You Have To Be Cruel To Be Kind. Plus It's Easier

Oh man have we been misinformed. Last night on the tee vee noose professional journalistic teleprompter reader Scott Pelley told us 17 million kids go to bed hungry every night in the good old USA, Inc.. So we're thinking, "Crap. Bangladesh is still beating the snot out of us. Maybe if we diverted some more of that social safety net stuff to help businesses create more profit jobs we could grab us some of that third world hollow cheeked, flies on the face total despair caché that so in vogue these days amongst those unlucky enough not to be born bankers. 

But then we turn on the inter toobz today and find out we have been mislead by the liberal elite, socialistic, communist America hating media.  There are, apparently, no poor in this country. We are shocked we tell you, shocked.

Census officials continue to grossly exaggerate the numbers of the poor, creating a false picture in the public mind of widespread material deprivation, writes Heritage Foundation senior research fellow Robert Rector in a new paper.

Daggone Census Bureau! If they aren't trying to send us to FEMA camps their trying to convince us that just because you're living in a third floor walk up cold water flat with cockroaches for neighbors and a week old twinkie in your refrigerator, you're poor.

“Most news stories on poverty feature homeless families, people living in crumbling shacks, or lines of the downtrodden eating in soup kitchens,” Rector says. “The actual living conditions of America’s poor are far different from these images.”

Wait. So those homeless families, people living in crumbling shacks, or lines of the downtrodden eating in soup kitchens aren't really there? They were flown in from some poor third world country for a photo shoot? Oh man, that's some serious liberal elite conspiracy going on right there. No wonder rich people don't want to pay any more taxes. And George Soros is funding it, right? We bet Murdoch wishes he could hack that phone, know what we mean?

Americans might well be surprised to learn from other government data that the overwhelming majority of those defined as “poor” by the Census Bureau were well-housed and adequately fed even in the recession year 2009. About 4 percent of them did temporarily become homeless.

Holy Ramen noodles Batman, that's just wrong right there. If you're poor in the world's richest country you should be living is a drainage culvert somewhere out by the railroad tracks with open sores on your body and a potato sack for clothes. This is America fer chrissakes what are you thinking poor people?

Oh, by the way, one quick question Mr. Rector. Since you never provide any actual, you know numbers or anything, who gets to decide what an "overwhelming" majority is? Just asking.

Data from the Department of Energy and other agencies show that the average poor family, as defined by Census officials:

● Lives in a home that is in good repair, not crowded, and equipped with air conditioning, clothes washer and dryer, and cable or satellite TV service.
● Prepares meals in a kitchen with a refrigerator, coffee maker and microwave as well as oven and stove.
● Enjoys two color TVs, a DVD player, VCR and — if children are there — an Xbox, PlayStation, or other video game system.
● Had enough money in the past year to meet essential needs, including adequate food and medical care.

Well, first of all let's just say that if you're a poor person and you have a refrigerator, you should be ashamed of yourself. Even if it came with the furnished hovel in which you happen to be staying--with government assistance no doubt. You should be living in an abandoned factory, subsisting on boiled rat and fricassee of asphalt. And quit going down to the goodwill and buying those old Playstations, TV's and X-Boxes all the rich people turn in for tax breaks when they buy new ones.

Rather than report such detailed surveys, Rector and co-author Rachel Sheffield write, the media “amplified” the Census Bureau’s annual misrepresentation of poverty over the past 40 years. News reports routinely suggest that poor Americans typically are homeless and hungry — and U.S. foes and rivals such as Iran, China, and Russia are delighted to report the same.

Ack! Other countries know we have poor people. The terrorists have won! The terrorists have won!

The Heritage Foundation paper is titled Air Conditioning, Cable TV, and an Xbox: What Is Poverty in the United States Today?

Hmm...why does the phrase "Begging the question" come to mind?