Tuesday, November 01, 2011

Stay Tuned For A 60 Minutes Special Report On Celebrity Ferrets

We're coming to you today from the Let's Do A Poll Because It's Easier Than Working Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. LDAPBIETW is a division of the We're Running Out Of Ways To Avoid Writing About Real Issues Company, a wholly owned subsidiary of Sarah Palin Didn't Return Our Calls, Inc.

Look, we know writing about things like the economy, world financial crises, income inequality and other issues that, you know, impact people's lives and such is hard. We mean, you have to interview experts, do research, learn new words and all sorts of other complications, all of which interferes with keeping up with Kim Kardashian's tweets. But, come on man, even if you're going to try and convince your boss you're working by putting up an online poll--which is to real polling like nuclear energy is to canned spam--at least put a little effort into making the resulting article not resemble something written for a tenth grade homework assignment
Ronald Reagan beat out Franklin Delano Roosevelt as the former president Americans would like to see in the White House during these trying economic times, a new 60 Minutes/Vanity Fair poll finds. Thirty-six percent of those polled said they wanted the Gipper to lead America out of the economic crisis...
Really? That's your lede? Thirty six percent? When we went to school that meant 64% would have wanted someone else. Almost two thirds, in other words.
Thomas Jefferson came in third place with the support of 14 percent of those polled.
Thomas Jefferson? Really? You made Thomas Jefferson one of the choices on your poll. This is what you learned in Investigative Journalism class? Thomas Jefferson wouldn't know a Credit Default Swap if Sally Hemmings hit him over the head with one.
The poll also found that 68 percent of Americans think Secretary of State Hillary Clinton would make the best Democratic vice presidential candidate if Joe Biden doesn’t remain on the ticket next year.
Well, that's certainly timely and useful information to have. Particularly since Vice President Biden has already said he's going to stay on the ticket

Hey, we've got an idea for an Internet poll. It would have just one question: Do you think Internet polls are a big waste of time and reporters use them to keep from doing actual work?

While we're waiting for the results to come in maybe someone could do an in depth story on Dancing With The Stars or something. You know, reporter stuff.

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