I'm From Missouri. I Need Pictures

You know, school would be a great place if it wasn't for all that learning and whatnot. We mean, say you're an average parent with an average kid and you send them off to school so they can learn to sit quietly and not question their elders. And what happens? Those Marxist, communist, democratic, overpaid, secular, unionized public employees go and expose your kid to...forgive our language...ideas.

This is not what the Founding Fathers intended, but what's a poor parent to do in the face of institutionalized godlessness? Well, you got to fight man, fight to keep your kids as stupid as you are.

Two of the three Republic High books singled out in a public complaint last year will now be removed from the school curriculum and library.

Booyah! Take that literacy snobs.

Wesley Scroggins, a Republic resident, challenged the use of the books and lesson plans in Republic schools, arguing they teach principles contrary to the Bible.

OK, first of all, why would anyone listen to someone named Wesley Scroggins? Sounds like you're trying to stifle a sneeze. And second, dude, even the bible doesn't follow biblical principles. Slaves? Raping virgins? Killing innocent people? Any of this ring a bell?

In making a recommendation to remove the two, Superintendent Vern Minor explained that "numerous individuals have read the three novels and provided their feedback." He conceded there wasn't always consensus about what step to take. "We had some differences of opinion, I'll be honest with you," he said.

Right. Some people read Slaughterhouse 5 and argued for its inclusion as an example of classic American contemporary literature. Other read Twenty Boy Summer and argued for its inclusion as an example of a  novel "beautifully written and emotionally honest, this is a debut novel that explores what it truly means to love someone and what it means to grieve, and ultimately, how to make the most of every single moment this world has to offer."

Other people read the books and said, "These buks ain't got no pitchers."

"It was really good for us to have this discussion," Minor said. "Most schools stay away from this and they get on this rampage, the whole book-banning thing, and that's not the issue here.We're looking at it from a curriculum point of view."

 "And then we forget all that and banned the books anyway," he added.

Minor said feedback for "Twenty Boy Summer," available in the library, focused on "sensationalizing sexual promiscuity." He said questionable language, drunkenness, lying to parents and a lack of remorse by the characters led to the recommendation.

Right. Certainly don't want kids exposed to stuff like that in a controlled setting like a classroom with a trained adult present to guide and shape the discussion. Rather that happen out behind the Seven Eleven while they're smoking that there wacky tobaccy.

Board member Melissa DuVall said districts make decisions every day about what to keep and what to exclude and this is no exception. "We are not going to make everybody happy -- and rarely do we," she said. "What we have to be proud of is we took a complaint, we took is seriously and we gave it due diligence."

 "Then we went and nuked those bad boys, Ha. Now, the Left Behind series, there's some good writin' right there. That Tim LaHaye, he's a real Albert Hemingway he is."