Friday, December 14, 2007

Friday Hound Blogging

Regular readers of this blog are probably disappointments to their mean have probably noticed that during the week we like to point out the foibles of our betters in the public service, or as they like to call themselves, The Best That The American System Of Government By The People Can Produce. Friday's however, are set aside for a look into the vale of tears, dashed hopes and shattered illusions that is the life of the overlord set.

This week however, we are proud to say that due to the skill of our investigative prowess, the reach of our influence, and the power of our observational abilities, we have managed to bring both of those worlds together for your reading pleasure. That and someone sent us this article. And for those of you keeping score at home, yes, our little drama unfolds in Texas. Motto: Every thing's bigger in Texas, even idiots.

Tax Assessor-Collector Cheryl Johnson said her office was closed for training. She said she scheduled a full day of training for employees at Gulf Greyhound Park. When asked why she had chosen a greyhound track she replied that there were no events scheduled at the local horse racing facility. "And there are too many people at the casino," she added. "We like to keep our training low key."

Critics speculated that most of the day had been spent in a Christmas celebration. "That is unequivocally false," Johnson told reports. "Have you ever been to a greyhound track? Place is like a morgue."

Johnson finally returned calls to The Daily News for the first time since the meeting. She contended the newspaper was unfair in its coverage. "What are you guys doing following us around anyway, " she asked. "There's bound to be a white woman missing somewhere."

Johnson said the training was booked at Gulf Greyhound Park because it was an economical and central place outside the office to train employees. "Plus it was 'Thirsty Thursday' which is half off all bottled beer. I'm just trying to use taxpayer money responsibly."

She said the day was filled with presentations by invited speakers and by people who head departments within her office. "I particularly enjoyed the magic show," she told reporters. "But the ventriloquist was good too."

She said she’d notified other county officials that her office would be closed. Other county offices close for training and other events, yet nothing was said about those decisions. "Oh sure, they had their training sessions like at schools and whatnot, but you can learn stuff at greyhound races too. I mean there aren't a lot of distractions. Just a bunch of drunks losing their rent money two dollars at a time. I'm talking about the regular customers, not us."

Glad she cleared that up. Well, aren't you proud that you played a role in increasing the efficiency of local government Free Girl?

Free Girl is very outgoing and full of energy. She is affectionate and she will go out of her way to get attention. She enjoys playing with the other dogs in the program. She is a Second Chance at Life Dog from the Coldwater Prison Program. Free Girl would do well in a working family home with well-mannered children, 10 and up. She is good with other dogs and would probably be fine as an only dog. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.


George said...

Never thought I'd see the day when this blog ragged on Thirsty Thursday. I guess that the track didn't offer Stoli on sale.

Ironicus Maximus said...

Au contrare dear reader. A close reading of the text will reveal that Johnson uses Thirsty Thursday as a defense of her stewardship of the public money, and as part of the public who occasionally have money, we applaud her frugality, if not her choice in adult beverages.

Alas, as with all great artists we fear it is our lot to be misunderstood.


George said...

sorry to be a big disappointment to both you AND my parents....

Ironicus Maximus said...

No need to be so hard on yourself good sir. After all, Nigel and Mookie think highly of you and we're told greyhounds are excellent judges of character