Wednesday, January 30, 2013

BREAKING NEWS! Must credit...Um...OK Not Us--Now With Update!

Frequent readers of this blog know attainment is the sum of all fears...erm...we mean know that Fridays are generally the days we take a slightly askew look at that band of merry pranksters we call the overlords as they engage in the heartless exploitation of innocent animals for profit. Sometimes though, things happen in the overlord world that are so dramatic, so astounding, so mind boggling as to require a special edition. This is one of those times.

Rory Goree, oft times visitor to these pages has penned an essay in which he admits that the overlords are knowingly putting the in danger and further, when the public finds out about it, they may begin to doubt the overlords' veracity when they say the dogs are like family and their needs come first.

Shocking, right? If you're like us your first reaction is Whoa! Rory Goree can write? Who knew? Well, on the other hand voice recognition software has come a long way in the last few years, but the point is here we have not just any overlord but one of the inner circle of overlords saying right out there in front of god and everybody, look guys, we suck.

OK, so maybe it wasn't supposed to be said right out there in front of god and everybody, but thanks to some detective work by well known animal rights whacko Carey Theil the, umm, excrement has impacted the air circulation device. Of course, even though the piece may contain lucid moments such as this:
"The public will be told that despite their arguments to the contrary, those who participate in racing are deliberately exposing their greyhounds to inevitable catastrophic injury by conducting competitions on venues that are grievously flawed in their basic design ... The problem facing greyhound racing with that particular argument and defeating it, is that it will not be perceived as 'extreme' by the public. And that's because it's not extreme, as any keen student of the breed knows in their heart and mind ... "
These are the overlords we're talking about here, so you're going to get the occasional:
Since their plan is to use injury statistics taken out of context and without comparison to other unique populations of canines, has failed to produced the desired result of scandalizing the spot into oblivion anywhere excpet (sic) Massachusetts they are taking a slightly different tack.
Anywhere except Massachusetts? Dude! New Hampshire, Rhode Island, Wisconsin, Oregon and Colorado are all places greyhound racing has been scandalized into oblivion in the last few years. And what about Guam, man? No scandal down there since 2010. OK, on second thought we'll give you Guam. Geography probably isn't your strong suit since you usually don't get into those classes until about 6th grade or so.

Now, to overlord Goree's credit he does recommend some changes which he feels will make greyhound racing safer for the dogs, changes he mostly borrows from greyhound racing in Ireland which he says is in "far better shape than it is in the US."

Fair enough Mr. Goree thinks us, so we jumped on our digital Concorde, hopped over the pond and here's what we found:
This month we gladly announce a decline in Greyhound Racing. Straight from the pages of the infamous online forum ‘Greyhound nuts’ an urgent appeal has gone out for entries to fill races. There were calls for help last week from both Curraheen Park and Limerick Track as the respective Racing Offices bid to fill the following weekend’s competitions.
Guess it depends on what your definition of "better" is, huh? Here's ours: A world in which greyhound racing has been scandalized into oblivion.

Update: Overlord RosieO informs us that the above mentioned essay was in fact not authored by Rory Goree, but merely forwarded (We're sure no copyright laws were harmed in the process). This makes a lot more sense, because we've been exposed to Mr. Goree and English prose before, and quite frankly we had our doubts. Of course who the particular author was doesn't change the content of the essay at all and we're still gratified to know that some overlord somewhere believes
The problem facing greyhound racing with that particular argument and defeating it, is that it will not be perceived as 'extreme' by the public. And that's because it's not extreme, as any keen student of the breed knows in their heart and mind ... "
Personally we would suspect overlord McKeon, but there aren't enough Malaprops, so we're at a loss.


RosieO said...

It is amusingly ironicus that your pompous self labels Carey Theil (rhymes with steal) a whacko animal rights activist when you continue to use the contents of his blog as the subject of your own – kind of like yesterday’s leftover meatloaf. Regarding this day’s blue plate special – well, tsk-tsk. You clearly neglected to do your homework, professor. If you had, you would have noted that the so-called Secret Essay’s author was not revealed in the email. You saw the name Rory Goreé and jumped on it like a tramp on a freight train; anything for a cheap shot at someone who outclasses you with his wealth of knowledge and years of dedication to greyhound welfare. Like birds of a feather, you and Mr. Theil (rhymes with steal) have taken excerpts from this essay entirely out of context. Following in the footsteps of the “whackos” at Grey2K, you have deliberately misrepresented the essence of the essay in an effort to further your righteous indignation regarding greyhound racing. In the original article, the paragraph you reference (“The public will be told ….”) is preceded by the author’s conjecture that this would become the “anti-racing mantra.” But of course, it’s much juicier to claim that this essay is some sort of pro-racing secret exposé. The whole point of the essay (which, by the way, was written months ago and was no secret to its intended audience) is to suggest improvements that could be made to racetracks and to racing in general. Analogous to planes, trains and automobiles, any of these modes of transportation can be involved in accidents, yet we accept them in our daily lives as being safe, by and large. However, as with most aspects of life, there is always room for improvement. This is the point the author of the essay was making. Why in the world would you and the whackos ridicule and disparage suggestions to improve greyhound racing? Oh wait, that would mean the end of the pity party and money grab for the anti’s.

Since you appear to differentiate yourself from the whackos, it will be interesting to see if you will allow this comment to be posted. The cowards at Grey2K certainly would not. But I’m sure you won’t miss another chance to demonstrate your glib, acerbic wit. Ta ta …

Ironicus Maximus said...

Hey, thanks for finally admitting that our indignation is indeed righteous.

Also too, the essay was "no secret to its intended audience"? Dude, if it was a secret to the people who were supposed to read it, then no one would have read it. That's kind of how secrets work donchano.