Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog have succumbed to the ennui of living...er...we mean know that we here in the marbled halls of IM Central have a long tradition of investigating and analyzing both sides of the complicated and complex social issues we write about so that we can bring you the most cogent and sophisticated explication of the day's events possible.

Of course, we don't claim to be perfect and we are sure there are times when we've fallen short of our standards--like every time we hit the "publish" button. Blogging sober might help our success rate, but no matter, we are here today to set the record straight. We've noticed that these last few weeks of FHB have been nothing but bad news for the overlords, which we suppose is to be expected when your life consists of leeching a meager existence, tick-like, off the backs of innocent animals which you callously use for profit, then heartlessly cast aside for someone else to pick up, like trash by the side of the road.

Of course that's just our opinion. We could be wrong.

Anyway, this week, rather than bringing you up to date on the latest drumbeats in the greyhound racing funeral march, we thought it would be only fair to hear the other side of the story, so we've invited overlord. Samuel R. Burdette to speak to you today. Mr. Burdette will tell us why greyhound racing is a "substantial industry" as opposed to an unsubstantial industry we guess, maybe like ghost hunting or something, but we'll let him explain that.

Regarding the Daily Mail's Feb. 24 editorial, "Should racinos lose dog tracks?":
No, racinos should not lose dog tracks.

So, there you go then. Thank you for clearing that up, Mr. Burdette and  this has been another episode of simple answers to simple questions. We hope you...oh, excuse us. Mr. Burdette isn't done.

Greyhound injuries during races occur at a low probability and should not raise questions about continuing.

 Whoa, science. Didn't realize Mr. Burdette was a statistician. So, you got your basic "low probability" going on here, which means those dogs that suffer and die to earn Mr. Burdette a couple of bucks are just, you know, unlucky. Tough break. That's the way the cookie crumbles. It's all probabilities man, like chance and stuff. For example, the earth has a low probability of being struck by a meteor. Course, if you happen to be under one when it does strike it sort of ruins your day.

* Regarding injuries, as presented by Grey 2K:
Grey 2K is an animal rights organization, not an animal welfare group.

Ha! Point taken Mr. Burdette. See the distinction between rights and welfare is crucial because it...um...well because...erm...ah...OK, we don't have a clue what you're talking about.

It has a political agenda to outlaw greyhound racing. It does little and spends little, if any, for hands-on welfare care of greyhounds. It uses the mental concept of injuries to claim "the sky is falling, the sky is falling."

 Oh, we get it. By drawing attention to the horrific conditions greyhounds endure in your "substantial industry," by bringing public pressure to bear on the institutionalized cruelty of greyhound racing, they're not helping the dogs at all. If they'd just shut up and take the units off your hands so you can get on with replacing them that would be much better for you. Ah, we mean the greyhounds, better for the greyhounds. Gotcha.

We also understand the "mental concept of injuries" better now too. We think you've got something there. If you could just convince all those dogs with broken bones that they've  got a "mental concept" instead of an injury they could be back out there racing the next day. It's win win man!

Actually, the injury statistics quoted in the editorial are low percentages. The editorial said there were 750 broken-bone injuries over a six-year period at the Mardi Gras racetrack at Nitro. Some of these broken bone injuries represent relative minor broken bones such as a cracked toe or a slight stress fracture. Some do represent career ending broken bones.

What's wrong with racing greyhounds these days?  They break a "minor" bone or get a "slight" fracture and they're all like ow, ow ow, I can't run fast anymore. I can't make my overlord's trailer payment for him. Weenies.

A six-year period at Mardi Gras represents over 262,000 individual greyhound trips around the track. Broken bone injuries of 750 divided by 262,000 trips equals 0.0028 occurrences per trip, or a 00.28 percent probability of a bone fracture occurring per trip. Twenty-eight hundredths of 1 percent is a very low rate of incidence.

Woo Hoo! Math! Ooo, Ooo Can we try Mr. Burdette? Let us try. OK, OK. You have a 0.0005 percent chance of getting hit by lightning, a 0.0006 percent chance of drowning in a bathtub, a 0.0000005 percent chance of dying on a five mile bus trip. Course if your bus happens to be the one that runs into a tree it sort of changes your perspective, right Birthday Toy?

The racetrack has a full-time maintenance crew continuously preparing the track before each race. The Racing Commission has a full-time veterinarian to address injuries and to judge the safety of running a race in times of bad weather and to judge the track surface.

Mr. burdette? We think we see your problem. Having a Veterinarian around to say, "yeah, that dog's hurt. You can tell by the bone sticking out" is a good thing, but asking that Vet to be a meteorologist and a civil engineer, well, we're not Vets or anything, but we're pretty sure they don't teach that stuff in Vet school.

We do not agree that this is a "gruesome sport."

So, there you go then. Thank you for your time, Mr. Burdette and  this has been another episode of all your facts are irrelevant to us. We hope you...oh, excuse us. Mr. Burdette isn't done.

Quite the contrary. In no way does greyhound racing approach gruesome animal sports such as dog fighting or cockfighting, which have been outlawed.

Umm...Mr. Burdette? You sure you want to go there? We mean, if being legal is your criterion, you may have a problem. Just saying.

Our greyhounds represent a significant investment We depend on them for a livelihood. We feel very affectionate towards our dogs and do not want them injured.

Good for you Mr. Burdette. Now, if only you wouldn't constantly put the dogs in harm's way and callously dump them when they did get injured we'd be getting somewhere. Marry your thought to an action, that's all we're saying.

We have no reservation about racing our greyhounds at Mardi Gras racetrack.

Well of course you don't. You aren't the one who ends up with bones sticking out of them.

* Regarding the benefits of greyhound dog racing:
The greyhound racing and breeding industry is a source of jobs and economic support in West Virginia. We estimate over $20 million is pumped directly to the West Virginia greyhound breeding and ownership economy from track purses and development fund proceeds each year.

 Ooo! Ooo! More math. How about this: The GDP of West Virgina is about $59 Billion. So, $20 million is about 0.003 percent of the economic output. Yay numbers!

* On the agenda of animal rights groups:
Animal rights groups such as Grey 2K, the Humane Society of the United States and PETA have leaders who advocate no human control over animals - no hunting, no fishing, no pets, no animal acts, no dog racing, no horse racing and no slaughtering of animals for human food.

Hmmm...it's hard to argue with that logic Mr. Burdette. Well, hard unless you were paying attention school the day they talked about the fallacy of the slippery slope.

Some have advocated that everyone should be a vegetarian.

Uh...OK. If "some" have, that means some have not, so do you have a point there, Mr. Burdette, or is your medication starting to wear off? Oh wait, we get it. You're trying to scare us. No greyhound racing means TOFU BURGERS BITCHEZ!!!(eleventy)!!

The real question then boils down to: Do humans have the right to control animals and use them for sporting events, pets or food?

Hey! That was pretty neat how you slipped "sporting events" in there with pets and food. We're thinking your answer is yes.

This is a philosophical question and depends on a person's own religious and philosophical beliefs.

Actually, a person's philosophical beliefs depend on his or her philosophy and that person's religious beliefs depend on his or her religion. But no biggy. Aristotle and the Pope. We get them mixed up all the time too.

Imagine a legislative bill to outlaw deer hunting or fishing in West Virginia. We doubt seriously it would become law.

Imagine trying to dodge the deer on highways after several years of no deer hunting. Imagine a bill to outlaw pets.

Imagine not having beef or fish to eat. Imagine the devastating economical impact on segments of our state with no hunting or fishing, no horse or dog racing, and no food from animals.

Imagine there's no Heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one 

Yeah, we're John Lennon fans too, Mr. Burdette. You got a point in there somewhere? We thought you were talking about greyhound racing.

Feed stores, veterinarians, parts of the food processing industry, fast food restaurants and other segments of our economy would struggle to exist.

No greyhound racing, no MacDonalds. OK your argument is becoming too sophisticated for us to follow Mr. Burdette. Where'd you come up with that?

We think that after discussion and debate over the animal rights agenda, it would be rejected by the majority. We should not fall for the rhetoric and false logic of animal rights groups. We should not outlaw greyhound dog racing in West Virginia. It could be the first step down a very slippery slope.

Er...Mr. Burdette? When you build your whole argument around a fallacy it's best not to admit that's what you did. Sort of destroys your credibility, know what we mean?  See Daucus? This is what happens when you drop out of school in the sixth grade.

Daucus is very laid back, but curious. He is affectionate; he will approach for pets and will sometimes give kisses. He likes to rub his face up and down on your legs. He is a big boy and will try to herd the humans to get his way. He will sleep on his back with his tongue hanging out. Daucus would do well in a working family home with another mid-size to larger dog to keep him company and would probably be okay as an only dog with a family that had someone home more often. He would do better in a home with larger well-mannered children, as he does not always understand his size. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Silver update:  She is a fun girl and has cockroached for the first time and has rooed once, showing her increased confidence. She hides toys in her cage or at a back door collection.