Friday, July 30, 2010

Friday Hound Blogging (greyhound racing)

It's Public Service day here in the marbled halls of IM Central. Public Service day is a regularly scheduled event starting today and until we forget in which we provide for you, our most esteemed and respected reader(s) a...um...public service. OK so it's not the most imaginative title we've ever come up with, but the point is it's high time this blog had some redeeming social value say what?

Now, since it's also Friday Hound Blogging day (ignore the change in the headline, we're doing an experiment with our friends at Goggle. Science!) Anyway, since it's also Friday Hound Blogging day we thought a nice public service for our reader(s) who may not be as familiar with the overlords as we are would be to help them understand overlordspeak. See, when you make your living doing something that would send most people screaming for the exits you have to develop a sort of language doily if you will, to place over the festering pustule of heartless cruelty and merciless brutality you call your...ah...career, so that people who actually have souls are not traumatized by your presence.

So, with the assistance of overlord Jim Blanchard, of the National Greyhound Association who has graciously volunteered to pen a missive for us to use as an example we present for your education and edification, The Ironicus Maximus Guide To What The Overlords Are Really Saying When They Try To Convince You All the Mistreated, Injured, Abandoned And Murdered Greyhounds Aren't Really  Mistreated, Injured, Abandoned And Murdered.

The title's a work in progress, but anyway, Mr. Blanchard?
The July 17 letter from William Kalinak ("Will Iowa Be Last to End Dog Racing?") contained inaccurate statements about greyhound racing in Iowa.
TRANSLATION:  The July 17 letter from William Kalinak ("Will Iowa Be Last to End Dog Racing?") hit the nail right on the head so I'm going to try and confuse you with a verbal cha cha.
Greyhounds would not be able to compete successfully at the track without adequate exercise or proper care.

TRANSLATION: Greyhounds would not be able to compete successfully at the track without adequate exercise or proper care, but they really don't get either because we just run them until they don't win, them dump them for a fresh set. It's called inventory management.
Greyhounds are turned out for exercise at least four times daily, which is more than sufficient to preserve their health and physical conditioning. As anyone who has adopted a greyhound will tell you, greyhounds live to do two things: run and sleep.
 TRANSLATION: FOUR TIMES PEOPLE!!! FOUR TIMES! Sure they're in a three by five crate the other twenty hours of the day, but all they want to do is run and sleep. Eat, play, feel safe, have attention paid to them--forget that stuff. What do you think they are, dogs?
Injury rates in greyhound racing are extremely low, with injuries occurring in fewer than one-half of 1 percent of all starts. The vast majority of injuries are minor, allowing the greyhound to return to competition within a week or two.
TRANSLATION: Instead of talking about the injuries we like to talk about the injury rates, see because that's numbers and we're hoping you'll forget that each one of those numbers is a living breathing innocent animal that is being needlessly hurt or killed so we can make our trailer payments. Besides, The vast majority of injuries are minor, allowing the greyhound to return to competition within a week or two where they stand a good chance of being injured again.
At present, there are 24 tracks operating in seven states, including Iowa. Animal rights groups are working hard to ban greyhound racing in all of them.
 TRANSLATION: Umm...Hey that's true, just the way he wrote it. Mr. Blanchard must be getting tired.
Many of the same groups are also working to put an end to livestock farming, hunting and fishing, biomedical research, zoos, circuses and even the breeding of pets.
TRANSLATION: Look, there's no way on god's green earth we can actually defend an industry built upon the callous destruction of innocent living creatures, so we try to scare you into thinking you won't be able to buy a steak, or the pet police will be coming for little Fluffy. It's all we got man, give us a break, OK?
Does Iowa want to be one more state letting animal rights extremists dictate the industries that will thrive and which will be banned?
TRANSLATION: Does Iowa want to be one more state where people like us actually have to go out and work for a living?

Well, we hope this has been helpful to those of you not familiar with the ways the overlords try to explain to you that black is white and up is down. We'd like to thank Mr. Blanchard for providing our example today and without further ado, introduce you to this week's guest of honor, Jesse:


Jesse is very friendly, affectionate, and loves everyone. He wants to be near people. He will follow his family around the house. He loves being petted and will lean against you for attention. He likes to snuggle. He is happy; his tail wags often. He is playful and energetic. He likes to play with toys. Jesse would do well in a single family home with well-mannered children. He can jump a standard 4’fence, so he needs a home with a taller fence or with someone who would leash walk him. He would be great in an active working family home that will exercise him regularly. He would make a great jogging buddy, as he has more stamina than most greyhounds. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

33 comments:

Jen Krebs said...

SO much clearer.

I love you, IM.
:-)

Ironicus Maximus said...

Umm..well, OK, but if you should ever meet Mrs. IM tell her we're just friends. Sleeping on the couch bothers our back.

Trudy Baker said...

Thanks for the link Jen and the giggle IM

I shall have to try it with a UK twist!

Jen Krebs said...

No worries for Mrs. IM.

My love for Mr. Jen Krebs comes first.

Jen Krebs said...

Hi Trudy - glad to see you here!

Anonymous said...

Jim Blanchard.
From Iowa?
That's French?
Having to do with "whiteness"?
With "innocence"?
With "cleansing"?
Like in chlorox?
Whatever.
Jim Blanchard from Iowa. Tell Ken Strawbridge we're onto him ,too.
He's the "Strawman".
And between the two of you, Kansas King is a done deal.
Know why?
The "dogs" got you the part!
They never do forget.
It's called:
"Dog Therapy".

Anonymous said...

There's an old saying:
"Never be the one to start a fight, but when it is started, finish it".
Mr. Jim Blanchard, we at Grey 2K will do exactly that.

Long-standing member

ENGLAND

Anonymous said...

Iowa has the same mentality as all these hicks from Montana, Wyoming, Kansas , Oklahoma , Arizona, etc...wanting "kill farms" for horses and dogs...you know...China loves to eat anything and these Greyhound enthusiasts make double their money. Right JIM BLANCHARD? And you, too, KEN STRAWBRIDGE?
You guys are total bastards pounding your bibles and butchering dogs.
Your day has been written.

Anonymous said...

Laura Ingraham bitching about Michelle Obama bringing local fresh produce to inner-city people. Why? Could it be she prefers the easiest of "diets" supported by the NRA namely guns and drugs?
A 13 year old was executed, point blank, with 22 bullets when riding his bike! Chicago style. Guess rich white twats like "fast markdowns" and the way "their produce" works.
Greyhounds?
Just "units".
Just "income".
Same as that 13 year old black boy.

Anonymous said...

This is exactly why assholes like Ron Ramsey , Lt. Gov. of Tennessee should be expelled!
It's that dumb Republican "hatred" of Muslims and restrictions of "foreign" religions.
They should damn well abolish the MORMONS with all their CHILD RAPES!
But do they?
Of course NOT!
Mormons are powerful and rich and they OWN the Government!

Anonymous said...

Jim Blanchard is a clone of Jan Brewer...Arizona Governor.
She vows to be "relentless"!
Like there is anything else that motivates Republicans!
"Stupid" needs another facelift. And Jim Blanchard needs another name.

Anonymous said...

Trudy Baker? From Great Britain? So THRILLED to have you on!
Listen...something going on with this JEN KREBS...please...can you look into it over there?
Glad you are all with us.
CA

Anonymous said...

Arizona Senator Pierce is a cold, brutal prick who says the law is doing exactly what it should. "Self-deport".
I hear the train whistlin' in Dixie, baby. And see all those ropes swingin' in the wind.

Anonymous said...

Laura Ingraham thinks Sarah Palin is "fascinating".
Does she think David Duke is, too?

Anonymous said...

Shirley Sherrod is going to sue that white supremist Andrew Breibart and now that conservative Christian liar is going to get his ass whupped.
Hey Andrew! You gonna be famous now. Just like Jim Blanchard!

Anonymous said...

You know what?
Like the fucking hood in Chicago that shot that kid 22 times did you hear what his mother said?
"God took him. he knew what was best. And they got the man who killed him."
republicans. There is only so much "forgiveness". And there can be only so much crime.

Anonymous said...

Admiral Thad Aleen, he just doesn't see the oil anymore?
Jesus. Look down you employed army man. It's called at the bottom of the Gulf with all the dead fish . Better known as "carpet-bombing".

Anonymous said...

Sheriff Joe Arpaio, Phoenix, Arizona...and that name is ????????????
"They will all be arrested!"
You go ,boy.
Seig Heil!

Anonymous said...

"We are champions of raaaaaaaaaaaaace!
We know all the tricks of chaaaaaaaaaaaaase!
Dogs are dogs they have no faaaaaaaaaace!
All commodity eraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaased!"

Anonymous said...

STFU!

Anonymous said...

The poor. The dogs. The immigrants.
However you want to call it, it exists.
Every sisngle day.
And you can tell it, see it, feel it by just experiencing their pain.
How many teenagers do you know in USA that do not know how to swim? There are public pools. Or surely, summer days when time permits a lakeside visit or a weekend by the sea. But not for those six kids who all just drowned in Louisiana last week, trying to save one another, one by one, as they slid down to their deaths, trying to help.
Were they all black?
I don't know.
But something is definitely wrong in America when our children have no food, no home, no proper education and haven't got a clue about what nature can do for them and how it can kill them as well. Shame on all the rich.
And a pox to all those denying opportunities to our deprived populations.
No religion.
No politics.
No society has a right to torture, period.
And people like Jim Blanchard and Ken Strawbridge have no right to pretend that they do not.
(Are you listening Martin Roper?)
Just as it is not "Christian" to kill dogs, it is not "Christian" to say you do not.
Take note from all of us at Ironicus Maximus:
"Fuck off".

Anonymous said...

Woo! Hear what's going down in Juarez, Mexico? The drug cartels have gotta hold on PROJECTILES! Where the hell they get them?
This is artillery only major countries make. Could it be they are being sold to Mexico by USA? And if so, there is good reason to fear a FBI agent saying these drug killers are far worse than Al Qaeda!
Just think about that! Right next door! And the Republicans are making a fortune with the deaths as they "deport".

Anonymous said...

Well, the Party of "Woe" (GOP) is really bringing out all the clowns. Arizona has got a load of them. Russell Pearce (who is as big a tub as peter King, N Y) wants to tweak the 14th Amendment! But Colubia prof, Eric Foner, says you cannot do that! Seriosly, when will Democrats learn that Republicans never play by the rules. And this is why they send back all the mexican "ddogs" after the've used them. All for a very "pretty penny".

Anonymous said...

When you get a "Ma Parker" like Palin who can neither grasp Russia from her back door, nor spell "cojones", can somebody tell me what she's good for? Even Levi can't stand her!

Anonymous said...

Anderson Cooper and Paul Begala hit it on the head. Let's give these Mexicans " a punishment".
(Maybe the Christians" would get that. )
Should they pay back taxes?
Fining them even more?
How about learning English?
But Pearce?
He hates anything dark.
(Except, of course, the Bush Administration.)

Anonymous said...

WHO IS JEN KREBS?
WHAT IS HER ASSOCIATION TO
GARY GUCCIONE AND JOHN PARKER?
ALSO, JEB BUSH!

Jen Krebs said...

Dude, who the hell are you and what the hell is your problem?

You get on here and post these nutbag rants.

And I've answered the question of who I am, multiple times.

Google my name - look at my blog - figure it out.

And then shut up.

Anonymous said...

Laura Ingraham is a sleaze. She has a diary stolen from Michelle Obama! WTF!
if she really cared at all about "her cancer" she would print all the diaries of the returning vets!
Disabled.
Mentally unfit.
Suicidal.
Addicted to drugs!
All because the Republicans lied about all these WARS!
She, like the GOP, is fucking her fellow American to keep her radio show "a blast". And all these destroyed and dead soldiers, paid the price.

Anonymous said...

"ISLAM IS OF THE DEVIL!
BURN A QUARAN DAY! "

(Gainesville, Florida)

Oh. So "right".

Anonymous said...

27,000 oil wells have been abandoned and discarded in the Gulf which means they are rarely checked, if ever. Very few are even marked!
(Joe Barton...you prick!)
And you call this "responsible oil companies"?
Ask the environmentalists, all the Gulf coast residents, begging for psychiatrists not to mention prosecuting lawyers, including those from Mexico!

Anonymous said...

Pollution and fluctuating water levels are killing marine life in the Everglades. Besides the Madagascar Rain Forest, the Everglades got on the endangered list, too...again!
Ah shit, Jim Blanchard. Ain't cool no more to hack them Greyhound "losers" to death and feed them to the gators. All that blood is "ressurecting"!(and it ain't Jesus!)
And now, we got half of Alabama on patrol, watching for another
"3,000 dog executions". Course, you can always call up DOUG PIZZI and maybe even GARY GUCCIONE. Those Italians sure can work wonders!!!
OoooLa-La!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Brooklyn Democrat, Anthony Weiner, had a meltdown for good reason!
republicans voted "NO". again, for the health care of the 9/11 first responders!
Can you BELIEVE that?
Jim Blanchard can.

Anonymous said...

Nine years after 9/11 and no help with all " the dogs" dying from all sorts of cancers.
For being "patriotic"?
Peter King (Republican, NEW YORK) was the most vocal to deny this health care and only because it's "politics".
This is America ????????????