Friday Hound Blogging

Oscars, Emmys, Pulitzers, Nobels, every organization has prizes, usually reserved for the most talented, most popular, most insightful and most respected members of their particular group. And the overlords are no different, gathering each year in the Hollywood of the Midwest, Abilene Kansas to celebrate themselves, their profession and the fact that they all managed to avoid gainful employment for another year.

And who better to chronicle this night of stars than our good friend Dave Bergmeier, Senior Entertainment Editor for the Abilene Reflector Chronicle Observer Times Beacon Press Dispatch Post Review. Take it away, Editor Dave:

Two of the modern icons in the greyhound industry, Gary Guccione, secretary-treasurer of the National Greyhound Association, and Kay Smith of Frederick, Okla., were recognized during induction ceremonies Thursday. No seriously, they were recognized. Some people saw them in the parking lot and said, "Hey, aren't you two part of that national embarrassment called greyhound racing? You know the "sport" that needlessly kills and injures thousands of innocent and otherwise healthy dogs every year?"

Now, since Gary Guccione is the chief spokesperson for National Greyhound Association that means he has the office Word-A-Day calendar on his desk as overlord official spokesperson, so he took the occasion to mount an eloquent and spirited defense of unit exploitation...er...greyhound racing: "No," he said. "That's another Gary Guccione."

Well, that caught the crowd off guard long enough for the pair to get inside where Charles “Chuck” Marriott, St. Petersburg, Fla., summed up his feelings succinctly: “We are honoring two of the most industrious and popular members of the industry. Why Kay alone is directly and indirectly responsible for the death of thousands of dogs over her long career, and Gary has told so many lies about greyhound racing if you ask him his name he has to look at his driver's license to make sure he tells you the truth."

Guccione got his start in the industry through his father, whom he praised during his induction. “My dad told me six years ago when he was dying how proud he was of me,” Guccione said, "He told me he had really lowered his expectations after I flunked fifth grade for the third time, but he was glad to see at least I didn't become a breeder."

Guccione said the National Greyhound Association is one of the most diverse group of men and women of any professional organization. It is filled with doctors, attorneys, dentists and blue collar workers. “They taught me so much about the human race,” he said. "Well, the part that don't have souls that is."

Marriott who served for six years as NGA president, called Guccione one of his dearest friends. “No one has more integrity in the industry than Gary Guccione,” Marriott said, adding that "no one in the industry can even spell integrity," so Guccione "doesn't really have much competition."

Herb “Dutch” Koerner, Hays, who was on the NGA board for 18 years, offered his congratulations. He said Guccione’s professionalism was always on display and he was a natural spokesman for the association. Then Koerner's probation officer called and reminded him part of the terms of his probation were that he couldn't associate with "certain unsavory elements." He left soon after.

“Kay Smith has been a team player for the industry,” Presenter Vince Berland, of Abilene said , noting that she was a supporter of selling slow dogs for medical research, of puppy culls and the occasional "accident" out behind the kennel, now staples within the industry.

Berland said he never forgot that heartless emptiness when he was told in February 2001 that, after another year of losing money, the Smith operation had been hit with a mysterious fire, he and Abilene greyhound producer Jack Sherck immediately went down to help Smith fill out her insurance papers.

OK, just a minute here. "Greyhound producer" is an actual job title in the industry? "Producer?" Like we produce cars, or toothpaste? Gee, it's almost like they don't think of the dogs as living, breathing, conscious entities or something.

Well, let's not quibble about whether the dogs are actually, you know, living creatures or anything, because the festivities are not over, right Senior Entertainment Editor Bergmier?

On an unusually cool mid-October evening, National Greyhound Association enthusiasts gathered for an evening of one-liners and stories about a popular couple in the industry that warmed the hearts of those in attendance.

Well, would have warmed their hearts. If any of them had hearts that is.

On Wednesday night at the Abilene Elks Club, about 240 people attended a banquet for Dennis and Mary Rider. As part of the festivities leading up to the Riders receiving an award from the NGA for their contributions to the industry, they smiled and laughed at stories told about them. They smiled and laughed and took the ribbing in stride as did their family.

Well, or course they did Senior Editor Bergmeir. After all, they weren't the ones dying and breaking bones. That was left to the dogs. The Riders were free to enjoy the good food, which we hope was more healthy than the dinner the dogs ate, huh Forrest?

Forrest is a little reserved, but very friendly. He is very mellow for a young boy. He is affectionate; he will put his feet in your lap to snuggle with you. When he gets excited he will play bow and stomp his feet to get you to play with him. Forrest would do well in a working family home, with well mannered children, 8 and up. He is good with other dogs of all sizes and would probably be fine as an only dog. He is a little vocal when first left alone, so he would do best in a single family home. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Friday Hound Blogging

You have to hand it to the overlords. In their never ending quest to avoid getting real jobs they are constantly on the look out for opportunities to take advantage of the general populace. That's why, in May of last year the opening of a new race track in Juarez, Mexico was greeted with such fanfare. "Think of all the drunken college kids wandering around with good old Yankee greenbacks in their pockets," said American Greyhound Council Communications Coordinator Gary Guccione. "Impaired thinking ability and ready cash. Does it get any better than that?"

Well, apparently there isn't enough tequila in Juarez to convince people to go to the track because a little over a year after it opened, the track went out of business. While the track was open, Guccione had expressed the overlords' concern for the welfare of the units...er...dogs, saying "We feel that Juarez management has not shown the long-term, consistent commitment to greyhound welfare, although that won't stop us from shipping dogs down there to try and squeeze an extra peso or two out of them once they're no longer competitive in the US."

Apparently, the "management" at the track wasn't the only group Guccione should have been concerned about because when the track went out of business 66 dogs were out of a home and abandoned to deplorable conditions. "We can't force the owners to take back the units if they're no longer profitable," Guccione said, "because...well...I don't know why we couldn't. We're the industry governing body. We issue registrations and oversee things. I'll get back to you on that."

Later, Guccione's office issued a clarification saying that he had misspoke himself when he said the Council was concerned with the welfare of the units. "What I meant to say is that we are concerned with the welfare of the owners," Guccione said. "Sorry for any confusion."

That's OK, we pretty much figured it out anyway, right Diamond?


Sure Do Shine AKA Diamond is very sweet, playful and friendly. Her tail wags all the time. She tries to get the family dogs to play. She is a little skittish around sudden movements, but she is getting more comfortable and she loves people. She has an independent side, and can be found lounging on her dog bed away from the family from time to time. She really likes her ReGAP blanket and will carry it to her different beds. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Monday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you from the Department of Special Circumstances today. Frequent readers of this blog will note their friends have started avoiding them...er...we mean that they will note that Fridays are the traditional Hound Blogging day, but it's not often we are treated to the literary stylings of one of the overlords. First of all there's that whole spelling and grammar thing to be dealt with. Very problematic when your formal education ended in the third grade. Never mind that you were sixteen at the time. Then there's saving for a postage stamp. That can take weeks.

Add to that this overlord isn't just any overlord, but Gary Guccione, who is the Communications Coordinator, American Greyhound Council which means, not only can he type, but he owns his own dictionary! Well, you can see we really had no choice but to take a time out from our regularly scheduled posting and give Mr. Guccione the floor:

The May 23 letter from Tom Kortie about greyhound racing reflected the writer's lack of knowledge about the sport.

Doggone right, Mr. Guccione. People go out and read newspaper articles and see news reports about greyhounds turning up dead, or dying, or just disappearing and then think greyhounds are turning up dead, or dying or just disappearing. Where would they get an idea like that?

More than 90 percent of all registered greyhounds are adopted or returned to the farm as pets or breeders when they retire.

OK, we think we can help here. Mr. Guccione may be the Communications Coordinator, but math? Ah, not so much. So let's go to the numbers. In 2006 according to the racing industry there were 3768 litters of greyhounds which were approximately 24,567 animals. Of those 22,951 were registered to race. Now, subtract 22,951 from 24,567...erm...carry the six...do a little dance...get down tonight and we come up with 1,616 dogs that never got registered. We're sure they were adopted. Oh, wait. There's no record of them at all. Must be an oversight, huh Mr. Guccione?

Now take the 22,951 who were registered to race, subtract the approximately 14,800 that we know were adopted >sound of calculator whirring and clicking<...factor out the 1200 that were returned to the farms for breeding...divide by pi...take the square root...and viola! We have 6,951 units unaccounted for. Now, when we went to school that 6,951 is a little less than a third of 22,951 which means--and we'll spare you the higher order math here Mr. G--that means about 66% of the dogs were adopted. In America 66% doesn't equal 90%. Oh, wait. If we figure in those puppies that...uh...failed to register...the number drops closer to 60%. Well, 6 and 9 are easily confused. If you stand on your head.

Meanwhile, greyhound tracks and organizations spend about $2 million a year to fund and promote adoption efforts.

You bet. And as long as those tracks and organizations keep their mouths shut about the industry and tow the company line, they'll continue to get the dough.

The writer has adopted two greyhounds that he describes as "amazing." Greyhounds make great pets in large measure because of the quality of care they receive from the farm to the track.

Right again Mr. G. Nothing prepares an animal for pet life better than being stuck in a two and a half by three foot crate for up to 22 hours a day, being fed 4D meat, then being placed on a track with seven other dogs and being asked to run at 40 miles an hour after a mechanical lure. Oh, and try no to get hurt there little doggy because if you do...well let's just say your medical benefits are not top notch.(PDF)

In cases where industry members fail to meet their responsibility for humane care and treatment of greyhounds, they are banned from the sport for life.

Right on! Throw the bums out! Wait a minute. Who's the designated tosser? The National Greyhound Association is a registry organization. The NGA’s registration database is used for identification purposes within the racing system. Registrants pay a series of fees for the privilege of registering their greyhounds. The organization subsists on registration fees, penalties and a percentage of the sale price of greyhounds sold at NGA sponsored auctions. Beyond providing greyhound identification information, the NGA has no authority over the care, treatment or disposition of greyhounds at racetracks. Can't be throwing out your own customers.

The American Greyhound Council is comprised of rotating members of the NGA and the American Greyhound Track Owners Association. Its purpose is to address public relations nightmares brought on by increased public scrutiny. Hence Mr. Guccione's letter.

The American Greyhound Track Owners Association (AGTOA) is a trade organization that represents the interests of dog tracks throughout the country. You know, get poker and slots to make up for the fact no one comes to see the units...er...dogs anymore.

State governments usually oversee dog racing through an assigned department or commission. The rules and regulations of almost all racing states fail to stipulate humane conditions for the animals.

So...um...who is it exactly that's doing the bum throwing here, Mr. G? You got any idea who that might be Trixie?

Trixie is very affectionate and wags her tail a lot. She loves to greet visitors for a pet. She’s pretty vocal; she loves bark at anything that moves outside. She’s very friendly. She’s a love bug she comes up and lays her head in your lap. She’s very sweet; she follows the foster mom around everywhere she goes. She likes to play once in a while. She has a cute cowlick going from the head right down the back of her neck. Trixie would do well in a working family home with well-mannered children. She is good with other dogs, and would probably be good as an only dog.She would do best in a single family home, as she tends to bark at things she sees outside the window. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Friday Hound Blogging

So this blue marble's spin around the edge of the sun's gravity well has once again  brought us to the last FHB of the year. And what a solar circumvention it has been huh? The overlords started the year off on the defensive and things just went downhill from there. At one point it even got so bad it looked like they were going to have to go to work for a living, but at the last minute they got a reprieve.

Man, sucking your meager existence off the backs of innocent animals just gets harder and harder every year doesn't it? And it looks like this year isn't going to be any different.

You know, if you're an overlord, it's almost like the universe is trying to tell you something, which is surprising to us because we didn't think the universe used language like that.

Well, whatever. The point is, as we said, this is the last FHB of the year and we're in a reflective mood here in the marbled halls so we thought we'd take a little trip down nostalgia lane and look at some of the highs and lows in this last year of animal exploitation.

As previously mentioned, the year opened badly for the overlords, but leave it to chief spokesman Gary Guccione to offer a stiring defense of killing and injuring living beings for profit. Unfortunately his campaign was less than successful. As we said at the time:

Hmm...OK let's recap. Mr Guccione embarks on a full throated defense of his industry in several papers around the country. Result: Aside from the tracks that are about to go out of business anyway, state legislatures begin to move to outlaw the whole enterprise. This can't be going according to plan.

Well, never ones to dwell on the negative February bought us an example of the hope that springs eternal  in the hearts of the overlords--or would if they had hearts. Anyway, meet Phil Ruffin whose plan was to corner the market on abandoned greyhound race tracks.

See what a genius this guy is? He's cornering the market on unused greyhound race tracks. Pretty soon if you don't want to go to a greyhound race you'll have no one to deal with but Mr. Ruffin. A total monopoly! Brilliant!

 March saw another attempt--this time by Smauel R. Burdette-- to convince people who suffer from chronic empathy that even though greyhounds appear to all intents and purposes to be living breathing sentient creatures, they are really commodities, much like your toaster and it is only the simple minded, bleeding hearts that are confused. Mr. Burdette, using geometric logic, set out to prove that without greyhound racing "Feed stores, veterinarians, parts of the food processing industry, fast food restaurants and other segments of our economy would struggle to exist," or as we more succinctly summarized:

No greyhound racing means TOFU BURGERS BITCHEZ!!!(eleventy)!!

 April is the month the overlords gather in Abilene Kansas  to pat themselves on the back for making it through another year letting the dogs do all the work and take all the chances and thanks to our good friend whom we don't know, Mr. Dave Bergmeier, Senior Entertainment Editor for the Abilene Reflector Chronicle Observer Times Beacon Press Dispatch Post Review who covers these proceedings each year we had a ring side seat for the awards ceremony, although truth be told we thought the qualifications were a bit low. As we wrote at the time:

Herb 'Dutch' Koerner was recognized with the initial Lifetime Achievement Award and Gary Guccione, executive director of the NGA, said he was the perfect first choice. "After all, he did avoid prison," Guccione told the audience. "Not all of us can say that." He read several letters that had been used at to help reduce Koerner's sentence at his trial.

 May brought the ever delusional Gary Guccione back to FHB as he attempted to rebut a letter to the editor from well know animal rights wacko Caryn Wood. Mr. G opened with "The majority of states where greyhound racing is prohibited didn’t even have live racing when the bans were imposed," which seemed to us to be a bit of a faux pas, so we threw in our two cents:

Uh...Mr. G? Just a bit of strategical advice. When greyhound racing is so unpopular states outlaw it even when it's not around, that's probably not the strongest opening to your argument. Just a thought.

 In June no less a national icon than the Wall Street Journal ran a story on unit exploitation...um...greyhound racing and for a moment it looked like the overlords were finally going to get the national attention they craved. As we wrote at the time:

See, what the overlords need is some way to get the word out to the whole country, some major network or nationally circulated newspaper so say  "Hey. We're Greyhound Racing. We Kill And Maim Animals For Your Enjoyment And Our Profit."

Well, the article didn't go quite that far, but still, its conclusion couldn't have done much to brighten the overlords' day:

Paul Walden, a former trainer in Swindon in Wiltshire, whose family has been training dogs since the 1930s, recently quit the business altogether as it was bleeding cash.

Ouch. Well, in July the overlords found another champion who wasn't afaid to tell the truth the way he saw it, Mr. Jim Blanchard who, taking a page from the Gary Guccione book of logic and style set out to prove that making the mistreatment of greyhounds public was the worst thing the organizations who publicized greyhound abuse could do. As we summarized his point:

If those people trying to draw attention to the mistreatment and neglect greyhounds suffer on the track would just stop being so public about the mistreatment and neglect greyhounds suffer on the track, then maybe they could get some credibility. you know like Anthony Fowler.

 In August it looked as if the overlords' future was brightening as they found someone stupid enough...er...we mean someone with a love of brutality...um...we mean someone with more money than brains who was willing to invest. A Mr. Eddie Lyons by name. There were, as we wrote at the time, some...ah...issues though. First of all, Eddie Lyons is a mobster and second, his strategy for winning is somewhat unorthodox. As we commented:

OK wait a minute. The guy is spending money to train dogs that can't race in the hopes that he will be able to breed them someday because people will be looking for racing dogs that come from a line of dogs that can't race, is that it?

That seems to be it.

Perfect! You couldn't find a person more suited to invest in greyhound racing if you built them from the ground up.

 September bought to light yet more drugging scandals involving overlords Eric Butler and Alfred Vella. It also highlighted why you should pay attention in chemistry class if you're planning on making a career of cheating with drugs. As we commented at the time:

Hmm...well in his defense we have to say that Alfred was apparently paying more attention in chemistry class than Eric was. We mean, caffeine? Yeah, we get that, but theobromine? Dude, that's chocolate! Now, chocolate might make some people run faster, but dogs? Ah...not so much. See, that's why the lure is a fake rabbit and not a snickers bar.

 In October we took a step away  from our usual fare and told you the story of a group of college kids at Bergen Community College in New Jersey and their yearly Greyhound Adoption Day. As we said at the time:

Who says all college students do is smoke dope and listen to the rock and roll? Oh wait, that was us. We have no idea what college kids do today. Well, except for these college kids who appear to have decided to make a difference.

The event ties back into the school, with English as a second language students producing reports about greyhounds and the school's graphic designers creating T-shirts that are sold with proceeds benefiting GFNJ.  Ha! Making a difference and getting credit for it. Are these kids smart, or what?

 November brought us back to the issue of overlords and chemistry in the person of one Dan Francati, general manager of the Kennel Club and Poker Room who, it seems, in a fit of economy was spraying a termite pesticide on the dogs. As Mr. Francati explained:

 The chapter used a solution of equal parts Termidor, alcohol and water on the coats of the club's dogs as a flea and tick repellent. "Look, the kennels are infested with termites and the dogs are infested with fleas and ticks."

 Well said, Mr. Francati. His ultimate defense was equally impressive:

"Hey. What do you want from me?" Francati said. "It took me three years to get out of tenth grade fer chrissakes. Does that sound like chemistry major material to you?"

 Which brings us back to the present and our rapidly closing year. Just one task remaining. You ready for your closeup KB?

This laid-back handsome boy is very curious about everything that is going on. You know for sure that he is excited or happy when his right ear sticks up and tips back. KB’s is friendly and will come up and lean on his foster parents as well as the other dogs. While looking for attention, he will put his nose in your face. This boy loves food! If someone is in the kitchen, he will follow in the hope of getting some tasty morsels. Would do fine as an only dog in a working family. Would do fine in a home with children over 10. He has not had any exposure to younger children but would probably be fine depending on their maturity level. Does fine in crate. For more information about these dogs, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

 Eds. Note: As this is the last hound we are going to feature in 2011, we remind you of an Ironicus Maximus tradition because we're still sober enough to remember it ourselves. In this tradition we take the last skinny dog of the year and follow him from kennel to kouch. See how we played with the letter K? That's more subtle Ironicus Maximus humor right there. Funny too. Did you know K is the funniest letter in the alphabet?

Trust us. We know about these things.

Friday Hound Blogging

In the great pantheon of overlords there is one to whom even the overlords look whenever a wrong needs to be made right, whenever injustice rears its Hydra-like head, whenever they need someone who can spell.

That someone is Gary Guccione whom regular readers of this blog have had the privilege of meeting before. Now for those of you who may have stumbled on this blog after entering "cleavage" in your search engine, Mr. Guccione is the Communications Coordinator of the American Greyhound Exploitation Council which means, not only can he type, but he owns his own dictionary!

Mr. G is the industry's go to guy whenever anyone in the general citizenry has the temerity to imply that just because his industry leeches its meager existence off the backs of innocent animals they destroys or otherwise discards those animals like yesterday's newspaper when they can no longer win the puny purses created by the two dollar bets of under-educated social security recipients, it is not the canine equivalent of the cush job of getting paid not to think or ask questions, and to keep repeating the same old discredited talking points over and over as if you really believed them yourself.

Which is pretty much Guccione's job description.

Anyway, the latest intrusion of reality into overlord world has prompted a sniffy post from Mr. Guccione to the Livingston Daily which had the unmitigated gall to run a story about some folks who rescue racing greyhounds.

We always welcome coverage of greyhound adoption, but we are disappointed to see misinformation like that contained in your Aug. 19 story about a local couple that adopted a retired greyhound ("Couple putting dogs on track to happiness.")

And by "misinformation" we mean stuff we don't want people with even the tiniest scrap of humanity to know about.

Common sense tells us that greyhounds must receive the best care and treatment in order to perform at their peak. Their crates must be large enough for them to sit, stand, turn around and lie down comfortably. Their diet must be nutritious and satisfying. They must be turned out for fresh air and exercise periodically throughout the day.

Right. Common sense does tell us that, which makes it even more strange when it doesn't happen.

Whether on the farm or at the track, kennel operators are expected to comply with these standards.

Of course we also expect them to be able to tie their own shoes, but that hasn't turned out so well either.

The best proof of the good care that greyhounds receive is the dogs themselves.

Yeah. That's something we can all agree on, right Spanky?

Spanky is a quick learner and eager to please. He is a happy, outgoing, and friendly dog. He is playful and calms easily. His trainers believe he will make a great house pet. He loves to play in the snow. He’s a happy dog whose tail wags often. He’s very friendly. He wants to be with you but he’s not clingy. He loves to run and play. He loves to go in the granddaughter’s bedrooms and wake them up with kisses in the morning. He will roll over and want his tummy scratched. He is a Second Chance at Life Dog from the Coldwater Prison Program. Spanky would do well in a working family home with well-mannered children, 6 and up. He is good with other dogs and would probably be fine as an only dog. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

And if you 'd like to know more about the good work the Second Chance at Life program is doing for the dogs, and the prisoners, go here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Last Monday we told you about the eloquence of one of the leading overlords, Gary Guccione. It seems Mr. Guccione had been compelled to take up the pen after an article had appeared maligning the animal exploitation industry he so effectively represents. Well, when he's not working down at the Quickie Mart. Saving up to get cable on the tee vee don't you know.

Anyway, using geometric logic and a thesaurus he demonstrated beyond any reasonable doubt that not only are greyhounds treated as royalty while they are in service to their overlords, it is in fact that very treatment that bestows upon them the gentle nature and loving hearts that makes them wonderful pets. If they aren't killed first that is.

So, case closed it would seem.The final word has been written, the final point elucidated, the final argument argued. Unfortunately, some people are not swayed by Mr. G's obvious intellectual acumen.

I was astounded when I read the May 31 letter from an employee of the American Greyhound Council defending the industry and claiming humane treatment. His assertion that more than 90 percent of all registered greyhounds are adopted or returned to the farm is grossly misleading.

Now, we feel we must come to Mr. Guccione's defense here. As we explained on Monday, he suffers from a condition that renders him incapable of doing math. It's called Octophobia, which, in simple terms means Mr. G is terrified by the number eight. Also October, but that's not the point. Anyway, you can see how this would interfere with his ability to calculate the number of dogs adopted each year. Especially a year that has an October in it.

The farms that the council representative refers to are not the pastoral settings he is trying to invoke. The dogs are often kept in cramped cages, metal muzzles are sometimes used, and there is limited human companionship.

But see, this is Mr. Guccione's point. After years of being mistreated, ignored and living under the constant threat of injury or death they're just so grateful to be rescued that they give their undying loyalty to their rescuers which is why he said their experience on the track in what makes them good pets, right Kaye?

Kaye is fun and lovable. She is outgoing, curious, confident, and affectionate. She is a Second Chance at Life Dog from the Coldwater Prison Program. Kaye would do well in a working family home with well-mannered children, 10 and up. She is good with other dogs and would probably be fine as an only dog. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

And if you 'd like to know more about the good work the Second Chance at Life program is doing for the dogs, and the prisoners, go here.

Friday Hound Blogging

As our old daddy used to say, sometimes you eat the bear and sometimes the bear...um...makes a doo doo on your head. OK, those aren't quite the words he would have used, preferring the more colorful Anglo-Saxon descriptors as he did, but this is a family blog and the children may be watching. Anyway, we suspect greyhound racing's chief overlord Gary Guccione wishes he had a hat these days because his recent rhetorical stylings in defense of the heartless barbarity of animal exploitation sport of greyhound racing, as we've discussed in the last two FHB's do not seem to be having the intended effect.

See, the point of Mr. Guccione's attempt at eloquence was to turn public opinion from the view that he and his ilk are somewhat less than human, given the fact that they suck their meager existence off the backs of innocent animals, cruelly taking advantage of greyhounds' speed, grace and loyalty; stealing their nobility for profit, then casting them aside like common trash after using them up.

Well, you can see Mr. G has set quite a task for himself and this week we thought we'd peek in and see how he's doing. So, Mr. Guccione sir, you launched your letter campaign awhile back, the word has had time to spread, your arguments have penetrated the ether, and the public has been stirred. Time to tally the results, no?

Now a bill moving through the state House is targeting horse racetracks or other betting establishments which might consider running simulcasts of greyhound racing from the 19 surviving dogs tracks in the U.S. House Bill 67, which unanimously passed the House Gaming Oversight Committee Tuesday, would bar simulcasts or live broadcasts of greyhound racing, a strategy that the shrinking greyhound racing industry is pushing as a way to increase profits at its dwindling number of tracks.

 Ouch. OK, OK let's not panic. After all, no one expected smooth sailing. We mean, take the average person on the street. They have values, a heart, they're able to feel empathy, sympathy and have a basic respect for life--all life. It's obviously going to take a little time to convince them that killing and maiming dogs for profit the exciting and fascinating world of greyhound racing is an appropriate activity for human beings to be engaged in.  Hey, let's go out to Arizona, you know the Xanadu of greyhound living? If anyone would be willing to agree that abusing living creatures for profit greyhound racing has a place in a civilized society it would be the folks who get to see how well greyhounds are treated close up, right?

Legislation has been filed to bring dog racing to an end at Tucson Greyhound Park! House Bill 2536, sponsored by Republican Representative Vic Williams, changes the state's racing law to remove the requirement that TGP offer live racing. That's right, the track could remain open for other forms of gambling but greyhounds would no longer run around in circles at the facility or live in tiny cages at the compound.

 Hmm...OK let's recap. Mr Guccione embarks on a full throated defense of his industry in several papers around the country. Result: Aside from the tracks that are about to go out of business anyway, state legislatures begin to move to outlaw the whole enterprise. This can't be going according to plan, huh Sly?

Sly is easygoing, independent and loving. He will approach and nuzzle you for affection. He will “talk” to you in the morning when he wants to go out. He has an odd bark that sounds like he has bronchitis, although he is completely healthy.  Sly would do well in a working family home with well-mannered children, 10 and up. He has lived with his “adoptive sister”, Remy for over six years. They would need to be placed together. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Silver update:  Silver is doing well and has learned about steps, windows and the joy of treats.

Friday Hound Blogging

OK, here's a pop quiz: When is a dog not a dog? Stumped? When it's in Kansas (Motto: Damn Dirty Apes). Yes, the good folks of Kansas have decided that greyhounds aren't dogs because they weren't bred to be pets, they were bred to be profit centers for their human overlords.

NGA Executive Director Gary Guccione said that the exclusion had been in effect for decades for a number of reasons, the most significant of which are that greyhounds are not bred for sale as pets, and that greyhound breeding farms are already regulated and subject to inspection by the National Greyhound Association (NGA), the Kansas Greyhound Registry and the Kansas Racing Commission.

When questioned on the matter of inspections, Guccione admitted that farms are notified in advance of inspections and the NGA inspector is actually one of the breeders hired part time. "We did want to hire him to be a full time inspector," Guccione continued, "but he has a bit of a drinking problem."

"The current system isn't broke, so we don't think it needs to be fixed," Guccione said. "Besides, if something goes wrong and we lose a few dogs...er..units, there's always more where they came from."

Let's meet this week's "unit" Haven's Jupiter:


. 

Jupiter is very easygoing, happy. He is very affectionate and will approach and put his head in your hand for pets. He will sit in a very polite way until you stop petting. He loves to play with his toys and loves to throw the squeaky ball around the room. He is a “love sponge.” He wants to be loved, touched and cuddled all the time and he loves to be near the foster mom all the time. He loves to play with toys and in the yard. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Friday Hound Blogging

You know, it occurs to us here in the marbled halls of IM Central that tracks closing all over the country is probably a pretty big clue to the overlords that the days of freewheeling animal exploitation greyhound racing are coming to an end. But then you add to that the fact that states where sucking your trailer payment off the backs of innocent dogs greyhound racing no longer exists are passing laws to make sure it never comes back again and we had to wonder how many times does the door to polite society have to be slammed in the overlords' faces before it dawns on them people with souls just don't appreciate their company.

So we thought we'd take a little time this week to peek in on an overlord and see how  she's dealing with the fact that people would rather live next to a house full of Jehovah's Witnesses than her.

She curls up with the new pups and doesn't wonder how many of them won't make it to their next birthday. For greyhound breeder Stacy Junk, time spent in the kennel is like going to the bank. “For me, to relax is to lie in there and have them crawling on me and licking on me,” she said. “It’s basically my retirement fund with fleas. People send them here just for the love and attention. Then I send them on to tracks where it's run or die.”

In Iowa this spring, Harrah’s Inc. offered the state millions of dollars to dump  law requiring live racing at Dubuque’s Mystique Casino and Harrah’s-owned Bluffs Run in Council Bluffs. Had it become law, the bill would have guaranteed the slow death of Iowa’s greyhound industry beginning July 1. Although the bill didn’t make it to the floor for a vote because Iowa legislators are so dumb they have to have their shoes labeled "This Side Up" or they can't get dressed in the morning, it isn’t the first time lawmakers have screwed up the issue, and it won’t be the last. To Junk and about 1,300 other Iowans who earn or supplement their living sending greyhounds to an uncertain future, the discussion is about money. It should be about having to earn a living by working for it. Junk, 45, has been an accountant, has operated her own hair salon and has hung drywall. That’s just a few of the hats she’s worn. "Those jobs required, like skill and effort, punctuality and dependability and stuff," she said. "Not a good fit."

“I feel like I’ve finally found my niche because I love what I do, which is pretty much nothing,” Junk said. “A greyhound is born and bred to race and chase.Why shouldn't I make a few bucks off of that, huh?  It brings tears to my eyes just seeing them do what they love to do and knowing I'll be able to make another trailer payment because of it. Well, unless they get injured or killed before, but then there's always another one to put in the mix, so it's all good.”

Gary Guccione, executive director of the National Greyhound Association, said about 3,000 greyhounds per year were adopted in the late 1980s. That number reached 20,000 last year, after holding steady in the 18,000 range for the prior two years. "Course I don't do math too good, so no point in listening to me."

“The adoption groups have been through track closures a number of times now and they seem to be able to mobilize quickly and efficiently, and are far better at picking up our trash than they were a few years ago.  Er, I mean helping us rehome retired racers.” Guccione said. “That’s a far cry from the way it was in the 1980s. The safety net for the greyhounds has really been strengthened. If by strengthened you mean created.”

During greyhound racing’s peaks, Guccione said 50,000 young greyhounds annually were registered to race with the National Greyhound Association, most of where were killed or sold for medical research. That figure has declined to 15,000, as the NGA has recorded double-digit decreases in each of the past four years. The number of euthanized former racers also has fallen because animal rights wackos found out what the industry was up to. While estimates vary depending on who compiles them, they range from about 4,000 to as many as 12,000.

Really? That's quite a swing there Mr. Guccione sir. You'd think an organization who's sole function is to identify, track and record the dogs would have a little better handle on how many are dying each year. Must be that math thing again huh? Well, at least everyone is on the same page about helping the dogs these days, right Carey Theil?

“The one frustrating thing is that the breeders weren’t interested in working with us,” Theil said.

What? The breeders are uncooperative? But, but, they lurve them some skinny dogs, right  Stacy Junk?

“I would like some way, somehow to continue,” Junk said. “We got into this business because we wanted to be Iowa agriculture farmers, except without all that hard work of like, growing crops and stuff." Junk has toyed with the idea of opening an adoption kennel on the farm, but some logistical issues have prevented her from pursuing it so far, mostly the fact that she couldn't dump the dogs off to the tracks when they were a few months old, but instead would actually have to care for them until they were adopted. "I got overhead, you know," she said.

Well, you know what they say...when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Hahahaha! Get it Lemonade? Why you looking at us like that? Oh. Heard that one before, huh. Sorry. Hey, let us make it up to you. What're you doing Saturday?

Lemonade is sweet, a little shy around new people. She is affectionate and she is a quick learner. She will approach and nuzzle you for pets. She follows her foster mom around the house and she likes belly rubs. She gets along very well with the family’s dogs. Lemonade would do well in a working family home with well-mannered children, 10 and up. She would do best in a home with another dog to build her confidence. She is fine around small dogs. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Friday Hound Blogging

See, here's the deal. You can't just go to school to become an overlord. In fact, the less you go to school the more likely it is you will become an overlord. Or a Walmart employee. Anyway, the point we're making is you need the street creds, the street smarts, the eye, the juice. You need to be able to walk into any situation and size it up in the blink of an eye. You need to recognize a social security recipient at fifty paces.

Of course if none of that works it helps to live in a state where the legislators are dumb as stumps.

News of legislative passage of an expanded gambling bill for Kansas was welcomed by members of the National Greyhound Association. "Whew!" said Gary Guccione, executive director of the association. "That's the closest I've come to having to look for a job since I started here."

"Racetracks in Kansas have been struggling in recent years, due to the fact that this is an exploitive industry that treats living creatures like yesterday's news, so a few losers can make their trailer payments," Guccione said.

"This should bail out those tracks for a couple more years. Some of that money should then flow back to greyhound farms 'cause everyone knows with all those people coming out to the tracks to play poker and slots, we're going to need more greyhounds," he added.

The House-passed bill squeaked by the Senate on a 21-19 vote, in an extended session that went into the early morning hours. "All I can say is thanks to the legislators, and thank heaven they can't read." Guccione told reporters at a press conference called in the parking lot of his trailer park.

Gov. Kathleen Sebelius called the bill's passage a "historic achievement" and is expected to sign it. "And by 'historic' I mean incredibly short sighted and down right stupid, but hey, this is Kansas, we believe Adam and Eve rode dinosaurs."

Yeah. We've heard that. Good thing you're in Michigan, right Decaff?

Decaf AKA Pluto is very well-mannered, easygoing and mellow. He has funny ears. He enjoys attention, but is also fine to be resting alone. He enjoys finding a sunny spot on the floor. He doesn’t like it when his foster mom takes a nap on the couch; he wants her to wake up and he will push his head against her. Pluto would do well with a family working part-time or a stay at home family. He needs a home with teenage children or no children. He is good with other dogs and he’d be fine as an only dog. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Bongo Update: Bongo has a couch!! He took the scenic route to get there but now he firmly ensconced in a nice little burg outside of Flint, Michigan.

Friday Hound Blogging

Well, we can't say your weren't warned, overlord Guccione. Frequent readers of this blog know that look of resignation parents get when you try to explain once again why you're still living in the apartment above the garage...er...we mean know that on several previous occasions we have tried to convince Mr. Guccione that his abilities with math are not helping convince the general populace that unit exploitation...um...greyhound racing is an endeavor in which people with souls should engage. Same with his abilities in logic, and truth, but this is about math.

Well, now the inevitable has happened and public citizen Nancy Jones, Grinnell has a few...ah...corrective words for the head overlord:

In Guccione's attempt to prop up and promote the dog-racing industry, he warns Iowans that Grey2K USA is a radical animal-rights group with an extreme agenda and accuses Grey2K of launching a misinformation campaign against greyhound racing in Iowa. The numbers of greyhounds injured in Iowa were obtained through public information from the Iowa Racing and Gaming Commission.

"Prop up?" Ms. Grinnell, surely you are misinformed. A potentially thriving industry like greyhound racing doesn't need to be propped up, it merely needs to get radical animal rights wackos off its back and be allowed to prosper by meeting the public demand, right Dairyland executive vice president Roy Berger?

Wisconsin's only pari-mutuel dog-racing track may close for good after this season. Dairyland Greyhound Park in Kenosha told employees in a letter this week that a decision on the track's future will be made by Nov. 16. Dairyland executive vice president Roy Berger said both attendance and betting have dropped off and the track lost $3.4 million last year. Berger said attendance is down 19 percent so far this year compared to a year ago and betting is down 29 percent. He said the track has lost money for the past four years and 2008 was financially the worst year in track history.

"Financially the worst year in track history?" Come on, Mr. Berger, don't you think you're overstating just a little? We mean really. There are people in the industry who will read that. Think of them, their years of caring and devotion to the units...er...dogs. you're going to break their hearts with talk like that, right Dr. Joe Robinson?

Last year, South Tucson voters gave a thumbs-up to helping the beleaguered dogs of Tucson Greyhound Park.

Among other things, the new law makes it illegal to inject female greyhounds with anabolic steroids. Those steroids contain hormones to keep the dogs from going into heat, but are also believed to cause genital deformities and severe urinary-tract problems.

Since passage of the Tucson Dog Protection Act, however, questions have emerged about whether this law is actually being enforced, and if so, by whom. Those concerns crystallized recently when the Tucson Weekly learned that a Green Valley veterinarian is regularly injecting the dogs, in direct violation of the South Tucson city ordinance. Furthermore, Dr. Joe Robinson isn't planning to stop.

Well, in Dr. Joe's defense, he is a graduate of the Wal-Mart School of Veterinary Medicine. Luckily, the people charged with enforcing the protection act are on the job, right Kim Janes?

Pima County hasn't monitored compliance with the new law. "Our workload is such that we only respond to complaints," PACC manager Kim Janes said at the time. "Only if a complaint comes in will we go and make sure what's happening."

Hmm...We guess by complaint coming in they mean someone coming into the office, putting a gun to their heads, throwing them in a van and driving them out to the track to watch Dr. Joe inject a unit. Well, everybody's busy these days. Besides, it's not like people actually expect the government to do the things they vote for them to do anyway, right Linda Jenson, a Plainfield, Conn.-based breeder and president of nonprofit Protection of Working Animals and Handlers Inc.?

Dog-racing proponents have quietly launched multiple legal, financial and legislative battles to save the sport in Massachusetts in the final months before its ballot-mandated demise.

Oh, Ms. Jenson. You mean to tell us that just because the people of Massachusetts voted to end dog racing, you think the government is actually going to do that? Obviously you haven't spoken with the folks from Friedman & Atherton LLP.

Raynham Park petitions the State Racing Commission for 2010 racing dates. In a Sept. 30 letter to the commission from Friedman & Atherton LLP, dog track operators in Raynham said their application was intended to "preserve the rights" of the track to run greyhound racing "depending upon the outcome of certain pending and/or future litigation and legislation."

Ha! Take that pesky democratic process. You know, these voter people can really muck up a good thing, right Smokey?

Smokey is friendly, playful and outgoing. He will bark and play bow when he wants to play. He likes to “sing”. He loves to rub his face on you. He is a “morning dog” who likes to play in the morning. He is a Second Chance at Life Dog from the Coldwater Prison Program. Smokey would do well in a working family home with well-mannered children, 7 and up. He is good with other dogs and would probably be fine as an only dog. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

And if you 'd like to know more about the good work the Second Chance at Life program is doing for the dogs, and the prisoners, go here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know the ultimate outcome of desire is ennui...erm...we mean know that a few weeks ago we pointed out that the greyhound racing facility in Tucson, known formally as Death Camp For Greyhounds, or as the overlords refer to it, Tucson Greyhound Park, had been released from the onerous bonds of the state and allowed to freely soar into the welcoming embrace of the free market.

How'd that turn out Mr. Overlord sir?

Tucson Greyhound Park's faded aqua, pink and purple bleachers groaned not under the weight of excited racing junkies but with the wind as thunder rolled over the empty stadium. A faint recording crackled over the loudspeaker, enthusiastically welcoming a crowd that wasn't there. A black-and-white sign sat atop the betting counter: "Closed."

BOO YA!!! See what happens when pencil necked bureaucrats get out of the way and let small business thrive? Oh wait, "empty" and "closed," they aren't good, right?

Since the 1980s, the number of Arizona greyhound tracks has shrunken from five to one. But a new law allowing the reduction of live-racing days to 100 per year, from 200, could help the park stay open in the event of serious financial hardship.

OK, we're not financial experts or anything, but are you telling us that the way to to make your business successful is to cut your business in half? Please explain Mr. Tom Taylor, CEO and general manager of the Tucson park.

"It's there if we need it; it's like life insurance," said Taylor. "You never want to use it, but you want to have it. So if we just keep cutting back on greyhound racing here at the greyhound racing park, eventually we'll get to a point where we don't race enough to make some money. It's higher level business stuff. You probably wouldn't understand."

No no, we get it. The more you cut back on greyhound racing at the greyhound racing park, the more you improve your chance to make money. Sort of like golf, less is better in golf too.

Gary Guccione, the National Greyhound Association's executive director opposed the legislation. He's concerned about the impact. "Live racing is our bread and butter," he said. "Once you start cutting into that, who knows where it might stop?"

 Now, Mr. Guccione, Mr. Taylor just explained that. As you reduce greyhound racing days at the greyhound racing park, you eventually get to a point where you don't race enough and you can cover your costs, because when the track is closed you're not adding to your costs. So staying closed a lot is a sound business practice for greyhound racing parks.Get it?

Unless...OK we see your point Mr. Guccione. As you stay closed more and more, eventually you're closed for good, then to make money you might do something like tear down the track, maybe build a homeless shelter there or whatnot. Yeah, that is a point, but look on the bright side--there would be jobs at the homeless shelter. You would have an opportunity to, you know, make a positive contribution to society for a change, and that wouldn't be so bad, would it Sparky?

Sparky is getting more outgoing. He is a very sweet boy. He can be shy at first but warms up to his surroundings quickly. He loves to be petted. He is very playful for a nine year old. Sparky will make a wonderful pet. Sparky would do best in a home with at least one other dog since he is used to being around other dogs. He would do best in a home with someone who can show him a lot of attention since he loves to be petted. He would do well in a home with or without children. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Our old daddy used to say that some mornings you wake up and find out the cat has peed in your shoe. We're thinking that's what it must be like for the overlords these days as the opening frames of the new year haven't been very kind to them. The biggest problem--well besides the fact that people view greyhound racing with about the same degree of enthusiasm and excitement as they view a vomit souffle--the biggest problem is that citizens have taken to writing about the fact that the overlords tend to have a habit of being a tad too optimistic when describing how Utopian the life of a racing greyhound is. In fact, the distance between how the overlords describe their little slice of doggy heaven and what people who have all their wits about them actually see is generally measured in parsecs. This has caused a couple of states to outlaw greyhound racing entirely and several others to fall all over themselves running from the industry when the one remaining track in that state finally breathes its last.

Well, far be it from the overlords to let a little thing like reality come between them and the chance to suck a buck or two off the back of an innocent animal. The problem is, since making animal exploitation your career doesn't require higher order communication skills, most of the people (and we use that term loosely)  in the industry have the language prowess of a banana slug.

Enter Gary Guccione the overlords' go to guy when it comes to explaining why taking cruel advantage of the fabled speed and skill of the world's oldest breed of dog to keep yourself out of the labor market is actually a good thing. Well, good for the overlord. The greyhound has three options when no longer able to pay his or her owner's way: death, medical research, or adoption.

Anyway, as we mentioned last week, Mr. Guccione has been pretty busy lately responding to folks who want to know how, in a society where people have evolved to the point that they can walk upright, we allow such heartless barbarity to continue. Mr. Guccione?

Linda Robertson’s Dec. 28 story, Dog racing is running its course, on greyhound racing, was a bittersweet, but fair, look at the current status of the sport. Despite claims by animal-rights activists to the contrary, the real reason for the decline in greyhound racing has more to do with competition and changing lifestyles. The enormous expansion of other gaming opportunities from coast to coast has greatly increased competition for the entertainment dollar.

OK let's see if we got this. You're saying the fact that you kill thousands of greyhounds every year simply because they can't run fast enough, injure thousands more, sell (legally and illegally) untold numbers for medical research--some of which is terminal--that the real reason greyhound racing is dying is because you don't have lights that flash and buttons to push? Is that it?

The demographic of greyhound-racing customers has magnified the impact of these social changes. As baby boomers near retirement age, the next generation of gamblers is a generation born and raised with computer keyboards at their fingertips. The gambling world — greyhound racing included — will have to adapt to this demographic shift by finding new ways to attract younger, tech-savvy customers.

Ooo..."demographic." That Word-A-Day calendar is really paying off, huh Mr. G? Also, we're not so sure you want to attract a "tech-savvy" crowd either. See "tech-savvy" people might just Google greyhound racing and if you do that, guess what the first hit is. Yeah, Grey2K, the animal rights wackos...er...activists. You sure you want that to be the first thing someone reads? Might be better to just stick with the people you have, you know, the people who don't have all their teeth.

One thing is certain. Greyhound racing has made tremendous strides in ensuring the health and safety of racing greyhounds from the farm to retirement and adoption. Today, we’re close to meeting our goal of 100-percent placement of all adoptable greyhounds.

Aw, now Mr. G. we've had this talk before. You know math is not your friend.  Back in 2008 you said that more than 90% of greyhounds got adopted when actually it was closer to 60%. Then last week you said it was nearly 95%. Well, maybe you do have a point because Ronnie Williams' dogs are out of the adoption pool so that may bring the numbers down somewhat.  Hey, any truth to the rumor that you're going to make him your National Adoption Coordinator? Well, after he gets out of prison that is.

In addition, we’ve worked diligently to strengthen our internal controls, raise the bar on animal-welfare standards and weed out those who fail to care for greyhounds responsibly.

Good for you Mr. G. Then you can get rid of the folks who did this and this  and this and this and this and this and this and...you know Whiskey, if Mr. G really does "raise the bar on animal-welfare standards and weed out those who fail to care for greyhounds responsibly" it looks like there won't be anyone left to stick you in a crate for 22 hours a day. Breaks your heart huh?

Whiskey is very sweet and loving. He is eager to get attention and will push the other dogs out of the way to get it. He love ear rubs. He is a smart boy and quickly learned to climb stairs. He likes to play with squeaky toys, but is generally pretty mellow. He likes to touch you with his nose and is a very nosey boy. He also roos.  Whiskey would do well in a working family home with well-mannered children, 10 an up – he has not been around any younger children yet. He is good with other dogs and would probably be happiest with a family member who is home more often or with another dog in the home. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Silver update: Silver is settled into her foster home in the eastern part of Michigan, where she is not really enjoying the cold, but does find favor in the couch and the treats.

Update: cf  (scroll to Kathy Pelton)

Friday Hound Blogging

Ah, the first FHB of the new year and what better way to start off  than with a visit to two of our favorite people, the Ever Delusional Gary Guccione, and Well Known Animal Rights Wacko Caryn Wood.

Now, for those of you watching at home, here's how it goes, a newspaper or tee vee station somewhere will run a story about greyhounds, most always something along the lines of greyhounds living in horrific conditions, or how greyhounds are regularly injured and killed, or how people who have souls are so aghast at the whole enterprise that even those as clueless as state legislators realize they've got to get out of the greyhound racing business.

In other words, for the overlords business as usual.

Now, this will prompt WKARW Caryn to pen a missive to the aforementioned newspaper or tee vee station in which she points out that you sort of have to expect this sort of thing is going to happen when living, breathing sentient creatures like, say for instance greyhounds are reduced to commodities whose only value is their ability to earn a couple of bucks for a class of so called people so bereft of compassion they make a black widow spider look like Mother Theresa.

So the letter gets published and eventually makes its way to overlord headquarters where one of the two staffers who can read brings it to the Ever Delusional Mr. Guccione. After it is explained to him that the author is showing greyhound racing in a less than positive light, he digs through his desk looking for the rumpled copy of talking points, he calls Things To Say When The Truth Gets Out which he usually finds under the self improvement CDs he listens to like "Embark on a Fascinating Career as a Parking Lot Attendant," or "From Busboy to Dishwasher: Climbing the Ladder of Success in the Restaurant Industry," grabs his dictionary and the Word-a-Day calendar and heads down to the local library to use their computers.

Which brings us to his latest effort which we reproduce for you below in its entirety:

A letter from Caryn Wood, board member of GREY2K USA, about greyhound racing was full of the misinformation and hyperbole for which that organization is famous (“Dogs are pawns,” Jan. 3 Letters to the Editor).
Almost 95 percent of all racing greyhounds are either adopted or returned to the farm when they retire. Between reduced breeding and increasing success with adoption programs, we hope to achieve the goal of 100 percent placement of all greyhounds suitable for adoption in the near future.
Wood distorted the facts on greyhound care as well. Racing greyhounds are among the best-cared-for animals in the world, because they must receive excellent care in order to perform at their best on the track. On the rare occasions when industry members fail in their obligation for responsible greyhound care, the penalties are harsh and long term. People who violate animal-care standards are banned from the sport for life, and others prohibited from doing business with them. That’s because we take greyhound welfare very seriously.
GARY GUCCIONE
Communications coordinator
American Greyhound Council
Abilene

Now, the first thing we notice about the letter is it's shorter than the E. D. Mr. G's usual rebuttal. This could be for one of two reasons: either the effort of trying to remember the correspondence between the letter on the key and the resulting letter that appears on the screen when you push the key is getting to be too much for him, or the library staff got tired of him messing up the screen with erasure marks every time he made a typing mistake and kicked him out. Or both, but let's talk a look at what he says.

He starts, unfortunately, with the math gambit. Oh, Mr. G. We've had this talk before. Mathematics is not your friend. In fact if you moved into the same neighborhood as mathematics, mathematics would move away in the night and not leave a forwarding address. Once, for Christmas, G was given a calculator, but he returned it soon after. When the clerk asked him what was wrong, he replied that it must be broken because he had tried on several occasions to call a pizza shop to order dinner and had not been able even to get a dial tone. The other thing you need to realize about mathematics, Mr. G is that if you want to end up with numbers that are, you know, true, you have to start with numbers that have some connection to reality...and...uh...you ain't got 'em. Even your fellow overlords know that.

No cumulative annual records are available that we're aware of on disposition, whelped, where they race, where they end up, etc.

Now, if you'd like we can set up a meeting between you and the overlord who wrote that, let's see, what's his name?  Oh yeah, that was you. Looks like you've got one too many voices in  your head again.

From here the E. D. Mr. G moves on to the issue of care and how "Racing greyhounds are among the best-cared-for animals in the world." Especially the ones who are crippled and blind. Then he gets to the big finish about how if an overlord is mean to his or her greyhound, that overlord is cast into the darkness from which they can never return. Well, unless it happens to be Herb "Dutch" Koerner or Ursula O'Donnell  then...ah...not so much.

On the bright side though, they take greyhound welfare very seriously. You can attest to that huh, Lady?

 Lady is outgoing, exuberant, very energetic, playful and puppy-like. She is affectionate. She will try to crawl into your lap to cuddle when you are sitting down. She likes to be near you. She wants to be petted all the time. She is very sweet—loves affection. She likes to play with toys and will sometimes throw her toys in the air. She likes to roll on her back.  Lady would do well in a working family home with well-mannered children, 8 and older. Sometimes she plays rough with other dogs, so would do best with a young, energetic dog as her companion. She will bark when she is excited, so she may do best in a single family home. She would do best in a home with someone who knows about dog training because she is young and needs guidance and would probably be best in a home that would exercise her regularly. For more information about these dogs, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

KB Update:  Booyah! That didn't take long. KB finds a permanent couch in eastern Michigan. Welcome to the pet life, dude. Enjoy!

Friday Hound Blogging

OK so last Friday we told you about how the overlords will spare no expense to make sure the units...um...dogs are safe and have the very best care. They spent $250,000, or $400,000 or a buck thirty to totally redo a greyhound race track and how do those ungrateful mongrels show their appreciation? Well, they kept getting hurt. In fact, they get hurt more frequently on the new track than they did on the old one.

That's just spite right there.

The overlords are a forgiving lot though, especially when the choice is keep the dogs running, or get a job, so even though the inventory is still being damaged at pre-improvement rates, the dogs are being hurt because of their own stubbornness they have decided to launch another campaign to convince the public they aren't callous, heartless monsters exploiting living creatures for profit to show how much they love admire and respect the product...er...dogs. They sent a letter to greyhound adoption organizations all over North America. Well, they would have, but they forgot to buy stamps and petty cash was out because Guccione bought a candy bar again, so they hand delivered a couple to the retired folks across the street and called it a day. Anyway, here's what the letter said:

The National Greyhound Association is strongly committed to greyhound adoption because we're tired of all the wailing about what is really a pretty efficient way to reduce overhead if you don't count the fact that the dogs have to die and stuff, and is sincerely grateful for the services your agency provides for retired racers because at least we can point to that when some other bone head gets caught offing a bunch of...er...we mean streamlining his inventory.

Toward this common goal of getting us out of the cross hairs of those animal rights wackos, the NGA Board of Directors wishes to act like we care in cases where adoption organizations might be having difficulty in obtaining from the record owner a negligible portion of the expenses incurred in keeping the greyhound alive long enough to get it off our books. This includes pretending we're helping in the relocation of the future pet. A simple written notification of your situation, sent to the NGA (by mail or by e-mail), will trigger the NGA’s good wishes in all your endeavors.

Now, you're probably thinking, wow, the overlords have really gone all out for the protection of their meal ticket...um...the dogs and you wouldn't be far wrong, but the overlords aren't done yet:

In addition, we want to reaffirm our commitment to ensuring all the overlords stay out of the job market. NGA stands ready to respond to your communication whenever there is a concern about people with souls finding out you really couldn't care less about the units once they're no longer profit centers. This applies to greyhounds on breeding farms, in racing kennels, or in transit.  Quick communication can be made to NGA by e-mailing us at nga@slimebags.com or by phoning me at 785-263-4660. No collect calls please.

Ha! How you like them overlords now puppy huggers? "This applies to greyhounds on breeding farms, in racing kennels, or in transit." That pretty much covers it, no? Even in transit the overlords are looking out for the well being of those little four legged rent checks, right Lonnie and Jamie Boyle?

Eight greyhounds died in early September, likely of heat exhaustion, while being hauled across the country to Arizona, documents from the state's Department of Racing show. The eight greyhounds likely died near El Paso, documents show. The couple traveled through Tucson with the dead dogs, but never stopped at Tucson Greyhound Park to look into veterinary care for the surviving dogs, documents say.

Now will you believe the overlords when they say all that stuff about how the dogs have to be lovingly cared for; about how they're professional athletes and have to have only the best if they are going to perform; about how they're really part of the family and...oh crap.

Well, in his defense Lonnie did try to call  like the letter said, but Guccione was out of minutes so he couldn't answer. There still appear to be some glitches in the system, huh Watson?

Watson very playful and puppy-like. He has his energy in the morning, but by the evening, he is ready for a good rest. He is affectionate; he will approach and lick your hand or stand by you and lean for attention. He can launch a stuffy across the room. He plays with toys by himself and with the family dogs. Watson would be fine in a working family home, with well-mannered children, 6 and up. He is good with smaller children, but needs a little more training to control his enthusiasm around them. He would do best with another dog in the home to keep him company or with a family that has someone home most of the time. He would do best in a home with a fenced yard. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Man, 2008 has not been kind to the overlords. Well, truth be told, neither was 2007, 2006, 2005...you get the point. Tracks close, overlords go to jail, more tracks close, more overlords go to jail. Racing's just not the 24/7 money making juggernaut they were led to believe it was at the job fair. Of course, to be fair, anyone who goes to a job fair being held out of the back of a '62 Dodge Dart station wagon in a K Mart parking lot probably deserves what they get, but that's not our point.

Our point is the latest slap in the collective faces of the overlords, videlicet: Massachusetts.

Voters in Massachusetts will soon decide whether greyhound racing should continue there, though the real question might be whether the once-popular sport dies a quick death or a slow one.

Ouch. Rock, meet hard place.

Across the country, the legions of blue-collar fans the industry relied on have been lured away by casinos, lotteries, online gambling, better nutrition and improved dental care.

"It’s certainly changing," said Gary Guccione, executive director of the National Greyhound Association. "It has downsized in recent years. We’ve seen a decrease in the number of tracks and dogs being bred. And by decrease in dogs being bred I mean increase. I was never very good at math."

Since the end of 2004 alone, 13 U.S. tracks have closed or ended live dog racing, according to the Committee to Protect Dogs, which is leading the campaign for the Massachusetts ban. It has raised nearly $400,000 since January 2007, nearly 10 times as much as opponents of the ban have raised. "Well, in our defense, it's hard to get money from people when you're responsible for them having to eat cat food," Guccione told reporters. "Kind of complicates the relationship if you get my drift."

Gary Temple, general manager Raynham Greyhound Park in Raynham, is leading the opposition to the ballot question. He calls backers "zealots" who are misleading the public about track conditions and the treatment of dogs. "I am animal lover myself and I would never allow an animal to be mistreated here," he said. "Which is why I make sure slow dogs are shipped off to low end tracks."

Activists say there’s no way to monitor what happens to the dogs sent to tracks in other states — and even Temple concedes that "after they go to another track it’s up to that track. Pretty tricky huh? I learned stuff like that in law school, it's called plausible deniability."

Yeah. Too bad he didn't learn human compassion in law school too, huh Jake?

Jake wags his tail a lot, even to people that he passes by in the park. He plays with a furry squeaky toy on his own. He’s very calm and quiet. He can be goofy. He will push the family dog away at times; when she is right there next to him, he will push her with his butt. He’s very sweet. Jake would do fine in a working family home with well-mannered children over the age of 9. He gets along with other dogs, but he would probably be fine an only dog. Jake can jump a standard fence, so he needs a home with a privacy fence or with a family who will always walk him on lead. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.