Tuesday, May 10, 2011

And The Lord Spaketh Unto Me And Sayeth: Ready To Lead, Ready To Follow, Never Quit

Well of course some hillbilly preacher has been telling his congregation he's a Navy Seal. What's the problem here? The guy's a liar. Would you rather he were a pedophile? A con man? A wetsuit wearing auto-erotic pervert? Candidate for president?

Crimminy, count your blessings already will you?

Jim Moats, the pastor at First Christian Right Way New Caanan Nazarene Bible Fellowship Ecclesiastical Assembly  Zion Church of the Holy Sepulcher  in Newville, Penn., (Bible themed balloons for the kids every Sunday!) spun some fantastical details of his alleged time as a Navy SEAL fighting Satan during the Vietnam War. Moats told his church for five years that he was a former SEAL, and even once wore the elite program's gold Trident medal around town.

Seal Trident? OR SATAN'S PITCHFORK??!??! Which is it Pastor Jim, if you are a Pastor.

Moats fessed up to his whopper, and admitted he bought the Trident medal at a military surplus store. "I never was in a class, I never served as an actual SEAL.  In fact, I'm not a preacher either. I was a cab driver in Sheboygan Wisconsin and I got laid off. I didn't have the greatest skill set and I was looking for something where expectations weren't so high when I saw the ad in the newspaper for a preacher."

You know, if Jebus does come back on May 21 he's going to be pretty disappointed in his welcoming committee.

1 comment:

scripto said...

We have a pastor like that. Does his ministerin' with his fists. In a strip club. At 3 in the morning.