Wednesday, June 11, 2008

BREAKING: War On Terror Over. Allies Win!!

We're coming to you from the produce section here in the marbled halls of IM central where we are handing out eggs by the dozen for you doubting Thomases and Thomisinas to put on your face. You know who you are. You're the ones who made fun of the fact that given the gulag full of miscreants in Guantanamo the government couldn't buy a conviction with gold plated Visa card. You're the ones who made fun of the FBI because they couldn't find their way to the Starbucks downtown even though they took a cab. You're the ones who made fun of the Justice Department because they...well, OK that was justified, but as far as the other stuff goes: Suck. On. This.

Federal authorities have four people in custody accused of plotting terrorist attacks.

Yeah baby! How you like the FBI now Abdul? What do you think is going to happen to your bomb making, vest wearing, building blowing little jihadi behind now that you've become a guest of the federal government, Huh Abdul? Let's bring 'em out FBI guys. Let's show the whole Arab world that when you mess with Uncle Sam, you get a big o' can a whupass opened up on your sorry self. Who we got?

Marvin Hall, Perry Landis, Morgan Jones, as well as Melissa Huet are in custody.

Oh, fake names huh? Pretty funny Akbar. You thought you could fool us with that old dodge huh? Let's see 'em guys:

Uh...those are white guys.

Investigators say they were stockpiling a cache of weapons with plans to target local government buildings.The FBI, in raids over the weekend, confiscated hundreds of weapons - including everything from hunting rifles, homemade bombs, rudimentary rockets and cannons.

Cannons? We have to take our shoes off and throw away our Pellegrino to fly on an airplane and these guys can buy cannons?

Sources say the suspects made threats to blow up government buildings and carry out other extreme acts of domestic terrorism.

Oh, domestic terrorism. Well, that's different. OK, move along then. Nothing more to see here.

Included in the federal indictment is a listing of some of the confiscated weapons, including "exploding blasting caps," a Romanian AK 4 assault rifle and "destructive devises including two exploding golf balls."

Exploding golf balls? Does John McCain know about this?

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