Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Be Prepared? Funny. That's The KY Jelly Company Motto Too

We're coming to you today from the Coincidence? We Don't Think So Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. CWDTS is a division of the Nobody Could Have Predicted Company, a subsidy of Connect The Dots, LLC.

OK, tell us if this doesn't make sense. First of all, pope Bene was a member of the Hitler Youth when he was a kid, which was like the Boy Scout SS back in the day. Then he grows up to be El Catholic Grande and on the way is all like "doinking the choirboys?" Everybody needs a hobby, let's just keep this on the down low, OK?"

Flash forward to today and our American Boy Scouts which is sort of like our Hitler Youth except for god instead of Adolf, and what have you got?  You guessed it, Pervs. And not just common run of the mill everyday pervs, nosiree, religious pervs:
A jury in Oregon made the largest punitive damages award to a single plaintiff in a child abuse case in the US by ordering the Scouts to pay $18.5m to Kerry Lewis, who was repeatedly assaulted by a former assistant scoutmaster, Timur Dykes, in the 1980s. Dykes had admitted to a superior in the Scouts that he had abused boys, but was allowed to remain in the organisation and is alleged to have sexually assaulted several other children who are also taking legal action. Dykes confessed his abuse in 1983 to the local Scouts co-ordinator, who also happened to be a Mormon bishop, but was allowed to continue working with the Scouts.
 Mormons and catholics working together! Is that ecumenical or what? Well, except for the child rape, but hey, like the big Benito said back when he was just a little pope, everybody needs a hobby. And you know what else? Both organizations were danged organized at keeping records of who was banging whom. Now that's just downright Third Reich efficiency right there.
The judge in the case overruled the Scouts' attempts to keep the jury from seeing about 1,200 files kept by the organization on suspected pedophiles. The files shown to the jury were not made public and are just a small part of what is believed to be a cache of as many as 6,000 held at the Scouts' headquarters in Texas, dating back to the 1920s.
 "We said they had 75 years of secret files about paedophiles, and that's the way the evidence came in. I think that fact in itself was just staggering to the jury. They had a regular practice of placing guys on probation and then they would allow them to continue to be active in Scouting, not unlike some of what you saw in the Catholic church," Kelly Clark, Lewis's lawyer said.
 OK, despite the fact that the catholic church is supposed to be all holy and stuff--relaying god's word to the people and all--we're pretty sure this guy isn't comparing them to the Boy Scouts in a good way. Of course, god could be down with the whole NAMBLA thing, so we could be wrong. Might explain why he's so uptight about the atheists and homos, but pedophiles? Come on down!
If the files are made public, it is likely to prove a severe blow to an organization that is already at the center of controversy over a bar on atheists and gay people.
 Right, because see, Boy Scouts with good fashion sense? That's an oxymoron. And atheists? Well, don't want kids to quit believing in a god that is OK with them getting raped by some trusted adult before they're even old enough to hide a Playboy under the mattress, then told to shut up about it  now do we?

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