Too Bad Someone Is Already Using Freakonomics

Full disclosure: We are not economists. We took an economics class in college on a dare and actually learned what the relationship between demand and China was, but when the professor purported to explain hyperbolic discounting to the class, well, thank god for extra credit if you get our drift.

All of which makes us as qualified as John McCain to examine his new economic policy which he just pulled out of his a...uh...which he just announced after months of study, deliberation and consensus building with his economics team.

Senator John McCain (R-attlebrain.) plans to balance the federal budget by the end of his first term by curbing wasteful spending and overhauling entitlement programs, including Social Security. "And it will end poverty forever," said a McCain aide. "Don't forget that. Oh, and stop global warming too, but that's just a side effect."

“In the long-term, the only way to keep the budget balanced is successful reform of the large spending pressures in Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid,” the McCain campaign says in a policy paper. "Too many people are staying alive too long," said one adviser to the campaign. "It's really costing us a bundle. Cigarette?"

The McCain administration would reserve all savings from victory in the Iraq and Afghanistan operations in the fight against Islamic extremists for reducing the deficit. Since all their costs were financed with deficit spending, all their savings must go to deficit reduction.

When asked what the campaign meant by "savings from victory in the Iraq and Afghanistan operations in the fight against Islamic extremists" an aide to the senator explained that since neither country has a bottle return law, American soldiers had been instructed to collect cans and bottles while on patrol. "We've got warehouses full of that stuff," the aide said. "When we get it home we plan to redeem in in states with the highest deposits. Voila! war paid for."

McCain advisers admit that the document is a repackaging of previous policies, without dramatic new initiatives. "Well, come on," said one spokesperson for McCain. "We got no problem with 'previous policies.' If it ain't broke, don't fix it."