Wednesday, June 09, 2010

August 19, 2009

Why are you reading this?  

What better way to abandon our bloggatory responsibilities after we've abandoned our bloggatory responsibilities that to turn the whole dang thing over to a third party. We're blazing new trails in irresponsibility here folks and we hope you appreciate being at the dawn of this new age. Presented for your consideration: Uncle Cledus Visits The Marbled Halls.
Well, there's been quite a bit o' chin music lately about them fellers a carrying their bang sticks out to meet that colored guy you all elected president of these here united states. Now, most times I don't cotton to havin' to explain somethin' that's plain as the nose on your face, specially to a bunch arugula eatin', latte drinkin', east coast girly-men, but  Ironicus has asked me to come on this here blog thing and set the record straight and I feel like I gotta do it 'cause they're family and all. Not that we're particularly proud of that, but whatcha gonna do? God don't let you pick your relatives.

OK, let's git to it. See, we all know the Negroes are the sons and daughters of Ham who was cursed by Noah because, well, I don't want to git inta that case there's some young 'uns in the audience. Anyway, to make sure everyone knew who the sons of Ham were, God turned them black. Now, God's a merciful God and even though he laid a curse on these folks, he also made sure he balanced that out with some special talents. That's why colored folks got the natural rhythm.

The other thing that God did for the Negroes was to make sure all the men got...ah...big...ah...well equipped if you take my point. See, I guess God figured if the black folks was gonna be cut outta polite society because a being black and all, he might as well give them something to do amongst themselves that was enjoyable. Like I said, God's a merciful God.

Don't get me wrong, God's all seeing all knowing and all powerful and such, but this here situation is dangerous what with women being the weaker sex and all. Us southern boys are taught by our daddies early on that a white man's pecker can't in no way compete with a black man's 'scuse my French ladies but there ain't no other way to say it.

So when we show up with our peck--I mean our guns strapped on what we're sayin' to any colored gentlemen in the area is we know what's going on, and stay away from our women. It's nothin' personal, it's just the way God made them. And us.

Now you're saying, wait a minute Uncle Cledus, one a them fellers what showed up strapped was a Negro. Yeah, but it's like I told you, God gave the Negroes rhythm and peckers, didn't say anythin' about brains.

I hope this clears it up for you and I apologize again to the ladies for my indelicate language.

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