Wednesday, October 17, 2012

The Fig, The Strawberry And The Holy Guava

As we mentioned yesterday we are duly certified educational technicians operating in our local educorporate training facility. As you might expect given our career choice, we put a high value on reading, writing, speaking and listening, and we place an even higher value on those traits when practiced by our trainees here in our house so to speak. We tell you this as background and to illustrate for you why we believe this country will soon descend into a Walking Dead sort of anarchy, except the dead won't be zombies, they'll "God fearin' church going folk."
The controversial issue of blasphemy and Muhammad has taken one of its more surreal turns as a student atheist group were ejected from their university Freshers Fair for naming a pineapple after the Prophet.
We'll pause here a moment while you read that again.

Yes, in the annals of religious persecution along with the martyrs, the pogroms, the holocausts, the inquisitions, the Diasporas, and the exiles we now have...a pineapple named Muhammad.
We labelled this pineapple 'Mohammed', to encourage discussion about blasphemy, religion, and liberty, as well as to celebrate the fact that we live in a country in which free speech is protected, and where it is lawful to call a pineapple by whatever name one chooses.
Look pal, just because  the University's recruitment brochure includes the phrase "We have an excellent reputation for showcasing the best of higher education in an engaging way" doesn't mean you get to go all rhetorical analysis on our most cherished, unquestioned, Bronze age myths. What do you think this is, the Age of Enlightenment or something?
After a few minutes, we were told by another member of RUSU staff that 'Either the pineapple goes, or you do', whereupon they seized the pineapple and tried to leave. However, the pineapple was swiftly returned, and shortly was displayed again, with the name Mohammed changed to that of Jesus."
Ha! Now you've been placed in a classic oratorical stepover armlock camel clutch called the horns of a dilemma. What do you have to say to that Mr. Get Ready To Burn In Hell. By the way, changing the pineapple's name to Jesus? Doesn't mean a thing except that when you find yourself in Satan's permanent RV camp your own personal tormentor will speak English (the language of the bible) instead of Islamic as he pokes your disbelieving little poop hole with his fire stick.
An argument broke our between members of the society and "a group of around five students, some of whom self-identified as Muslim."
As well it should, and in the fine tradition of philosophical and theological discourse we can only surmise that the volume of the argument was in inverse proportion to the logic displayed by the participants, but here's our question: Muhammad worked for Allah who, as we understand it, " If He willed, He could give the sky permission to fall on the earth, and whoever is in it would be killed." So, you work for a guy with a rep like that, do you really need a bunch of debate team rejects to defend you when a couple of band camp geeks get their rational thought on?

Well, if you do your boss ain't no boss like Jesus' boss 'cause when fifty or sixty homos walked down the street in New Orleans and made The Man's number one homie cry, G wiped out the whole Gulf coast. Now that's some religious authority right there.

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