Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Gives A Whole New Meaning To "Mr. October"

Generally we like to stay out of the wackier neighborhoods out there amongst the inter toobz. Wading through the thought free effluvia of the terminally clueless who think The Flintstones was a documentary, or Hurricane Katrina was sent to get the homos generally makes us despair for the future of humankind, causes us to type things like "land in Belize" into Google and sends us rushing headlong to the liquor store.

OK, that last one happens any time our supply of Stoli drops below critical levels, or the president holds a news conference, but you see our point. Anyway, when we ran across this post over at Ed Brayton's place we were intrigued because we would welcome our supersized overlords, having long thought that a well placed giant or two in the Cubs' lineup would finally get them over the hump, or a thirty foot tight end could finally make the woeful Lions contenders. The possibilities don't end there either. Giants could be helpful in other areas as well. For instance, right now basically no one is paying attention to Condolezza Rice and American foreign policy. Set aside for a moment that we don't really have a foreign policy unless you count blowing up things, but imagine if Elthar the Humungus were to crash through a wall into the chambers of the UN Security Council with a proposal for Arab Israeli peace. Well, we have to believe diplomatic channels would open up.

So, with that in mind, we decided to risk only having two bottles of Stoli in the freezer and visit said article described by Mr. Brayton to get the down low on the up high. The first thing we learned is there are a lot of books in the bible we didn't know about.
In the Book of Genesis, beings of great stature called "giants" appear. The Apocryphal books of Enoch, 2 Esdras, Genesis Aprocryphon and Jasher support the Genesis story.
OK, Genesis, Numbers, Deuteronomy, those we got, but Genesis Aprocryphon and Jasher? Sounds like a rock band to us. But then it gets kinky:
Some biblical scholars believe giants came into existence after powerful angels known as 'Watchers' descended to earth and used women (or their biological matter) to construct bodies of flesh, which they used to "extend" themselves into the material world.
"Women (or their biological matter)"? Now, we know women are generally second class citizens when it comes to godly stuff, but biological matter? Talk about being a sex object! Come on. Didn't these guys at least take them to dinner first? Flowers? No wonder feminists hate us.
2 Samuel 1:18, says, "After the fallen angels went into the daughters of men, the sons of men taught the mixture of animals of one species with the other, in order to provoke the Lord" (4:18).
Animals? Now we got animals? Look, we were just looking for some help down the stretch, you know? A little backup in case of a late season injury. There's no way we want to get into a whole barnyard thing here.
In "Nephilim Stargates: The Year 2012 and the Return of the Watchers,"author Thomas Horn asks, "What if, by corrupting the species barrier in which each creature was to recreate after its 'own kind,' Watchers (or demons) had successfully mingled human-animal DNA, creating something new, a construct that God had not made, manipulating genetic material and crossing the species barrier, which God had forbade, resulting in a body they could incarnate within?"
OK, we haven't hit the Stoli yet and we still have no clue what that means, but Stargate, that's something we know about. Mmmm...Amanda Tapping...now there's some "biological matter" if you know what we mean.
Horn believes the fact that these powerful angels blended species in this way is vital to understanding how they were able to leave their plane of existence, and to enter ours. Horn hypothesizes that, through genetic engineering, they created blended beings, not entirely human or animal – creatures that neither humans nor animal spirits would indwell, for they were neither man nor beast. This provided bodies into which they could extend themselves, just as is described in numerous ancient texts.
If by ancient text you mean Star Trek episode.
"The results of this genetic modification were the giants known as Nephilim,"Horn says. "But imagine the staggering implications of such science if dead Nephilim tissue was discovered with intact DNA and a government or rogue agency somewhere was willing to clone or mingle the extracted organisms to make Homo-nephilim."
Yeah. The only thing worse than Nephilims would be homo Nephilims. Just as a matter of curiosity, would there be lesbo Nephilims too, or are we just talking guys here? And as a followup, even if these were homo Nephilim, could they still go to the opposite field if they got an outside fastball?

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