Friday Hound Blogging (greyhound racing)

It's Public Service day here in the marbled halls of IM Central. Public Service day is a regularly scheduled event starting today and until we forget in which we provide for you, our most esteemed and respected reader(s) a...um...public service. OK so it's not the most imaginative title we've ever come up with, but the point is it's high time this blog had some redeeming social value say what?

Now, since it's also Friday Hound Blogging day (ignore the change in the headline, we're doing an experiment with our friends at Goggle. Science!) Anyway, since it's also Friday Hound Blogging day we thought a nice public service for our reader(s) who may not be as familiar with the overlords as we are would be to help them understand overlordspeak. See, when you make your living doing something that would send most people screaming for the exits you have to develop a sort of language doily if you will, to place over the festering pustule of heartless cruelty and merciless brutality you call your...ah...career, so that people who actually have souls are not traumatized by your presence.

So, with the assistance of overlord Jim Blanchard, of the National Greyhound Association who has graciously volunteered to pen a missive for us to use as an example we present for your education and edification, The Ironicus Maximus Guide To What The Overlords Are Really Saying When They Try To Convince You All the Mistreated, Injured, Abandoned And Murdered Greyhounds Aren't Really  Mistreated, Injured, Abandoned And Murdered.

The title's a work in progress, but anyway, Mr. Blanchard?

The July 17 letter from William Kalinak ("Will Iowa Be Last to End Dog Racing?") contained inaccurate statements about greyhound racing in Iowa.

TRANSLATION:  The July 17 letter from William Kalinak ("Will Iowa Be Last to End Dog Racing?") hit the nail right on the head so I'm going to try and confuse you with a verbal cha cha.

Greyhounds would not be able to compete successfully at the track without adequate exercise or proper care.

TRANSLATION: Greyhounds would not be able to compete successfully at the track without adequate exercise or proper care, but they really don't get either because we just run them until they don't win, them dump them for a fresh set. It's called inventory management.

Greyhounds are turned out for exercise at least four times daily, which is more than sufficient to preserve their health and physical conditioning. As anyone who has adopted a greyhound will tell you, greyhounds live to do two things: run and sleep.

 TRANSLATION: FOUR TIMES PEOPLE!!! FOUR TIMES! Sure they're in a three by five crate the other twenty hours of the day, but all they want to do is run and sleep. Eat, play, feel safe, have attention paid to them--forget that stuff. What do you think they are, dogs?

Injury rates in greyhound racing are extremely low, with injuries occurring in fewer than one-half of 1 percent of all starts. The vast majority of injuries are minor, allowing the greyhound to return to competition within a week or two.

TRANSLATION: Instead of talking about the injuries we like to talk about the injury rates, see because that's numbers and we're hoping you'll forget that each one of those numbers is a living breathing innocent animal that is being needlessly hurt or killed so we can make our trailer payments. Besides, The vast majority of injuries are minor, allowing the greyhound to return to competition within a week or two where they stand a good chance of being injured again.

At present, there are 24 tracks operating in seven states, including Iowa. Animal rights groups are working hard to ban greyhound racing in all of them.

 TRANSLATION: Umm...Hey that's true, just the way he wrote it. Mr. Blanchard must be getting tired.

Many of the same groups are also working to put an end to livestock farming, hunting and fishing, biomedical research, zoos, circuses and even the breeding of pets.

TRANSLATION: Look, there's no way on god's green earth we can actually defend an industry built upon the callous destruction of innocent living creatures, so we try to scare you into thinking you won't be able to buy a steak, or the pet police will be coming for little Fluffy. It's all we got man, give us a break, OK?

Does Iowa want to be one more state letting animal rights extremists dictate the industries that will thrive and which will be banned?

TRANSLATION: Does Iowa want to be one more state where people like us actually have to go out and work for a living?

Well, we hope this has been helpful to those of you not familiar with the ways the overlords try to explain to you that black is white and up is down. We'd like to thank Mr. Blanchard for providing our example today and without further ado, introduce you to this week's guest of honor, Jesse:

Jesse is very friendly, affectionate, and loves everyone. He wants to be near people. He will follow his family around the house. He loves being petted and will lean against you for attention. He likes to snuggle. He is happy; his tail wags often. He is playful and energetic. He likes to play with toys. Jesse would do well in a single family home with well-mannered children. He can jump a standard 4’fence, so he needs a home with a taller fence or with someone who would leash walk him. He would be great in an active working family home that will exercise him regularly. He would make a great jogging buddy, as he has more stamina than most greyhounds. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.