Everything Sounds Better In Latin, Even Aspernator

Full disclosure: At the urging of the soon to be Mrs. IM's mother we got married in a catholic church by a priest who told us he would have to hurry the ceremony a bit so he could get back to the rectory in time to see the Notre Dame game. For several years afterward we believed that it was church policy that priests were required to attend every Notre Dame athletic event either in person, or through the media. We figured it was the church's way of assembling what amounted to a SEAL Team Six of professional entreaters in case the holy spirit needed to be called upon in the fourth quarter. True story.

We tell you this to illustrate that while our grasp of church doctrine may be fuzzy at times, we at least have had some exposure to what passes for policy among Pope Prada's boys. Which brings us to Cardinal Keith O'Brien, the latest of the Cohors CLXXX to favor us with a disquisition on popular culture and social policy.

Britain’s most senior Catholic has condemned gay marriage as an “aberration”, likening it to slavery and abortion.

 Now, you people who attend the whack churches out there might think this is a tad over the top, but we say unto you unbelievers Nay! Nay and another nay. The catholic idea of marriage is for the wife to be subservient, dependent and obedient to her lord and husband (who aren't necessarily the same person, but could be) and to pop out the little catholics as often as her uterus will cooperate. So, as to the slavery reference, you can see the source of Cardinal O's confusion, although in a grudging nod to modernity, catholic women are allowed to wear shoes and learn to read. As for the abortion reference, it's just a Pavlovian response team vatican has anytime anyone mentions anything remotely associated with ladyparts. They call it the Santorum reflex.

He claimed same sex unions were the “thin end of the wedge” and would lead to the “further degeneration of society into immorality.”

For those of you not familiar with catholic jargon, “thin end of the wedge” is metaphorically similar to the point of the spear, except in this case it's a wedge because it's pushing apart the church and congregants willing to pay money to hear what these guys have to say and thus prevent “further degeneration of society into immorality” because what this world really needs to keep it on the moral straight and narrow is a bunch of old bachelors who speak a dead language, wear funny hats and boink nine year olds.