Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the Fart In A Hurricane Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The FIAH Department is a division of the Spit Into The Wind Corporation, a wholly owned subsidy of Pee In The Ocean, LLC.

After weeks and weeks of being reminded that they are boils on the buttocks of society, that they are as useful as a screen door on a submarine, that their contribution to society is surpassed by an Ebola outbreak and that their so called profession has more in common with rabies than anything that might be considered valuable by sentient beings, the overlords have struck back.

Grey2K USA activists have created a distorted picture of greyhound racing at Gulf Greyhound Park, as well as other tracks across the country. This is intentional.These activists have a radical agenda that has far more to do with politics and fundraising than with animal welfare.

Now, we've heard this retort from the overlords many times and on one level it makes sense as simple projection because as overlord King says:

"More of a business than a pet." So with an attitude like that it's no wonder they see what the animal rights wackos do as a business too. When you're a hammer kind of thing, you know? Plus since they have about as much empathy as a wounded scorpion it's no wonder they can't conceive of anyone doing anything out of a sense of altruism, but here's our question: If animal rights wackos are only in it for the money, and they're helping to shut tracks down all over the country, aren't they killing their own market? We mean, if they only want to make money off the heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit, why are they working so hard to end it? As Mr. Spock (RIP) would say, curious. But back to our story.

The Grey2K report on greyhound injuries was a collection of statistics that are easy to misrepresent if that’s the intention. For example, the report failed to explain that between 2009 and 2012, injuries occurred in fewer than one-tenth of one percent of all racing starts.

Ah, the old "Nothing To See Here" strategy. Don't look over there at all those greyhounds injured and dying, look over here to the ones who survived. Well, survived today at least. Each day brings a new opportunity to get hurt or killed, but we'll give you that Sally Briggs, general manager of Gulf Greyhound Park.You're saying not enough greyhounds are getting injured and killed to make a difference, so our question is, how many greyhounds have to suffer and die before you notice it?

The vast majority were minor, permitting the greyhounds to return to racing after treatment. Even in cases where injuries prevented a return to racing, the greyhounds transitioned successfully to life in adoptive homes.

OK, saying most greyhounds get hurt but we patch them up enough so they can go out there and possibly get hurt again, maybe more severely, is not a strong argument for your side there overlord Briggs, and as far as the transitioning into adoptive homes thing goes, how do you square that with what overlord King says:

When we have dogs which we cannot rehome we take them to the vet and have them euthanized humanely.

Sounds like somebody didn't get the memo.

Anyone with an ounce of common sense should recognize that preventing injuries and providing the best possible care for greyhounds is not only the right thing to do, but it’s good business.

Well of course it is overlord Briggs, but it's better business to take a dog that's slow or injured, dump it as quickly as possible and replace it with another helpless victim...erm...we mean with fresh inventory...no...uh...competitor.  Yeah that's it, competitor because, as you have said many times, the dogs love to run around a closed track risking injury and death so they can help you grab a smaller and smaller piece of a shrinking money pie. Or words to that effect.

Industry regulations require that greyhounds be housed in comfortable crates large enough to permit them to stand, sit, lie down and turn around comfortably.

 Well, that's good because since the dogs are in their crates 18 to 22 hours a day being able to turn around is helpful. Of course being able to stretch our on a nice soft dog bed, or a couch would be better, but like overlord King says, "they are more of a business than a pet" so we see where you are coming from.

Similarly, greyhounds must be turned out for exercise four to five times daily to ensure that they remain in top condition. When they’re not racing or exercising, they prefer to rest.

Sure, but when you're in a crate that only has enough room to stand up and turn around in what choice do you have but "rest?" It's not like they can run and catch a Frisbee or anything, you know?

Good nutrition is another key to the health of racing greyhounds. The meat they consume is the same found in most commercial pet foods — the same diet most of our pets enjoy.

Yeah, that's true about the meat, but you left out the part about how the meat in commercial pet food is cooked to kill the pathogens, and the meat for the units isn't, hence the prevalence of things like  microorganisms, including Salmonella spp, Campylobacter jejuni, and Escherichia coli. Mmmm.  Campylobacter jejuni. Sounds like it'd be really good with a little hot sauce, right Dasher?

Dasher is a five year old male just rescued. He will need a home without cats. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Oh the woe that is being visited upon the overlords. To paraphrase EAP:

vainly they had sought to borrow
From delusion surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Dollar -
For the slow and stupid Marks whom the angels name The Rubes-
Absent now for evermore.

Or words to that effect. Anyway the point is another week has passed and as the overlords arise and peer through the cellophane covering the trailer window on this deep winter day, when the air is almost as frigid as their black little hearts, what manner of travail stares back at them...

Sorry. Just felt like working dramatic chipmunk in there. Actually it's pretty much sameo sameo this week.

Discussions are underway at the State Capitol about how West Virginia gets out of the dog racing business. “Something is going to be done; it’s just a matter of time,” said Senate Finance Committee Chairman Mike Hall (R-Putnam).

Get out of the dog racing business. Man. Not too many ways to interpret that huh overlords? Well, maybe we shouldn't be so hasty. After all, the overlords have made missing the point and changing the subject into an art form. Just check out some of the comments on this story. Our favorites are the ones about a dog that ran thirty five years ago and the rant about tracks that closed before Grey2K came along. Kind of making their point for them there Mr. Floatingboat, don't you think? But back to our story.

A recent independent study by Spectrum Gaming Group chronicled the epic decline of greyhound racing at the tracks in Wheeling and Cross Lanes. Wagering has dropped from $35 million in 2003 to just $16 million in 2013. Attendance has declined from over 900,000 people annually to just 13,000 (though some in the greyhound industry question those attendance figures).

Well of course they do because you can't argue with the dollar decline so you try to change the subject to how heads were counted. This is overlord obfuscation 101 Mr. Reporter sir. If you've been reporting on the heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit for more than a half hour or so we're surprised you didn't see that.

Hall and others in the leadership are working on several different options:
1) Cut off payments to the breeders fund and at some point begin phasing out the subsidy of the purses.
2) Eliminate payments to the breeder’s fund and the purses, but offer a buyout to qualifying breeders. 3) Do nothing.
Hall is among those who believe the industry is fading and the money should be recouped, but he’s not willing to rush a decision. “We do not want to have an unintended consequence.”

We hear you Chairman Hall and believe us, if one of those "unintended consequences" is that the overlords have to go out and get real jobs, we're sure they hear you too.

The West Virginia greyhound industry is divided over the future. Sam Burdette, president of the West Virginia Greyhound Owners and Breeders Association, favors a buyout. However, breeder Lester Raines believes greyhound racing is still viable.

When asked to explain why he thought placing helpless greyhounds at risk of death and injury on a daily basis in the futile attempt to squeeze a few last dollars out of a dead industry, zombie walking to oblivion was "viable," Mr. Raines couldn't really point to any specific reasons, although he did admit that the sky on his planet was pink.

Governor Tomblin, whose late mother, Freda, benefited from the breeder’s fund for years, acknowledges times have changed. “As the wagering has continued to decline, it’s time we start looking at how we continue with this industry,” he said.

 Well, if by "continue" you mean shoot it in the brain, cut its head off, bury it, set the grave on fire then build an concrete memorial on top of that to all the dogs who have died so the overlords could preserve their leech-like existence for another day, then yeah, we're with you. That about sum it up Edward?

My foster mom says I am a real lover. I love to “hug” you. I do the typical Greyhound lean. I love to follow my foster mom around. I am cuddly, friendly and outgoing. I have met cats and dogs of all sizes when I get to go to work with my foster mom who is a groomer. I even live with a bunny in my foster home. I love to go for walks and do well on the leash. I love everybody I meet. I am housebroken. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here. 

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog will recall the vivacious colors of youth bursting against an azure sky of promise like multicolored madness now become lugubrious ghosts under the desultory clouds of increasing entropy...erm...we mean will recall that we have been chronicling the slow (and not so slow) descent of the overlords into irrelevancy.  And this week, oh they have greased the skids fellow sailors on this ship of fools.

Now even the Arabs have noticed.

Citing more than 600 sources, including state racing commission reports and records, veterinary journal articles, necropsy reports, National Greyhound Association documents, books and newspaper stories, the national report on greyhounds said at least 909 greyhound deaths have been documented. In Florida, a racing greyhound dies every three days, according to state records. The report also documented 11,722 greyhound injuries, including fractured skulls, broken necks and electrocutions, and 27 cases of animal cruelty, including dogs starved to death and denied veterinary care.

That' Aljazeera man. Al freakin' Jazeera which usually reports on who's mad at the king in north Wangdangistan, or what the demonstrations are about in the capitol city of Al Gebra, has turned their attention to the heartless commodification of innocent living creatures for the sole purpose of making (no) money and determined that greyhound racing sucks gravel through a straw.

Now that just has to leave a mark.

“We would like to reduce the amount of dog racing we do here,” Izzy Havenick, co-owner of the Naples-Fort Myers Track and Entertainment Center, told America Tonight in December. Havenick said the dog track loses $2.5 million a year, and he wants Florida lawmakers to change the law to make the poker rooms and greyhound racing independent of one another, a move dubbed “decoupling.” Greyhound breeders and owners oppose decoupling.

"Well of course breeders oppose decoupling," Havenick continued. "As long as there's racing I'm paying $2.5 mill a year to keep those useless bags of mostly wasted protein off the job market. Would you turn down a deal like that?"

We like to think we would, especially if it  required contining injury and death for the greyhounds still trapped in the deathcamps. What do you say Jeff Kottkamp, a former Florida lieutenant governor who lobbies on behalf of Florida Greyhound Association?

Dog owners and breeders say they have a financial interest in keeping their dogs healthy and happy. “The people that own these dogs love these dogs," Kottkamp said. "Well, until they stop winning that is, then they dump them like yesterday's trash, bring in a new one and the process starts all over again. We call it inventory rotation."

If this were not a family blog we might suggest something else you could rotate on, Mr. Kottkamp, but let's get back to the report.

“Thirty-nine states have already made the humane decision to ban greyhound racing, but this cruel sport continues to exploit greyhounds despite public outcry and overwhelming financial losses from a dying industry,” Nancy Perry, senior vice president of government relations at ASPCA, said in a statement.

 Thirty nine, huh? Well that's a pretty substantial number. So what states are left?

In addition to Florida, six other states operate greyhound tracks: Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, Iowa, Texas and West Virginia.

Iowa? Come on now Aljazeera.  Iowa is the Schrodinger's cat of racing. It both exists and it doesn't, and as soon as any attention is payed to it, the situation will collapse. And West Virgina? Well, OK, there is racing in West Virginia. Today. We'd check back tomorrow if we were you. Wouldn't you agree Judge?

I am lovable, bonding, and silly. I am a very active boy so I need guidance. I am strong willed. I love to play with toys. I am a big leaner. Unlike most Greyhounds, I know how to sit. I love to run and play and do zoomies in the yard. I am a real Velcro dog. I get along with dogs of all sizes and kitties too. I am housebroken. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here. 

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the If It Weren't For Bad Luck, Wouldn't Have Any Luck At All Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The IIWFBLWHALAA Department is a division of the Sunk So Low Have To Look Up To See Down Corporation, a wholly owned subsidy of It's Always Darkest Just Before Someone Hits You In The Head With A Shovel, NA.

As we have chronicled in this blog, 2015 has not been kind to the overlords. We mean, when you read headlines like  State subsidies for greyhound racing could be better spent and Dog Racing Becoming A Thing of the Past and those are the good news stories, at least compared to Orange Park greyhound racing deaths at top in the state well, let's just say the heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit has a bit of a problem vis-a-vis people who can count and have souls.

But, say what you will about the overlords--and we often do--they've never been a group of third grade dropouts with substance abuse problems and anger management issues that lets a little thing like reality get them down, right JJ Steinoff of Kenosha, a member of United Greyhound Racing?

To start, I would bring back the greyhounds but add pari-mutuel snowmobile racing in the winter months as an added attraction.

OK, Wisconsin, snowmobiles. We get that. But it sounds like you're saying people would come out to see helpless greyhounds caught in the meat grinder of a dying industry risk death and injury, and when they couldn't see that they'd settle for snowmobile racing. You are talking about the Wisconsin on planet earth, right?

Greyhound racing has made great strides in the last few years, with attendance and overall handle up at many tracks and the sport just had its first national championship race since 1993.

 OK, we think we see your problem. See when people drive by the track and happen to glance at the empty parking lot and the crumbling buildings, that doesn't count as "attendance." And as for the national championship thing? That's like the "Miss Universe" contest. You can call it whatever you want, but that doesn't mean that's really what it is.

I fully believe that the sport’s best days are ahead of us and would be happy to share our blueprint for future success to anyone interested.

Well, if by "best days are ahead of us" you mean soon all the greyhounds living in money losing deathcamps will be liberated and the overlords will finally have to get real jobs, then yeah, we're with you. Otherwise, not so much.

Snowmobile racing, even without wagering, is extremely popular up north and I feel the races would be a huge attraction in this part of the state, especially if used with the same interactive and modern technology that the greyhounds would be using. Only the first floor of the Dairyland building would be needed for racing.

Um...Mr. Steinoff sir? Having push and pull signs on the doors so the rubes can figure out how to get in and out is not  "interactive and modern technology." We do get what you're saying about the first floor though, but you can get even more specific than that. Since only about six people show up for greyhound races anyway, you could probably get by with just that table over in the corner. You know, the one with the wobbly legs and the mismatched chairs?

The next revenue idea for the Menominee is to create a fantasy sports app and then build an intimate sports bar/sports book type setting on the second floor of Dairyland. In the last five years, fantasy sports has taken off and exploded into a whole new area of sports wagering. Plus, it’s 100 percent legal in Wisconsin, as long as the prize is not tied to a score of the contest but is predicted on statistics. People love to bet on football, baseball and basketball and fantasy sports has the potential to be bigger than any gambling platform the world has ever seen.

Well, you may be right Mr. Steinoff, but here's our question: Why would anyone want to be down on the first floor reading some wrinkled old racing form, surrounded by drunks and people without teeth when that person could be up on the second floor being part of an experience "bigger than any gambling platform the world has ever seen?" You have any thoughts on the matter Nevah?

This lovely girl, who’s name is “Haven” spelled backwards has just been liberated. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog who once cast their eyes over the limitless vista of hope and promise and thought "I will make this mine" now must huddle in the cold shadow of lowered expectations...erm...we mean will recall we reported on the overlords in Iowa and their quest to open a deathcamp for greyhounds with half the money the casinos gave them to go away because if you want something done right, ignore all the evidence that it can't be done, Reality and the overlords seldom travel the same road, however, so the Racing Commission said fine, if that's what you want to do, it's not illegal to be stupid, and off the overlords went to recapture those exciting days of yesteryear before people with souls learned what was happening to the inventory.

So how's that going?

The Iowa Greyhound Association is looking to claim nearly $5 million from a supplemental fund in an effort to help live dog racing in Dubuque.

OK, so you haven't even started yet, but you've figured out you need $5 mill more to pull this thing off? What about when you said "this dedicated fund is more than enough to cover operations for live racing for the first five year lease the IGA will enter regarding the facility?" Oh wait, don't answer that. You were thinking people would actually come to the track when it opened weren't you? Well, don't worry, it's an easy enough mistake to make...if you're an idiot.

But hey, this is America right? Home of Trongs, watermelon strollers and the bottle opener remote, so why not pour more money into the heartless commodification of innocent living creatures for (no) profit? We mean it's got to have at least a good of a chance of paying off as  bacon bandages, right West Virginia?

A study commissioned by state lawmakers says greyhound racing subsidies are a bad investment and should be eliminated.

Whoa. That's kind of cold, don't you think? We mean all that's going on here is the killing and maiming of hundreds of helpless greyhounds every year so that a couple of drunks can lose the rent money and keep the overlords out of the labor pool for a while. What's so bad about that? Right greyhound breeder Steve Sarras?

“You can manipulate statistics any way you want to manipulate them,” Sarras said.

Darn straight. You get those stiff necked Yankees coming in here with all their high falutin' math and such and next thing you know they're telling everybody ain't no future in paying the overlords not to work. Well, somebody needs to tell it like it is and Stevie is just the man for the job, so come on you liberal eggheads, give him your best shot.

In-state wagers dropped 55 percent from 2004 to 2013 at West Virginia’s two greyhound tracks, Wheeling Island Hotel Casino Racetrack and Mardi Gras Casino and Resort, the report said. In Wheeling, greyhound racing drew 929,000 spectators in 1983, a number that is now down to 13,000 or an estimated 50 people per race day.

 Ha! Just as we thought. You're using fancy pants statistical numbers and such to imply that just because no one is coming to the tracks anymore racing is unpopular and unprofitable. Typical east coast elitist disdain for the good folks out here in flyover country. We wouldn't have expected anything else from a bunch of  carpet bagger snake oil salesmen. What we need is to hear from a good old boy, someone whose roots are here and who knows what we know. What about you Senate Minority Leader Jeff Kessler? You've lived here all your life. Tell these pencil necked northern geeks where to get off. Go ahead lay a little down home what it is on their pasty white behinds.

“We are subsidizing a sport that nobody’s watching.”

Boom! There it is study boy! What you think of us now? You can just pack your kit into your little Prius and wait what?

Now may be the time, Kessler said, to start rolling back West Virginia’s investments in greyhounds.

 Umm..OK. Jeez Tyler, that did not go the way we expected.

Snuggly and smart, this handsome fellow is very inquisitive. He’s playful and very good company. Tyler has a passion for food, so never trust him, no matter what he tells you!! This boy should be in sales with his schmoozing! ! Did we mention smart? Tyler has been busy learning home etiquette and rules. He’s getting along nicely with his foster sibs. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog will recall the boundless world that lay before them in their youth now become the harsh and barren landscape of broken hopes and unfilled expectations...erm...we mean will recall we here in the marbled halls of IM Central have been watching events unfold in Florida vis-a-vis the overlords and people with souls. Most recently we told you of the defection from the overlord camp of the track owners, who are basically the overlords' overlords. That coupled with the movement in the state legislature to make the overlords actually report the damage they do to the innocent living creatures trapped in a cruel and heartless (not to mention unprofitable) industry death spiraling into the dustbin of history has meant that 2015 has, so far, not been kind to those who would exploit the oldest recognized breed of dog for personal gain, right state Sen. Eleanor Sobel?

“I think this is a barbaric practice and we are subsidizing a bankrupt sport.”

Whoa, Senator Sobel. Tell us how you really feel. Well, wait. Don't. It's obvious you've drunk the Grey2K Kool Aid here. We mean, the heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit is a growth industry. Just ask the Iowa Greyhound Association. They're reopening a track because there's just so much pent up demand in Iowa. Right guys?

Dubuque casinos collected about $113 million in revenue in 2014, marking a 6.5 percent decline compared to 2013.The end-of-year numbers were unveiled today during the monthly meeting of Dubuque Racing Association, held at Mystique Casino. The DRA holds the license for both the greyhound racing and casino-gaming operations of Mystique and is the co-licensee for Diamond Jo Casino.

See? You just need to advertise the product right and then, wait what? Down 6.5%? OK, OK, that's not good, but that's what happened to the casinos. 

Despite slumping revenue figures, Mystique CEO Jesus Aviles said the Dubuque market did see positive developments in 2014.

Right. And we're willing to bet greyhound racing was one of those bright spots. After all, it's been taken over by the overlords themselves and if anyone knows how to make greyhound racing popular it's them, right? So tell us how greyhound racing is a positive development.

“Top billing goes to the elimination of greyhound racing,” he said.

 Yeah, well, not exactly the positive development we had in mind, but still, Iowa is Iowa and Florida is Florida, so Senator Sobel you can't argue that just because racing is bankrupt and barbaric in Iowa the same would be true for the sunshine state.

Greyhound racing is a dying sport. According to a legislative report, the state spends $3.1 million more each year to regulate greyhound racing than it receives in tax revenue. The state Division of Pari-Mutuel Wagering reports that paid attendance at dog tracks has dropped 85 percent over 10 years and the amount bet has dropped 67 percent since 1990.

 Hmmm. Looks like when we use the phrases positive development and greyhound racing in the same sentence it means we're positive it's dying and that's a great development. Wouldn't you agree Dante?

Dante is a two year old who can live with cats and small dogs. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the That's Not What I Wanted To Hear Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The TNWIWTHD is a division of the With Friends Like These Corporation, a wholly owned subsidy of This Will Not End Well, LLC.

Whilst surfing around the overlord side of the intertoobz the other day we ran across this particularly distressing headline:

Why do Florida track owners want to stop greyhound racing?

Of course our first response was because they hate America. Ask any overlord and he or she will tell you if the wholesale exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit is ended and they are forced to enter the job market, well, the terrorists have won and that's the end of freedom. Those are just the facts.

Now, for those of you keeping score at home, the track owners are the individuals who own the real estate upon which the overlords eke out their tick like existence on the backs of the greyhounds brought into this world for the sole purpose of making them rich.

And therein lies the problem.

What used to be a glamorous, lucrative sport has become a money-losing proposition that brings a black eye from animal-welfare groups. “This is an industry that is dying in Florida and all over the country, and it’s dying because of competition from other forms of gambling,” said Carey Theil, an anti-greyhound racing activist and the executive director of Grey2K, a nonprofit group that campaigns to put an end to dog racing in the seven states where it remains legal. “It’s dying because of concerns about the way dogs are treated in this industry.”

 Ha! Just what we would expect from a well known animal rights wacko like Theil. See, here's the problem with people like Theil: they're not overlords. Anyone in the industry will tell you that until you've actually been an overlord you can't say anything about racing, no matter how much you've read, or seen, or studied. We call this the There is no Australia gambit. And there you go. Since Theil has never personally participated in the institutionalized cruelty that is greyhound racing, he can't talk about it. As the lawyers say, ipso facto, cavet emptor, cave canem case closed. We're sorry. What did you say Izzy Havenick owner of the Naples–Fort Myers Greyhound Track and Poker Room?

“The state of Florida law mandates that we continue to run the dogs in order to keep the poker room open,” he said. “We’re legally obliged to keep a business operating that loses $2.5 million a year.”

Ruh Ro. Sounds like Mr. Havernick has been to Australia.  And he didn't like what he saw.

Betting on greyhounds has fallen by more than half in Florida over the past decade. The dog races now compete for the attention of a generation that came of age with the Internet. “Most people my age and younger have no interest in going to some facility and watching an animal run around in a circle,” Havenick said.

Hey! That's not fair. This is the exciting, glamorous, lucrative world of greyhound racing we're talking about. Fun for the whole family! You can't belittle an action-packed sport like this by calling it animals running around in a circle just because the animals...umm...run around in a circle. OK, you may have a point.

Florida state Sen. Maria Sachs said that the state of Florida loses money on greyhound racing, spending $1.8 million more to regulate the industry than it receives in tax revenues. “We, as a state government, should not be putting money into a sport that is actually inhumane and is losing revenue,” she said.

OK, $2.5 million plus $1.8 million. Let's see, 8 plus 5, carry the two, put your left foot in, take your left foot out...Man! That's some serious coin.  Why, that would buy almost 100 teachers, not that we're saying providing subsidies so the overlords can make their trailer payments isn't just as important as educating the next generation of Florida citizens. Not saying that at all, nosiree.

Former Lt. Gov. Jeff Kottkamp is fighting for one group that opposes decoupling: the people who own and train the dogs. The track owners, he said, shouldn’t be so quick to throw the dog owners under the bus. “They’ve had a lot of benefits of having a monopoly in this arena and made billions of dollars,” he said of the track owners. “If they don’t want to do it anymore, fine. Relinquish the license. Put it out to bid.”

 Yeah. Where's the loyalty man? In a business where part is making money and part isn't you want to drop the part that isn't. Not fair. You should give up the whole thing. We're all family, right. We all sink or swim together, right? What's that you say Roma? As soon as you finished out of the money you were dropped like a hot rock and replaced by some other dog? Well, that's just business Roma, nothing personal.

Hi, my name is Roma. I am a sweet and beautiful red-fawn greyhound (just look at my picture and you will see). I am currently in foster living with two other greyhounds showing me all the things I need to know about house rules (no accidents on my record!). The best part about being in a home is becoming a part of a loving family! I have a soft bed for sleeping, great food, snacks, lots of toys, a big yard to play in, and I get lots of hugs and kisses. Oh, I love going on walks too! Life is GREYT! I enjoy being close to my family, just in case my foster mom wants to give me a good ear rubbing (look at my cute ears) and sometimes a belly rub. I enjoy quieter times too, like snuggling, and watching TV together. My foster mom calls me her “sweet Roma tomato.” I have to agree, I am pretty sweet (not sure about the tomato thing–what is a tomato)? When she calls my name, my tail wags non-stop, as I rush to get lots of hugs and kisses! I am looking for my forever loving home! What are you waiting for? Come and get me! For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Hey, we're back! Did you miss us? Did you even know we were gone? Of course you didn't, you have lives. Well, actually if you're reading this blog...Umm we're going to stop there before we say something we might regret.

OK moving on. So how has life been treating the overlords during the erstwhile holiday season? 

It’s all over but the voting as a bill requiring that injuries to racing greyhounds be reported to the state looks certain to pass the state Senate next year. Senate President Andy Gardiner, R-Orlando, said his chamber is expected to approve the bill during the first week of the session, which starts in March.

 Oh crap. More government paperwork. Look, these are injured dogs, right? So once they're injured they lose their value, you know? Why make the poor overlords fill out a form detailing how the dogs went from assets to liabilities? We mean, if you wrecked your car would you take it to the car wash before the wrecker came and got it? Yeesh, these government bureaucrats just don't understand business, you know? We bet no other state oppresses the overlords with all these useless regulations.

It is appalling that Florida is one of only two states that does not require injuries to racing greyhounds be reported to the state. Alabama is the only other state to show such disregard for the dogs’ welfare.

 Alabama huh? OK you might have a point. Being in the same category as Alabama is sort of like saying my highest goal in life is to be a Kardasian. What do you think Jack Cory, spokesman for the Florida Greyhound Association?

Cory said senators instead should pass the “Greyhound Safety Act” backed by Sen. Chris Smith, D-Fort Lauderdale. That bill would require injury reporting but also mandates a safe track surface and safety devices to protect dogs, among other provisions.

 We're with you Jackie boy, but here's our question: Shouldn't the tracks already do everything they can to have safe track surfaces and devices to protect the dogs? Isn't that like what the kids call a no brainer? Do they really need the state to tell them to do that? We mean, sure they're overlords and all and sometimes they forget that they need to match their feet with their shoes, but...um...OK, we see your point.

Indeed, lawmakers should consider strengthening the bill as the Florida Greyhound Association proposes. The organization, which represents greyhound breeders, owners and kennel operators, suggests mandating such safeguards as appropriate track surfaces and the use of safety devices to protect dogs. Its officials understand dog safety must be paramount if the industry is to withstand the strong opposition of animal protection groups. But lawmakers should not stop at simply improving reporting requirements and track conditions. Legislators next session finally should adopt a measure “decoupling” greyhound racing from a track’s gambling license. Similar past proposals, unfortunately, have failed to make it through the Legislature. Such a law would put an end to the perverse mandate that forces tracks to run the dogs so they can keep their licenses for card games and other gambling operations.

Whoa! Hey, slow down there Buckaroo. Decoupling? You know what that means?

Decoupling the races from the gambling license would allow the marketplace to determine whether the races should be continued.

Right. And what has "the marketplace" had to say about the continued exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit...erm...we mean greyhound racing?

In Florida, the amount bet on dog races is a third of what it was just a decade ago. Only a few tracks still make money on greyhounds, according to a consultant’s report to the legislature. For the rest, the dogs are a loss leader that allows them to continue operating their profitable card rooms and slot machines.

So let's just cool our jets there a little, or in the rush to make racing safer for the greyhounds we make it less safe for the overlords. You would agree with that, right Ivy?

Sweet-natured little Ms. Ivy enjoys being with people whether it’s time to play or time to relax. Did someone mention getting out the squeaky toys and a ball or two? Ivy never misses an opportunity to have fun, and will need a home with a 6′ fence so she’s not tempted to find fun outside of her yard, and even helps tidy up afterwards by taking all toys to her bed. R&R time is good too, best done with her close by–naturally– since you never know when something might come along which would require some needle-nosed attention. Great company, that’s our Ms. Ivy!! For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog will remember the sweet birds of youth chirping in the budding trees of hope caressed by the warm breezes of promise, which have now become skeleton like branches, dark against an overcast sky, empty, except for the single black raven that sits silently watching, like death...erm...we mean will remember that we have often discoursed on the relative merits of the overlord's overseers down in the sunshine state and after extensive analysis, study and reflection have generally drawn the conclusion that basically, they suck gravel through a straw. They are to efficiency as stoplights are to space exploration. They are to effectiveness as waterfalls are to windmills. They are to commitment as helicopters are to hermit crabs. They are...well, you get the point. And in spite of the fact that it has become general knowledge that the office housing the aforementioned regulating body is nothing more than a warehouse for idiots, they don't seem to mind.

"You can't have individuals who have been implicated in apparent cases of Greyhound neglect or Greyhound cruelty or serious cases of Greyhound drug positives like cocaine continue to work in this industry for months or years before action is taken on their case," said Theil who heads Grey2K USA, a Greyhound protection organization. 

 Oh, Mr. Theil, you're so cute when expect results. Of course you can have individuals who have been implicated in apparent cases of Greyhound neglect or Greyhound cruelty or serious cases of Greyhound drug positives like cocaine continue to work in this industry for months or years before action is taken on their case. This is Florida we're talking about. You must be thinking about some place where people actually do the job they are hired to do. 

The Contact 5 Investigators discovered as of July 2014, Florida’s Division of Pari-Mutuel wagering, which oversees dog and horse racing in Florida, had yet to resolve approximately 400 complaints that had been lodged against people who do work at the tracks A closer analysis shows nearly 20% of those complaints had been lingering for over one year.

 OK, you have to look at this from the regulator's point of view. They figure the longer it takes them to actually get out of the break room and go do their jobs, the more likely it is the person they are supposed to be investigating will die of old age, thus saving them time and the taxpayers money. It's advanced regulatory agency management theory. You wouldn't understand.

As for the state’s delays, a spokesperson for the FL Department of Business and Professional Regulation writes, "Although cases appear similar in nature, each case can vary drastically based on the totality of factors involved."

When asked to clarify what a "totality of factors" means the spokesperson said, "Well, it's like this: some folks abuse greyhounds by giving them drugs, some abuse greyhounds by not seeing they get proper medical care, some abuse greyhounds just in the basic way they treat them, and some abuse greyhounds by racing them until they are used up, then tossing them out like yesterday's newspaper. You got any idea how hard it is to keep all that straight?"

Oh we hear you FL Department of Business and Professional Regulation spokesperson, we really do. Maybe if you were to look for some sort of common denominator in all these cases you might be able to, you know,  get a handle on things. Of course, actually leaving your office and going into the field to investigate these incidents would help too. Just spitballing here.

In Robert Dawson's 30-year career as a Greyhound trainer, he's been cited by the state more than a dozen times.  Most in involved issues with dog medication and drug violations. This past January, Robert Dawson became the subject of yet another state investigation. This time, one of his dogs tested positive for procaine- a non-performance enhancing drug. While both his cases remain under investigation, Dawson continues his work with the dogs.

 Now why would we want to deprive the dogs of such an obviously devoted and loving caregiver such as Mr. Dawson just because of some unsubstantiated allegations, huh? Ever hear of innocent until proven guilty, or in Mr. Dawson's case innocent until he retires or dies, but the point is, we all know the overlords only got into the wholesale exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit because of their love of the breed, and to deprive Mr. Dawson contact with his beloved greyhounds would be a punishment many times more severe than any the FL Department of Business and Professional Regulation could dish out. Well, if they actually dished out punishments that is, but let's not quibble over details right now.

His attorney, Jennifer Rosenblum, sent us a copy of an email she sent to other media publications. It states in part, "As a trainer, Mr. Dawson is the person who is the absolute insurer of each Greyhound….and as absolute insurer, will receive notice of whatever alleged violation occurs, whether or not it has to do with anything he actually allegedly did.”

See? There's your answer right there. Just because Mr. Dawson's dogs are strung out on drugs doesn't mean he had anything to do with it. Sure it has happened a dozen or so time whenever he was around but it could be anybody. Personally, we blame Obama. What about you Addy?

I am a very playful, curious and loving girl. I love to give kisses. I love to run and play in the yard and play with my toys. I am housebroken. I get along with dogs of all sizes and am cat friendly. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here. 

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog will recall the relief they felt when the weight of expectation was lifted from them...erm...we mean will recall last week when we told you the sad and sordid tale of woe befalling the overlords in West Virginia. Well, it seems the intervening week has not improved conditions.

West Virginia’s greyhound racing industry could well be under siege in the 2015 regular session of the Legislature.

OK, here's a quick reading comprehension tip for those of you out there who may have been sleeping in English class the day they talked about foreshadowing. When a word like "siege" is in the lede of an article, expect bad things to happen to the subjects of said article.

There’s the study that’s been commissioned by the Lottery Commission at the behest of the two current Finance Committee chairmen (Sen. Roman Prezioso, D-Marion, Delegate Brent Boggs, D-Braxton) to determine if it would be in the state’s best interest to eliminate subsidies for greyhound owners and breeders (totaling $22.9 million in fiscal 2013, dropping to about $20 million this year with legislation passed in March cutting greyhound and thoroughbred subsidies by 10 percent).

 Now, we're not economists or anything, but it seems to us that wondering whether to stop giving free money to a bunch of losers like the overlords would be in the best interest of the state is like wondering if the pain will stop if you quit banging your head against the wall. But that's just our opinion. We could be wrong.

Given that the new Republican-controlled Legislature is not likely to propose tax increases to balance the state budget, that $20 million will look awfully tempting.

 Another quick comprehension tip: Any sentence that includes the words "Legislature, money" and "temptation" is going to end with somebody trying to scrape enough cash together to make the application fee for Walmart Greeter School.

Meanwhile, Grey2K USA, a national organization committed to outlawing greyhound racing nationwide for humane issues, has hired Rob Casto as their lobbyist this session.
That’s a significant hire, since before starting his government relations/lobbying group, Casto served more than 17 years as a House staffer, rising to assistant to the speaker.

 Casto huh? That's only one letter away from Castro, and that letter is r which is also the first letter in red. Now, we've always known the animal rights wackos were secret lefties, but we think this makes it pretty obvious that this Theil guy is a flaming commie and he's in league with that Casto fellow to turn West Virgina into some sort of socialistic dystopia where all the money goes to things like social programs, education and stuff leaving the poor overlords to sleep in the park with only their faith in the free enterprise system for a blanket.

Sam Burdette, president of the state Greyhound Owners and Breeders Association, has already made overtures for a buyout plan if the Legislature would pass a decoupling bill – eliminating the requirement that the management of Mardi Gras and Wheeling Downs operate greyhound racing as a condition of maintaining their casino licenses.

Oh sure Sam, turn your back on your fellow overlords. Do you really think sucking up to the new politburo will save you a trip to the reeducation camp when their takeover is complete? It's like you're only in it for the money, Sam, unlike your fellow overlords who are part of the wholesale commodification of innocent living creatures for (no) profit because they love the breed so much. Nobody likes a sellout Sam.

However, the industry is not likely to go down without a fight, likely with outside money and interests pushing for continuing the state subsidies and racing – particularly from Florida, home of 13 of the nation’s 21 remaining greyhound tracks, and where the industry fought to defeat a decoupling bill in the Florida Legislature this year.

Oh man, talk about outside agitators. Oh wait, we thought the Grey2K animal rights wackos were the outside agitators. OK now we're all confused. This make any sense to you Teddy?

I am a very laid back boy. I love to cuddle. I am friendly and love to be around people. I love to have kisses on my head. I get along well with dogs of all sizes and cats. I can go up and down the stairs. I love to go for car rides. I know how to go to the door and tell you I need to go outside. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here. 

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the This Will Not End Well Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The TWNEWD is a division of the I've Got A Bad Feeling About This Corporation, a wholly owned subsidy of This Can't Be Good, LLC.

It seems the West Virginia version of the Dunning-Kruger experiment has noticed that all the money they've been funneling to the overlords in the last few years has yet to come back to them. Who could have predicted? Anyway, like good bureaucrats everywhere they have decided to do something about the situation by initiating a study. Hooray for procrastination!

A contract could be awarded this week for a study to determine the fiscal impact of state subsidies for greyhound racing — and the potential costs and benefits of eliminating those subsidies.

 Uh oh. The Legislature has put a contract out on the overlords. HaHaHaHa! A contract and a "contract." Play on words there. Get it? You people really shouldn't read this blog until you've had your coffee.

State Lottery Director John Musgrave said “We were asked by the two present Finance chairs, through the Department of Revenue, to do a study to assess dog racing, and make a determination to see if decoupling is viable”  West Virginia is one of several states that require racetrack casinos to also offer live thoroughbred or greyhound racing. With “decoupling,” the casinos are no longer obligated to offer live racing, or use casino revenues to subsidize racing purses.

Well, it depends on what you mean by "viable" there Mr. Musgrave sir. If you mean cutting loose the cash sucking overlord albatross from around the necks of the casinos and the state then sure, it's viable. If you mean subsidizing the overlords' reluctance to get jobs, then not so much.

“It seems like greyhound racing is on a path of destruction,” Sen. Roman Prezioso said. “They’re losing money, and we’d like a study to see how much money they’re losing and what they can do about it.” Prezioso said that in tough budget times, it’s difficult for the state to keep directing millions of dollars a year to what appears to be a failing industry. “We’re supporting that industry, and it just doesn’t seem right,” he said. “We can’t keep subsidizing an industry that’s failing.”

Here's a little financial tip for you Senator Prezioso: If an industry is losing money they don't "appear" to be a failing industry, they are a failing industry. See, because the whole idea of being in business is to make money. Hope this was helpful.

In September, Sam Burdette, president of the West Virginia Greyhound Owners and Breeders Association, told a legislative interim committee that, between the reduced purse fund subsidies and an ongoing decline in wagering on live races, the greyhound industry in the state is struggling to survive. He said at the time that only about three of the 17 kennels racing at the Mardi Gras Casino and Racetrack in Nitro were making a profit, citing weekly revenue reports from the racetrack.

"And the only reason those three are showing any profit at all is because the trainers make the kennel help sell plasma down at the Red Cross," Burdette added. Geez, Mr. Burdette, that's a bit extreme don't you think? What about bake sales, or  auctions? On second thought, to have an auction you'd need to have something people want to auction off and since most people don't want to have anything at all to do with the heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit, it might be hard to attract bidders. Plasma might be the way to go after all. What do you think Frank?

I am a head-strong boy but I am easily re-directed if I need to be corrected for something. Nothing upsets me. I love to cuddle. I am friendly. I love to be around people. I have met all kinds of new people and love them all. I enjoy getting kisses on my head. I am housebroken. I can go up and down the stairs. I love to go in the car. I get along with dogs of all sizes and kitties too. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here. 

Hounds Home For The Holidays

We thought we'd try and catch you before you head off to the annual Turkey bake, gravy lake, tummy ache, for heaven's sake, big mistake, give us a break Uncle Jake football wake and see if we could convince you to offer your couch on a long term lease to a homeless skinny dog. Also, we plan to be in a tryptophan induced coma ourselves, at least until the Lions game--and depending on how they play, maybe during.

And speaking of induced comas...Stoli.

But what conversation with you our esteemed reader(s) would be complete without mention of everyone's favorite social pariahs, the overlords. But in the spirit of the coming War on Christmas which unites us every year in the annual holier than thou national freakout, we thought we'd forgo our usual expedition to Dimholt forest and leave the overlords to their holiday feast which we believe is comprised of the souls of innocent children. We could be wrong about that. Anyway, for a change of pace, let's go visit an animal rights wacko and see how she's spending the upcoming festivities. No doubt drinking green tea and polishing her Birkenstocks with organic macerated tree bark, no?

Ellen Schmidt is one of 40 greyhound activists who plan to protest today in front of the Naples-Fort Myers Greyhound Racing and Poker Room in Bonita Springs. The protesters want state legislators to pass a greyhound injury reporting law that would require Florida's 13 dog tracks to notify the state of every injury at their facilities. The activists also want legislators to stop a Florida law that forces dog tracks to race greyhounds in order to keep their poker room permits.

 Obviously Ellen hasn't any knowledge of greyhound racing or she would know that the units...erm...dogs are given the highest level of care possible if by some almost statistically impossible chance they are injured, the tracks are expertly maintained by a crack staff, and no expense is spared in making their off track lives comfortable. 

The "decoupling" bill is expected to see the House floor this spring. Naples-Fort Myers track owner Izzy Havenick supports the bill because greyhound racing is losing him about $2 million a year as fewer and fewer bet on the old sport.

 OK, here's our dilemma: Mr. Havenick is obviously an overlord, yet he wants to end the commodification of innocent living creatures for (no) profit, so does that make him an animal rights wacko? On first blush, one might say no, because he's only in it for the money, yet regardless of his motivation, the outcome would be less greyhounds doomed to a life of potential suffering, injury and death. Does Mr. Havenick's means, justify the end? Would Ms. Schmidt count him as a colleague even though his reasons are suspect? Will Batman escape the Joker's trap? Stay tuned.

"Decoupling is part of a much bigger picture," said state Sen. Garrett Richter, R-Naples, who headed the Senate's gaming committee in the last session. "There is an entire debate that transpires over gaming, dog racing, and destination casinos. That whole subject has to come into that context and probably be considered for all its components."

"And before you ask why we don't just spin off the greyhound issue and deal with it separately because from a legal standpoint decoupling wouldn't materially affect the bigger gambling issue, remember this is Florida you're talking about." Senator Richter said. "We never met a straight forward, uncomplicated issue we couldn't screw up."

"We have been saying for years now that the Legislature needs to do something about dog racing," Havenick said. "At least allow the market to dictate how much we can race rather than using an antiquated law."

"Well, we have been trying to do something," Richter replied, "But why try and solve one problem when you can lump them all together  and do nothing about anything? I mean, why did the people elect us anyway?"

Well, you may have a point there Senator Richter. Look all around the country today at almost any level of government and it seems the whole idea of politics is to shout loudly and warm a chair. Really talented politicians can actually do both at once. Pretty impressive huh Hunter?

I am very attached to people and love to be around them. I am a low-key girl. Since I have been in my foster home, I have had a bath and had my nails trimmed and I was not fazed at all by any of it. I can go up and down the stairs. I am a very smart girl. I am housebroken. I don’t mind being in my crate if nobody is home but I love to be around people so much that I don’t want to be in it if someone is home. I get along with dogs of all sizes and I am also cat friendly. I love to go for walks and go to the dog park to run and play.For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here. 

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from an undisclosed location here in the marbled halls of IM Central which is definitely not down in the cocktail supply room in the comfy chair that's in front of the 60' plasma. So don't even bother looking there. Seriously. Waste of time. The reason we've gone dark is so we can report to you on some big time 007 stuff those pesky animal rights wackos recently carried out on the overlords. Now, you might think why would anyone want to surreptitiously surveil the overlords, what with the poor personal hygiene, unpredictable psychotic episodes and chronically untied shoes.

Ha. Well that just shows you why you aren't in the spy business. What if all those unsavory characteristics are just a front? A ruse to keep the public's prying eyes out of their business. A subterfuge to divert attention from their nefarious activities. OK, they're not. Overlords are really like that, but it's the only way we could segue to this week's post.

An undercover investigation by Panorama has caught a trainer revealing how he doped greyhounds in order to rig bets - which he claims have paid out up to £150,000.

How can this be, you ask. We know the overlords put the health and welfare of their furry charges above all else. As professional athletes the units...erm...dogs have to be kept in tip top shape, fed the best food available and kept in posh surroundings so that they can compete at the highest levels. Plus, there's the whole we lurvvves our hounds part of racing which is why the overlords decided to subject innocent living beings to the commodification required to make them into (no) profit centers in the first place. So, is this just some cunning plot by the animal rights wackos to besmirch the overlord's otherwise spotless reputations? What do you think overlord Chris Mosdall?

Chris Mosdall, has raced at a number of tracks but most recently been racing weekly at Wimbledon Stadium, home of the English Greyhound Derby - the most prestigious race in the sport. He told the undercover reporter that he doped dogs in his care despite knowing the risks to their health. He said he must wait a couple of months before doping a dog for a second time as the practice messed her system up. "You will burn her kidneys out," he said. And despite boasting that he was known as "the biggest crook in Wimbledon," he revealed that he had long been able to get away with cheating, saying: "It's been ten years since I've been caught."

And there you have it. It seems the animal rights wackos will stop at nothing to concoct fabrications that show the overlords in a bad light. It's almost like they wait, what?

Panorama bought a dog from Mr Mosdall, which he continued to kennel and train, and covertly filmed him showing the drug he used to alter the dog's performance.Three days later he said he had used the drug to dope two dogs before they raced and correctly predicted the effect the substance would have on their placings.

What we have here is the classic case of the "bad apple." An obviously unscrupulous, heartless and uncaring person such as Mr. Mosdall will now face the full wrath and fury of the industry.

The GBGB have apparently been repeatedly warned by other trainers in the last two years that some dogs at Wimbledon showed signs of having been drugged. But Mr Mosdall was only stopped after the GBGB was alerted about the undercover investigation.

Now, two years may seem like a long time to followup on complaints that were coming from other overlords, but you have to take into consideration the industry-wide competition among the various regulating bodies in greyhound racing to be designated the most ineffectual and useless there is, with bonus points for actually making greyhounds less safe while under the benevolent protection of the overlords. Right now the GBGB is only three points behind Florida's Department of Business and Professional Regulation and there's still two months to go in the season.

We also examined the record of the regulator - the Greyhound Board of Great Britain (GBGB) - in dealing with trainers whose dogs tested positive for drugs, including substances such as steroids, beta blockers or cocaine. In some instances, trainers have accumulated multiple positive tests while being allowed to retain their licences and continue racing their dogs.

 Oh yeah baby! Suck on that Florida! Time to make room for that trophy on the mantle. GBGB! GBGB! GBGB!

The trainer said he treated his dogs with love and care and that he would never do anything to harm them. He said that he regretted the admissions he had made to the undercover journalist, and said that he had only been trying to convince him that he could give his dog an advantage.

Oh...um...well, sorry Mr. Trainer sir. Our mistake. We've obviously been misled by the animal rights wackos and their stated agenda of turning us all into tofu eating, Birkenstock wearing, green tea drinkers because if you can't trust the word of an overlord, who can you trust, right Carlo?

I am mellow, laid-back and very friendly. I am a very lovable boy. I am housebroken. I get along great with dogs my size but I have not met any small dogs yet. I am learning to play with toys. I am also learning to go up and down the stairs. I do not mind being in my crate. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here. 

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog will remember the dulcet melodies of youthful songs sung among the bright fields of flowers bursting like petaled fireworks now become the gray chant of age echoing in a graveyard forest with trees so bare they don't even dream of leaves...erm...we mean will remember last week we reported on the overlords in Iowa and how they had petitioned the state gaming commission to grant them license to maim and kill greyhounds until they blew through the $36 million casinos had thrown at them to go away. As an aside we'd like to point out that based on their average salary in Iowa, $36 million would cover about 700 and some teachers. Just making an observation.

Well, as we predicted, the Gaming commission said "Sure, go ahead, whatever Jerry Crawford wants."

Live dog racing could have a home in Iowa for the next few years, a state commission said Thursday in issuing a license that gives a trade group authority to run the soon-to-be last dog racetrack in the state.

Boy, that's a ringing endorsement, huh? The continued commodification of innocent living creatures for (no) profit could be happening at the last track left in the state because the state commission said yeah, whatever. You can feel the excitement.

Commission administrator Brian J. Ohorilko said the IGA will need to update racing officials on several key issues before they can be operational on Jan. Among those conditions is updated information on security plans and how they will maintain the kennel compound and racetrack. The IGA has also not entered into any agreements for simulcasting.

IGA president Bob Hardison said he couldn't comment on how the group will ensure it meets all the required conditions."We haven't decided yet how best to burn through that $36 mil the casinos gave us," Hardison told reporters. "Salaries, of course, that's a biggy, and I guess we'll at least have to put some windows in the kennels and get the furnaces working again. Wouldn't want to get too carried away on stuff for the dogs though, we figure the place will go belly up in a year or two."

It means the IGA will have $36 million to operate the racetrack. The group said in its application that "this dedicated fund is more than enough to cover operations for live racing for the first five year lease the IGA will enter regarding the facility." Despite this, Ohorilko said further proof of adequate financing still needs to be met, "just to make sure that they have the means and wherewithal to do what they're telling us that they want to do."

"Well, what we want to 'do' is get our hands on that $36 mil," Hardison said. "You think we want to stand in line with the rest of those losers who are splitting up the other $36 million? Oh, and continue giving the exciting, fun world of greyhound racing to the families of Iowa, so come on out and bring the kids. Nothing is more fun for a nine year old than watching a dog tumbling down the track then screaming in pain until someone comes and kills it."

Hmmm...Hard to argue with that marketing plan...if you're a sociopath, huh Italy?

I am an inquisitive girl. I am very friendly. I am adapting well to new situations and being in a home. I am housebroken. I love dogs of all sizes and I am cat friendly. I have met so many new people while in my foster home and I just love everybody. I walk well on my leash. I absolutely love playing with toys and chasing the ball. I learned how to go up and down the stairs on my very first day in my new foster home. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here. 

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the Edward R Murrow wing here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The Edward R Murrow wing is located just across from the Fox Is To News As Oatmeal Is To Bird Poop Center for the Study of Analogy which is housed in the Bafflegab Building. We're down here filing a report from the road trip we recently took Des Moines, Iowa to see the sights. Ha Ha, just kidding. There are no sights in Iowa. We were there to attend a couple of meetings between the overlords and the powers that be concerning how  $72 million the casinos paid out to get greyhound racing off their backs was to be distributed. The overlords' first suggestion was  unmarked, non-sequential, small denomination bills, but the Iowa Racing and Gaming Commission took issue with that because they didn't think the G-strings of the girls at local strip clubs would support the influx of cash causing them to fall down and thus violate one of the city's decency policies.

The Iowa Racing and Gaming Commission is the body responsible for regulating all aspects of gambling in the state. It is composed of six people, all white (hey come on, this is Iowa) four men and two women. Commissioner Delores Mertz is on the panel because she has the unique distinction of dating Robert E. Lee when they were in high school together and Commissioner Kris Kramer, who never spoke through any of the proceedings is on the panel because someone has to wear a short skirt. It's in the bylaws, you can look it up.

Anyway, the first order of business after Commissioner Jeff Lambert--who is also the Coordinator--called the meeting to order, along with the assistance of Commissioner Carl Henrich--who is also a Coordinator because you can never have too many coordinators--was to hear representatives of the Iowa Greyhound Association explain why they should be granted a license to race in Dubuque and take $36 of the $72 mil and continue to kill and maim greyhounds there. This was actually their second request for a license. Their first request had been for a permit to pile the cash in the center of the Dubuque track and just set it on fire, but it was denied because the Dubuque Fire Department couldn't guarantee they wouldn't cause the whole city to burn down.

Now, we figured this was pretty much a done deal being as the Commissioners probably knew if the overlords didn't get their way they were going to start holding their breaths until they passed out and stuffing beans up their noses and nobody wanted that, so we were trying to decide if we went to the water cooler in the back of the room and acted like we were getting a cup of water would anyone notice if we slipped a little Stoli into the mix, when up to the microphone steps overlord Dean Miner.

"The IGA are power hungry greedmeisters whose only intent is to rob and plunder the good citizens of Iowa, or more specifically, us. And I can prove it," he said, holding up a three ring binder that looked like it had about four reams of paper in it. Later, I got a look at it. It was called "Opinion, evidence, documents and proposal" which tells us he doesn't know the difference between a list and a title. Obviously overlord Miner hadn't done this himself which meant he was the leader of a rebel alliance. And who was Emperor Palpatine to his Luke Skywalker? A fellow named Jerry Crawford who was the attorney for the IGA. Yes, you heard that right, an overlord and a lawyer. Wow, thinks us, this guy has to be about 14 different kinds of evil. All of a sudden we were paying full attention, which, as an aside, isn't something we do very often, just ask Mrs. Maximus.

Anyway, overlord Skywalker, uh, Miner launched into a chronicle of Crawford's evil ways that went way past his allotted time to speak. In fact, Commissioner Ohorilko, who was tasked with keeping the speakers on schedule signaled Miner several times that he had run out the clock, all to no avail. He fired a small cannon, threw fruit at Miner, but finally gave up and shot himself. Two other commissioners died of old age during the presentation. Commissioner Lambert declared a short recess while the bodies were removed.

Well, needless to say we were quite intrigued by all this. Overlord on overlord conflict, this was better than watching republicans try to explain why they don't believe in climate change (Pro tip for republicans: just say "because I'm stupid." Saves time for everybody). So we were trying to figure out where all this might go when suddenly the room became noticeably colder and the lights dimmed. A man, although we weren't sure it was a man at first because we couldn't see the face clearly due to the hood, stepped up to the podium to speak. He said a single word, "approve" and by the way the Commissioners began clutching their throats and gasping for air we knew the speaker had to be Jerry Crawford. Then the room went totally dark and when the lights came on again he was gone and there was a distinct order of sulphur in the air. Commissioner Lambert thanked everyone for coming, reminded us to be grateful we were still alive and adjourned the meeting.

The afternoon session was a meeting with a representative of Spectrum Gaming, which was the company the Iowa Racing and Gaming Commission had hired to determine how best to distribute the $36 million the IGA wasn't wasting in Dubuque to the rest of the overlords and the dogs. Overlord Miner rose to speak but before he did Commissioner Lambert asked for time to call paramedics so no more Commissioners would be lost. Overlord Miner explained that would be unnecessary as his comments were going to be brief which precipitated a mass exhale of relief from the attendees. Miner explained that however the money was divvied up some should be reserved for employees of the kennels who were currently not included on the list of folks getting dough. Now, we always knew that the overlords would dump a dog like a hot rock once it quit making money for them, but we weren't aware they felt the same way about the humans who worked for them, so to hear Miner's proposal was doubly impressive, coming as it did from an actual overlord.

Next up was overlord Bob Rider who had broken everything down by percentages, which impressed us because we were unaware the overlords even knew about percentages. Overlord Bob kept saying his plan wasn't going to make anyone rich, but it was fair, thus equating fairness with not getting rich, which seems and apt correlation to us as, given the nature of what the overlords do, not getting rich at it seems only fair. Another interesting thing about overlord Bob was that he was a double amputee, having lost both his legs somehow.We point that out for no other reason than during his presentation he said his dogs had paid for one of his prosthetic legs which caused us to wonder how many of his dogs' legs he had paid for.

Next overlord Jorene King spoke. She represented an industry adoption group and she just wanted the fellow from Spectrum to know she didn't know anything about anything when it came to what would happen to the dogs, but thought it would be useful to speak and waste everyone's time for a bit. Although she did mention that however the money was allocated, since everything came from the same pot, some overlords would be hesitant to submit their dogs for adoption figuring that the more money that went to saving dogs, the less would be left over for them.

After that came well known animal rights wacko Leslie Forys who gave an overview of the plan her group had submitted to Spectrum Gaming before the meeting. She talked about the network of 189 adoption groups around the county who stood ready to accept refugee greyhounds, the projected costs of veterinary care, transportation, food and housing until a permanent home could be found, and various other aspects involved with evacuating dogs from the area.

All in all a very illustrative experience, thinks us. Overlord infighting, money grubbing and oh yeah, guess we'd better do something to help the dogs all rolled into one day in Iowa. We were packing up our stuff and wondering where the closest happy hour was when James Flanagan rose to speak.

"My name is James Flanagan and I represent Grey2K," he said and immediately one of the overlord ladies in the back went into seizure. Overlord Bob began speaking in tongues. "I just want to remind everybody that we all have a common purpose here and that is to help the dogs," he continued, but by then the overlords had all gathered in a corner of the room and were chanting something we didn't quite catch. After a bit one of the overlords stepped forward and said, "I'll never let one of my dogs be adopted be an anti-racing group, even though they are the only ones who apparently care enough to come up with a plan." After that the overlords regrouped and slowly backed out of the room eying Flanagan warily.

So that was our great adventure in Iowa. It was educational, but you know what? It wouldn't break our hearts if the next one was in some place where you couldn't see from one end of the state to the other. Iowa is so flat it doesn't even have puddles, know what we mean Lotus?

I'm a white hot mess! Just kidding! Okay, truth is I am just new at all this and its confusing. Like slick floors-- who thought that was a great idea? And that dog in the shiny wall? She always growling at me when I am eating my supper. Of course I growl back and then the people laugh at me. I have also discovered the joys of animal crackers, and peanut butter! Toys are fun! People around me describe me as "so sweet and loving." Well, I HAVE gotten the knack of kissing. I am a great kisser! I will clean your ears, face, neck, etc., for you! Who can resist with my sweet little face? Give me a bit of time to adjust and and I am gonna WOW you with my best stuff! For more information about these dogs, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know that life is like Halloween without the candy: a futile quest for reward in a dystopian underworld of zombies, monsters and Princess Elsas all covered in glowsticks...erm...we mean know that the overlords have often lamented the burdensome weight which is the fist of uncaring bureaucracy pushing down upon them, keeping them from flying free in the azure skies of unfettered free enterprise, well until that fist is taken away, then it's like Holy Crap! Who's gonna give us money now?

Our point is that the relationship between the overlords and the various boards, commissions and regulators charged with maintaining some semblance of human decency in an industry based on the commodification of innocent living creatures for (no) profit is fraught with...well let's just say it's fraught.

When Saul Mays applied for a license to own and train greyhounds in 2002, his rap sheet signaled he was not a model citizen. Convicted of kidnapping his estranged wife at gunpoint in 1988, after taking her into the woods and sexually assaulting her, he had served three years in prison.

Yes, well we don't personally know Mr. Mays, but it seems to us he possibly has some...uh...impulse control issues and perhaps it wouldn't be in the best interests of the dogs, not to mention his fellow kennel employees to allow this man inside the fence, as it were. Wouldn't you agree Florida Division of Parimutuel Wagering?

The staff at the Florida Division of Parimutuel Wagering recommended Mays application to race dogs be denied, but Mays appealed and was granted a license.

Yes. Well, OK then...paid his debt to society and all. We get that. Plus, we're sure his appeal contained ample evidence of how he had turned his life around and members of the Division went through it with a fine tooth comb looking for even the slightest indication that Mr. Mays would return to his former ways. After all, that is what they get paid for, that is their area of expertise, their raison d'etre as it were. We all just need to take a step back here and trust these professionals to do their jobs and not jump to any conclusions about Mr. Mays simply because he made a few...umm...unfortunate decisions.

A year later in 2003, investigators found evidence that Mays’ dogs were being abused at the Jefferson County Kennel Club. He was investigated at his Monticello kennel then, again in 2005 and 2010, when inspectors found seven “very thin” dogs and others covered with tick bites.

 OK Bub, you had your chance. We were willing to let bygones be bygones, the past is the past and all that, but you blew it. Now  the mighty hammer of righteousness which is the  the Florida Division of Parimutuel Wagering is about to come down on you like rain came down on Noah, like Joshua came down on the Canaanites, like Jesus came down on the moneylenders, like third grade math came down on the overlords even though it was their fourth time through. Sorry, ran out of biblical allusions there. Anyway, you thought prison was bad? You'll wish you were back in prison when the Division gets through with you. Well, actually you may be back in prison, so forget that. Florida Division of Parimutuel Wagering? Unleash Hell:

In each case, state regulators concluded there was not enough evidence of abuse and no action was taken.

We're sorry this had to happen to you, but the truth is you brought it on yourself, you wait, what?

Mays got his first reprimand in 2012, only after the Washington County Kennel Club in Ebro reported that greyhounds Mays put up for adoption were “covered in ticks” and the dogs “all appeared to be in poor overall shape.”

Oh, OK here we go. Righteous Hammer? Do your thing

But the 2012 penalty didn’t come from the state. It came from the National Greyhound Association, which represents owners and trainers. The organization banned Mays for life from “any further involvement with NGA-registered greyhounds.”

 Oh Come On Now. This guy is such a lousy overlord even the other overlords don't want him around? Jeez, Florida Division of Parimutuel Wagering, do something will you? Post an insult to his Facebook page, ignore him at parties, tell all your friends he's a big poopyhead, something.

Florida regulators fined Mays $300 and let him keep his license.

Well, say what you will about the  Florida Division of Parimutuel Wagering because whatever you say it's not going to change the fact that they are about as useful as a bottle of sun tan lotion in a coal mine.

Florida’s law gives the Division of Pari-mutuel Wagering the power to revoke or suspend a license of an dog or horse trainer or owner if he has been convicted of a felony or is found abusing animals. But, based on dozens of cases reviewed by the Miami Herald and Tampa Bay Times, the implementation of the rules are lax, and the penalties are often weak.

Oh really? Thanks for the insight Sherlock. What was your first clue?

Tajiana Ancora-Brown, spokeswoman for the Division of Pari-Mutuel Wagering said the agency has reduced its pending case load by 30 percent in the last year after reorganizing its legal office and hiring an additional lawyer.

"We find we can get through the cases much more quickly if we just ignore them and throw the files in a big pile out behind the building," she added.

Meanwhile, the list of animal abusers in Florida continues to grow. It includes Miami Beach dog trainer Jose Lopez, who lost his license in Arizona in 2008 after being convicted of running a drug and prostitution ring. Lopez was fired in 2011 from the Florida Kennel Compound in Miami, which houses dogs for both Flagler and Mardi Gras race tracks, after neglecting nearly 50 greyhounds by failing to vaccinate them as required by law.
It took the state three years to file charges, during which time Lopez continued to race dogs at the Sarasota Kennel Club. Finally, in July of this year, state regulators repealed Lopez’s license, saying he had lied to them about having been convicted of unemployment compensation fraud in Florida in 1994 and about his 2008 conviction in Arizona.

"He gave us his word and a pinky swear," Ancora-Brown said. "I mean, in an industry that puts profit above everything, even the lives of the dogs, how were we to know he might not tell us everything about him being a twice convicted felon and all? I mean, he dressed well, so you know..."

Another trainer, Jennifer Forsyth, was convicted of animal cruelty in Pennsylvania in 2012 after state officials raided her kennel and found sick and starving animals on the property. Forsyth then moved to Florida, where she held a license to race dogs. It took nearly two years before state regulators figured out that state law prohibited her from operating here. They pulled her license this year.

"Hey, who has time to read all that stuff?"  a member of the Division who asked to remain anonymous because he was interviewed at a strip club said. "Most of us can barely read a Denny's menu. Even with the pictures."

Robert Dawson, a trainer responsible for more than 100 dogs at the Palm Beach Kennel Club, has been cited by state regulators 14 times for violating rules, more than half of which for drugging dogs. He has been fined eight times and still holds a license.

"Well, in his defense we didn't make it clear that we were fining him for drugging dogs,"  Ancora-Brown said. "There's a possibility he thought it was for parking in a handicapped zone."

And then there’s Ursula O’Donnell...

OK, now that's just piling on right there. Sure the Florida Division of Parimutuel Wagering is about as useful as Sarah Palin in a Jeopardy Tournament, but bringing up Ursula O'Donnell is just over the line. We mean, this lady has been killing dogs for years. She's probably responsible for the senseless murder of thousands of innocent greyhounds. If heartless cruelty was a caramel and chocolate cookie, she'd be the whole Twix factory (both right and left). And she hasn't even gotten so much as a cold look of disdain from the Division. Ursula O'Donnell is the poster child for the complete irrelevance of the Florida Division of Parimutuel Wagering. She's like the queen of Can't Touch This, and the only thing worse would be to make members of the Florida Division of Parimutuel Wagering walk around wearing lapel pins with a picture of her on them so they'd be constantly reminded that their unrelenting unbelievable, incomprehensible incompetence is killing dogs every day. You know, on second thought, that's not such a bad idea. What do you think Rosie?

I am a very happy, goofy and silly girl. My foster family had to work very hard to get this photo of me because every time someone wants to take my picture all I want to do is give them kisses. I love to give kisses. I wag my tail all the time because I am such a happy girl. I have been very friendly with everyone I have met. I learned to go up and down the stairs on my first try. I love to play with my toys. I get along great with my foster mom’s Greyhound. I have not met any small dogs or cats yet so I am not sure how I am with them. I have not had any accidents in the house. I love to go for walks but I need to work on my leash skills. I do very well when I’m in my crate. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.