Come On, Man. We Got Clint Black!

Aw, man. What a bunch of party poopers. The Washington Post announced that it will cease its co-sponsorship of the Pentagon-organized Freedom Walk next month.

"As it appears that this event was one of the stupidest ideas to come out of this administration since Bush in a flight suit, The Post has decided to honor the Washington area victims of 9/11 by sending our entire editorial staff to a seminar on how to develop a scintilla of class," said Eric Grant, a Post spokesman.

The Pentagon expressed disappointment with the decision. It has called the event a memorial to 9/11 victims and a salute to our troops. "With free balloons for the kids," added Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld.

"It is The Post's practice to avoid activities that might lead readers to question the objectivity of The Post's news coverage," said Grant. After the laughter died down Grant was heard to say, "No. Really."

"Post news employees are subject to disciplinary action for participating in political activities that may be perceived as revelatory of personal opinions or bias," said a resolution passed Monday by leaders of The Post unit of the Washington-Baltimore Newspaper Guild. "The Guild was all like 'we need to keep those reporters on a short leash,'" Grant said. "Then someone pointed out that referred to them too and the Guild was all like 'Dang! I guess we can't go either or some idiot will file a grievance. Can we still get tickets to Clint Black?'"

Publisher Bo Jones said he would remove the Post as a sponsor of the "Freedom Walk" if the event turned out to be partisan. "I still don't think it's partisan," Jones said. "Crassly commercial, sure, but partisan? I just don't see it, especially after they dropped the loyalty oath requirement." When asked how he explained the "Find the WMD Funland" for the kids, Jones said he hadn't heard about that.

The Department of Defense released this statement on Monday: This is a commemorative event to honor the memory of the victims who died in the attack on the Pentagon and to highlight the yet to be constructed Pentagon Memorial Walmart Super Store.