find new leadership? If the liars have been exposed and they have, why keep supporting them? The time has come that you reclaim the donations and either give it to local greyhound adoption programs or just continue supporting those wasting money on salaries & lobbyists, generating paperwork, expense accounts and maintaining secret files Till that day, many in the greyhound industry would like to give a big thank you to the “humane advocate protectors” who helped support and pass legislation that expands the ability of greyhound racing to make money and to those of you who support them – THANK YOU. The greyhound racing community couldn’t have done it without you!

 Now, admittedly we tend to indulge in the occasional adult beverage here in the marbled halls of IM Central so it's entirely possible that "legislation that expands the ability of greyhound racing to make money" slipped by us, but given the fact that greyhound racing is going down faster than hot dogs at a Nathan's Famous contest, we think we would have noticed a Bill that improved life for the overlords. What do you think, Ambrosia? Looks like it's the G man who has some "splainin'" to do, huh?

Hoarders! Who can't get enough of that show. Ambrosia's secretly been watching the show when her foster family is out! Collecting treasures is her retirement hobby! Anything left in reach; socks, pants and even towels will end up in bed with her. (If we can just teach her how to use the washing machine!). When questioned on the matter, Ambrosia charms you with her toothy smile, and you can't be mad at her, after all no harm done. She has been doing great with her foster siblings and with house rules. Who needs help picking up around the house? Come meet Ambrosia! For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Well, here we are once again looking at the north end of a south bound year. And what a year it has been for the overlords. A year of ups and downs, and by that we mean every time they would come up with something new to keep them out of the labor pool, reality would come along and knock it down. Let's take a whimsical trip back through 2013 shall we?

The year didn't start out so well for overlord Ricky Holloway who, in a rare moment of lucidity, realized that he was about as popular as a Big Mac at a Vegan convention, and what's worse even the other refugees from the workforce in the greyhound racing industry looked down on him. Now when people who also suck a living out of the suffering death and injury of innocent living creatures think they're better than you, well that's just got to hurt.

February brought information on the (wink wink, nudge nudge) regulating bodies of the racing industry who, unfortunately for them, drew the attention of the fourth estate. It was here that we met Arizona Department of Racing Director Bill Walsh, known in the industry as wishy washy Walsh. Mr. Walsh was the subject of a report by the local paper that pointed out, not to put to fine a point on it, he was a total, complete and abysmal failure at his job. In fact, the report concluded that his performance as overseer of the rules and regulations of racing would need to improve dramatically in order reach the level of total, complete and abysmal failure. Rory Goree, a Commissioner on the Board headed by Mr. Walsh opined that the report was politically motivated due to the fact that dogs were continuing to get injured and die at the track.

March rolled around and the fickle finger of fate having ficklely fingered old Billy moved on to Texas and it turns out Mr. Walsh was a trend setter because the dogs in Texas were getting the same level of care as the dogs under his jurisdiction--which is to say, not much. Now this wouldn't have been cause for much comment in the overlord world were it not for the fact that some animal rights wackos went and let the cat--or perhaps the greyhound--out of the bag by going and making a report about it. That did not sit well with Gulf Greyhound Park General Manager Sally Briggs who put pen to paper to explain that all those facts and statistics and evidence purportedly discovered by the animal rights wackos were simply not true because SHUT UP! Overlords everywhere applauded to cogency of her argument.

The poet wrote that April in the cruelest month, but when you're an overlord it's hard to tell because cruelty is your career, and if you're unlucky enough to be a greyhound, well let's just say when they make you come back and race after you're dead it just doesn't get much worse.

May brought another harsh lesson to the overlords which, simply stated is don't let your alligator mouth write a check your hummingbird butt can't cash. It seems Sarasota Kennel Club Director of Racing Thomas Bowersox was queried by the local new outlet on the number of dogs he was injuring and killing each year due to the fact that he was a heartless bag of semi-animated horse feces. In response Mr. Bowersox issued a challenge to the animal rights wackos at Grey2K to come and inspect his records so they could see for themselves that not only had no dogs ever been injured or killed at his track, all the dogs who had ever raced there had gone on to lives as pets of rich people and were now lounging next to their private pools along the Costa del Sol. You know what happened next. The wackos said they'd be on the next plane, but Mr. Bowersox said that wouldn't work for him because he had a dentist appointment that week. OK they said, how about next Tuesday, but darn it all, it turns out Mr. Bowersox is going to visit his sick momma in Cleveland and won't be back until 2017.

June seemed to mark a turning point in relations between the overlords and those who were tasked to watch over them when three "trainers"  who had been caught neglecting or abusing dogs, or as they say in the industry, just another day at the office were "reprimanded." We are shocked we tell you SHOCKED to find abuse in the greyhound racing industry the board of judges wrote. This will not be tolerated they declared, especially when we can't cover it up. When asked what the reprimand entailed, a spokesperson for the board said no one was sure, and that they'd only used the word because it "sounded all legal and stuff."

In July the state of Florida realized that, not only were the overlords sucking their tick like existence off the backs of innocent animals which they used and discarded like yesterday's fish wrap, they were also sucking a fair amount of funds away from their fellow citizens prompting Michael Glenn, general manager of Palm Beach Kennel Club, in what turned out to be the second moment of lucidity the overlords had in 2013, to exclaim that "it's a dying sport and I'm a leech on the neck of society. Oh, if only I'd finished the third grade perhaps I could have fulfilled my dream of becoming a greeter at Walmart."

August sadly marked the passing of friend of the blog and top Arizona overlord Tom (This place in the Taj Mahal of greyhound tracks) Taylor who was unceremoniously put out to pasture by the owners of the track. Tom remarked he was thankful that, unlike the greyhounds, he was given a gold watch at retirement, not a lethal injection. It is not known what became of Tom's sidekick and Number One, former track Vet Joe  "Needles"  Robinson (Wally's College of Veterinary Medicine and Truck Driving School, class of '95) who was last seen driving around Tucson in his pickup truck asking people out walking their dogs if he could give them a shot.

In September the brouhaha caused by publication of overlord care priorities first started in Texas found its way to West Virginia (Motto: Hey. We Could Have Been South Ohio But They Wouldn't Let Us) with a report detailing the injury and death rate at state tracks. Like Gulf Greyhound Park General Manager Sally Briggs before him, this prompted Sam Burdette, a dog breeder and the president of the state greyhound association to point out that the injury rates complied from state records were not really injury rates because SHUT UP! Overlords everywhere applauded to cogency of his argument.

But the year was not to be filled with unrelenting set backs and failures for the overlords because October brought forth a hero, one  Harry Findley, the millionaire (for now) savior of greyhound racing. This guy is the Steve Jobs of the greyhound industry. He's the walking talking embodiment on innovation, imagination and business savvy. When asked what he was going to do to bring success to a greyhound track that had seen nothing but failure when operated as a greyhound track, he replied: "They have certainly shown it can only be run as a greyhound track and I’m their man.” Overlords everywhere applauded to cogency of his argument.

Events swung to the philosophical in November when the City Council of South Tucson was asked to determine if a law they passed, but never enforced could be, well, not enforced. This was cause for great deliberation and reflection on the part of the City Council. Not because of the fact that a law never enforced really isn't a law at all, but because the whole thing had become public and now everybody knew the City Council was only good for keeping the donut shop across the street in business.

Which brings us to December and the close of a year that has not been kind to the overlords, and if this is any indication, 2014 isn't going to be much better, but then Karma's a bitch ain't it Cloud?

This sweet boy loves his toys! Cloud is a fast learner that strives to please. He's playful, obedient, and will lay with his head in your lap and get his ears scratched for hours. You will not be able to resist this beautiful red-fawn boy!Frequent reader(s) of this blog should make better new year's resolutions...erm...we mean will remember that on of our traditions here in the marbled halls of IM Central is that we follow the last featured dog of the year from track to couch, so you'll be hearing from Cloud again in the coming weeks. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging **Now With Added Sarcasm For Your Weekend Pleasure

We're coming to you today from the Department of Perceptual Reality here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The DOPR is a division of the It Depends Corporation, a wholly owned subsidy of the Commitment Effect, Inc.

It seems the overlords are in a tizzy because some animal rights wackos have collected a whole bunch of information about the state of greyhound exploitation in West Virgina, and to make matters worse they went and wrote about it. Now you might think, what's the big deal? People write about what soulless bags of wasted protoplasm the overlords are all the time. It doesn't seem to bother them. Of course, if you're a soulless bag of wasted protoplasm, self awareness is probably not a trait you have much experience with, so that may explain a lot. Anyway, what's different about this time?

In the last five years, there were more than 4,700 greyhound injuries at West Virginia's two dog-racing tracks and more than 1,400 of those injuries were catastrophic, career-ending injuries.In those five years, from January 2008 to June 2013, 289 greyhounds died or were euthanized at West Virginia's two dog tracks, according to an analysis of state records by an animal rights organization.West Virginia spends nearly $30 million annually on greyhound racing, providing prize money and state funding for dog breeders.

Yeah, yeah yeah. Dogs dying. Dogs being injured. We've heard it all before. Heard it in Arizona, heard it in Florida, heard it in Iowa. A fella's got to make a living right?  We mean, if you ran a restaurant and you dropped a plate and broke it, would that be worth an article in the paper? It's the same thing with greyhound racing. Heck, dogs dying unnecessarily  usually doesn't even inspire Rory Goree to get out his Word-A-Day calendar and try to sound coherent.

Grey2k recently completed a study of greyhound racing in West Virginia based on information from the state racing commission received through a Freedom of Information Act request. Sam Burdette, a dog breeder and the president of the state greyhound association, says that Grey2k distorts the truth.

Oh we get it. So those facts Grey2K collected aren't really facts, right? Those dead and injured dogs? Just faking it to get out of work. Or maybe, just maybe--what about this: The dogs are in cahoots with the Grey2K people. The whole thing is just a plot to make the overlords look bad. We mean think about it. Greyhounds are friendly, loving outgoing animals for the most part. A few well placed dog treats and you've got a friend for life. Is that what we're talking about here?

 "The dogs are not treated cruel,(sic) or that's not prevailing in the industry. If they aren't suffering from an untreated injury they  are exercised and they are adopted when they finish racing," Burdette said. "Unless they're sold for medical research, or killed."

State regulations mandate that the greyhound crates where the dogs spend much of their time be a minimum of 44-by-32-by-34 inches in size. "A cage is 34 inches high, a large greyhound is 30 inches at the shoulder," said Christine Dorchak, the president of Grey2k. "They can't even stand up."

Burdette sees it differently. "There's sufficient room in the crates for the dogs to stand up and maneuver as long as they don't lift their heads above their shoulders," he said. "And what have they got to look at anyway? Have you seen the inside of a kennel? Place looks like an abandoned coal mine most of the time." True dat Sammy boy, but what about the dead and injured thing? Where's the distortion there?

Grey2k says that dogs are let out in a pen four times a day for about half an hour each time, meaning they spend 22 hours a day in their crates. Burdette says that those let out times are sometimes as much as an hour and that the dogs are raced once a week and sometimes exercised in between races. "So at best they're spending 16, 18 hours a day in their crates." He said. "I don't see what there is to get so upset about. I work in an office and live in a home, so I spend 16 - 18 hours a day inside too."

Yeah, we can tell by your pasty complexion, but like we said what about that other stuff? Undistort that for us, OK Sammy?

Burdette says you need to view the injury numbers in the context of the number of races. "There's seven cards a week, times 15 races per card, times eight dogs per race," Burdette said. That gives you more than 3,000 chances each month for a dog to get hurt at Mardi Gras and more than 400,000 chances for a dog to get hurt at either track over the five-year span that Grey2k examined.

Ah, we get it. So if you just think about injuries as occasional statistical occurrences instead of an instance of inflicting pain and suffering on an innocent living creature they stop being acts of meaningless cruelty in the service of profit and become random anomalous events. Well, that certainly does make them easier to think about if you happen to be the one doing the inflicting, but for the rest of us? Meh. Not so much. What about you Buddy? You ever been a random anomalous event?

I am a very friendly and reserved boy. I am a little shy but am getting used to being around people of love me and I am getting used to living in a home. I am very affectionate and laid back. I am a little nervous when dogs bark at me. I can’t live with kitties and I’m not sure yet about small dogs because I have not met any. If you have a small dog and would like to meet me, I would have to meet your small dog also so I can see how I do. I love everyone that I have met and love to be petted. I don’t mind being in my crate and will go in to take naps. I love to go for walks and do really well on the leash. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

**UPDATE! UPDATE! Can't start the weekend without one final insult:

The overlords have been complaining of late that people have been unfairly pointing out that no one comes to watch the greyhounds risk death and injury to keep their masters off the workforce. As proof they offer photographic evidence of "packed houses" like this one:

Hey overlords, if that's your idea of a packed house, you're doing it wrong. That's no packed house amigo. This is a packed house:

Rory Goree! Motto: Words Is Hard

We're coming to you today from the Projection Booth here in the marbled (if somewhat cobwebby) halls of IM Central. The Projection Booth is located just behind the office of I Know You Are But What Am I which is in the Kruger-Dunning wing.

It seems long time friend of the blog, roustabout scientist and dedicated civil servant Rory Goree has taken to the intertoobz to opine on the nature of professionalism, propriety and transparency. We know, you're thinking isn't this the guy who had to publicly apologize for making fun of a woman who had been in a near fatal accident? Yeah, well see, when you're a classless, misogynistic twit and you let everybody know it by making public statements like that, it's being transparent, you know? Gives the dude some street cred for his post.

And speaking of his post, let's go see what the G man is on about today.

We all know “humane advocate protectors” hide the truth about themselves, their real identities or their agenda from public scrutiny as they troll for comments from anyone that is against them or questions their activities and actions.

OK we're going to have to stop you right there Rory--may we call you Rory? Or would you prefer Commissioner Goree, since your vast experience and expertise have landed you a coveted position with the Arizona Department of Racing? Anyway, as professional educational technicians we feel obligated to point out that grammatically a "humane advocate protector" is someone who protects humane advocates. Now we see you've put that term in quotes throughout your post which tells us that you put a lot of thought into coming up with it, and you're quite proud of your efforts. If only you could have made it to that sixth grade English class and learned about modifiers...

But let's get back to our story, shall we? The rest of the paragraph is a list of rhetorical questions vaguely casting aspersions on an unnamed anti-racing group (wink Grey2K wink) and since The Big G is writing only to people who already agree with him, he can be pretty sure the questions will be answered the way he intends, thus saving him the effort of having to come up with that pesky evidence.

Probably it occurs to you that attacking the character of an organization through innuendo while not even having the courage to name said organization is not a very professional thing to do in a post on professionalism, but that's just because you have missed the sophistication of Overlord Goree's argument. See the first part was just chum to draw the like minded in. Now that everyone is soaking in a fine soup of delusional indignity he unleashes his Call To Action:

Fellow lovers of the greyhound breed, it is time to stop the “humane advocate protectors” who do not use their donations to assist a single greyhound, yet hide behind thousands of greyhounds in order to collect donations that pay their salaries and expenses and to spread their agenda yet continue to claim anyone against them profits from greyhounds.

For those of you keeping score at home that is a 57 word sentence with more subjects than the overlords have excuses when people find out how they're actually taking "care" of the dogs, but let's not quibble because it's the last 14 words that bring the whole muddled collection of baling wire and duct tape crashing to the ground. This unnamed (wink Grey2K wink) group claims those against them profit from greyhounds, but isn't that the whole point of greyhound racing, to, you know, profit from greyhounds? Are you saying you really don't profit from greyhounds and this unnamed (wink Grey2K wink) group is making false claims impugning your character and the character of your fellow overlords? Actually, now that we think of it, you may have a point about the whole no profit thing.

 We're going to have to admit to a little confusion here Gster. Can you help us out?

Continue to demand accountability and transparency from the “humane advocate protectors” and do it as the professional individuals you are. Stop them from using your words to play on the public for donations.

Ah, we get it. Accountability. So that means no more playing keep away with injury reports, right? And transparency. That means no more trying to make public documents unpublic, right? We got you now dude. Thanks for clearing that up.

Friday Hound Blogging

You know, when we were putting the slip covers over the furniture and canceling the newspaper subscription here in the marbled halls of IM central, we really planned to walk away from our weekly trips to Overlandia. We mean, it is pretty obvious to anyone with the brains god gave wallpaper that greyhound racing is on the way out. Even some of the more sentient overlords are becoming aware that exploiting the innocent nature of the dogs to support their tick-like existence is coming to an end.

In fact, it's gotten so obvious that injuring and killing dogs for profit is a dead end scenario that even governments are getting involved. You've got to figure when a legislator, who usually spends his time protecting us from Sharia law, or Agenda 21 or making sure women have permission to make decisions about their bodies gets around to noticing your industry is a boil on the buttocks of society,  your contribution to the betterment of civilization has dropped somewhere just below the level of brain eating amoebas.

And when that state is West Virginia (motto: We Couldn't Even Come Up With A New Name For Our State) well, let's just say if there's anyone left on the planet that doesn't recognize the inherent barbarity, cruelty and inhumanity of your "sport" they have to be named either Gary Guccione, or Rory Goree.

So when we read that the state of West Virginia had finally decided that perhaps maybe it could be possible that conceivably greyhounds needed a little protection from the unique care and training practices of the overlords, we were intrigued and wondered what might be the source of this sudden epiphany.

Turns out there were three reasons: James Grace, James Bloom and Christopher Bever. Now, we here at IM Central can neither confirm, nor deny that Mr. Grace and Mr. Bloom have actual degrees in Veterinary Medicine, but we can certify that they have a rather unique way of treating greyhounds who happen to have broken a bone while providing the aforementioned individuals with trailer payments: aspirin. Mr. Bever, on the other hand employs some rather esoteric leash training methods which--and we apologize for having to use sophisticated dog training vocabulary here--are called jerk on the dog's leash and hit it in the face. You can see a video of Mr. Bever's work here.

Now we're sure some of you at home are thinking that seems like a pretty heartless way to treat a living creature, and that just shows how little you know about  the state of the art medical procedures and training techniques used by the overlords--who by the way care very deeply about their furry charges and view them as members of the family.

Luckily we have Sam Burdette with the West Virginia Greyhound Owners and Breeders Association to explain:

"All of a sudden you can have a dog fight there's nothing worse in the world than a dog fight. So, he acted quick, and a little bit rough I thought, but I understand why he reacted so quick. You're showing the dog what you want the dog to do and that's the way you handle dogs and the only way you can handle dogs.”

 So there you have it. A complete, succinct distillation of the training philosophies of  Victoria Stillwell, Paul Owens, Cesar Millan and Graham Bloem--if they were all on crack. Mr. Burdette, who by the way looks like the love child of the Stay Puft man and Mitch Mcconell, does admit that some people may not understand these highly technical procedures and he assured the public that he had "gratitude for the dogs that earn my living.”

Aspirins and gratitude, huh Major. Boy, it doesn't get much better than that. What's a slap in the face or a strained neck when you got all that going for you?

Major is a very happy and curious boy. He is on the go quite a bit as he has so much to investigate and learn about living in a home for the first time. Major is very friendly and loves to be around people. He loves to play with toys and is housebroken. Major will follow his foster mom and human foster sister around the house. He gets along with cats and large dogs but hasn't had a chance to meet any small dogs yet.  For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog remember when the future was a bright path under a cloudless sky and the dark and sinister clouds gathering on the horizon were hardly noticeable...erm...we mean will remember friend of the blog, overlord and knockabout scientist Rory Goree. Now, when last we visited Mr. Goree he had just been appointed to the Arizona Racing Commission due in no small part to the strength of his resume and his record as United Greyhound Racing, Director of Welfare and Advocacy, not to mention his full throated defense of the First Amendment. Also too, the cogency and professionalism of his arguments when facing the animal rights wackos.

Well, when you bring that much expertise and talent to your job, it shouldn't take long for your contribution to be noticed, so let's see what impact overlord Goree has had on the Commission, shall we?

We have now learned that shortly after we reported this troubling information about dogs racing on little rest, dog track regulators changed their official Daily Stewards Report forms. Sometime between July 2012 and January 2013, the Arizona Department of Racing made the following changes:

• It stopped publicly reporting the number of dogs that had raced on only two days of rest. Instead, the new form contains a check box titled "Dogs on 2 Days Rest Approved."

• It stopped publicly reporting whether there had been a "track safety meeting" that day.

• It removed an entire section of the Daily Stewards Report titled "Racing Comments." This is where regulators had been reporting on serious greyhound falls and other race incidents.

• It stopped publicly reporting whether any official hearings had been held at Tucson Greyhound Park.

 Now, this level of efficiency and transparency would be difficult to achieve even for someone with the expertise of Mr. Goree were it not for the support of a dedicated team and his boss, Arizona Department of Racing Director William Walsh, who is Obi Wan to Rory's Luke as Walsh's response to requests under the Arizona Public Records Law seems to be "these are not the documents you are looking for." Especially since we've shipped them off site.

Oh snap! You see what he did there? Pretty soon whenever anyone requests any documents referring to how greyhounds are treated at the track they'll get a sheet of Commission letterhead with the date...and that's it! You see, if no one knows how many dogs are injured or killed, how many race without adequate rest, or what a godawful shape the track is in, those things really aren't happening. That's like totally existential, right Buddy?

Buddy is a very friendly but a little shy around new people. He is a little nervous when dogs bark at him. He loves to be petted and doesn't mind being in the crate. He will even go in on his own to take naps. Buddy loves to go for walks and does really well on the leash. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

BREAKING NEWS! Must credit...Um...OK Not Us--Now With Update!

Frequent readers of this blog know attainment is the sum of all fears...erm...we mean know that Fridays are generally the days we take a slightly askew look at that band of merry pranksters we call the overlords as they engage in the heartless exploitation of innocent animals for profit. Sometimes though, things happen in the overlord world that are so dramatic, so astounding, so mind boggling as to require a special edition. This is one of those times.

Rory Goree, oft times visitor to these pages has penned an essay in which he admits that the overlords are knowingly putting the units...er...greyhounds in danger and further, when the public finds out about it, they may begin to doubt the overlords' veracity when they say the dogs are like family and their needs come first.

Shocking, right? If you're like us your first reaction is Whoa! Rory Goree can write? Who knew? Well, on the other hand voice recognition software has come a long way in the last few years, but the point is here we have not just any overlord but one of the inner circle of overlords saying right out there in front of god and everybody, look guys, we suck.

OK, so maybe it wasn't supposed to be said right out there in front of god and everybody, but thanks to some detective work by well known animal rights whacko Carey Theil the, umm, excrement has impacted the air circulation device. Of course, even though the piece may contain lucid moments such as this:

"The public will be told that despite their arguments to the contrary, those who participate in racing are deliberately exposing their greyhounds to inevitable catastrophic injury by conducting competitions on venues that are grievously flawed in their basic design ... The problem facing greyhound racing with that particular argument and defeating it, is that it will not be perceived as 'extreme' by the public. And that's because it's not extreme, as any keen student of the breed knows in their heart and mind ... "

These are the overlords we're talking about here, so you're going to get the occasional:

Since their plan is to use injury statistics taken out of context and without comparison to other unique populations of canines, has failed to produced the desired result of scandalizing the spot into oblivion anywhere excpet (sic) Massachusetts they are taking a slightly different tack.

Anywhere except Massachusetts? Dude! New Hampshire, Rhode Island, Wisconsin, Oregon and Colorado are all places greyhound racing has been scandalized into oblivion in the last few years. And what about Guam, man? No scandal down there since 2010. OK, on second thought we'll give you Guam. Geography probably isn't your strong suit since you usually don't get into those classes until about 6th grade or so.

Now, to overlord Goree's credit he does recommend some changes which he feels will make greyhound racing safer for the dogs, changes he mostly borrows from greyhound racing in Ireland which he says is in "far better shape than it is in the US."

Fair enough Mr. Goree thinks us, so we jumped on our digital Concorde, hopped over the pond and here's what we found:

This month we gladly announce a decline in Greyhound Racing. Straight from the pages of the infamous online forum ‘Greyhound nuts’ an urgent appeal has gone out for entries to fill races. There were calls for help last week from both Curraheen Park and Limerick Track as the respective Racing Offices bid to fill the following weekend’s competitions.

Guess it depends on what your definition of "better" is, huh? Here's ours: A world in which greyhound racing has been scandalized into oblivion.

Update: Overlord RosieO informs us that the above mentioned essay was in fact not authored by Rory Goree, but merely forwarded (We're sure no copyright laws were harmed in the process). This makes a lot more sense, because we've been exposed to Mr. Goree and English prose before, and quite frankly we had our doubts. Of course who the particular author was doesn't change the content of the essay at all and we're still gratified to know that some overlord somewhere believes

The problem facing greyhound racing with that particular argument and defeating it, is that it will not be perceived as 'extreme' by the public. And that's because it's not extreme, as any keen student of the breed knows in their heart and mind ... "

Personally we would suspect overlord McKeon, but there aren't enough Malaprops, so we're at a loss.

Friday Tucson Bashing

Man. When the first line of the article is "[t]he reports splash across my screen like a contagion: injury after injury at Tucson Greyhound Park, most of them due to outright neglect," you know it's going to be a bad day for Tommy "The dogs come first" Taylor.

But the conditions that resulted in no fewer than 68 damaged racing dogs over a two-month period—from broken equipment to shoddy track maintenance—led to nothing more than harsh words from the Arizona Department of Racing.

Oh. Looks like old Tommy gets a pass this week. Probably just as well what with the death threats and all. Now for those of you playing along at home, the Arizona Department of Racing is the body that is supposed to oversee the commercialized animal cruelty industry in the state and make sure everything is on the up and up. The representative responsible for operations at Death Camp for Greyhounds...erm...Tucson Greyhound Park is friend of the blog Rory Goree, who comes to this position drawing on his experience as United Greyhound Racing's Director of Welfare and Advocacy, during which time 140 greyhound disappeared from Tucson Greyhound Park never to be seen again, the cruelty scandal first broke, the track had to shut down for two weeks because of an outbreak of a "mysterious respiratory disease, and eight dogs died from heat stroke while being transported.

So, to recap: If we were greyhounds and we were told Mr. Goree has our backs, that would not be a comforting thought, but let's give the Department a chance and see how they are responding to the latest incidence of "putting the dogs first."

The records are scathing. "Tucson Greyhound Park needs to do a lot better job maintaining their equipment and fix broken equipment immediately," says one ADOR inspector's report, obtained by the Tucson Weekly. "This neglect will not be tolerated."

Yes, well, umm...it's been our experience that when a bureaucrat says "This neglect will not be tolerated" instead of, you know, actually doing something about the aforementioned neglect, that in fact, said neglect will be tolerated.

Perhaps ADOR officials simply didn't want to spotlight their own failings by slapping a high-profile penalty on Tucson Greyhound Park.

Nah. Just look at Mr. Goree's record as Director of Welfare and Advocacy. For him failure isn't a bug, it's a feature, right Bones?

Luyendyke Bones is a very sweet, friendly and outgoing boy. He gets along very well with the other Greyhounds in the foster home. Bones is learning to go up and down the stairs. He loves to play with toys. Bones is not cat safe so no kitties in the home please. He has not been around small dogs yet, nor has he met any children, but he would probably be OK with well mannered ones. Bones would do well in a home with a single owner or a family. He would be fine as the only dog in the household. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Friday Hound Blogging

We here in the marbled halls of IM Central would like to propose a debate. Not between President Obama and Bob 2.0, but between Tucson Greyhound Park CEO and General Manager Tom Taylor and Doctor of Veterinary Medicine (Wally's College of Veterinary Medicine and Truck Driving School, class of '95) Joe "Needles" Robinson the track Vet.

Now you might say wait a minute Ironicus, we've met Tom  Taylor and Joe  "Needles"  Robinson (Wally's College of Veterinary Medicine and Truck Driving School, class of '95) before. Between them they have the IQ of a tablespoon, and you want them to debate?

Exactly. But the purpose of this debate would not be to defend a position, or to elucidate a policy, but to see, in a given period of time who could say the most stupid things about greyhound racing and the care given the units...erm...dogs.

Uh huh. Uh huh. Now you're saying "Whoa. That could be quite a competition." Right. We'd have to give the early edge to Taylor simply because of his experience saying stupid things about how the greyhounds are cared for. We thought he couldn't top that whole Taj Mahal thing he said a while back when he was refusing to let reporters into his kennels to look around, but we'd have to say the "birth control" explanation for why he has the dogs trucked out of the city for steroid injections has got to come pretty close. Wouldn't you agree Ward 6 Councilman Steve Kozachik?

"Those dogs are muzzled, and they're kept in kennels they can barely stand up in for something like 18 hours a day. Then you've got some moron like (track manager) Tom Taylor saying the dogs like it this way, and that people like me just don't understand how to train a dog to be an athlete."

Councilman please. Leave the personal insults to the professionals, OK? Besides, calling Tom Taylor a moron is like calling Mitt Romney's positions on the issues "flexible." It's kind of true, but it just doesn't seem to carry the linguistic oomph the situation requires. Sort of like saying Rory Goree has some intellectual challenges instead of dude's dumber than a bag of dryer lint, man.

Now Joe "Needles" Robinson (Wally's College of Veterinary Medicine and Truck Driving School, class of '95) on the other hand, doesn't have the track record of public asininity that Taylor has, but if you listen to his colleagues in the field, you can get a sense that this guy is no slouch when it comes to embarrassing his profession, violating his oath and just generally giving Veterinary Medicine a bad name, right Arizona veterinary board Executive Director Victoria Whitmore?

Robinson has had troubles with the state veterinary board in the past. He was placed on probation by the Arizona State Veterinary Medical Examining Board in 2010 for a medical records violation. He was ordered to get a premise license for his practice and to take some continuing education classes. Robinson got the license but refused to take the classes, so his probation was extended a second year. A few weeks ago, Whitmore said, the board resolved the case by fining Robinson $1,000 in lieu of the education courses.

Well of course he refused to take the classes, wouldn't you? We mean, classes are where you go to learn stuff. Joe "Needles" Robinson (Wally's College of Veterinary Medicine and Truck Driving School, class of '95) had the same problem in Vet school where they also wanted him to learn stuff. How much do you need to know to shoot a dog full of steroids, or look at a greyhound who just fell on the track and has a bone sticking out of its leg and say, "Yep he's done for?"

See, that's the problem with people who have never been to a track and so don't know about greyhound racing. They have all of these unrealistic expectations, right Super C?

Super C is a very sweet, patient and gentle boy. He wants to be close to you and loves attention. He is housebroken. He will go in his crate but does not like it. He is not cat safe and shows a bit too much attention to small dogs. He is a big goofy boy who runs into things and trips on rugs. Super C would do well in a working home. He would do well with older well-behaved children due to his clumsiness. He may accidentally knock small children down. He would do well as an only dog or in a home with dogs his own size. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know that happiness is a Potemkin village built in the valley of disillusionment...erm...we mean know that we are loathe to give up our little digital soap box here on the porch of the marbled halls of IM Central, particularly on Fridays when we avail ourselves (and you honorable reader) of the latest feats and foibles of the overlords as they try to avoid gainful employment and meaningful existence.

However, yesterday as we were slooshing through the inter toobz, waiting for the Stoli to chill, we ran across the blog of well known animal rights wacko Karyn Zoldan who reported on the perplexity the Racing Commission in Arizona, a governmental body,  was having in determining what was a public record, as in, the records maintained by a governmental body.

Question: When is a public records request not a public records request?  Answer: When it’s sent to the Arizona Department of Racing. The Arizona Department of Racing is a state agency. And for the past gazillion years, it’s been funded by you the taxpayer from the state’s General Fund.

Now, admittedly our initial thought was that the Commission's newest member, friend of the blog Rory Goree must have attended his first meeting and this confusion is the result, but then we remembered, Mr. Goree doesn't have any difficulty recognizing public documents, he just doesn't want people to see them, particularly when they concern the number of greyhounds injured and killed, and killed because their injuries are deemed too expensive to fix.

 Well, a true conundrum, no? Oh wait, it seems the Commission no longer maintains the injury report.

Officials claimed that injury reports were no longer "maintained" by the agency and could not be produced.

Ah, there you go then. Can't release something you don't have, right?

Yesterday, we received proof that Dr. Andrew Carlton, Chief Veterinarian for the Department has in fact been in possession of injury documentation. This suggests that the agency has been playing hide-and-seek with the public record.

No, no no no. You've got it all wrong. It's not hide and seek, it's keep away. See the Commission gave the report to Dr. Carlton, so if you want it, you'll have to talk to him, at which time he'll give it back to the Commission.  Sort of like in grade school when someone would take your notebook and then toss it to another person when you tried to get it, who would then toss it to another, and so on. Remember how much fun that was?

But keep away aside, we've never dealt with the essential question of when is a public document public? Helpful commenter to Karyn's blog Marc B Evans lays it out for us:

The fact that a private entity is regulated by a government agency or that it receives tax subsidies do not make its records public. To get the injury logs, the state would have to require that race tracks submit them to the state agency as part of its regulation and the agency would have to "maintain" them as part of its regulatory duties. Then, assuming the Legislature doesn't exempt the records from review, which it frequently does for businesses it requires to submit reports (such as hospitals), the state agency would have to release the record.

 And thank you for clearing that up, Mr. Evans sir. You have truly done the public a service here...wait, what did you say Karyn?

TGP is not a private entity like a restaurant that must, for example, obey public health laws, pay sales tax and have non-discriminatory policies.  It is quasi-public because it must share its revenues by law with our state.  That's how pari-mutuel wagering works. 

Oh. So it turns out Mr. Evans is about 14 different kinds of wrong. But wait, he's not finished:

By my reading of this rule in the Administrative Code, these are public records. You should be able to obtain them. It doesn't matter whether they're not in the possession of the Department of Racing but kept either at the track or by the veterinarian. 

Well all righty then, we all agree. But why all the fuss in the first place? It's not like you're asking for the nuclear launch codes or anything.

A funny thing happened sometime after GREY2K USA released greyhound injury reports from Arizona racetracks in 2009. The Department of Racing decided it would no longer produce injury records to us.

Oh yeah. There is that whole state sanctioned animal abuse thing there. Tends to reflect badly on people who are supposed to have souls, right  Charon?

Charon is a very sweet but shy girl. She loves to play with the other Greyhounds in the household outside but once they are inside, she becomes shy. She loves to be petted but once she has gotten some attention she will back away. She is housebroken. She will go in her crate to take naps. She is learning to play with her toys. Charon would do best in a home with older well-behaved children due to her shyness, which her foster parents are working to help her overcome. She would do well as an only dog or with other dogs and she is cat safe. She would do best in a home with someone with experience with dogs who will be willing to work with her to help her overcome her shyness. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.