Rabbi Daniel Lapin, a favorite figure on the Religious Right, really out-did himself on Wallbuilders Live with David Barton yesterday. The topic of conversation was the suggestion that animals should be referred to as “companions” instead of “pets.” Lapin claimed that the elevation of animals in our society has lead to horrible things, from Nazi Germany to (gasp!) women’s rights.OK, our first question is what's a Jew doing on a christian radio show? We mean, sure christians like Israel and all, but that's just because it happens to be the place where Gog and Magog are finally gonna get their Satan loving buttocks kicked by the big JC. As for the people living in Israel...ah...not so much.
Be that as it may, however, the good Rabbi did come on and say treating animals better means treating people worse, to which St Francis of Assisi replied, "stuff it Jewboy."
Course, St Francis being a catholic and all, probably neither Barton of Rabbi Bonehead have heard of him. Haven't heard of Dr. Randall Lockwood (vice president of training and initiatives for the Humane Society of the United States) either we guess. You would have thought they'd have picked up on a little chatter the J man laid on his posse one day:
Verily I say unto you, they who partake of benefits which are gotten by wronging one of God's creatures, cannot be righteous...Now you're thinking, "Hey, this is David Barton we're talking about here. When has being righteous ever been an issue for him?"
OK, OK we see your point, so let's quit beating around the bush and get right to the obligatory Hitler quote:
It’s not an accident that Adolf Hitler was almost never seen without his dog, who he was petting constantly. Loved his dog!Frequent reader(s) of this blog know that ambition is the seed of despair...erm...we mean know that we here in the marbled halls have expressed more than a passing fancy for canis familiaris on more than one occasion. And yet it's been over a year since we goosestepped around the house in jackboots and we can't even remember how long it's been since we felt compelled to invade neighboring countries. Hmmm...well, maybe it's OK for guys to have pets, just not the wimmenz:
The reality is that the lives of most women are not as good today as they were years ago, they’re just not good. Now “oh they’ve got opportunities,” yeah they do, like they can get shot up and tortured in Iraq, and guess what-I’ve traveled, you’ve traveled. I mean how often does my heart break when I see a woman on a business trip frantically trying to calm her children over the telephone and tell them they should go to be with the sitter and she’ll be home after they’re asleep. That’s the woman who’d like to be with her kids if she could, but no--we really are making life tougher on people and all of this is of course consistent with the idea of promoting rights for animals.Since we're not theologians like the good Rabbi, or historians like Mr. Barton we have to say this demonstration of high powered religio/historical logic is beyond our meager intellectual abilities, even after a Stoli or three, but in keeping with the fine tradition of religious thought and historical scholarship represented by these two intellectual giants, we'd like to offer our contribution to the ultimate survival of American society, and rescue the ladies at the same time, so we'll be contacting Rabbi Lapin and Mr. Barton with invitation to join our new national campaign: Kick a Cat for Women's Rights.
Using the same power of reason and logical skill that enabled Rabbi Lapin to analyze the pet/working women conundrum and arrive at his conclusions regarding the treatment of animals and the need for women to stay out of airports while their children are still too young to drive, we expect Kick a Cat for Women's Rights will solve the infrastructure problem in the United States and finally enable the Cubs to win the series.
You don't have to thank us. It's something we do for the good of all.