Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Pennsylvania! Motto: Sweet Jebus When Are These People Leaving?

OK, it's voting day in Pennsylvania and to celebrate this great democratic rite , and in the interests of international relations (it is a Russian vodka after all), we're going to break out the Stoli and toast this great republic because, as John Adams said:

Our electioneering racers have started for the prize.Such whipping and spurring and huzzaing! Oh what rare sport it will be! Through thick and thin, through mire and dirt, through bogs and fens and sloughs, dashing and splashing and crying out, the devil take the hindmost.
Admit it. You didn't think we even knew who John Adams was did you?

Anyway, on to the "mire and dirt." Senator Clinton, she of the high expectations, she of the do or die, of the win or go home. How is she rallying her troops? How is she "Spurring and huzzaing"?

Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton warned Tehran on Tuesday that if she were president, the United States could "totally obliterate" Iran in retaliation for a nuclear strike against Israel.

Yes! It's morning again in America! Unfortunately that glow over the horizon isn't the dawn of a new day. It's Iran. Or maybe New York. Anyway, the lesson here is don't get Hillary out of bed at 3:00 a.m. if you know what's good for you.

OK, back away slowly from Mrs. Clinton and let's head down the block see the Sultan of Suave, the Master of Metaphor, the Hammer of Hope Senator Barack Hussein Osama! Oops. We mean Obama. Dude's still a Hussein though. Just saying. Halaw Barry. Zup?

Barack Obama, who said Republican John McCain would be an improvement over president Bush, argued that his comment didn't undercut Democrats' contention that the GOP nominee-in-waiting offers the same as the unpopular president. "Hey, look at the bright side," said an aide to the senator. At least he's not Hillary."

Yeah, but that whole
bomb Iran thing seems to be a common thread, no?

We're suddenly feeling rather dispirited. If you need us we'll be doing some cancer research.

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