Monday, December 19, 2011

I Am The Lord Thy God, And I Approve This Message

Frequent reader(s) of this blog are aware that despair is the handmaiden of mean will remember that back before god got distracted by Tim Tebow and was paying attention to the republican primary, we predicted that the line on his three favorites was overrated.

Which brings us to the deity's current thinking vs-a-vis the American political system, namely Newt Gingrich. Now, like we said, god has his hands full getting the Broncos into the playoffs--especially since little Timmy can't seem to throw a pass that doesn't fly like a wounded goose, even with divine help--so the big guy asked one of his spokespersons, Jim Garlow, the pastor of Skyline Church in La Mesa, Calif. to take the holy podium.
“There is a fundamental conflict underway about what kind of country we're going to be,” Garlow wrote in his 9,000-word essay to pastors Saturday. “It is no longer a case of 'right vs. left' as some might say, thus suggesting these two positions are moral equivalents. They are not. It is not “right vs. left,” but “right vs. wrong.  Although Mr. Gingrich is not running for 'Theologian-in-Chief' but 'Commander-in-Chief,' he grasps these issues. He understands the moral component.”
 Whoa, 9000 words? OK, so you could argue the reverend Jim isn't as succinct as Uber Kommandeur Herr Yahweh, but on the other hand, if you're going to make a moral argument that shows Newty in a good light, well, that's gonna take some time. Just saying.
Garlow has been backing Gingrich for the past few years and has served on the board of one of Gingrich's non-profit organizations, Renewing American Leadership, dedicated to "preserving America's Judeo-Christian heritage."
 Now before you get all up on your high horse and start in with the "conflict of interest, conflict of interest" stuff, just take a moment and think about this. Sure the good reverend supped at the Gingrich table of positive cash flow, but that doesn't mean his integrity has been compromised any more than Newty's attack on Freddie and Fannie Mae was compromised by his years as the staff historian. It's called compartmentalization people and we know Pastor G is good at it because he could take Matthew 7:1-2 and wall it off allowing him to
[P]lay a leading role pushing in 2008 pushing for passage of California’s Proposition 8, the ballot initiative that eliminated the right of same sex couples to marry.
Also, too, he speaks for god and whatnot.
“I do not see a separation between “social issues” and “fiscal issues.”  I see only “biblical imperatives,”  he wrote. “As such, I care about many issues, as do most evangelicals. Along with the sanctity of life and the sacredness of marriage is the biblical command that “thou shalt not steal”…from future generations. Thus, our staggering national debt is not merely a “political” issue. It is a biblical and moral issue. And, as such, our national debt is obscene and immoral. The pulpits of America should thunder with that message.”
OK, so fighting unnecessary wars all over the world? Check.  Being asleep at the switch while bankers loot the economy? Check. Having the largest income gap between rich and poor in more than 40 years? Check. Government running a deficit like it has done off and on through history since Alexander Hamilton? SWEET JEBUS ON A POGO STICK!! CALL OUT THE MARINES!! mean vote for Newt. Look, god's busy trying to get Tebow able to hit the ground with his shoe. Newt's the only other guy who can get us out of this mess. Just ask him if you don't believe us.

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