Hey, We Treat 'Em Like Crap But At Least We Don't Race 'Em

So we're slooshing through the inter toobz the other day and we run across this article that says a bunch of people in Missouri think that just because you're a dog doesn't mean you have to live in filth, eat crap and push  out puppies until you're used up just so some yahoo with a fourth grade education and a fenced back yard can consider himself one of them there entrey pre neurs.

Well, this makes a fair amount of sense thinks us, after all, why should the overlords have all the fun, so we moved on. But today we get a big fat load of wait a minute there Ironicus dropped on our front step like a flaming bag what our sainted mother used to call "bull's nasty."

Dog breeders are afraid that a measure on the Nov. 2 ballot will put them out of business.“We’re the good kennels, we’re not the bad kennels,” said Kelsea Vane. “We get inspected by the AKC, USDA and the state. We’re trying not to be the bad guys.”

Ah, the old "bad apple" defense. Let's see, where have we heard that before...Oh yeah. Word to the wise Mr. Vane. When you get caught exploiting innocent animals for profit, treating living creatures like your own personal gumball machines popping out treat after treat after treat, and just generally acting like the whole world revolves around your right to make your trailer payment with the blood money you earn from the gulag in your back yard, defending yourself by taking a page from the overlord's playbook is sort of like asking the captain of the Titanic for sailing lessons. Just saying.

There was a good crowd, said Janice Swofford, Southwest chapter treasurer. Bill Reibolt, Republican candidate for 130th district state representative, addressed the group and they had a cookout, bake sale, face painting and bounce house Saturday afternoon.

Because we all know, any response to governmental tyranny is incomplete without a bounce house. In fact, if the founding fathers had had a bounce house in 1776 the British would have been out of town by sundown and there would have been no need for the Declaration of Independence, let alone a revolutionary war.

Swofford’s border collie is a therapy dog and she also shows dogs, but if Proposition B passes, she says she will have to give it up. The new regulations would require “unfettered” outdoor access, twice the square footage of the indoor requirements of 12-square-feet for small dog under 25-inches, 20-square feet for dogs 25-35-inches and 30-square-feet for dogs 35-inches or longer.

 Ah, the old "end of the world as we know it" gambit. Well, played madam. Of course the idea of investing in your business to bring it up to code (and the subsequent tax write off) is not an option because hey, these are changes that benefit only the dogs. Cripes! What's up with that huh? Don't these do gooder animals rights wackos know why you got in the business in the first place?

Group members compare themselves to other agriculture endeavors across the state and contend they already have sufficient regulations.

 Right. Corn, soybeans, cocker spaniels. Makes perfect sense to us. You know, what you need is a spokesperson. Someone who can be the public face of puppy mills animal companion suppliers. Someone well known and respected, with good communication skills and the ability to bring all sides together in intelligent, informed conversation.  Wait a minute...what's this?

A conservative group in Missouri is picking up the backing of the Tea Party and Joe The Plumber in its quest to stop the Humane Society and other animal rights groups from passing "radical" anti-puppy mill legislation.

Um...OK...wouldn't have been our first choice, but then we also thought Gary Guccione was a bad choice and he turned out to be...a...er...OK bad example. Let's just hear what you have to say.

Well, according to the Alliance For Truth, the main force behind the anti-Prop B movement, there is something much more nefarious afoot (er, apaw) in the Humane Society's measure. The Alliance For Truth claims that the Humane Society of the United States has a "radical agenda" and is "misleading the public with its intentions on Prop B. The society seeks only to raise the cost of breeding dogs, making it ever-more difficult for middle-class American families to be dog-owners."

And there you have the Apocalypse Now maneuver.You guys have been sneaking in to overlord planning sessions haven't you?

Anita Andrews from Alliance For Truth told TPM that it's a "deceptive, lying bill" that is "trying to purposefully get rid of the breeders." "They don't like animals," she said of the Humane Society.

Wait, the Humane Society doesn't like animals? Then wouldn't they be the Inhumane Society?

The Alliance For Truth also has the support of some better-known conservative activists, like Joe 'The Plumber' Wurzelbacher, who wrote on the Alliance For Truth site that the Humane Society is "cowardly hiding behind animal cruelty, lying to our citizens and taking our constitutional rights away - one state at a time."

Well, leave it to well known Constitutional scholar Joe the Plumber to focus the debate. Of course in the heat of the discussion we had all forgotten about Article VIII, written, we think, by Ben Franklin himself in which he clearly explains that the right of the individual to act in a cruel, heartless and inhumane manner shall not be restricted by the government as long as it's making somebody a buck.

Joe's like Will Munny isn't he? Just showing up out of the night, righting them wrongs, and then riding off into the sunset.