Friday, March 30, 2012

Friday Hound Blogging

Well, it should be pretty obvious that times are tough for the overlords. We mean, even the overlords have figured that out. 
Life has rarely been more difficult in the business of training greyhounds and what drives home that message here at GOBATA is the number of owners, trainers and kennel hands we hear of who are turning their back on the sport in search of an alternative and worthwhile living.
 We feel your pain there Mr. overlord sir, and we applaud you for leaving greyhound racing behind in search of something more worthwhile. Hint: Anything is more worthwhile.
Top trainer at Oxford in 2009 and 2010, Mick Peterson, son of another top trainer in his time, John Peterson's, plight is a sad reflection on the sport’s current struggle, a sport in which, he says, "there is just no money".
 Tru dat, Mr. Peterson, but look at the bright side. At the end of the day at least you get to go home without any broken bones, or not being, you know, dead and stuff. A lot of greyhounds can't say the same.
"Promoters, bookmakers and the GBGB, those at the top end, make money out of greyhound racing but what do trainers get out of it, not a lot I can assure you," he says.
Parasites, without doubt Mr. Peterson, but there's one thing they can't take away from you and that's your love of the greyhounds, right Joe Brazill?
A Kilmallock dog trainer has spoken of his relief after his prize-winning greyhound turned up - at the Mungret Cement Factory.
Whew! We can feel your relief from here Mr. Brazill. So what's next, a new dog bed? Steak to welcome the pooch home? How will you show her how much you missed her and how much you value her now that she's back?
“It is very hard to put a price on a dog, because it is too early. I could not really say. She is just 13 months old, so she has a bright future ahead of her. It is very unusual for a greyhound to be this young. She is one of the few greyhounds to win in her first year.” He added the prize-winning pup “would probably be a good breeding prospect after her racing career was finished.”
 Oh. Umm...OK.  We were going for something a little more, you know, emotional and all, but market value is good too. Didn't realize she was barely a year old. Bet that added to your concern as well, huh?
Joe was fearful she might not be able to find food or water at such a young age.
Well, all's well that ends well. Now that she's home safe and sound, Joe can put her out there on the track every few days where she can run the risk of being seriously injured or killed, right Fuzzy?

Fuzzy’s Douglas is a very friendly and outgoing boy. He walks well on the leash. He is very curious about things. He gets along well with the other dogs in the home and tries to get them to play. He does very good while in his crate. Fuzzy Douglas is not cat safe but would be great with another dog. He would do well with either a single person or a family with older children. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Arizona! Motto: Education Has Been About Learning Stuff For Too Long

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know that hope is the thin paper of dreams wrapped temporarily around the inevitability of entropy...erm...we mean know that we here in the marbled halls of IM Central often discourse on the state of productive efficiency vs-a-vs American educorporate training facilities and their eventual effluvia, namely students. In fact, it is a topic so near and dear to our collective cardiai that we have even been known to engage in the aforementioned pixel torment while sober.

So you can imagine our surprise when, after years of opining on and participating in the warping of young minds to our godless, socialist ways we found out we had it all wrong. And you can imagine the positively logarithmic increase in both our amazement and our chagrin when we were informed it was those educational philosopher kings and queens of the Arizona legislature who explained it to us.

See, all these years we thought education was about student teacher relationships, pedagogy, learning theory, child development, pre-service and in-service training and a host of other issues related to the functional development of human beings, when actually it was just about keeping liberal professors from cursing at conservative professors as they deny them tenure.
Arizona legislators are considering one bill that would punish college instructors whose speech or actions would violate broadcast obscenity standards and another bill designed to protect conservative faculty members from discrimination in getting hired or tenured.
 Introduced by Republican Sen. Lori Klein, the restrictions apply to any “person who provides classroom instruction” in public institutions from preschools to community colleges and four-year universities. "When I was a little girl I used to watch liberal professors chase down conservative professors with dogs, turn fire hoses on them, make them come in the back door and sit in certain areas of the cafeteria and I vowed back then if I ever got in a position of power I would do something about it," Klein said.

Klein, who before her election was employed as Arizona's official state example of the need for better community mental health facilities, told reporters that she was also considering introducing legislation to make pointing and laughing, eye rolling and "twirling one's index finger in either the clockwise or counter clockwise direction while in close proximity to one's temple" a felony. "How you like me now, seventh grade class at St Stephens," she said.

John Curtis, director of research and public policy for the AAUP, said the bill is probably unconstitutional and seems fundamentally inconsistent with the whole idea of higher education and academic freedom. "Does he have a point?" asked a spokesperson from Klein's office.

Timothy Secomb, a University of Arizona physiology professor, wonders what might happen when a medical class discusses the reproductive system or sexual behavior. Those lessons often involve graphic images and discussions that probably wouldn’t be allowed during prime time on CBS, but that Secomb argues are essential in training students. "We're not spending tax dollars to send our children into liberal dens of porn," Klien said. "Medical training is something that should be handled at home by the parents."

In Arizona’s other chamber, legislators are debating a bill that would ban discrimination based on a public college faculty member’s religious or political beliefs, or the amount of time they spend conversing with the voices in their heads. Rep. Tom Forese, the Republican from Paranoia who introduced the measure, told the Verde News the bill is designed to protect conservatives who feel they are discriminated against in the hiring and tenuring process, explaining that such persons fear retribution and must “pretend to think or believe in a different way in order to fit in. Sort of like what I had to do to convince people to vote for me,” he added.

His bill mandates that hiring and tenuring decisions be “on the basis of that faculty member’s competence and appropriate knowledge in the field.” Hey, hiring people based on "competence and appropriate knowledge in the field." Why didn't we think of that? Thanks representative Forese!

The Bill also asks colleges to assemble their staffs “with a view toward fostering a plurality of methodologies and perspectives.” Hmmm..."fostering a plurality" huh. So you want us to look for conservatives to hire to offset the commies and atheists we usually hire. OK that sounds...wait a minute. That's AFFIRMATIVE ACTION!! We can't do that. Every conservative we hire will have to live with doubt. Were they hired because of their skills or were they hired because of your Bill. That's not the America we want to live in.

Secomb, the physiology professor, also opposes the bill. He said religious and political discrimination is a “nonissue” in his experience, and that asking for a variety of perspectives among faculty members could be dangerous. “In many fields,” he said, “there may be a consensus that some methodologies and perspectives are unacceptable. For example, in the sciences we often find that hiring creationists, religious fanatics or unmedicated loons is counterproductive.”

Representative Forese admitted that his Bill might need "some tweaks," but  pointed to statistics showing a rising number of students were being home schooled as a defense. "These kids are coming out of a certain kind of educational culture," he said. "We just want teachers they can relate to."

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

If He Was A Baseball Player He'd Win The World Series Just By Walking On The Field

It looks like Newt Gingrichs' new strategy for winning the republican nomination is to give up on getting people to vote for him and go directly to the convention where people will finally realize what he's been telling them all along, because the sheer force of his intellect and grandness of his character will be so compressed by being forced inside a building as small as a convention center it will create such a pressure of awesomeness everyone else's IQ will increase by sixty points and they'll finally be smart enough to see how smart Newt is so he will be declared the nominee by acclimation.  Romney will introduce Gingrich before his acceptance speech and Santorum will lead the prayers.

"I think you'll then have one of the most interesting open conventions in American history," Gingrich said Tuesday during a stop in Annapolis, Md to have his ego inspected by state Haz-Mat officials. "And by that I mean one that is going to ignore the rules, precedent and basic reality to pick me because of my awesome awesomeness. Which is awesome by the way."

He said the question will be, "Who can best beat Barack Obama? And at that point, I think most Republicans would probably agree that I would probably do a better job debating Obama than any other candidate, and I think it becomes a very viable, very lively campaign." When a reporter asked if Gingrich knew the difference between winning a debate and winning an election, communications director Joe DeSantis said that the candidate didn't involve himself in the minor details of the campaign. "Newt's a big picture guy," DeSantis explained. "Have I mentioned he's awesome?"

Later Gringich's office issued a press release announcing their new campaign slogan, "Stay Thirsty My Friend."

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

In Space No One Can Make A Taco

We're coming to you today from the It's Not About Race Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. INAR is a division of the Even Colorblind People See White Company, a wholly owned subsidy of Caucasians R Us, NA.

It seems there are some melanin enhanced threats to democracy in the San Joaquin Valley.
San Joaquin Valley congressional candidate Jose Hernandez flew in space, but his astronaut identity is now under political fire. In a pointed new challenge, a Sacramento law firm is asking a judge to block Hernandez from describing himself as an "astronaut/scientist/engineer" on the June ballot. The lawsuit notes Hernandez has left NASA.
"Come on," said Attorney Charles Bell Jr., one of two lawyers named on the lawsuit, and general counsel to the California Republican Party. "Hernandez? Really? Astronauts are named Glenn, Armstrong and Aldrin. This is obviously an attempt to mislead voters."

"I went from plowshares to the stars," Hernandez told supporters when he announced his candidacy in Modesto in October."And that right there tells you everything that's wrong with America right now," said the other attorney listed on the lawsuit, Brian Hildreth, who has worked for former Republican Gov. Pete Wilson.
The French Camp native, born into a farm-worker family, trained as an engineer at the University of the Pacific and was selected as an astronaut candidate in May 2004. He flew aboard the shuttle Discovery in 2009 and left NASA in January 2011.

"Circumstantial," said Hildreth. By the way, have we ever seen a copy of Hernandez's birth certificate?"
"The challenges our country is facing are far too important to waste any more time on petty partisan political games," Hernandez said Friday.

Read more here:

Read more here:

"The challenges our country is facing are far too important to waste any more time on petty partisan political games," Hernandez said. "You are precisely the challenge our country is facing," countered Bell. Later Bell's office clarified his remarks, explaining that the attorney hadn't meant Hernandez was a challenge personally. "Mr. Bell is not a racist," a spokesperson said. "His driver is named Miguel. Miguel something or other." The spokesperson stated that Bell's major concern was that  Hernandez he was likely to favor policies benefiting his ethnic group. "This is the greatest threat to the principles of democracy since the minimum wage," the spokesperson added.

The suit notes that Hernandez reported to the clerk of the House of Representatives that he received $150,000 from work as the "executive director for strategic operations" with MEI Technologies.
"In the same disclosure to Congress, [Hernandez] reported that he received no income from NASA in 2011," the lawsuit states, adding that astronaut is not a title one carries for life. "Gardener, nanny, house keeper. Those are the titles people like that carry for life," Bell said.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Friday Hound Blogging

You know, there are almost seven billion people in the world. It stands to reason that some of them are going to be dumber than algae with a learning disability. Take the Cessnock, Australia City Council for instance.
Cessnock City Council has put its support behind a move to have greyhound racing returned to Cessnock Showground. Councillors voted 9-3 to support a motion by Cr. Cordelia Burcham to contact Member for Cessnock Clayton Barr and ask him to make representations to Minister for Tourism, Major Events, Hospitality and Racing, George Souris, with a view to having greyhound racing reinstated at Cessnock.
When asked how nine members of the Council could be convinced to bring greyhound racing back Ms. Burcham said she wasn't sure but "there are high levels of lead in our drinking water."

An amendment moved by Cr. Rachel Main and seconded by Cr. Chris Parker that council defer making a decision and that a briefing to be held with a representative of the greyhound racing association and a representative from an animal welfare group was lost. "The last thing we need is someone to remind us what happens to the dogs," Burcham told reporters after the vote.

Cr. Burcham said she has been told that Cessnock and the wider greyhound racing community wants racing to available again at Cessnock. “I have had numerous requests as to the possibility of re-instating greyhound racing in Cessnock.” When asked to name those making the requests, Burcham said most of the voices in her head, plus she had told her daughter to ask as well.

Cr. Dale Troy said the return of racing would also help pay the bills at the showground and with a new racing minister it is a good time to place the matter back on the agenda. "I heard the new guy suffered traumatic brain injury as a kid," Troy said. "Just the kind of official we're looking for."

Cr. Chris Parker said he could not support anything that increases the cruelty to animals. He said that when he lived at Buchanan (near the twin bridges) people used to trap rabbits in the creek and he gained the impression they were used to train the greyhounds. "I can't tell you how many times rescue had to be called to pull those greyhound people out of the creek and explain to them that rabbits lived on land," he said. "I just don't think the fire department wants to get into that again."

Mrs. Groizard, from Kearsley, and someone who has a long association with the sport has been pushing to have racing returned. She has been taking up a petition that will be presented at the appropriate time. "We're having a little trouble finding people who support greyhound racing and can also sign their own names, but we're working on it," she said.

Finding someone who thinks greyhound racing is a suitable activity for a supposedly sentient being and can read and write? Yeah. Good luck with that, huh Inky?

We don't know a whole lot abut Inky. He raced in West Virginia and Florida. Won a few times and fell in May of 2011. He was off for two weeks so that probably means he was hurt, but the overlords seldom want to discuss things like that so we're not sure how badly. In another race in July he had "Trouble in the first turn" and finished last. "Trouble" is an overlord euphemism and can mean almost anything, but the first turn is the most dangerous place on the track for racing greyhounds. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

So This Is Why The Choir Is Able To Hit Those High Notes

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know the true secret to success is sustaining delusion under the unrelenting onslaught of reality...erm...we mean know that on more than one occasion we have taken the church catholic to task for its less than progressive views in certain matters, like all the ones that relate to real life for instance. Hey, you want to believe that people actually think you're cool because you speak Latin, go ahead, but trying to tell us your posse is banging the choirboys because of disco? Not buying it.

Now, it occurs to us that our coverage of the red hat gang may have given you the impression that we think they're a bunch of crusty old perverts living off the superstitious, the illiterate, the gullible and Rick Santorum, who are more concerned with keeping their sweet sweet ride going than with your immortal soul. OK, including Rick Santorum makes the first part of the list kind of unnecessary, but the point is fair and balanced is one of our core principles, right up there with never blog sober. That means when pope Prada's boys do something right we are duty bound to bring it to your attention.
Castrating young men to "cure" them of their homosexuality was how the Roman Catholic Church in the Netherlands treated gays in the 1950s, according to a Dutch newspaper, which claims at least 10 men were forced to go under the knife at the church's behest. The newspaper said the castrations were regarded both as a treatment for homosexuality, as well as a punishment for those who accused clergy of sexual abuse.
Oh sure, it sounds bad when you say it like that, but think about it for a moment. These innocent priests could have pressed charges against the ten young men who obviously tried to seduce them, yet acting with the loving compassion that we have come to expect from a church that thinks dying in childbirth is a career choice, they instead had their accusers' balls cut off, curing their obvious homosexuality and saving them from a life of sadness, sodomy, careers in interior design and an overly developed fashion sense.
The newspaper said 20-year-old Henk Hethuis had been surgically castrated on the instructions of Catholic priests in 1956 after he told police he was being abused at the Harreveld boarding school in Gelderland. Although the monks were convicted of the abuse, Heithuis was nonetheless sent to a Catholic psychiatric hospital and then castrated. He died two years later in a car crash.
Can there ever be a better example of ungratefulness than Henk? We mean, even though their lives were made a shambles by his unfounded accusations, these truly sainted men went out of their way to see that his homosexuality in the to speak. And while we're on the subject of saintliness, can there ever be a more heart breaking example of the failure of a justice system than the unwarranted conviction of these poor monks? It's no wonder god killed Henk and made it look like a car accident.

We may have to rethink our whole attitude towards the church. Well, either that or start taking public transportation.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

And God Help You If You Come To Work In Your Spiderman Undies

We're coming to you today from the Department of Management here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The DoM is part of the Donald Trump School of Business at Psychotic State U. It seems one of our graduates has made the news.
Dressing in an orange shirt is apparently enough to get fired at one Florida law firm, where 14 workers were unceremoniously let go last Friday. Several of the fired workers say they wore the matching colors so they would be identified as a group when heading out for a happy hour event after work. They say the executive who fired them initially accused them of wearing the matching color as a form of protest against management.
"Look, it's a well known fact around the office that I'm a narcissistic, self centered jerk, so when I saw all these people dressed up the same I just automatically assumed it was about me," said the executive, who asked that his name not be used because he was being considered for a promotion to Associate Director, Ambulance Pursuit Division. "I've got my career to think about," he said.

The law offices of Wellborn, Doofus, Bevis and Butthead P.A. offered "no comment," but off the record one staffer agreed with the executive's description of himself as a "jerk" and added, "in his defense, this is a Law firm after all. Jerk is a job title around here."

After the 14 employees were fired, an executive said anyone wearing orange for an "innocent reason" should speak up. When asked what an 'innocent reason' might be employees were told one with a $50 bill attached. "Like I said, this is a Law firm," he added.

At least one employee immediately denied any involvement or knowledge of a protest and explained the happy hour color coordination. Nonetheless, they were still fired. "We adhere to the 'stay the course' philosophy here," said the executive. "We model it after president Bush's successful strategy in Iraq."

"There is no office policy against wearing orange shirts. We had no warning. We got no severance, no package, no nothing," fired employee Lou Erik Ambert said. "Some violations are so obvious they don't need to be spelled out in a policy," a spokesperson for the firm countered. "I mean, come on. The shirts were orange for crying out loud. Orange! All of them."

And there's really nothing anyone can do about the terminations since Florida is an at-will state, meaning employers can fire an employee who doesn't have a contract "for a good reason, for a bad reason or even for the wrong reason, as long as it's not an unlawful reason," said Eric K. Gabrielle, a labor and employment lawyer. "See, labor law is supposed to protect the rights of the people, and like Mittbot 2.1 said, Corporations are people. Unfortunately, in Florida, people aren't people."

Friday, March 16, 2012

Friday Hound Blogging

Monday's post got us to thinking about what happens after greyhound racing ends. Not to the dogs, we're pretty sure they'll go the same way other "working" breeds have gone when their jobs were eliminated. It's pet city for the skinny dogs just like it has been for hunting dogs who no longer need to hunt, herding dogs who no longer need to herd and watch dogs that no longer need to watch. Plus because of their personalities, greyhounds make great therapy dogs and since they're already athletic they can do neat things like agility trials and such. Plus they're actually pretty laid back when not out risking their lives to earn trailer payments for the overlords so they make great dogs for kids to read to. No, the future actually looks pretty bright for greyhounds because they have, you know, skills and stuff. It's the overlords we're wondering about.

We have to believe the job market for sixth grade dropouts with anger management problems and substance abuse histories just can't be that open. We mean, how many republican candidates can there be at any one time, you know? Well, we were out slooshing through the intertoobz this morning and happened to stop by one of the overlord sites where we saw this:
Candy Beck
I love this picture. I think it was sent to me by Jim Gartland, not sure where he got it. Maybe a touch inflammatory, but awesome.

Hare coursing? OK, let's see. It's already illegal in a lot of places. You can't make any money at it, and innocent animals are maimed in killed in the process. Yep, just like greyhound racing. Looks like the overlords have found a new home too, huh Boss?

Bogus Boss is an extremely shy and gentle boy. Since being placed in a quiet foster home he has starting coming out of his shell. He is beginning to enjoy playing with toys and do puppy-like things. He is playful in yard and with other dogs. If you are missing something around the house, you will want to check his bed as he has become a collector of objects. Bogus Boss does spook easily by loud noises and is very shy of new people. Due to his shyness, he had to be moved from the busy foster home with children to a home with a single elderly person. Bogus Boss would do best in a home with either an elderly person or with a single person or couple with no children. He would do fine in a home with other dogs of any size or as a single dog. He will need to be placed in a home with a person of great patience to understand and work on his shyness. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

In Which Ironicus Calls The Republicans Back To Their Priorities (Now With Update)

Frequent readers of this blog will probably not survive the coming zombie apocalypse...uh...we mean will recall that most of the denizens here in the marbled halls of IM Central carry only one x chromosome. That being said, we have to say that we're feeling some real sympathy for you double x's out there because it seems, if you're a republican, wimminz is the new gay. It's like they've given up on the whole homos can't marry homos thing and moved on to the vajayjay.

Our favorite is when some pasty white guy comes on the tee vee and says he's concerned it might violate somebody's religious conviction somewhere if some slut of a whore of the female type got a hold of them there no baby pills and went and did the horizontal shuffle, and maybe enjoyed it. Women enjoying sex! Think of the pressure  guys! Think of the expectations if word gets out! Plus she won't have to pay for it by popping out a new little congregant. But it's really all about god.

Now, the last time we checked the good book didn't say anything about oral contraception, but it does have a lot to say about girl cooties:
"For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. For this reason, and because of the angels, the woman ought to have a sign of authority on her head;" 1 Corinthians 11:9, 10.

Women should remain silent in churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission..."1 Corinthians 14:34

Wives submit to your husbands, as is fitting to the Lord." Colossians 3:18

“When a man sells his daughter as a slave, she shall not go out as the male slaves do.: Exodus 21:7
Well, we could go on, but we think you get the point. What we're seeing here is just the adult version of the "No Girlz Alowd" club a lot of us single xers belonged to until about fourth grade. Which, coincidentally is also the level of intellect behind a lot of this. Personally we think this whole mess could be cleaned up quickly if more republican wives stumbled across a copy of Lysistrata. We mean, let's get back to bashing the Muslims like god intended, OK?

UPDATE: OK so you guys want to control all the vajayjays, but we have to tell you with stuff like this going on? Ur doin' it wrong, dude.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Friday Hound Blogging (Monday Edition)

I'm going to step of of character today to write about something that's happening in the greyhound racing industry that while not totally unexpected, is very troubling. Most of the time Friday Hound Blogging is my own sarcastic view of the racing industry because that's the only way I can wrap my head around an activity that institutionalizes cruelty. I've spent years interacting with breeders, trainers and owners on blogs, message boards and web sites and I have met a few that seem to genuinely care about their dogs, yet even those few live in an environment that values living creatures only as commodities, and brings enormous economic pressures to bear which dictate that even those with the best of intentions must often act in ways that are detrimental to the health and well being of the greyhounds.

I used to argue with greyhound racing representatives using some of the very arguments you are probably hearing now in various state legislatures and was usually met with dissembling, obfuscation and personal attacks until it finally occurred to me that people who race greyhounds are so bound up in their worldview no amount of persuasion was going to penetrate. So I created Friday Hound Blogging as a place where I could point and laugh, ridicule being the last refuge of my anger towards people who, to me anyway  seemed willing participants in a lifestyle, the very tenets of which forced them to act in inhumane, callous ways. I wanted to believe their hollow arguments, their constant changing of the subject whenever the treatment--or more likely mistreatment---of racing greyhounds made its way into the media  was the result of at least some deep level of discomfort, some tension between how they saw themselves and what the reality of greyhound racing kept throwing in their faces year after deadly year.

It was no surprise to me that they hated the anti-racing people, after all we were constantly presenting them with the disconnect between what they said was true and what the actual lives of racing greyhounds was like and they were constantly brushing us off as hypocrites, liars and con artists.

Reality has a way of breaking down even the most staunchly defended delusion though, and what is happening to greyhound racing now as states and the very people who were once the industry's allies--track owners--are coming together to face the new economic reality means quite simply, greyhound racing is on the way out. It is no longer a question of if, but when and how.

A wounded, cornered animal is at its most dangerous though and the greyhound racing industry is lashing out in fear and hatred which is putting greyhounds already in a precarious situation even further at risk. There is a movement in the industry to deny dogs for adoption to anti-racing adoption groups, such as the one with which I volunteer. There has long been an undercurrent of ill will among greyhound racing people towards adoption groups that are not afraid to stand up to the industry, but the sheer number of dogs needing homes, and the PR cost of continuing to abandon dogs to almost certain death meant, from the viewpoint of racing proponents, the devil had to be given his due.

Now however, as the final days of racing close in, all pretense of the long time industry mantra "The dogs come first" has been thrown to the wind and an overt attack on anti-racing adoption groups has begun. The first target: Greyhound Companions of New Mexico. You can read more about the situation here, but the most telling aspect in terms of the greyhound racing industry's reaction to its impending demise occurred when a representative of GCNM contacted a breeder in North Carolina who had been identified as the source of the attack:
I had the misfortune of speaking with the breeder whose misguided notion started this recent movement to bar anyone from bringing us dogs. Wow - what a loose canon! After she yelled at me for about half an hour, I finally said, Gee this isn't very lady-like of you - and she said (I kid you not, she really said this - actually, she yelled it), "I'M NOT A LADY, I'M A BITCH and I'll keep being one until I get all the groups like yours shut down!"
 Now, you may say this is just one person who neglected to put on the mask of concern that most racing industry people wear when dealing with the public, and you'd be right on two counts, one that this is just a single person, and two that the appearance of concern for the welfare of racing greyhounds is just that, an appearance. The fact that this breeder is willing to throw the safety of perhaps hundreds of innocent greyhounds under the bus in the service of her personal vendetta against a single person who is only a part of a larger organization is not a bug of this industry, it's a feature.

This breeder is only the most visible aspect of what is becoming more and more obvious as the curtain falls on greyhound racing and that is the industry is going to blame the anti-racing movement for its demise. Certainly the movement had an effect, but like with most things in life, it's not that simple. However, one of the successes of the anti-racing movement was to bring increased public scrutiny to greyhound racing and force it out of old practices which probably resulted in saving the lives of thousands of dogs over the years.

But now, as this breeder illustrates, and as the industry flails its way to the grave greyhounds are at risk again, and again it will be public scrutiny that saves them. We must redouble our efforts to monitor the industry; we must work with newly acquired allies in state legislatures not only to end racing, but to control how racing ends, putting the safety and welfare of the dogs at a premium.

Whether this breeder speaks for many or not isn't the point. She speaks from an industry that for too long has abused, neglected and killed innocent living creatures for profit, and then has fled from that responsibility. Now they are running out of places to hide their despicable craft, but not out of ways to harm greyhounds. Like the wounded, cornered animal, they must be handled with caution and resolve.

The lives of thousands are at stake.

Friday, March 09, 2012

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the Dr Frankenstein Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. DFD is a subsidy of the Careful What You Wish For Company in partnership with All of the Alien movies.

It seems no less a publication that the New York Times has noticed that the overlords may have overshot the mark a bit in their strategy for keeping themselves out of the labor pool. As the headline puts it:

Well put we must admit, but personally we think Dr. Frankenstein might have said it best when,watching his new creation stir on the table he lovingly mussed Igor's hair, patted the hunch on his back and opined, "It's Alive!"

Later he was to add a coda to his celebratory pronouncement, "I may have made a slight miscalculation." 

But we're getting ahead of ourselves.
After a decade in which more than half the greyhound tracks in the country have closed, many of the remaining operations have survived thanks to the model used at Bluffs Run. Over the years, the tracks, which were there first, won permission from states to add slot machines and poker tables under the condition that a chunk of the profits go to the dog races — essentially subsidizing one form of gambling with another.
 Now, like the good Doctor, at this point we can envision the overlords sitting around congratulating themselves and wondering where Igor was with that six pack of domestic beer they'd sent him for. Like old Franky they were ready to GET THIS PARTY STARTED! Turns out Igor had hopped a plane to the coast and was never heard from again. Even he was smart enough to figure this one out and rumor has it was part owner in a chain of Sushi Joints when it came time for the overlords to echo that quote made famous by the Franken Father, "We may have made a slight miscalculation."
Now, after years defending greyhound racing against attacks that it is inhumane, a growing number of track owners are, to the astonishment of opponents and the dismay of fans, joining the critics among the animal rights groups. Complaining that they are being forced to spend millions of dollars a year to subsidize a pastime that the public has all but abandoned, greyhound track owners in Iowa, Florida and Arizona have been lobbying for changes in the law that would allow them to cut the number of races, or even shut down their tracks, while keeping their far more lucrative gambling operations.
Man! Where's a bunch of peasants with pitchforks and torches when you need them, huh?
“There is no reason to continue spending money on a dying sport,” said Bo Guidry, general manager at the Horseshoe Council Bluffs casino complex, which includes Bluffs Run.
 Well look at the bright side Mr. Guidry. At least the industry is dying. If it were already dead you'd have that whole zombie thing going on and you know what a hassle that could be.
Caesars Entertainment, which owns the operation and was required to spend $10 million last year on dog racing, has offered to pay the state $49 million for the right to close the track.
Hmm...that's an idea. If the peasants had just offered Dr. F a few shekels to move his operation down the road a little we might have had an entirely different story.  But how come if it's only costing you 10 mil you're willing to pay almost five times that to get rid of it? You must really hate the overlords, dude. We mean, compared to you the peasants were about to invite the monster to join the local Rotary or something.
“The racing end was used as a ticket to help them acquire those licenses,” said Gary Guccione, secretary-treasurer of the National Greyhound Association, which is based in Kansas, where the last track closed two years ago. “And now they’re trying to push racing out.”
You know, that sounds like something Dr, Frankenstein might say. "All I wanted to do was reanimate one little corpse. Maybe train it to do a little light housework, tend my garden. And now look at the mess I'm in."

Yeah, well if he thinks it's bad now, he better not skip ahead to the end of the story, right Bo?

Bo is a confident, friendly, affectionate boy who wants to be friends with everyone he meets; going for walks to greet his “fan club” is one of his favorite things to do. With his brindle color, heart shaped nose and outgoing, friendly personality, he’s irresistibly cute. He is a smart boy who knows “sit”, “down”, “come” and “leave it”; he is willing to learn more for a treat. He will sit and lay down without being asked when he sees someone reaching into the treat jar. He is very affectionate and loves to give kisses and will lean against you for pets. Being an epileptic dog, Bo needs a home that has experience with seizures. Bo also needs a home that is stable, has a consistent routine and very few changes as well as one that can cope with the stresses of having an epileptic dog. He will also need to be more of a homebody dog (i.e. no travelling, large gatherings or meet and greets) as stress and change can trigger seizures. Due to the side effects of his anti-seizure medication, he also needs a home where someone is home often and can let him out every few hours to go potty. Bo would be fine as an only dog or in a home with another dog, as long as his family is able to separate them or restrain the other dog if Bo has a seizure. He also needs to be crated while home alone to prevent injury to himself in case of a seizure. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Wednesday, March 07, 2012

This Is Why The Republicans Prefer Their Women To Be The Inflatable Kind

We haven't been paying much attention to the Sandra Fluke, Rush Limbaugh brouhaha. We mean, an articulate, well educated, informed young woman went before Congress and pointed out that this here being what's left of America if you're going to provide subsidized boner pills for the dudes, it might be in your best interests to keep the objects of their affection in good health as well.

The reaction was, not to put too fine a point on it, predictable. We mean, when you have a party, the republican party, so full of serial adulterers, closeted gays and assorted perverts and fetishists they have to sign a pledge saying they'll keep it in their pants for as long as they're in office, it's sort of to be expected. Plus, Uppity wimmenz and all, don't you know? Nothing deflates a republican's...erm...staunchness like an assertive female.

So we weren't surprised when someone went down in the basement, pushed their way through the empty bottles of Vicodin,  rolled out old Pat Robertson, put a microphone in front of him and said "boobies!"
Robertson discussed Fluke's testimony at a Democratic hearing on contraception with Jerry Bell of the American Principles Project on his CBN show "700 Club" on Wednesday. "[Fluke] said that students needed $3,000 a year for contraception and that they couldn’t afford it," Robertson said. "As I understand, the Catholic school was supposed to pay for it. Now Catholics say that fornication, if you will, sex outside of marriage, is a sin."
Fornication? Who even says that anymore? What do you think reverend Robertson, shall we hide the young strumpet? To the stocks we say! Let's make an example of this trollop!
Bell took his attack on Fluke a step further, insisting that Fluke's mission is part of a part of a 200 year plot to destroy religion and the family. "I honestly think that the left, their greatest achievement is the sexual revolution and they want to complete the job of imposing the values of the sexual revolution on everybody else, including those who have held out and disagree with some aspects of it."
 Wow. We saw a photo of the women in question. She didn't seem that old to us. Also didn't know the sexual revolution has been going on for 200 years. Those Founding Fathers! What a bunch of horndogs! Didn't need no Viagra back then, huh Tommy. That Abigail Adams, she's HAWT!!

Monday, March 05, 2012

Everything Sounds Better In Latin, Even Aspernator

Full disclosure: At the urging of the soon to be Mrs. IM's mother we got married in a catholic church by a priest who told us he would have to hurry the ceremony a bit so he could get back to the rectory in time to see the Notre Dame game. For several years afterward we believed that it was church policy that priests were required to attend every Notre Dame athletic event either in person, or through the media. We figured it was the church's way of assembling what amounted to a SEAL Team Six of professional entreaters in case the holy spirit needed to be called upon in the fourth quarter. True story.

We tell you this to illustrate that while our grasp of church doctrine may be fuzzy at times, we at least have had some exposure to what passes for policy among Pope Prada's boys. Which brings us to Cardinal Keith O'Brien, the latest of the Cohors CLXXX to favor us with a disquisition on popular culture and social policy.
Britain’s most senior Catholic has condemned gay marriage as an “aberration”, likening it to slavery and abortion.
 Now, you people who attend the whack churches out there might think this is a tad over the top, but we say unto you unbelievers Nay! Nay and another nay. The catholic idea of marriage is for the wife to be subservient, dependent and obedient to her lord and husband (who aren't necessarily the same person, but could be) and to pop out the little catholics as often as her uterus will cooperate. So, as to the slavery reference, you can see the source of Cardinal O's confusion, although in a grudging nod to modernity, catholic women are allowed to wear shoes and learn to read. As for the abortion reference, it's just a Pavlovian response team vatican has anytime anyone mentions anything remotely associated with ladyparts. They call it the Santorum reflex.
He claimed same sex unions were the “thin end of the wedge” and would lead to the “further degeneration of society into immorality.”
For those of you not familiar with catholic jargon, “thin end of the wedge” is metaphorically similar to the point of the spear, except in this case it's a wedge because it's pushing apart the church and congregants willing to pay money to hear what these guys have to say and thus prevent “further degeneration of society into immorality” because what this world really needs to keep it on the moral straight and narrow is a bunch of old bachelors who speak a dead language, wear funny hats and boink nine year olds.

Friday, March 02, 2012

Friday Hound Blogging

One of the things we like to do on Fridays here in the marbled halls of IM Central, as the Stoli cools, is to check out the intertubial hangouts of the overlords just to get a sense of where the conversation is going. Lately we've witnessed much wailing and gnashing of teeth over the gathering tsunami of decoupling, and by that we mean they're blaming everybody and everything for pointing out that they base their "sport" on the heartless exploitation of innocent creatures who are summarily disposed of in often the most horrendous of ways when they can no longer generate a profit. Also, to be more accurate in the overlords' case it's wailing and gnashing of tooth. The point is, it appears the the impending demise of their greyhound powered ride on the gravy train has penetrated all but the deepest realms of their delusion. We mean, even John Parker has not only lately become aware that there is a wall, he has even begun to ascertain that there may be some sort of writing on it.

But that's not what we want to tell you.This week as we were chuckling over the overlords' penchant for invented spelling we ran across what appears to be an attempt at an actual essay by an overlord who appears to believe he is an intellectual. Well, at least as much of an intellectual as you can expect in Overlordistan. You know the old saying, in a country of idiots the man who can tie his own shoes is king. Anyway, this particular scribe has unleashed almost 800 words starting with the history of greyhounds and ending up with it's all Grey2K's fault. Somewhere Mr. Spock is crying.

Our first thought was Man! We weren't aware there were overlords who knew 800 words. Then we noticed several words were repeated the the real total drops down substantially. We would link to it, but you might go read it then hate us forever for costing you fifteen minutes of your life and 40 IQ points.

But that's not to say we can't bring you the highlights huh? Well, high light might not be exactly accurate, but what the heck, the Stoli's already taken care of at least 40 of our IQ points so let's have at it!
Scientists and researchers feel that the halotypes of our contemporary Racing Greyhounds probably first emerged as part of a branching-off process from the Grey Wolf, which began perhaps as many as 140,000 years ago. This is a staggering proposition. What it essentially means is that Greyhound-like dogs evolved naturally, until they eventually became companions of men. Since the Greyhound has always had a utilitarian purpose, either as a pre-historic, wild and deadly hunter of game, as a swift and efficient courser of vermin, or as a racer of astonishing speed and athleticism, he is unique among canines.
Oh boy, oh boy, let's play One Of These Things Is Not Like The Others! "Wild and deadly hunter of game, as a swift and efficient courser of vermin". Let's see, helping subsistence hunters feed their families and keeping pests and their diseases away, that it? "A racer of astonishing speed and athleticism." Right, becoming a commodity and having their worth measured by how much money they can generate. Ha! That's the different one! This game is fun.
As respected Greyhound pedigree researcher and writer Martin Roper has suggested (in his essay, Everything You Know Is Wrong), it is highly unlikely that the Greyhound was ever domesticated by Egyptian Pharaohs, as had been long thought to be the case.
Umm...The appeal to authority, which is called Ethos for all you keeping score at home, is a common and well respected technique in essay writing, but Martin Roper? Don't know much about him. Well, to be an expert you need a long list of credentials and accomplishments, so let's go see what Mr. Roper has done to deserve his exalted position in the aforementioned essay, shall we? Hmmm, it appears an appeal to Mr. Roper is like asking for investment advice from Sponge Bob Square Pants.
So while on one hand we have gained a much deeper and more accurate understanding of how our Greyhounds have come to be who they are today, on the other hand, we see a new litany of outrageous dis-information being disseminated throughout all forms of media. This popular, contemporary Greyhound mythology has arisen from a cartel comprised of “four-legs-good, two-legs-bad” academia, animal rights activist extremists, donation-seeking lobbyists and propagandists, and a daisy chain of activist-“journalists”.
 OK somewhere in that paragraph we fell into a wormhole or some other time portal device because one second we're reading about the history of greyhounds and the next instant the topic has changed to animal rights activism. Someone alert the staff at the Large Hadron Collider! We've discovered the non sequiter particle!
This new mythology is rooted in an elitist, “New Age” dogma, which preaches that the use of any animal for any human purpose whatsoever is “speciesism”, and is, by definition, oppressive, imperialist and “colonial” in its nature and practice, and therefore must be prohibited.
Huh. Guess we'll have to get ourselves one of those New Age dictionaries because in our dictionary speciesism is defined as "a belief of humans that all other species of animals are inferior and may therefore be used for human benefit without regard to the suffering inflicted." That sort of defines greyhound racing, doesn't it there Mr Essay Writer Sir?
A culture comprised of the mostly non-university educated, rural, agrarian, working-class, which views the keeping of animals not simply as an end unto itself, but as the means to an end, is therefore deemed intrinsically and systemically cruel, inhumane, barbaric, inferior and outmoded. That would be “outmoded”, as in “doesn’t deserve to exist”… as in “greyhound racing professionals”.
Oh, nice move there Mr. author sir. Did you see how he injected that little bit of class elitism in there?  "A culture comprised of the mostly non-university educated, rural, agrarian, working-class?" See, it's not really about the needless suffering and painful deaths of the greyhounds at all. It's just those college educated liberal egg heads a coming 'round here sticking their noses where they don't belong. We'll call this the Rick Santorum gambit. So, our question is, how did a group of people who started the paragraph out as "mostly non-university educated, rural, agrarian, working-class" become "greyhound racing professionals" by the end of it? Correspondence school?
We won’t belabor the preposterous concept of “speciesism”, since the essence of Darwinism and the nature of all species is to compete ruthlessly and without remorse for domain, habitat, food–and in the Darwinian model, often to the complete annihilation or extinction of less well-adapted species.
Yeah, that's probably just as well there Mr. Essay Writer sir since you obviously didn't understand speciesism and apparently don't get Darwin either.  See, adaptation is about the organism's relationship with its environment, not how it competes with other organisms. Hope we cleared that up for you.
Nor should we give any credence to the oxymoron of “animal rights”.
Whoa! Did you see what he did there? In one sentence he negated an element of moral philosophy going back over 200 years! Somebody better tell Tom Regan to start looking for another job.
Proponents of animal rights wish to co-mingle amoral creatures within the realm of uniquely human, intricately-reasoned, moral constructs like rights. The first person who can successfully plead the case of Salmon’s Rights to a hungry Grizzly Bear will be the first person who can speak credibly to such a ludicrous concept.
 Hey! There's the non sequiter particle again. OK, this is where we came in so hey Drop Kick how about we take you out for some "utilitarian purpose" like say peeing on that tree over there? Afterwards you can engage in some "swift and efficient" chasing of your ball.

AHK Drop Kick is a very quiet and calm girl. She is learning to play with toys. She asks for attention by poking you with her nose. She does well in her crate. AHK Drop Kick would do well in a home by herself or with other dogs. She would do well in a home with older, well-behaved children or teens. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.