Oh. John McCain. Never mind.
We could use a little cheering up. Hey, we know...let's go see what the pope is up to. He's the good news guy after all what with offering the way to salvation, everlasting life and free cookies. How about laying a little of that good news gospel on us us Mr. pope sir?
The Pope has faced a backlash after urging Catholic bishops in England and Wales to fight the UK's Equality Bill with the "missionary position."
Oops. Make that zeal. Missionary zeal. Our bad.
The Pope told the Catholic bishops of England and Wales gathered in Rome: "Your country is well-known for its firm commitment to equality of opportunity for all members of society which we don't hold against you. Nobody's perfect. Yet, as you have rightly pointed out, the effect of some of the legislation designed to achieve this goal has been to force religious communities out of the 3rd century, and not to allow us to act in accordance with our beliefs, namely hating on the homos."
Jonathan Finney, from gay rights group Stonewall, said: "People should not be denied access to services and employment purely because they are gay. Does the pope deny pedophiles the right to become priests? All I'm saying is at least I know when to keep it in my pants."
He added: "What you can't start doing is saying that religious people have hard-won freedoms, we'll now restrict those, we won't give them to gay people, we won't give them to women."
"Wait. Women have rights too? asked Archbishop Vincent Nichols, head of the Catholic Church in England and Wales. "When did that happen?"
The Archbishop said: "He's [the Pope] not getting engaged in party politics... but he wants his reasoned voice - formed by the treasures of the Christian heritage which is deeply embedded in our culture - to be heard."
"Treasures?" The pope has a PAC?
Religious leaders have voiced concern that the Equality Bill could force churches to employ sexually active gay people and transsexuals when hiring staff other than priests or ministers. "Oh, great, more perverts. Like we don't have enough already," said one priest who asked not to be named. "What do you think this is, Ireland?"
Catholic MP Ann Widdecombe said: "If a faith teaches, as major faiths do, that something is wrong, then quite clearly you cannot have somebody who believes that it's right actually occupying a very senior position.
Hey, when did we start talking about George Bush?