Monday, May 09, 2011

Maybe He Was Just Saying He'd Give The Students The Shirt Off His Back...Um...Pants Too

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know disappointment is the stepchild of mean know that as card carrying members of our local educorporate training facility we often wax poetic on the exploits of colleagues  who also toil in the Vineyard of Reason, the Cathedral of Intellect, The Brave New World Test Prep Center and Behavior Modification Emporium.

Whatever. By way of background, let us say that over the years we have spent touching the future we have, on occasion, come into conflict with those would would be called our supervisors. Usually these pedagogical dust-ups would be settled in a collegial and professional manner, like the time a group of us rented the banner towing plane to fly over the school and...OK bad example. The point is, even though teachers are given the immense responsibility of educating the next generation, they very often have no authority to go along with the responsibility, and thus must ways of pushing back against a system that seldom acts in their best interest. Which brings us to one Harlon Porter.
Harlon Porter was reportedly upset about losing his job at Haynie Elementary School in Morrow, Georgia.
Ah, another sad case of a dedicated teacher being sacrificed on the altar of "Do More With Less." Why does it always seem that cuts start at the bottom and work up, while bonuses start at the top and work down? Labor must become its own advocate. The working man has to say "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore," right Mr. Porter?
School staff called police after the teacher allegedly started strolling the halls in his birthday suit. Officers say they found the 31-year-old sitting nude in a chair in the teacher’s lounge.
Yes well, not exactly the call we would have made there Mr. Porter. We were thinking more along the lines of filing a grievance or engaging parents in your plight, but to each his own. So what are you saying? This is a symbol of the rights of the working man being "stripped" away by the heartless, corporate mentality infecting schools these days?
After being arrested, Porter claimed he had ‘reached a new level of enlightenment’ and ‘he wanted everybody to be free now that his third eye was open'.
You took your clothes off so we could see your third eye, huh? OK that's about as far down that road as we care to walk, Mr. Porter. You wouldn't by any chance be a biology teacher would you?
He told police he wanted to teach on a new level ‘with hands in the earth, gathering the essence and learning how to love one another and fully appreciate the spiritual realm.’
Now we get it. Whenever naked people are running around in public, love and the spiritual realm are usually not far behind. We have to tell you Mr. Porter there's always a risk with that approach. We tried that line to get Jeanne DeFranco to go skinny dipping with us back in 11th grade. Would have worked too, if her dad hadn't shown up with a baseball bat and the family rottweiler.
Teachers at the school said Porter was a teetotal vegan.
Oh crap man, why didn't you say so in the first place? That explains everything.
‘However on the date in question they noticed that he was drinking a coke and had gone to taco bell to get tacos for lunch,’ the police report said.
No wait, that explains everything. Doesn't it? Now we're confused. Did he get laid off because he didn't eat meat, or because he started eating meat?  If that's the case after going to Taco Bell he probably still hadn't eaten meat. You might have a case there Mr. Porter, but we'd suggest putting your clothes back on before you go to the arbitration hearing.

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