Friday Hound Blogging

It occurs to us here in the marbled halls of IM Central that we may have made a strategic mistake. All these years we've been writing about the overlords and their unlucky associates, the units...erm...we mean the inventory...no, that's not it...highly trained athletes in which copious amounts of time and effort are invested. Yeah, that's the one. Anyway, the problem, as it now occurs to us, is that we've been writing about the heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit when everyone knows a picture is worth a 1000 words, plus you don't have all that pesky grammar and spelling and making sense and stuff. Always a challenge when one's blogging partner is Mr. Stolichnaya.

So this week we present for your edification and enlightenment the equivalent of 1000 words on the life and times of a skinny dog sans his overlord. Now, for those of you of a suspicious bent, we know what you are thinking. "This doesn't sound like you Ironicus, except for the part about trying to get out of work so you have more time to spend with your blogging partner."

Oops. Looks like you got us there perceptive reader(s). Well, as long as you don't click on the photo that is. Would not click on that photo. Nope don't do it. Do not click on that photo. No good will come of it.

Nice hat, huh Tyler?

Snuggly and smart, this handsome fellow is very inquisitive. He's playful and very good company. Tyler has a passion for food, so never trust him, no matter what he tells you!! This boy should be in sales with his schmoozing! ! Did we mention smart? Tyler has been busy learning home etiquette and rules. He's getting along nicely with his foster sibs.  For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

One thing you can say about the overlords...well...there are a lot of things you can say about the overlords, but this is a family blog, so we're not going to say most of them. The one thing we do want to say is they never let an attack on the tick-like existence they lead go unanswered. This isn't as hard as it seems though, because no matter what you say to them their response is always the same.  We have to kind of admire that because it's much simpler to just ignore the reality of death and injury you cause and keep repeating the same talking points over and over like some sort of incantation that will magically cast a spell over people with souls and cause them to forget that you exploit innocent living creatures for (no) profit. We mean, what's the alternative? Face up to the fact that you're responsible for the injury, death and abandonment of hundreds, perhaps thousands of greyhounds? Man. Imagine looking in a mirror every morning and seeing the faces of all those dogs you put in harm's way, who died trying to earn you a trailer payment. Obviously, deluding yourself is the only way to get through the day.

Which brings us to one Elenore Sobel, the Florida Legislator who tried to get the Greyhound Sanity Act through the legislature, and almost succeeded until she ran into weapons grade doofus Will Weatherford. Now Senator Sobel has penned an editorial in which she respectfully asks Mr. Weatherford how many time he was dropped on his head as a child. We're going to go with one more than necessary to produce a man with the mental acuity of dental floss, but  our interest here isn't so much with Mr. Weatherford's inability to tell his elbow from a hole in the ground as it is with the comments of the overlords who come to his defense. For example, overlord Rich Borgadus opines:

Since this completely inaccurate letter is most certainly satire, my only question is how much money "Senator" Sobel lined her pocket with in writing such obvious fallacies.

Now, we all know "Not True!" is a common overlord response when presented with a truth about the heartless barbarity of their "sport," but what makes this iteration of an overlord talking point remarkable is the comment immediately before in which overlord Leslie Csokasy declaims:

I actually have each and every report since May 2013. From May 2013 - Dec 2013 there were 73 deaths. In January - March, 2014, there were 28 deaths total. Over half of these, iwere(sic) on track and many could have been mitigated by the three point safety plan. The remainder of the deaths that occurred were from real life illness or congenital issues...

 So, just before overlord Bogardus dismisses Seantor Sobel's argument as "inaccurate" overlord Csokasey explains its accuracy. What are we to make of this, other than overlord Borgardus is too dumb to read what he's commenting on. Perhaps overlord Csokasey failed to read the memo detailing how arguments against the humanity of sacrificing sentient living creatures at the altar of (no) profit should be dealt with by obfuscating, dissembling and distorting. Pay attention at the meetings Csokasey. Overlord Conway, the next commentator doesn't want to have to explain to to you again.

But before we move on to overlord Conway's comment, we'd like to take a moment and discuss the "3 point plan" Overlord Csokasey refers to. Now, we've dealt with this before, but never really got to the crux of the question which is, why do the overlords think they need legislative action to have a 3 point plan? Well, the short answer is because the mean track owners won't spend the money to upgrade their tracks, thus forcing the overlords to race their dogs in unsafe conditions. It's not like the overlords could refuse to let their dogs run or anything, you know boycott and stuff. Besides, it's just the dogs that get hurt. You can always get another dog.

But back to overlord Conway:

Do human athletes have a call book so we can ban them from running? DO dogs playing in parks keep records of injuries? The greyhounds lead a wonderful life. They are pampered, massaged and allowed to run free for great chunks of the day. When they want to rest, they rest. When they want to play, they play. Go and LOOK with your own eyes the incredible close relationship between dogs and trainers. Happy dogs win. Unhappy dogs don't run.

 Now see overlord Csokasey? That's how its done. A whole paragraph in response that doesn't come within a parsec of the point Senator Sobel was making. Why, the only taking point that's missing is the one about how the dogs love to run in a circle chasing a lure so their owners can afford a happy meal on the way home. Did we get that right Aster? You've probably heard it more times than we have.

Handsome Aster is a silly hound. He dreams of being a guard dog! This big boy is not your ordinary guard dog. He will alert you to emergency and law enforcement presence by howling (sometimes called singing) along with the sirens... in case you were in doubt. He is only good at this in emergencies... LOL. Okay, he's not any kind of a guard dog. He runs to the door to sing with TV sirens too. Goofy boy! And guard dogs cannot be caught running from the garbage can when the sensor opens it ! Aster is in foster learning house rules and busy exploring new things. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog will recognize the flash of awareness that leads the low rumble of futility drawing ever closer...erm...we mean will recognize the name Rory Goree, long time friend of the blog, knockabout scientist and High Commissioner of the Arizona Department of Racing, donut procurement division. Well, it seems Mr. Goree has a problem. No not that problem. That's not as much a problem as a character fault. Mr. Goree's problem is that in the past few months he has  penned at least two  columns using evidenced based logic--if by evidenced based logic you mean innuendo, unsubstantiated claims and sweeping generalizations--challenging the animal rights wackos to come clean and admit they aren't really in it for the dogs, but just want to tap into some of the sweet, sweet muneez that swirls around greyhound rescue. This brings up an interesting point. Mr. Goree seems to believe that there is a lot of cash around when it comes to greyhound rescue, but apparently, there's no filthy lucre when it comes to racing itself. Now, if we were cynics we might come to the conclusion that Mr. Goree is just jealous that people are willing to spend buckets o' dollars to save innocent living creatures trapped in the clutches of a barbarous, heartless industry, but when it comes to dropping some of those Benjamins on the overlords themselves...not so much. If we were cynics we might believe that. Just spit-balling here.

But back to our story. So the Gorster throws down the gauntlet to the animal rights wackos and what response does he get? Bupkus. Nada. Crickets man. Now, in our defense, Mr. G, we must point out that we did respond to your first missive. OK, we missed the second because we have lives. Our bad. Well, Rory Goree may be a lot of things, but he is not a person you can just ignore, so once again he has taken to the interoobz to excoriate and just generally dismantle those who think that by saving greyhounds they are actually saving greyhounds.

If you listen to the “humane advocate protectors” (aka the ones who are constantly collecting money and dolling out paychecks, travelling around the world, handing out awards, enjoying perks) you would think they have struck the death blow to greyhound racing in one particular state.

Which "particular state" are you referring to there Mr. Goree? Iowa? Arizona?  You're going to have to be a little more specific. Maybe you mean Colorado where they don't have any operating tracks left, but they outlawed greyhound racing anyway, just to make sure it didn't come back.

If you are anti-greyhound racing and have surrendered your hard earned cash to the “humane advocate protectors” hopefully you realize it is most likely spent to fund personal hobby excursions, travel in style, wine & dine and keep files more extensive than the NSA on anyone and everyone. However you may be shocked to know they actively supported a bill that expands the ability of greyhound racing revenue stream. And now that the bill they supported which expands the ability of greyhound racing to make money the “humane advocate protectors” have now informed the world that this law must be removed. (insert donation button here???)

 Well, all we can say is given the results, they must be wining and dining the right people, but that phrase "actively supported a bill that expands the ability of greyhound racing revenue stream" seems to be missing a word or two. The Bill expands the ability of (the) greyhound racing revenue stream to do what? Maybe that's why the “humane advocate protectors” want the Bill removed: it makes no grammatical sense. By the way, have you trademarked “humane advocate protectors” yet? It's sure to catch on just like Crystal Pepsi.

I’ve been crisscrossing the country the last few weeks (on my own dime) and have heard those in the inner circle of the “humane advocate protectors” admit that particular individuals are only in it for the paycheck and have done nothing to help the anti-greyhound racing movement.

OK. Little tip for you G.  You are one of the most recognizable overlords around. When you were United Greyhound Racing Director of Welfare and Advocacy you personally oversaw the disappearance of 140 greyhounds, the cruelty scandal at TGP and the heatstroke deaths of at least eight dogs during transport. If you think the “humane advocate protectors” are going to take you into their "inner circle" we'd like to talk to you about a great business idea we have--starting a strip club in Riyadh. Dude, there isn't even a bar in that town! Plum ripe for the picking man, that's all we're saying.

Time for those who truly are against greyhound racing to stop bankrolling the “humane advocate protectors” gravy train and find new leadership? If the liars have been exposed and they have, why keep supporting them? The time has come that you reclaim the donations and either give it to local greyhound adoption programs or just continue supporting those wasting money on salaries & lobbyists, generating paperwork, expense accounts and maintaining secret files Till that day, many in the greyhound industry would like to give a big thank you to the “humane advocate protectors” who helped support and pass legislation that expands the ability of greyhound racing to make money and to those of you who support them – THANK YOU. The greyhound racing community couldn’t have done it without you!

 Now, admittedly we tend to indulge in the occasional adult beverage here in the marbled halls of IM Central so it's entirely possible that "legislation that expands the ability of greyhound racing to make money" slipped by us, but given the fact that greyhound racing is going down faster than hot dogs at a Nathan's Famous contest, we think we would have noticed a Bill that improved life for the overlords. What do you think, Ambrosia? Looks like it's the G man who has some "splainin'" to do, huh?

Hoarders! Who can't get enough of that show. Ambrosia's secretly been watching the show when her foster family is out! Collecting treasures is her retirement hobby! Anything left in reach; socks, pants and even towels will end up in bed with her. (If we can just teach her how to use the washing machine!). When questioned on the matter, Ambrosia charms you with her toothy smile, and you can't be mad at her, after all no harm done. She has been doing great with her foster siblings and with house rules. Who needs help picking up around the house? Come meet Ambrosia! For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Last week we paid Iowa a compliment by pointing out that when it came to the heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit, they were indeed smarter than Florida. This was what our old daddy used to call a left handed compliment because being smarter than Florida is not much more difficult than falling down, but the point is the far seeing legislators in Iowa at least had the neuronal capability to understand that the dead industry of greyhound racing was dead and acted appropriately, unlike the myopic gaggle of special needs Neanderthals who inhabit the Legislature in Florida (when they don't get lost on the way to work) and whose philosophy when it comes to greyhound racing we have pictorially represented below:

But back to Iowa.

So, all the interested parties got together, agreed to dump a boatload of money on the overlords to get them to  go away, to which the overlords replied thank you very much, but instead of closing both tracks, please allow us to take a fair amount of this money down to Dubuque, pile it up in the center of the track there and set it on fire. Well, everybody was fine with that because in Iowa there is no law against being weapons grade stupid, so the deal was done.

Now it seems some of the overlords are having buyer's remorse, or perhaps, given how subsidized the overlords have been, a better term might be moocher's remorse.

Some Iowa greyhound owners are skeptical about a measure approved by the Legislature that would make millions of dollars available to the industry in return for closing one dog-racing track and changing ownership of another.

The problem seems to be with the distribution of whatever is left over after the smoke clears in Dubuque. "Look, these guys have spent their whole lives in an industry that runs on exploitation, greed and callous disregard," said Melissa Schmidt, a kennel owner from Bellevue."You really think they're suddenly going to become paragons of virtue when it come to giving a ton of money away?"

John Filipelli, a greyhound kennel owner from Council Bluffs, has similar concerns. "I've spent my whole career cutting corners, dodging regulations and ignoring laws. And I'm one of the good guys. Now you want me to trust these Bozo's with millions of dollars? What, are you from Florida or something?"

The measure gives the Iowa Racing and Gaming Commission authority for establishing a payment process.

"We would get that input and handle it like we would any other time we adopt a rule, which is obviously to send it out to all stakeholders and get input from all parties, have all of those discussions at public commission meetings prior to passing any rules,"  Brian Ohorilko, the commission's administrator, said. "By the time that's all done though, I figure most of the money will have gone down the rat hole in Dubuque and the rest...well...let's just say the Board members of the Iowa Greyhound Association have...umm...expenses and leave it at that."

Hmmm. Overlords turning on overlords over money. Whodathunkit, huh Dew?

Are you looking for a care free girl that can let the wind blow through her ears (check her in a car with a moon roof!) and is still respectable enough to introduce to your mother? An independent girl but still VERY affectionate? A girl with the usual talents , yet also adventurous enough to try new things, such as a cake walk and walking off with the first prize? Beautiful Dew just might be that special lady to add to your life. She is in foster, doing great with house rules and has been enjoying her retirement. Come meet this special girl. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.