Just A Quick Bit Of Advice From Ironicus Maximus

You're young, you're rich, you're white, and you're a republican. Our condolences, but all is not lost. We here in the marbled halls of IM Central are here to help you. And no, we're not just saying that so you'll let your guard down and we can give you a wedgie like they used to do back when the stoners caught you after the Latin Club meeting.

OK, so let's get started. What have you been up to lately?

David All glanced around Top of the Hill bar and saw the future of the Republican Party. It looked dim. A who's who of young conservatives had gathered, but they were few, and they were frustrated. Here were the executive director of the Young Republicans, and the 20-something who helped steer Fred Thompson's Internet operation, and the young woman who put Mitt Romney's Web site on the map, and the 24-year-old staffer for Newt Gingrich's American Solutions for Winning the Future.

Ah, we think we see your problem. See...how to put this delicately? You work for idiots. Well, idiots, bigots, hypocrites, whatever, let's not split hairs. The point is, that complicates your message. How are you going to get people to vote against their own interests when your leaders are so transparently in the pocket of lobbyists and corporations that even those lobbyists and corporations are embarrassed?Not to mention indicted, tried and convicted. How you going to play the race card after Obama won in Iowa?

"For me, I don't even know what that means," All says. "The Republicans are sort of talking down to Gen-Nexters, not bringing them in."

Right, because, see man, they don't really like you either. You've got two strikes against you: you're young and you ain't rich. Oh, and some of you are gay.

And John McCain? His campaign has never sent All a text message, he complains.

David. David, David, David. He's John McCain OK? He was shot down and taken prisoner in the Civil War, back when Afghanistan and Pakistan shared a border with Czechoslovakia.

You know what? Come to think of it we really don't have any advice for you. You are seriously screwed friend. Your best bet is to get old as fast as you can.