Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know the slow unraveling of days and the soft whisper of deflating hope...erm...we mean know that Florida is the epicenter of  heartless exploitation of living creatures for profit as home to 13 of the remaining 22 greyhound death camps in the United States. Recently the state legislature commissioned a study of the entire gambling infrastructure in the state with an eye towards coming up with a comprehensive set of policies for all aspects of the gaming industry.

As far as the overlords are concerned, a critical part of that policy would have to do with decoupling which simply means the state would say, "race or not, we don't care." Now, you might think this would be cause for great celebration amongst the overlords as they finally get the yoke of government regulation and interference in the exercise of their free market rights removed. Yeah, well no. Really. No. Seriously.

OK flash forward to now and the state is holding hearings to let people who will be affected by these policies come and have a say. Let's listen in, shall we?

One speaker, Randolph Goodman, stated that he supported the decoupling of racing and casino licenses in order to expose the financial weakness of greyhound tracks, which rely on subsidies for purses and operating expenses, he said. “There is no demand for greyhound racing any more,” Goodman said. “If you decouple, you will see.”

Oh now that's a little harsh, Mr. Goodman don't you think? We mean think of all the benefits that accrue to the state from greyhound racing. Why just recently a study was done that analyzed racing contributions. As the author's wrote:

Greyhound racing is a “dying sport” that has been hemorrhaging revenue for years, according to a study of commissioned by the Florida Legislature.

See? When you...oh wait, that's not the quote we were looking for. Just a second...ah...over...yeah, here it is:

The first 307-page report, released last week, gave an overview of all aspects of the state’s gaming industry, but painted a particularly bleak picture for facilities that offer greyhound racing. “Handle,” or the total amount wagered, has plummeted over the past two decades. “Total handle for the 13 facilities that ran greyhound racing fell from $933.8 million in [fiscal year] 1990 to $265.4 million in [fiscal year] 2012, a decline of 67 percent,” the report read.

Oops. That's not it either. OK, look we'll have to get back to you on that. Did you have a comment Michele Lazarow, Hallandale Beach city commissioner?

"Being housed in a small cage for 20-23 hours a day is a life that no one should have to endure. "Do you allow your dog to be treated that way?...It seems that forcing a business to race is not practical. It's time to move away from this archaic thinking into the 21st Century."

Now, Ms. Lazarow, it's not the purpose of this hearing to get into the treatment of the dogs. Besides, since they represent such a great investment of time and money, and since their thought of as practically members of the family, their care and comfort is first rate. Just ask Ron Williams, or Ursulla O'Donnell, or Ritt and Steinmann. And no, Ms. Lazarow neither are we going to discuss greyhound doping, or transportation issues. You are out of order.

Hey Darla, we bet you're thinking it's not just Ms. Lazarow that's "out of order" huh?

Meet Sweet Darla is available for adoption! She has just turned 9 years old, brindle in color and as sweet as can be. She's great with kids, cats and is a real lover. She's friendly, healthy and waiting for a new home (and couch) to call her own. She's living with 2 other greyhounds in her foster home and loves them to death but would like her own couch and yard to call her own. She likes attention, as any dog does--probably a more quiet household would be Darla's choice. Could Darla be the doggie for you and your family? For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Girl Scout Cookies. Harmless Treat, Or Lesbian Mind Control Pills?

Full disclosure: We luuuurvvvves us some Girl Scout Cookies. Samoas, man, they are like little disks of chocolaty, carmely crack. Can not get enough of those bad boys. So imagine our surprise when we find out that in all these years scarfin' Samoas, as well as the occasional Thin Mint, Tagalong and Dulce de Leche (which is Spanish for "Eat me by the handful")  we have been unknowingly SUPPORTING THE LESBOS!!!gasp!!

A conservative pastor and radio host, who thinks "feminism has been devastating to the country," begged his listeners not to buy Girl Scouts Cookies because he claims the "wicked" organization promotes lesbianism and abortion.

"And on top of that,"  Pastor Kevin Swanson grumbled, "If you go to their website you'll see they're supported by Michelle Obama, so add angry radical feminist to the list. Oh, and black. Make that angry black radical feminist."

Swanson upbraided the Girl Scouts for not promoting a biblical vision of "godly womanhood" and asked — if you absolutely must purchase the treats — to cross out every reference to the youth organization on the box with a black magic marker.

OK, let's get this straight. It's fine to buy and eat the cookies as long as you deface the box they came in. We're not sure the Rev has thought this whole non-support thing through.

The Girl Scout Cookie Program aims to introduce girls to business and financial skills, a goal Swanson and his co-host, Dave Buehner, faulted.

"The last thing we need in this world is more competent people," Swanson said. "Mark my words, it will be the death of the Republican party, not to mention what it will do to our uniquely American institutions like voting. I mean, you let women get a foot in the door with the  19th amendment and now look. You got women Senators, women Governors, women mayors and state representatives. Where does it all end? Hillary was a Girl Scout you know."

Buehner added, "Are you trying to create a woman who's gonna compete with men in the marketplace, or are you trying to create a woman to be a helpmate to a man so that he can compete in the marketplace?"

Umm...Both?

"Understand what a biblical approach to raising sons and raising daughters is all about, and be very, very careful how you do it," said Swanson.

Gotcha Rev. And remember, first rule of the biblical approach to raising daughters is women are good for two things: Making babies and sammiches and ain't nobody selling Girl Scout Sammiches, get it?

Friday Hound Blogging

You know, we were thinking, as the latest example of what passes for governance here in post rational America drew to a close and the federal government prepared to open--until the next time it closes--that what we need in this country is a hero. Someone who can step forward and wield a sword in the face of the dragon of ignorance, to take up arms against the dark forces that even now are marshaling in the shadows...waiting for an opening to leap at the very throat of our civilization. Someone like Harry Findley.

THE millionaire looking to bring greyhound racing back to Oxford Stadium says he is ready to stump up £1.2m to snap up the site.

Huzzah for Sir Harry! HUZZAH! Just when the overlords had resigned themselves to the fact that this rusted, dilapidated hulk of pain, injury and death was about to be consigned to the ash heap of history and replaced by 220 homes for low and moderate income families, who should appear on the horizon like Helios in his chariot but Harry Findley. Huzzah! We say again. Huzzah and well met sir.

He said he believed the stadium was worth £1.2m in its current state, and he was prepared to pay it. He said: “I can’t wait to get my hands on Oxford. I know it’s going to be packed three nights a week.”

 Oh dawning promise of bright tomorrow! Oh sweet, joyous song of what's to come! Oh...wait. You do know there are seven nights in a week, right?

“I’ve got a massive advantage in that I’ve already got all the best trainers at my track in Coventry ready to come down to Oxford.Findley said."

Uh. Not to be nit picky  or anything, but the problem with the track wasn't the trainers, it was the fact that no one came to see the dogs risk their lives at two bucks a pop. It's beginning to look as if Mr. Findley hasn't thought this all the way through.

“They have certainly shown it can only be run as a greyhound track and I’m their man.”

Again, not to be disrespectful or anything because if you have £1.2m to set on fire you must be a very smart man, but the fact that it's closed and about to be demolished is because people tried to run it as a greyhound track.

Oxford East MP Andrew Smith said: “Three things have to happen now. One – the Government must refuse them permission to demolish the stadium. Two – the city council must turn down the planning application for housing, which I am sure they will, and three – the Government has to turn down any appeal against that refusal. “Then the owners will have to sell or lease the stadium as a stadium, and it can get up and running again in new hands.”

Oh. Well, when you put it like that it sound like it's a done deal then, right Charlie?

Charlie is playful, happy, and curious about the world around him. He is very affectionate, adaptable, and loves to go on walks/car rides and is very happy meeting new people at meet and greet activities. Although Charlie gets along very well with his two other doggie roommates, he is not currently prepared to be introduced to a home with cats or other small animals. Charlie would do best with another dog and an active family (without young children) that will include him in their activities. He has a problem with sleep startle and his foster family is working very hard with him to overcome this problem. Charlie is looking for a patient, loving, stable, and committed forever family that will be invested in helping him reach his fullest potential. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Friday Hound Blogging

You know, we've been thinking about our old buddy Tom Taylor a lot lately here in the marbled halls of IM Central. Say what you will about Tommy (and we often did) he could always be counted on for a bit of dissembling, some avoidance of the issue, or just out right lies when it came to the treatment of the units down at Tucson Death Camp for Greyhounds. But since he was unceremoniously dumped it's like a light has gone out of our lives. If by light you mean pustulating horror of cold, empty, silent blackness, sucking the humanity from your very soul.

Anyway, we got to wondering what was going on at the TGP injury and death factory post Tommy so we took to the interwebs and what before our wandering eyes should appear but:


 Whoa! Income drops 21% in just one year? Bet you wish you had old Tommy back now, huh nameless behind the scenes absentee owners of the park who prefer to remain anonymous but whose initials are Joseph Zappala and Robert Consolo Jr?

Well, desperate times call for desperate measures, so what are the plans to keep the heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for profit going when no one seems to want it?

A high-ranking state administrator is asking the city of South Tucson to consider rescinding a 2008 voter initiative banning steroid injections for racing greyhounds. Arizona Department of Racing Director Bill Walsh sent a memo to South Tucson two weeks ago asking the city to revisit the law.

OK, first of all we feel obligated to point out that referring to Bill Walsh as a "high-ranking state administrator" is like referring to Ted Cruz as a far sighted philosopher-politician, but more to the point, is this the best you can do? Let's start shooting up the dogs again and everything will be all right? That's your big solution?

Walsh said state law designates the Racing Department as the sole regulator of horse and dog racing in Arizona. By implementing the measure, South Tucson subverted the department’s “power and authority to regulate the industry and the property on which the races are conducted,” Walsh wrote in the memo.

Oh. Excuse us. This isn't about the dogs at all. Little Billy got the hurt fee fees 'cause mean old South Tucson took his ball away. Poor baby.

Even though South Tucson’s attorney hasn’t issued an opinion yet, South Tucson City Manager Luis Gonzales said it’s unlikely the council will overturn the voter-approved ordinance when it discusses the topic at Wednesday’s meeting. But the council might decide to amend the animal-control agreement with Pima County to eliminate the enforcement provision for injecting greyhounds with steroids at Tucson Greyhound Park, Gonzales said.

Now, let's make sure we have this straight. You pass a law that says you can't shoot up the greyhounds and interfere with their natural cycle just so you can suck a few extra bucks off them, now you're thinking about passing a law that says you can't enforce the first law--which by the way is still on the books. Isn't that sort of like saying you're having safe sex with a condom made of cheesecloth Peter?

Peter is a 9 year old brindle love bug. He is currently living with both large and small doggies, and cats in his foster home and is also good with kids. He seems to prefer the small doggies in his foster home over the big ones but gets along well with everyone. He loves having a fenced yard so he can walk around and sniff and mark every blade of grass. He likes to ride in the car, seems to be somewhat particular with his food. Sleeps on his back w four feet in the air (Roaching) and is an all around relaxed, good boy. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Alabama! Motto: We Need To Get This Nickname Thing Firgured Out First

OK, OK so you're reading the title of this little missive and you're thinking, "Alabama? Come on Ironicus, that's a bit too easy isn't it? Even for you."

Well, first of all we resent your implication that the easy way out isn't the first choice around the marbled halls of IM Central, but in this case we have been drawn to the...uh...the...OK we were going to use Alabama's state nickname here for the sake of variety, but it turns out they don't have one. That could explain some things. Anyway, what drew us to Alabama, specifically Daphne, Alabama was a story in the local press about some concerned parents.

Daphne High School is offering Arabic language classes instead of French classes this fall, taught by Sanaa El-Khattabi, a former University of South Alabama professor.

You know where this is going, right? What's somebody with a name like Sanaa El-Khattabi doing in Alabama to begin with? The only thing we can figure is he must have been passing himself off as an African American. Or maybe Hispanic, although to get away with that he would have had to open a Lawn Care business, which would have conflicted with his teaching position at the university. But anyway, back to our story:

But some Daphne residents are upset that the Baldwin County school system is permitting its students to learn what they call “a culture of hate.”

Oh here we go.

“When you teach Arabic, you have to teach the culture along with it,” said Chuck Pyritz, whose two sons, Isaiah, 17, and Isaac, 14, attend Daphne High. “The culture is intertwined with Islam.”

When asked where he came by his knowledge of how foreign languages were taught, Mr. Pyritz explained that he often rode the bus to work with the hispaniards. We'd also like to point out that it probably is significant that Mr. Pyritz's sons are named Isaiah and Issac, two deeply Christian names which means Mr. Pryritz and his family are no doubt steeped the tolerance, love and forgiveness for which that religion is famous.

So what does the school district have to say about this underhanded attempt to sneak Sharia law into the nicknameless state of Alabama?

School officials believe the class will help prepare students to succeed in a global economy.

"Now most people would say Chinese is the language to learn if you want to succeed in the global economy," said Alan Lee, superintendent of the Baldwin County school system. "But we thought with that there Muslin sympathizer in the White House, this might give our kids a better chance at surviving when we're invaded by Iran."

“This is America, and English is our language, and while I understand the alleged premise of offering Arabic at our high school, I don’t agree with it,” said Michael Rife, who lives in Daphne. "And since this is a democracy, y'all have to do what I want. Just like in Washington."

Pyritz cited the case of jihadist Omar Hammami, who grew up in Daphne, as a compelling reason that school systems should not offer courses in Arabic. "He grew up here before Arabic was offered in the high school. Attended the school but then dropped out," Mr. Pyritz told the Board meeting. "Good lord people, can't you see the connection here?"

“It is not just another language; it is a language of a religion of hate." Added Mr. Rife. "Unlike English which is the language of a religion of love and tolerance."

Multilingual job candidates will have an advantage in the Alabama job market, given the variety of international companies, Lee said, including Airbus Americas (French), ThyssenKrupp (German), Outokumpu (Finnish), Toyota (Japanese) and Hyundai (Korean). "Now can you see why we want to teach Arabic?" Lee asked.

Why does Alan Lee hate America?

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the Mixed Messages Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The MMD is a division of the Words Is Hard Corporation, a wholly owned subsidy of What Part Of Loser Do You Not Understand, LLC.

But first a little background. Frequent reader(s) of this blog know accomplishment is the path of increased expectations leading to the valley of disappointment...erm...we mean know that here in post rational America there are two groups of our fellow citizens whom we occasionally single out as examples of why head injuries should be taken seriously, namely the overlords and legislators. In most cases we deal with these unfortunate examples of the results of being given paint chips as an after school snack separately, but occasionally they come together in what can only be called a singularity of stupid. This is one of those times.

This last week the overlords were confronted yet again with yet another dope slap from reality when yet another study was released that said one more time what every other study of the institutionalized exploitation of innocent living creatures for profit has said, namely, get a real job losers. Or more precisely,

A new study on gaming in Florida predicts six dog tracks, including Ebro Greyhound Park, will end live racing if the state eliminates a law requiring tracks run a minimum number of races to operate a poker room.

OK, pretty straight forward, right? Well, that just shows how little you know about the advanced state of data interpretation practiced by that particular subset of society which we respectfully refer to as semi-sentient bags of wasted protein. (bless their hearts) Take it away Mark Hess, associate manager of Ebro Death Camp for Greyhounds:

Hess said as long as greyhound racing is profitable, Ebro will continue to run the dogs. And he believes racing will continue to make money, even if decoupling passes.

Now, if you have the brains god gave a spinach plant  you might have a bit of a problem following that train of logic past the we're only in this for the money part, so let's listen as Mr. Hess elucidates his analysis further:

“We don’t know for sure (what would happen),” Hess said. “We would have to take a good look at it, and we’re not really going to spend the time to look at it until decoupling really exists.”

So, to recap: We're only in this for the money. Decoupling will not affect the money. We don't know what will happen because we haven't been paying attention, therefore PROFIT!!

Right now you're thinking Ha Ha Ironicus, that guy's pretty dumb so what's new? We want to see the dog of the week.

Oh we are so not there yet gentle reader(s). Enter Senate Gaming Committee Chairman Garrett Richter, (R-etard).

A $400,000 gambling report will be delayed because it is too confusing and needs to be reviewed for accuracy, according to Richter.

"Have you looked at that thing?" Richter asked. "It's nothing but words and charts and graphs. What am I supposed to do with that? I'm a politician, not a dictionary."

Understood Mr. Richter, but could you be a little more specific as to the nature of your confusion? Surely you have staff that could help you with the big words.

“There is absolutely nothing in the report that either satisfies or dissatisfies me,’’ Richter said.

We see. So what is it in the report that is confusing, yet neither satisfying nor dissatisfying?

Although he had not seen the report, Richter said he learned it was confusing and supported the delay.

Understood. Again, to recap: The report is confusing. That doesn't affect me one way or another. I have not read the report, therefore DELAY!!

OK, now we can meet the dog of the week, but you'll have to stop weeping for America first.

Doc is a handsome, 3 year old fawn. He is playful, loving and curious. Doc enjoys his food and playing outside in the yard with people and toys. He gets along with the 8 and 9 year old humans that come to visit and with his foster brother grey. Doc sleeps through the night in his crate and doesn't seem to be bothered by storms. It is as though he has always lived with a family in a home. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.