New Santorum Slogan: "I Got The WMD, Now Vote For Me!"

Oh Yeah Baby! It's on now. All you sniviling leftie weenie peaceniks out there who keep reminding the president that his war is wack listen up 'cause WE FOUND THE WMD!!!!1!!

US-led coalition forces in Iraq have found some 500 chemical weapons since the March 2003 invasion, Republican lawmakers said, citing an intelligence report that one of them found under some papers on his desk. "Nobody ever said we were going to find them all at once," said Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum who was chosen to make the announcement because he is behind in the polls...er...because he knows someone who knows Peter Hoekstra, head of the intelligence committee of the House of Representatives who actually called the press conference.

"This is an incredibly -- in my mind -- significant finding. The idea that, as my colleagues have repeatedly said in this debate on the other side of the aisle, that there are no weapons of mass destruction, is in fact false," Santorum said. When it was pointed out that the find amounted to 14 WMD's per month, or about 0.2 of one per death of an American soldier, Santorum replied that he wasn't "that good at statistics."

A Pentagon official who confirmed the findings said that all the weapons were pre-1991 vintage munitions "in such a degraded state they couldn't be used for what they are designed for." The official, who asked not to be identified, said most were 155 millimeter artillery projectiles with mustard gas or sarin of varying degrees of potency.

"Yeah, but the point is this will get me votes," Santorum said. "I mean, this justifies our glorious war to free the noble Iraqi people from the foul grip of an evil dictator who threatened the entire world. Did I mention I'm running for reelection?"

Santorum said the two-month-old report was prepared by the National Ground Intelligence Center, a military intelligence agency that started looking for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq when the Iraq Survey Group stopped doing so in late 2004. "We were brainstorming things we could do to distract voters from Rick's record when someone mentioned it," said an aide who asked not to be identified. "We decided it was our best shot."

Asked just how dangerous the weapons are, Hoekstra said: "One or two of these shells, the materials inside of these, transferred outside of the country, can be very, very deadly. Well, if they worked that is. A Pentagon guy told me they were useless. Did I mention Rick's running for reelection?"

Reporters questioned the lawmakers as to why the Bush administration had not played up the report to boost their case for continued warfare in Iraq. "Well, the president already admitted that there weren't any WMD's in Iraq," Santorum replied. "We wouldn't want to make the mastermind of the war into a liar now would we? Besides, he's not running for reelection. Would anyone like some of my campaign literature?"

Later in the news conference , Santorum invited reporters to a camapign fundraiser were he promised to introduce "the cousin of a guy who knew Saddam's personal driver who heard someone say he knew where Saddam hid his nuclear weapons. Plus, there'll be clowns for the kids."