OK, we think we have it figured out. See, the real Mitt Romney was kidnapped by aliens and replaced with an android. The idea was he would get elected president, and get all our defense codes so when our planet was attacked by the Giant Crab Monsters of Galaxy X we would be defenseless. Either them or Michael Moore.
At any rate something went wrong with the programming of Mitt2D2 who is now taking the exact opposite positions that the real Mitt Romney has. Check it out:
Real Romney loves him Teh Gay. Evil android Romney, not so much.
Real Romney says stem cells mean we all live forevah! Evil android Romney, let my snowflake children go.
Real Romney says Teh womens can have their own bodies. Evil android Romney says "Submit Biotch!"
Real Romney says he tight wi da lord and so his posse. Evil Romney says, What. Ever.
Real Romney says, "Can't we all just get along?" Evil Romney says, "I'm 'bout ready to bus a cap on yo' skinny rabbit behind."
Well, it's obvious some serious rebooting is needed here, but is it too late? Have too many people caught on to the plot? What to do, what to do. Wait! The Neuralyzer! Somebody get Will Smith on the phone.