Wednesday, June 30, 2010

I Had A Flat Tire On The Way To Work Today So Obama Is A Socialist

A while back we reported to you what we felt was the most stupid thing ever said by a human being at any time anywhere all throughout history. Today, while perusing the stacks over at Ed's place we ran across a little piece of verbal effluent that, at first, made us think we might have to reopen the stupid category. To wit:

From Fox News' Brian Kilmeade:
KILMEADE: The President took a matter of hours to pick a commander in Afghanistan so why is it taking months to plug the leaking oil?
Now, we said at first we thought we'd found a topper for congressman Barton, but then we noticed the quote had rattled out from one of the empty craniums at Fox News. For those of you keeping score at home, Fox News is kind of the headquarters for channeling the six degrees of connection between Obama and Hitler. Or Stalin. Give them any word, or issue or event, or alignment of the stars and within fifteen minutes they will have free associated themselves to a link between it and  why Obama is a socialist, fascist, Muslim poopy head who is going to take away your guns and turn them on you to make you gay marry an illegal immigrant. This is a conscious effort on their part for which we are sure some sort of training is necessary. Or blunt force trauma, but the result is the same.

Now, poor congressman Barton is an world class rube to be sure, but, unlike his compatriots at Fox News, he is unpolished, and undisciplined. Perhaps a natural talent with potential, but at present his total lack of intellect is unfocused and untrained. The bottom line is, it's Fox News' job to say insane things about Obama, whereas congressman Barton comes by his eye popping, jaw dropping rants naturally due to his unmedicated state. At Fox News, eye popping, jaw dropping rants are part of the business plan. Therefore, comparing any inanity that issues forth from the congressman's mouth with the mass produced paranoia at Fox is comparing apples to castles in the sky.

There's also the matter of history. See, "Fox News" has been with us since the dawn of the republic. They go back through groups like the Tea Baggers, the Birchers, the Klan, the Know Nothings, South Carolinians in general, all the way back to the time of  the Aurora and, what may have been the first Glen Beck, James Callender.

The difference is back then it took a lot more effort to get your craziness out to the public. You had to actually write stuff down, organize it, set it in type, and on and on. Today all Brian Kilmeade has to do is get up in the morning, open his mouth and share the stupid with millions of like minded simpletons. More efficient, yes, but something has been lost, something is missing. Some of the panache has gone out of insanity these days, you know? Callender wrote, History of the United States for 1796 which was basically the story of Alexander Hamilton boinking Maria Reynolds. Think of the audacity, man, the pure wild-eyed, spittle flecked impudence of it all! The man wrote an entire book purportedly about the history of the whole United States for the year 1796, but really it was just about where Hamilton was swinging his schlong! That's not slander, dude, that's effort. That's commitment. That's insanity as performance art.

Today the best the Howdy Doodys at Fox can do is just keep talking until some connection between Obama and something bad falls out.

Ahh. Where's Ignatius Donnelly when we need him?

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