Monday, August 01, 2005

Hey Kofi. You're Mine, Bi Otch

Ah, Mr. Bolton, or should we say Ambassador Bolton, or should we say Mr. Bolton, our hopelessly emasculated, yet annoyingly loud representative to the U.N.

President Bush sidestepped the Senate and installed embattled nominee John Bolton as ambassador to the UN ending a five-month impasse with rational people who accused Bolton of abusing subordinates, twisting intelligence to fit his conservative ideology, eating puppies raw and secretly liking hockey.

"This post is too important to leave vacant any longer, especially because someone qualified might come along and mess up our policies," Bush said.

Bolton said he was honored and humbled by the president's end run around Congress. "It will be a distinct privilege to be a bully for America's interests at the U.N. and to do everything I can to screw up the world if they don't agree with mean agree with us. The president and me," he said.

Bush said that Bolton's nomination had been supported by a majority of the Senate but that "because some people actually wanted a diplomat with, like, diplomatic skills, John was unfairly denied the up-or-down vote that he and the voices in his head deserved."

Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist said, "The president did what he usually does by sending Mr. Bolton to the U. N.. He is almost a complete whack job, and will probably get the world to hate us more--if that's possible."

Republican Senator George Voinovich said he was disappointed. "We never did get to see what medications he was on. I think that would have helped us make a decision."

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