OK You Won't Debate? How About A Spell Down?

We're coming to you today from the Forensics Department here at the Ironicus Maximus School for Linguistic Street Fightin', Rhetorical Combat and What To Say When  Yo Momma Isn't Enough. It seems some uppity young Miss from New Jersey (no, not Snooki) has risen up to challenge one of the most preeminent Constitutional scholars in the United States today: Michele Bachmann.

Ann Myers challenged the tea party favorite in a letter dated April 29.

Now, our first thought was this gives a whole new meaning to girl on girl action, but it turned out this girl wants to debate Bachmann, not go two out of three in a jello wrestling match. OK, thinks us, that could be mildly entertaining in a C-SPAN 2 sort of way--especially if it's an insomnia night and we've already seen the World's Dumbest Yogurt Makers 47 rerun on Tru-TV.

It seems, however, that before the distaff version of Lincoln Douglas can commence, some...um...details need to be worked out.

After it started getting media attention last weekend, commenters on tea party websites have threatened to publish her home address and some have threatened violence. The 16-year-old from Cherry Hill says several commenters have called her a "whore."Her father, Wayne, says he's concerned for his daughter's safety.

This is a common misconception of reporters who don't understand the dynamics of debate when dealing with graduates of the Tea Party School of Talkin Is Better Than Writin' Cause There Ain't No Spellin'.  If you went to school beyond the third grade you were probably taught that the three elements of argument were logos, pathos and ethos, which is apparently the misinformation that caused young Ann to issue her challenge.

Had she done even the most cursory type of research though, she would have learned that for the Hoverround set, the principles of argument are volume, violence and firearms, but the discrepancy is moot because Bachmann has applied the Tea Party's argumentative coup de grâce, the linguistic Crane kick, the rhetorical Waterloo.

Bachmann's office told The Courier-Post of Cherry Hill that it won't respond to the debate challenge.

Bam! How you like debate now little Annie? Sorry you had to learn about that the hard way, but if you run with the big dogs you better bring your A game 'cause they'll rain on your parade like ants at a picnic.

Or something. Anyway the point is maybe you should stick to topics more in your skill-set like Bieber: The New McCartney? and leave sophisticated political debate to those with the verbal chops to handle it. Sarah Palin comes to mind.