"Charity Encourages Idleness And The Poor Should Be Left To Die." E. Scrooge

While channel surfing this past weekend we had the misfortune to run across Bill O'Reilly (Motto: You must listen to the voices in my head). Before we could click away to the DIY channel for the special on grout we heard this: "Left-wing smear websites to go after anybody who stands up for Christmas."

Bill. Calm down. Take the red pill. If you're worried about Christmas being in trouble look no further than your own Congress.

Republican leaders in Congress are hoping to cut spending on student loans, Medicaid and other programs that don't support rich people before Christmas, though they may delay extending tax cuts for the wealthy until next year. "We figured what better time of year to cut off the poor, old and students than this," said House Majority Leader Dennis Hastert.

"We wanted to give our corporate overlords their tax break too," Added Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, "But they requested we wait until the next tax year so they would have more time to shelter the extra income."

Staff aides and lobbyists are excited about the prospects of finishing work on spending cuts of up to $50 billion. "If you're poor, or better, poor and old you've ridden the government gravy train long enough," said a staffer who asked not to be identified.

Senator Rick Santorum said he was "deeply committed to restraining spending on programs that unnecessarily prolong the health of those too sick or old to work. And that includes the handouts we've been giving to veterans too."

The centerpiece of the budget cut bill, is an attempt to strangle Medicaid and other benefit programs. "How long must we subsidize the health and well being of those too old or too poor to do it for themselves," Hastert said. "Those are not the values on which this country was founded."

As negotiations continue between the House and Senate on the spending cuts, House GOP leaders will press ahead to garner support for a bill to preserve the tax cuts favored by president Bush which are set to expire unless lawmakers extend them. "This is a potential national disaster," said indicted former majority whip Tom DeLay. "If we pull back the tax cuts we've given to the rich folks who put us in office, well, that's just not an America I want to live in."

Last month, the leaders put off an attempt to pass the tax bill because of resistance from lawmakers who were reluctant to vote for the cuts so quickly after approving reduced spending for Medicaid, food stamps and other programs aimed at the poor. "Yeah, we tried to move a little too quickly there, "said Senator Frist. "Who knew there were still some in congress with a shred of decency left?"