Come to Kentucky--Motto: Laws Are For Little People

OK, when you read a lede like this you know hoot is about to turn into holler:

Kentucky Governor Ernie Fletcher, in one of the more audacious displays of political grandstanding, in a setting full of cheering and clapping political supporters, thumbed his nose at the Kentucky criminal justice system and announced he was issuing "blanket" pardons to anyone who "might have violated" state's Merit System laws. Yes, he left it that open and vague.

"Screw them legal beagles," Fletcher said. "This here is Kentucky where the big dawgs run and the little dawgs stay on the porch...umm...I'm not sure I know what that means, but it sure is colorful, huh?" Supporters in the crowd cheered wildly and waved signs saying things like "Support Governor Mullet," and "A Man + His Cousin = Marriage."

When asked to explain how he could justify pardoning people who "might" have committed a crime, Fletcher described the acts which have resulted in more than a dozen indictments as nothing more than "noodling" which is the term for catching fish without bait. "Don't we southerners have a way with words?" Fletcher said. "There ain't nothin' better n' a good ole boy covering his posterior with some high falutin' talk, know wudamean Vern?""

Fletcher says he will not pardon himself unless he needs to to avoid jail, and will appear before the grand jury tomorrow as required. He stated that he would not speak. "I'm gonna be quieter than a dead frog in a bucket a mud," he said.

Fletcher, a Republican was elected to office when his predecessor, a Democrat, issued pardons for four campaign workers and commuted the death sentence of a convicted murderer. "Things like that are not going to happen in a Fletcher-Pence administration," said Republican lieutenant governor candidate Steve Pence at the time.

When asked to compare the two events, Fletcher said, "Hey. Ain't nobody here killed nobody. Besides the people I'm pardoning are all good Christians, like me. You from that liberal media, boy?"

Later Fletcher said he didn't fear prosecution because most of the judges were Bubbas. "Ain't no Bubba gonna put another Bubba in jail," the Governor said. "It's in the Bubba By Laws."