Woooeee! Do you know what time it is? Well, if you're an overlord with a digital watch you do. That whole big hand little hand is way too complicated, you know? We mean, who does that anymore? The overlords have become early adopters of much of technology mostly because they have to. Come on, if it wasn't for GPS the overlords would never find their way back home after a full day of providing excitement and entertainment to social security recipients with cognitive impairments.
Where were we? Oh yeah, time. Well, frequent reader(s) of this blog know the folly of existence...er...we mean know that there comes a time each year when the overlords gather in overlord central to celebrate another year of sucking their meager existence off the backs of innocent animals. Now, people with souls would not know about this if it weren't for the yeoman efforts of Dave Bergmeier, Vice President of Custodial Services at the Abilene Reflector Chronicle Telegraph Press Gazette Times Tribune News Journal Post Dispatch. Oh, and chief reporter too. Dave has taken it upon himself to chronicle the celebration and since what happens in Abeline never stays in Abliene (like most of the residents who have access to transportation) let's give a listen:
Greyhound racing enthusiasts will descend on Abilene this week during fall meet activities. At least those who don't get lost and end up in Wyoming again. Most of the National Greyhound Association’s activities will be at the association's home at 729 Old Highway 40, which is right out past the Seven Eleven across from where the Wal-mart used to be.
Tim Horan, managing editor for The Greyhound Review--which is an actual magazine with words and everything--said the industry faces challenging times, particularly after legislation that could have bailed out the industry again in Kansas fell two votes short of passage. He was referring to a bill that if approved could have led to reopening at least one Kansas race track. Kansas is the greyhound capital and yet does not have any open tracks because even though the most of the people of Kansas enjoy living in the 18th century, apparently they are still smart enough to realize what a losing proposition greyhound racing is.
Horan said even with that disappointment, Abilene will continue to be in the limelight during a week when the industry gathers here.“We are hoping for another good Gold Cup race,” Horan said. "Well, actually it's not really gold," Horan added. "Guccione bought this mug from the Sav-a-Lot and taped some gold wrapping paper to it."
The Gold Cup was popular during the spring race in which owners put up $1,000 for an opportunity to compete in a $40,000 sweepstakes. Kevin and Gina Dalton, local producers*, pocketed $18,000 by winning the spring race. *Ed note: "Producer" is overlord talk for greyhound breeder because we don't want you to think we view the dogs as living, breathing actual creatures or anything. See we're producers, like a corn farmer produces corn. Makes killing them off when they're not profitable much easier. And no, it doesn't bother us that you think we're heartless beasts who are not fully human, but thanks for asking.
Horan said the Gold Cup definitely added to the spice and glamour of the spring meet, if by "spice" and "glamour" you mean most people were wearing shoes that tied rather than the usual velcro straps. “When the lure started around the track everyone was standing and everyone was very interested,” Horan said. "Until that piece of aluminum foil blew across the track and then the crowd went 'Oooo, shiny thing.'"
The fall meet should attract about 400 to 500 people, most of whom were heading for Topeka but made a wrong turn. They stay here locally in tents out by the landfill and eat at local restaurants--well, actually the dumpsters behind the local restaurants--and take in the local events, both of them Horan said. Producers have been impacted by the global recession and the fact that everywhere they go people say "You're ugly and nobody likes you," he said.
The use of internet has allowed some people to watch races and bid via electronically, which is a sentence that makes no sense grammatically, but "via" was on my Word-A-Day calendar today, so by god I'm going to use it. The fall meet also allows many others in the industry to gather in Abilene where they would like to interact with other professionals in the industry, renew friendships and make new friends, but since mostly the same people show up every year they just sit around drinking beer and wondering if they'll manage to stay out of the job market for another year.
“During greyhound week activities many businesses do comment that they do get their regulars from out of town,” he said. "And they tell me they're tired of having to cut up their credit cards, explain why they won't take a check and shoo them away from sleeping in the doorway."
Wow. Good thing you got out when you did, huh Sneakers? You'd be sharing your crate with an overlord by now.
Sneakers is very loving and affectionate. He is always looking for affection. He will lean against you and will put his head in your lap. He is always close to you and likes to nuzzle. He is confident and adventurous. He behaves very well and is very easygoing. He loves to play with squeaky toys. He likes to sleep in small spaces – and can be found sleeping in an open closet. He loves to spend time outside in the yard. He loves to sleep outside in the grass with his feet in the air. He is quick learner. His ears always stand up. His tail curls like a corkscrew. Sneakers would do well in a working family home with well-mannered children, 5 and up. He is good with medium to larger size dogs and would probably be good as an only dog. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.