Monday, July 03, 2006

And Right After This Hearing, I'm Going To Get Me One A Them Color Tee Vees

Now, generally we here in the marbled halls of IM Central like to tread the less worn paths around the internets, preferring to leave the more timely bloviating to our betters (who are not hard to find, by the way, but that's another story). This, however is too good to pass up, even though it has been written about by every body.

Senator Ted Stevens (R- Anachronism) is the Chair of the Senate Commerce Committee, which oversees those pesky internets. In an effort to explain the highly technical and complex net neutrality bill, the good Senator offered himself as an example of the difficulties of negotiating a cyberspace that has not yet become the private profit domain of the Telcom companies.

I just the other day got, an internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday and I just got it yesterday. Why?

Umm...because it takes a long time to download a complete internet...even when the porn sites are filtered out. They were filtered out, right Senator Stevens?

So you want to talk about the consumer? Let's talk about you and me. We use this internet to communicate and we aren't using it for commercial purposes.

That's why eBay is such an unpopular site. Don't know how they even stay in business.

They want to deliver vast amounts of information over the internet. And again, the internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes.

Did he just say the internet was a series of tubes?

Why yes. Yes he did. He did just say the internet is a series of tubes.

And if you don't understand those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and its going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material. And it just breaks my heart to see this enormous amount of material holding back important information on male erectile dysfunction from those who suffer this devastating condition. Not me though, I"m talking about Dole here.

Well, yeah. And what about those of us who ! Need a{} Diploma?, or want to take advantage of Buy 1 get 1 fr ee Rol ex Rep licas, or who seek the miracle of hoodia? Who's looking out for us? Senator Stevens, that's who.

It's not using the messaging service that is essential to small businesses, to our operation of families.

Right. Our family hasn't been operating right since...well, we're not sure our family ever operated right. You say that's because of the internets, Senator Stevens? Dang. So much for the restraining order.

The whole concept is that we should not go into this until someone shows that there is something that has been done that really is a violation of net neutrality that hits you and me.

Right. We couldn't agree more. In fact we...we...we're sorry what did you say?

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