This Is Why The Republicans Prefer Their Women To Be The Inflatable Kind

We haven't been paying much attention to the Sandra Fluke, Rush Limbaugh brouhaha. We mean, an articulate, well educated, informed young woman went before Congress and pointed out that this here being what's left of America if you're going to provide subsidized boner pills for the dudes, it might be in your best interests to keep the objects of their affection in good health as well.

The reaction was, not to put too fine a point on it, predictable. We mean, when you have a party, the republican party, so full of serial adulterers, closeted gays and assorted perverts and fetishists they have to sign a pledge saying they'll keep it in their pants for as long as they're in office, it's sort of to be expected. Plus, Uppity wimmenz and all, don't you know? Nothing deflates a republican's...erm...staunchness like an assertive female.

So we weren't surprised when someone went down in the basement, pushed their way through the empty bottles of Vicodin,  rolled out old Pat Robertson, put a microphone in front of him and said "boobies!"

Robertson discussed Fluke's testimony at a Democratic hearing on contraception with Jerry Bell of the American Principles Project on his CBN show "700 Club" on Wednesday. "[Fluke] said that students needed $3,000 a year for contraception and that they couldn’t afford it," Robertson said. "As I understand, the Catholic school was supposed to pay for it. Now Catholics say that fornication, if you will, sex outside of marriage, is a sin."

Fornication? Who even says that anymore? What do you think reverend Robertson, shall we hide the young strumpet? To the stocks we say! Let's make an example of this trollop!

Bell took his attack on Fluke a step further, insisting that Fluke's mission is part of a part of a 200 year plot to destroy religion and the family. "I honestly think that the left, their greatest achievement is the sexual revolution and they want to complete the job of imposing the values of the sexual revolution on everybody else, including those who have held out and disagree with some aspects of it."

 Wow. We saw a photo of the women in question. She didn't seem that old to us. Also didn't know the sexual revolution has been going on for 200 years. Those Founding Fathers! What a bunch of horndogs! Didn't need no Viagra back then, huh Tommy. That Abigail Adams, she's HAWT!!