President Bush urged lawmakers to move quickly in putting into force legislation designed to help prop up mortgage giants Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac while declaring the nation's financial system to be "basically sound." When asked why a 'basically sound' system would need to be propped up as soon as possible, the president replied "because the 'sound' it's making is AIIIIIEEEE!!!!"
Bush said the two troubled mortgage companies play a central role in the nation's housing-finance system and that government action to help them were not bailouts, since the two would remain shareholder-owned companies. When asked what shareholder ownership had to do with the bailout Bush responded that the shareholders wouldn't have to bear the cost of the non-bailout. "Patriotic American taxpayers will step up to help," he said.
He also called on the Democratic-run Congress to follow his example and lift a ban on offshore drilling to help increase domestic oil production. "I readily concede it won't produce a barrel of oil tomorrow, but it will reverse the psychology," Bush told reporters. "Nothing will cheer consumers more than thinking 'Gee, gas is over four dollars a gallon now, but if we drill off shore in ten years it will be $3.98.'"
Amid soaring gas prices, the toughest real estate market in decades, falling home prices and financing that's harder to come by, Bush said: "It's been a difficult time for many whinny American families. Nobody I know is complaining."
But he also said that the nation's economy continues to grow, if slowly. When asked to explain, Bush said he had discovered that "if you just turn the chart upside down, all indications are positive. See, that's how you reconjugate the ecometric mental reception and bring stabilisity to our fissile situation. I took economicals in college."
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