Showing posts with label Michigan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Michigan. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Michigan! Motto: We Ain't No New Hampshire
Today is primary day in Michigan and we're like totes excited. OK no we're not, in fact we're a little annoyed. Last night we had a twenty minute conversation with a robo-call from TEH HUCKABEEZ!!1!!. We wondered why we couldn't get a word in edgewise, but in our defense we have to say the call did come towards the end of the cocktail hour.
Today on our way to work we were accosted by the Tards of Paul and everywhere we look the smiling countenance of Mitt the Benevolent gazes down upon us. All this would be halfway tolerable if Michigan's primary actually meant something. Yeah, yeah we know, Mitt has to win here or...or what? He has to win here or he has to win somewhere else. Look, the guy has enough money to set up his own country and run for president there if he wants to. He's not dropping out of the race just because no one votes for him.
The democrats in Michigan were bad, bad boys and girls and did not do what their DNC overlords wanted, so they made Edwards and Obama take their names out of contention and refused to let Hillary campaign in the state even though her name is on the ballot. To strike back against the empire the rebels are proposing that everyone go and vote uncommitted.
Guys. If we stay home and watch Judge Judy reruns, how much more uncommitted can we be?
The other plan is for all the democrats to go and vote for Romney instead to mess with the republicans. Hey, have you been paying attention at all? The republicans don't need anyone's help to screw up. You have an empty suit, a fossil, a guy who believes Adam and Eve rode dinosaurs, another fossil, and a racist running for president. You think these guys need help being idiots?
Oh, and Duncan Hunter, whoever he is.
So if you ask us, the whole let's make Michigan relevant by moving our primary up and making the taxpayers cover the cost deal has not turned out to be the resounding success the democrats and republicans had hoped it would be. Well, except for that whole getting us to pay for it thing.
Today on our way to work we were accosted by the Tards of Paul and everywhere we look the smiling countenance of Mitt the Benevolent gazes down upon us. All this would be halfway tolerable if Michigan's primary actually meant something. Yeah, yeah we know, Mitt has to win here or...or what? He has to win here or he has to win somewhere else. Look, the guy has enough money to set up his own country and run for president there if he wants to. He's not dropping out of the race just because no one votes for him.
The democrats in Michigan were bad, bad boys and girls and did not do what their DNC overlords wanted, so they made Edwards and Obama take their names out of contention and refused to let Hillary campaign in the state even though her name is on the ballot. To strike back against the empire the rebels are proposing that everyone go and vote uncommitted.
Guys. If we stay home and watch Judge Judy reruns, how much more uncommitted can we be?
The other plan is for all the democrats to go and vote for Romney instead to mess with the republicans. Hey, have you been paying attention at all? The republicans don't need anyone's help to screw up. You have an empty suit, a fossil, a guy who believes Adam and Eve rode dinosaurs, another fossil, and a racist running for president. You think these guys need help being idiots?
Oh, and Duncan Hunter, whoever he is.
So if you ask us, the whole let's make Michigan relevant by moving our primary up and making the taxpayers cover the cost deal has not turned out to be the resounding success the democrats and republicans had hoped it would be. Well, except for that whole getting us to pay for it thing.
Monday, October 29, 2007
The Senate Will Now Have An Emergency Recess Because The Portapotties Have Arrived
A while back we told you about our own state senator Mike Bishop, Michigan's answer to the question can a boy with no talent and little brains grow up to be a politician with no talent and little brains. Seems back then Mr. Bishop had a run in with a little thing called the first amendment. Could have happened to anybody, after all, who has time to read all that stuff that comes across your desk. There's budgets to be blocked and government to be disrupted. A mans' got to have his priorities.
Well, we check in on the good senator today and see he has moved on from trying to control the free flow of information in a democratic society to setting his sites on people's sphincters.
Senate republican leader Mike Bishop has banned access to all Senate bathrooms. "And it's not just because of Bean Burrito night," said Bishop's Chief of Staff Matt Miner, the bathrooms will be closed until they determine exactly who has been writing "bad things" on the bathroom walls.
"Look, we don't mind the occasional 'for a good time call Jennie,'" Miner said. "But lately The comments have gotten a lot more personal and destructive." When asked for examples, Miner said most were too offensive for the public, but several aides mentioned comments like "Why don't you get off your dead butts and pass a budget," or "Tax is not a four letter word," or "Democracies run on deliberation, consensus and compromise, you idiots."
Assistant Secretary of the Senate Pam Nyquist reported that it was possible that Senate-issued Sharpies were used to write these messages, and "that would not be appropriate." When asked to explain, Nyquist admitted that there was scant legal basis for her opinion, but added it was in the best interest of the legislature "not to let debate replace blind adherence to party doctrine. After all, if you let in debate then people are going to be wanting the facts to back up their debates, then you start letting facts in here and the whole thing goes to heck in a hand basket. Is that what the people of Michigan want?"
Erm...yeah?
Well, we check in on the good senator today and see he has moved on from trying to control the free flow of information in a democratic society to setting his sites on people's sphincters.
Senate republican leader Mike Bishop has banned access to all Senate bathrooms. "And it's not just because of Bean Burrito night," said Bishop's Chief of Staff Matt Miner, the bathrooms will be closed until they determine exactly who has been writing "bad things" on the bathroom walls.
"Look, we don't mind the occasional 'for a good time call Jennie,'" Miner said. "But lately The comments have gotten a lot more personal and destructive." When asked for examples, Miner said most were too offensive for the public, but several aides mentioned comments like "Why don't you get off your dead butts and pass a budget," or "Tax is not a four letter word," or "Democracies run on deliberation, consensus and compromise, you idiots."
Assistant Secretary of the Senate Pam Nyquist reported that it was possible that Senate-issued Sharpies were used to write these messages, and "that would not be appropriate." When asked to explain, Nyquist admitted that there was scant legal basis for her opinion, but added it was in the best interest of the legislature "not to let debate replace blind adherence to party doctrine. After all, if you let in debate then people are going to be wanting the facts to back up their debates, then you start letting facts in here and the whole thing goes to heck in a hand basket. Is that what the people of Michigan want?"
Erm...yeah?
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