Louisiana! Motto: Ain't No Monkeys In The Bible

You know, we think the folks in Louisiana might be on to something. We mean, you look around the average classroom today and what do you see? Bored students. Now some might think this is because of a curriculum disconnected from anything that has meaning in their lives; over emphasis on discrete recall high stakes tests, and the current pedagogical assumption that students are all identical empty vessels onto which educational technicians attach information as they roll down the educorporate assembly line.

Nope. That's not it. See the deep thinkers in Louisiana have figured out that when a student opens a math book, what do they see? Math. Open a history book, get history. Bore. Ing. So what they'd like to do is make it so when students open a science book they get...Jesus!

Cement headed religious busy bodies contend some biology I, biology II and other school books under scrutiny  for public classrooms put too much credence in Charles Darwin’s theory of evolution. "Well of course since science books are written by scientists they're going to have a bias," said Winston White, of Baton Rouge. "all that experiment this and data that makes it tough for those of us home schooled all the way to the sixth grade to get some of that, what did you call it? Credence stuff. Yeah. Give us our credence too. This is America and we've got as much right to credence as that Darwin feller."

“It is like Charles Darwin and his theory is a saint,” said White, who apparently didn't learn evolutionary theory or verb subject agreement. "What about our saints? Don't they deserve equal time?"

Darrell White, who is the father of Winston White and is  co-founder of the Louisiana Family Forum, said the proposed biology textbooks he reviewed fail to meet the thinly veiled attempts at pushing religion into public school classrooms spelled out in a 2009 law aimed at confusing classroom talks on the theory of evolution. "The Louisiana legislature said it was OK for us to take this state back to the 1800's so that we could adequately prepare our young people to live in the 21st century." he told reporters. "All we're saying is let's get started."

“If this was a beauty contest, we have got all ugly contestants in these biology textbooks,” White said.

OK, let's see if we've got this straight We shouldn't learn about evolution because Darwin is a saint. An ugly saint. Now, he might have something there. After all, if they canonized Scarlett Johansson we'd pretty much believe anything she told us even if she wasn't canonized, but that's probably why no one ever asks us to be on textbook approval committees.

In written comments to state officials, David Mathers, of West Monroe, said he would “like to see intelligent design explained as an alternate theory to the theory of evolution. I'd also like to see donkeys fly, democrats stand up for their beliefs and the Cubs win the pennant.”

Now, see it's that explaining that is really a drawback for us," White said. "Once you get past 'because the bible says so' we really don't have much."

We feel your pain Mr. White. What if you got Scarlett Johansson to say because the bible says so?