Stuff You Know Nothing About, Explained By People Who Know Less

Now, most of the time we can take the foibles of early 21st century life in this country with a good natured nod and a wink. And a tumbler of Stoli. Well, maybe more than one tumbler, but the point is we cope, you know? We don't let it get to us, don't let it get under our skin, don't let it gnaw on our soul, don't let it throw us into that bottomless existential pit from which even the hope of hope cannot escape.

Then along comes something like this and we hear the pillars of our psyche creak and groan under the weight of incalculable despair.

Jenna Bush Hager, the daughter of former U.S. President George W. Bush, has been hired as a contributing correspondent for the "Today" show, NBC said. She has great passion about important subjects, especially education and literacy, and we look forward to having her bring her unique perspective to 'Today.'"

OK, so maybe it's because we are field hands toiling in the vineyards of literacy ourselves that we take this a little more personally than we should, but Jenna Bush Hager opining on education and literacy? Isn't that like having Carrot Top explain quantum mechanics?

We mean, come on. Look who her father is. Growing up in that house had to qualify as some sort of linguistic child abuse, no?

Girl should probably be in some sort of syntactical rehab.

Oh, she's a "teacher" and an "author" of children's books so that makes her an expert on education and literacy.

Pull ease.

We can walk and chew gum at the same time. Does that make us an expert on gymnastics?

Look, we know everyone has to make a living, even the daughters of rich, well connected people who, come to think of it, really don't have to make a living, but is having a "passion" and "unique perspective" on something you really don't know much about really all that's necessary?

And what the heck is a "unique perspective" anyway. What, did she learn to read from right to left? Write with her toes? Speak Esperanto? Hear colors? The whole foundation of literacy is shared conventions, so what sort of uniqueness are we talking about here?

Calm down Ironicus, you're saying. It's the Today show. It's not like anybody takes them seriously or anything. Besides, she's a Bush. She'll probably be drunk or high most of the time and incoherent.

Oh, like that stopped us from electing her father.