Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Mitt Romney Call Your Office

All throughout history people have wondered whose side god is really on. Of course god himself has remained famously mum on the whole thing, thus leading to years of inquisitions, crusades, jihads pogroms and purges. Got to admit the guy likes to keep you guessing. Could almost say the dude is coy, but using a term generally describing tenth grade girls in reference to the ruler of the universe will probably get us turned into frogs or something, so let's just move on to the point of this little missive.

Now, we know you come to this blog for answers to the difficult questions because you had some sort of vitamin deficiency as a child...er...we mean because your boss is out of the office in the afternoon...no...because the cable is out...umm...well never mind, you're here.

We've built up your expectations and you should have known better because now we're going to tell you that we don't know whose side god is on either, but we can tell you who he doesn't like, white guys.
Kenneth Patrick Smith, a Mesa lawyer and president of the Valencia Branch, a Spanish-speaking LDS congregation in Mesa, said missionaries from his church have had doors slammed in their faces since Arizona's new law was signed by Gov. Jan Brewer in April. "They say, 'Why would we want to hear anything from a religion that would do this to the Hispanic community?' " said Smith,
Just think about the implications of that remark for a moment. Can you name a church whiter than the Mormons? They're so white Illinois was too diverse for them fer chrissakes, so they moved to Utah where for 150 years they wouldn't even let the brothers come in the temple--even by the back door. Oh sure, now they're all like"'Sup Homie?" when they're at your crib, but then you pick up a paper and read:
Sen. Russell Pearce, a Republican from Mesa and sponsor of Arizona's tough new immigration law is a member of the church. Pearce has repeatedly said his efforts to drive illegal immigrants out of Arizona and keep them from coming here is based on the Mormon Church's 13 Articles of Faith, which includes obeying the law.
Yeah. The white man's laws. Are we right dawgs? Are we right? Day am!
Many Latinos who view the new law as unjust and discriminatory blame not only Pearce but the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. That is making it hard for Mormons to proselytize to the state's 1.8 million Latinos, whom the church views as key to future growth.
"Many Latinos"...AND ALSO GOD!!1!!1!. How else can you explain it? Look, we know god sent Katrina to smush the homos, and earthquaked Hati for cozying up to the devil, so why else would the Mormon church be having so much trouble except that they've gone a ticked off the all powerful one? We mean, god's supposed to be watching out for churches right? How else do you explain the fact that Benedict is still out of jail?

It's right there folks. It's staring us in the face. It's as plain as the sacred underwear in your sacred underwear drawer:

God, ladies and gentlemen, is a beaner.

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