Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know that the true measure of success is how quickly expectations are lowered to match circumstance...erm...we mean know that on occasion we like to treat you to the pensive musings of a particular overlord on the benefits of placing innocent living creatures at risk of meaningless injury and death in the pursuit of (no) profit. In that regard we would like to introduce you to  Jack Corey who is the chief (and only) lobbyist for overlords in Florida because he was the only one who would work for shiny objects. Mr. Corey has recently had his medication re-balanced and is here today to share some of what the voices in his head have been telling him about why the heartless cruelty helpless greyhounds are subjected to on a regular basis is really a good thing. Take it away overlord Corey:

Florida was the first state to officially sanction greyhound racing in 1931, and for almost 85 years it’s been an enjoyable source of entertainment for Floridians as well as visitors to our state.

Now, some of you who are less informed might have thought people went to Florida for the almost 2000 miles of coastline, or the beaches, or the temperate climate. Nope. All around the other states people would often ask "Where can we go when we want to see hapless greyhounds get injured and killed while we're losing the rent money? Oh we know. Florida!" It's right there in the travel brochures.

Just as important, greyhound racing track owners have made billions in revenue and made a big contribution to Florida’s economy over the years.

Wow, billions! Boy, we bet if you presented that in graphic format it would really be impressive. Wonder what that would look like?

 OK, so maybe not.

Greyhound tracks and other pari-mutuel facilities enjoy a state-created monopoly, meaning they aren’t forced to compete in the open marketplace. Tracks not only are protected from competition they have received hundreds of millions of dollars in tax benefits.

Well, by the looks of that graph they need all the help they can get, but here are our questions: If they're doing that poorly with protection from competition, what's the point of protection? And who is being protected? The overlords from the job market?

When attendance at greyhound tracks began to dip some years ago, the Florida Legislature gave track owners the right to offer card rooms to increase revenue. Florida voters later allowed facilities in Miami-Dade and Broward counties to add slot machines.

Right. We get that. Greyhound racing was in the tank so the state let the tracks open a new business rather than fold.

Those enhancements were added only because of the track owners’ continued commitment to their underlying business: greyhound racing.

OK, so you're saying in order to show their commitment to greyhound racing they created a whole new arena for gambling in the clubhouse away from the track that no one was coming to anyway? We don't think commitment means what you think it means.

Despite the promise to keep racing, many track owners now want the Legislature to allow them to get rid of greyhound racing while keeping the card rooms and slot machines. They want to create small casinos that will dot Florida’s landscape from Pensacola to Miami and everywhere in between. That’s despite the state’s constitutionally mandated prohibition of casino gaming, with the exception of Indian gaming controlled by the federal government.

Umm...maybe you haven't noticed but they already have the card rooms and slot machines so "create" has kind of already happened, know what we mean?

The Florida Greyhound Association, an organization of owners, trainers and breeders across the state, opposes such efforts. Clearly those small-business owners would be put out of business if millionaire track owners are allowed to end greyhound racing simply because casino gaming is the next pot of big money. 

Oooo. injecting a little class warfare in there. Those evil millionaires against the poor yeoman small business persons. Elitist scum care only about making money at their tracks, as opposed to the owners, trainers and breeders who are in it for the love of the sport and of the dogs. You can tell the depth of this love by the number of tracks that have opened in states that have banned betting on live racing.

Many of our members are multigeneration owners, trainers and breeders. They love their greyhounds — and love racing.

Apparently you never met Ronnie Williams, or Ursula O'Donnell, or James "Barney" O'Donnell, or Lance LaFreniere or Nancy Guimond, or, well let's just say you need to get out more, Mr. Corey.

Asking the Legislature to end greyhound racing, or as it’s called in Tallahassee “decoupling,” is wrong for several reasons. First, it gives Floridians no voice in deciding whether they want to convert pari-mutuel facilities into mini-casinos. 

Well, like we said Mr. Corey that's already happened, and as for giving the voters a voice, it sounds like they've already spoken.

Gross receipts at cardrooms across the state rose from $2.8 million in 2001-02 to $125 million 2010-11. The state’s 10 percent tax has risen right along with it. Meanwhile, the amount wagered on horses, dogs and jai alai has seen a steady decline, from $1.7 billion in 2001-02 to $883 million 2010-11.

Have you had your hearing tested recently? Just asking.

Secondly, track owners have been allowed to increase their profits with other gaming with greyhound racing serving as their core operation. 

OK, now we're beginning to think you just aren't paying attention Mr. Corey. Core operation? Dude, track owners are running away from racing faster than a republican runs from a fact checker.

Logically then, if there is no greyhound racing, why should these facilities be allowed to operate?

Oh! Oh! We know! We know! Because they are in business to make money and Honey, ain't no money in racin' dogs. Word up.

If track owners can’t succeed at greyhound racing, with a guarantee of a no-competition monopoly, they should simply surrender their pari-mutuel license to the state and give someone else the opportunity to make it a success.

Careful what you ask for there Mr. Corey. We're thinking there's more than a few track owners that would be more than happy to drop dog racing in someone else's lap and get on with the parts of their operation that can turn a profit.

Greyhound racing remains a viable form of entertainment in Florida.

Aww, Mr. Corey. You're so cute when your delusional.

The Sanford Orlando Kennel Club proves that point. With no other type of gaming, Sanford Orlando Kennel Club uses innovative marketing to make greyhound racing as popular as ever in Central Florida.

"[A]s popular as ever in Central Florida."  Which is to say not very popular at all, unless you count the homeless people who come into the clubhouse to get out of the rain.

It’s a model for the rest of the country. It just takes a desire to make greyhound racing work, and not undercut its success in order to convert tracks to casinos.

Darn straight Mr. Corey. All it takes is a desire and commitment to make greyhound racing successful. Just ask the folks in Iowa, right Noir?

Noir is a three year old female. She will need a home without cats or small dog.For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Well, let's see. What part of the crumbling facade that the overlords have erected to shield them from the real world is raining down on their pin-like little heads this week? Oh look! The free market is coming to Florida, something the overlords have demanded for a long time, but now that the beast of unfettered competition is about to be loosed upon them they're all like "maybe we didn't think this through." Dude. For reals. Should have talked to the overlords in Des Moines.  Those guys haven't even opened yet and they're already begging for a $5 mill bailout. So what's going on in your little corner of the fetid, decaying fever swamp called greyhound racing?

Rep. Matt Gaetz, R-Shalimar, and Rep. Jared Moskowitz, D-Coral Springs, said it is time for the Legislature to sign off on “decoupling” and allow kennel clubs, like the one in Orange Park, to decide whether to continue racing dogs. “This is about businesses being able to make a decision for themselves,” Moskowitz said. “Florida, for all the talk about free enterprise, for all the talk about liberty, for all the talk about not having government in the way of over-regulating, Florida actually mandates that a business runs its business like it’s 1997.”

"Oh if only we could go back to 1997," Jack Cory, a lobbyist representing greyhound breeders and dog trainers said. "I mean, that was a lousy year too, but since then the bottom has fallen out. Revenues down more then 66%. It's like people don't come to the track anymore, you know?"

Oh we know overlord Cory, we know. Why, to the casual observer it might seem the people with souls have taken a look at the wholesale exploitation and commodification of innocent living creatures for (no) profit and said "You guys need to get a life, we're out of here." Of course since we aren't versed in the ins and outs of the exciting world of greyhound racing (Fun for the whole family--until we kill another dog in front of your kids) we're sure we are misreading the situation. Perhaps since tracks are closing all over the country at a rapidly increasing rate, people just don't know where to go from one week to the next.

Gaetz and Moskowitz were adamant that they aren’t pushing to end greyhound racing all together, but they believe the state should not tell tracks how much racing they have to do.

"We believe the number of races a track does should be determined by the customers, not the state," Gaetz said. "Of course, since the tracks don't have any customers that sort of tells you what the demand is."

Both lawmakers also argued that recent reports about greyhound deaths and injuries make the case that it is an outdated sport that does more harm than good. Collectively, 13 racing tracks in Florida reported 192 deaths between June 2013 and December 2014. Orange Park Kennel Club had the second highest number of deaths at 23 during that period.

"Oh, sure. Shut us down because we kill and injure dogs in a fruitless attempt to stay out of the labor pool," Cory said. "Is that the kind of America you want you children to grow up in?"

Cory said the state regulates dog tracks and most greyhounds don’t run more than twice a week. He said the “decoupling” issue is simply about whether the Legislature will allow dog tracks to convert to casinos without nearby residents’ approval via referendum, as other types of gambling expansion have required. “All of them want to become casinos; they want to do away with pari-mutuels and they want to become casinos,” Cory said.

When asked why track owner were so eager to drop greyhound racing and convert to casinos Cory replied, "Because that's where the money is. These guys are in business to make a profit. You think they want this giant leech of greyhound racing on their necks sucking money away like Dracula on steroids? Wait, did I just say that out loud?"

Umm..we're afraid you did there Mr. Cory sir, but on the bright side it's the most honest comment you've made all week. You agree with that Jett?

Jett is a two year old male who can live with cats and small dogs, and will need a canine companion. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog will remember the slow erosion of expectation into acquiescence...erm...we mean will remember last week when we reported on the overlord backlash to the plethora of reports that they were, in fact, a raucous belch in the church of reason; a turd in the swimming pool of society; a chipped plate of leftover spam on the buffet table of humanity. Nay and Nay, the overlords cry. It is not we who wish to injure and kill innocent living creatures for (no) profit, it is you animal rights wackos! You who have worked so hard and so long to bring the inherent cruelty of what we do into the public spotlight! You who have devoted countless hours and untold sums of your own money rescuing, rehabilitating and rehoming dogs we cast off like like jetsam from a sinking ship! You who dare to tell us that we cling leech-like to an industry that died long ago and now zombie walks to the dustbin of history!

Logic has never been one of the overlords' strong suites. Anyway they're back this week with more reasons why up is down, black is white and stupid is the new smart.

The Florida Greyhound Association has decided to fight back, claiming that decoupling would not only be costly to the state, but also increase gambling. The FGA also has said that decouplng would harm greyhounds, saying that Grey2K and other advocates have no real plan to take care of the dogs should they be released from their respective race tracks.

OK, let's perform a little Ironicus Maximus exigesical presto chango on this and see if we can't clarify what's going on with what passes for reasoned discourse in the fetid swamp where the overlords go to birth their rationalizations. First, decoupling will cost the state more money. Well, this is pretty clearly an example of overlord math skills because currently the state has to maintain and support an entire bureaucratic division dedicated to watching over overlord shenanigans. Obviously if racing ended they would not have to fund that line in the budget so monies could go elsewhere, perhaps education or social services which would clearly cost...umm...the overlords because they would have to find other ways to convince people to give them money. Second, gambling will increase. This is easily demonstrable because if racing ends, all those people who don't gamble on it now will have to go somewhere else to not gamble. Third, ending racing will harm the greyhounds. This is perhaps the overlords' strongest argument because if you think about what they are saying--"decouplng would harm greyhounds, saying that Grey2K and other advocates have no real plan to take care of the dogs should they be released from their respective race tracks."-- it means if greyhound racing ends we are going to drop these dogs faster than old lady Dugger drops kids, we are going to abandon them faster than Scott Walker abandons his positions because we care deeply about them and always put their welfare first.

So, to sum up--Greyhound Racing! Motto: If you can't make money running the dogs, turn them into hostages. That about cover it Mya?

I am a very sweet and friendly girl. I am outgoing and love everyone I meet. I don’t know how to sit, as most Greyhounds don’t, but I will bow for food. I am a very smart girl. I have the typical Greyhound personality. I don’t mind being in my crate. I love dogs of all sizes and kitties too. I even live with a bird right now and I completely ignore him. I am housebroken. I love to play with my stuffed animals. I do great in the car and walk very well on a leash. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog will recall the vivacious colors of youth bursting against an azure sky of promise like multicolored madness now become lugubrious ghosts under the desultory clouds of increasing entropy...erm...we mean will recall that we have been chronicling the slow (and not so slow) descent of the overlords into irrelevancy.  And this week, oh they have greased the skids fellow sailors on this ship of fools.

Now even the Arabs have noticed.

Citing more than 600 sources, including state racing commission reports and records, veterinary journal articles, necropsy reports, National Greyhound Association documents, books and newspaper stories, the national report on greyhounds said at least 909 greyhound deaths have been documented. In Florida, a racing greyhound dies every three days, according to state records. The report also documented 11,722 greyhound injuries, including fractured skulls, broken necks and electrocutions, and 27 cases of animal cruelty, including dogs starved to death and denied veterinary care.

That' Aljazeera man. Al freakin' Jazeera which usually reports on who's mad at the king in north Wangdangistan, or what the demonstrations are about in the capitol city of Al Gebra, has turned their attention to the heartless commodification of innocent living creatures for the sole purpose of making (no) money and determined that greyhound racing sucks gravel through a straw.

Now that just has to leave a mark.

“We would like to reduce the amount of dog racing we do here,” Izzy Havenick, co-owner of the Naples-Fort Myers Track and Entertainment Center, told America Tonight in December. Havenick said the dog track loses $2.5 million a year, and he wants Florida lawmakers to change the law to make the poker rooms and greyhound racing independent of one another, a move dubbed “decoupling.” Greyhound breeders and owners oppose decoupling.

"Well of course breeders oppose decoupling," Havenick continued. "As long as there's racing I'm paying $2.5 mill a year to keep those useless bags of mostly wasted protein off the job market. Would you turn down a deal like that?"

We like to think we would, especially if it  required contining injury and death for the greyhounds still trapped in the deathcamps. What do you say Jeff Kottkamp, a former Florida lieutenant governor who lobbies on behalf of Florida Greyhound Association?

Dog owners and breeders say they have a financial interest in keeping their dogs healthy and happy. “The people that own these dogs love these dogs," Kottkamp said. "Well, until they stop winning that is, then they dump them like yesterday's trash, bring in a new one and the process starts all over again. We call it inventory rotation."

If this were not a family blog we might suggest something else you could rotate on, Mr. Kottkamp, but let's get back to the report.

“Thirty-nine states have already made the humane decision to ban greyhound racing, but this cruel sport continues to exploit greyhounds despite public outcry and overwhelming financial losses from a dying industry,” Nancy Perry, senior vice president of government relations at ASPCA, said in a statement.

 Thirty nine, huh? Well that's a pretty substantial number. So what states are left?

In addition to Florida, six other states operate greyhound tracks: Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, Iowa, Texas and West Virginia.

Iowa? Come on now Aljazeera.  Iowa is the Schrodinger's cat of racing. It both exists and it doesn't, and as soon as any attention is payed to it, the situation will collapse. And West Virgina? Well, OK, there is racing in West Virginia. Today. We'd check back tomorrow if we were you. Wouldn't you agree Judge?

I am lovable, bonding, and silly. I am a very active boy so I need guidance. I am strong willed. I love to play with toys. I am a big leaner. Unlike most Greyhounds, I know how to sit. I love to run and play and do zoomies in the yard. I am a real Velcro dog. I get along with dogs of all sizes and kitties too. I am housebroken. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here. 

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the That's Not What I Wanted To Hear Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The TNWIWTHD is a division of the With Friends Like These Corporation, a wholly owned subsidy of This Will Not End Well, LLC.

Whilst surfing around the overlord side of the intertoobz the other day we ran across this particularly distressing headline:

Why do Florida track owners want to stop greyhound racing?

Of course our first response was because they hate America. Ask any overlord and he or she will tell you if the wholesale exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit is ended and they are forced to enter the job market, well, the terrorists have won and that's the end of freedom. Those are just the facts.

Now, for those of you keeping score at home, the track owners are the individuals who own the real estate upon which the overlords eke out their tick like existence on the backs of the greyhounds brought into this world for the sole purpose of making them rich.

And therein lies the problem.

What used to be a glamorous, lucrative sport has become a money-losing proposition that brings a black eye from animal-welfare groups. “This is an industry that is dying in Florida and all over the country, and it’s dying because of competition from other forms of gambling,” said Carey Theil, an anti-greyhound racing activist and the executive director of Grey2K, a nonprofit group that campaigns to put an end to dog racing in the seven states where it remains legal. “It’s dying because of concerns about the way dogs are treated in this industry.”

 Ha! Just what we would expect from a well known animal rights wacko like Theil. See, here's the problem with people like Theil: they're not overlords. Anyone in the industry will tell you that until you've actually been an overlord you can't say anything about racing, no matter how much you've read, or seen, or studied. We call this the There is no Australia gambit. And there you go. Since Theil has never personally participated in the institutionalized cruelty that is greyhound racing, he can't talk about it. As the lawyers say, ipso facto, cavet emptor, cave canem case closed. We're sorry. What did you say Izzy Havenick owner of the Naples–Fort Myers Greyhound Track and Poker Room?

“The state of Florida law mandates that we continue to run the dogs in order to keep the poker room open,” he said. “We’re legally obliged to keep a business operating that loses $2.5 million a year.”

Ruh Ro. Sounds like Mr. Havernick has been to Australia.  And he didn't like what he saw.

Betting on greyhounds has fallen by more than half in Florida over the past decade. The dog races now compete for the attention of a generation that came of age with the Internet. “Most people my age and younger have no interest in going to some facility and watching an animal run around in a circle,” Havenick said.

Hey! That's not fair. This is the exciting, glamorous, lucrative world of greyhound racing we're talking about. Fun for the whole family! You can't belittle an action-packed sport like this by calling it animals running around in a circle just because the animals...umm...run around in a circle. OK, you may have a point.

Florida state Sen. Maria Sachs said that the state of Florida loses money on greyhound racing, spending $1.8 million more to regulate the industry than it receives in tax revenues. “We, as a state government, should not be putting money into a sport that is actually inhumane and is losing revenue,” she said.

OK, $2.5 million plus $1.8 million. Let's see, 8 plus 5, carry the two, put your left foot in, take your left foot out...Man! That's some serious coin.  Why, that would buy almost 100 teachers, not that we're saying providing subsidies so the overlords can make their trailer payments isn't just as important as educating the next generation of Florida citizens. Not saying that at all, nosiree.

Former Lt. Gov. Jeff Kottkamp is fighting for one group that opposes decoupling: the people who own and train the dogs. The track owners, he said, shouldn’t be so quick to throw the dog owners under the bus. “They’ve had a lot of benefits of having a monopoly in this arena and made billions of dollars,” he said of the track owners. “If they don’t want to do it anymore, fine. Relinquish the license. Put it out to bid.”

 Yeah. Where's the loyalty man? In a business where part is making money and part isn't you want to drop the part that isn't. Not fair. You should give up the whole thing. We're all family, right. We all sink or swim together, right? What's that you say Roma? As soon as you finished out of the money you were dropped like a hot rock and replaced by some other dog? Well, that's just business Roma, nothing personal.

Hi, my name is Roma. I am a sweet and beautiful red-fawn greyhound (just look at my picture and you will see). I am currently in foster living with two other greyhounds showing me all the things I need to know about house rules (no accidents on my record!). The best part about being in a home is becoming a part of a loving family! I have a soft bed for sleeping, great food, snacks, lots of toys, a big yard to play in, and I get lots of hugs and kisses. Oh, I love going on walks too! Life is GREYT! I enjoy being close to my family, just in case my foster mom wants to give me a good ear rubbing (look at my cute ears) and sometimes a belly rub. I enjoy quieter times too, like snuggling, and watching TV together. My foster mom calls me her “sweet Roma tomato.” I have to agree, I am pretty sweet (not sure about the tomato thing–what is a tomato)? When she calls my name, my tail wags non-stop, as I rush to get lots of hugs and kisses! I am looking for my forever loving home! What are you waiting for? Come and get me! For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Hey, we're back! Did you miss us? Did you even know we were gone? Of course you didn't, you have lives. Well, actually if you're reading this blog...Umm we're going to stop there before we say something we might regret.

OK moving on. So how has life been treating the overlords during the erstwhile holiday season? 

It’s all over but the voting as a bill requiring that injuries to racing greyhounds be reported to the state looks certain to pass the state Senate next year. Senate President Andy Gardiner, R-Orlando, said his chamber is expected to approve the bill during the first week of the session, which starts in March.

 Oh crap. More government paperwork. Look, these are injured dogs, right? So once they're injured they lose their value, you know? Why make the poor overlords fill out a form detailing how the dogs went from assets to liabilities? We mean, if you wrecked your car would you take it to the car wash before the wrecker came and got it? Yeesh, these government bureaucrats just don't understand business, you know? We bet no other state oppresses the overlords with all these useless regulations.

It is appalling that Florida is one of only two states that does not require injuries to racing greyhounds be reported to the state. Alabama is the only other state to show such disregard for the dogs’ welfare.

 Alabama huh? OK you might have a point. Being in the same category as Alabama is sort of like saying my highest goal in life is to be a Kardasian. What do you think Jack Cory, spokesman for the Florida Greyhound Association?

Cory said senators instead should pass the “Greyhound Safety Act” backed by Sen. Chris Smith, D-Fort Lauderdale. That bill would require injury reporting but also mandates a safe track surface and safety devices to protect dogs, among other provisions.

 We're with you Jackie boy, but here's our question: Shouldn't the tracks already do everything they can to have safe track surfaces and devices to protect the dogs? Isn't that like what the kids call a no brainer? Do they really need the state to tell them to do that? We mean, sure they're overlords and all and sometimes they forget that they need to match their feet with their shoes, but...um...OK, we see your point.

Indeed, lawmakers should consider strengthening the bill as the Florida Greyhound Association proposes. The organization, which represents greyhound breeders, owners and kennel operators, suggests mandating such safeguards as appropriate track surfaces and the use of safety devices to protect dogs. Its officials understand dog safety must be paramount if the industry is to withstand the strong opposition of animal protection groups. But lawmakers should not stop at simply improving reporting requirements and track conditions. Legislators next session finally should adopt a measure “decoupling” greyhound racing from a track’s gambling license. Similar past proposals, unfortunately, have failed to make it through the Legislature. Such a law would put an end to the perverse mandate that forces tracks to run the dogs so they can keep their licenses for card games and other gambling operations.

Whoa! Hey, slow down there Buckaroo. Decoupling? You know what that means?

Decoupling the races from the gambling license would allow the marketplace to determine whether the races should be continued.

Right. And what has "the marketplace" had to say about the continued exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit...erm...we mean greyhound racing?

In Florida, the amount bet on dog races is a third of what it was just a decade ago. Only a few tracks still make money on greyhounds, according to a consultant’s report to the legislature. For the rest, the dogs are a loss leader that allows them to continue operating their profitable card rooms and slot machines.

So let's just cool our jets there a little, or in the rush to make racing safer for the greyhounds we make it less safe for the overlords. You would agree with that, right Ivy?

Sweet-natured little Ms. Ivy enjoys being with people whether it’s time to play or time to relax. Did someone mention getting out the squeaky toys and a ball or two? Ivy never misses an opportunity to have fun, and will need a home with a 6′ fence so she’s not tempted to find fun outside of her yard, and even helps tidy up afterwards by taking all toys to her bed. R&R time is good too, best done with her close by–naturally– since you never know when something might come along which would require some needle-nosed attention. Great company, that’s our Ms. Ivy!! For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog will recall the relief they felt when the weight of expectation was lifted from them...erm...we mean will recall last week when we told you the sad and sordid tale of woe befalling the overlords in West Virginia. Well, it seems the intervening week has not improved conditions.

West Virginia’s greyhound racing industry could well be under siege in the 2015 regular session of the Legislature.

OK, here's a quick reading comprehension tip for those of you out there who may have been sleeping in English class the day they talked about foreshadowing. When a word like "siege" is in the lede of an article, expect bad things to happen to the subjects of said article.

There’s the study that’s been commissioned by the Lottery Commission at the behest of the two current Finance Committee chairmen (Sen. Roman Prezioso, D-Marion, Delegate Brent Boggs, D-Braxton) to determine if it would be in the state’s best interest to eliminate subsidies for greyhound owners and breeders (totaling $22.9 million in fiscal 2013, dropping to about $20 million this year with legislation passed in March cutting greyhound and thoroughbred subsidies by 10 percent).

 Now, we're not economists or anything, but it seems to us that wondering whether to stop giving free money to a bunch of losers like the overlords would be in the best interest of the state is like wondering if the pain will stop if you quit banging your head against the wall. But that's just our opinion. We could be wrong.

Given that the new Republican-controlled Legislature is not likely to propose tax increases to balance the state budget, that $20 million will look awfully tempting.

 Another quick comprehension tip: Any sentence that includes the words "Legislature, money" and "temptation" is going to end with somebody trying to scrape enough cash together to make the application fee for Walmart Greeter School.

Meanwhile, Grey2K USA, a national organization committed to outlawing greyhound racing nationwide for humane issues, has hired Rob Casto as their lobbyist this session.
That’s a significant hire, since before starting his government relations/lobbying group, Casto served more than 17 years as a House staffer, rising to assistant to the speaker.

 Casto huh? That's only one letter away from Castro, and that letter is r which is also the first letter in red. Now, we've always known the animal rights wackos were secret lefties, but we think this makes it pretty obvious that this Theil guy is a flaming commie and he's in league with that Casto fellow to turn West Virgina into some sort of socialistic dystopia where all the money goes to things like social programs, education and stuff leaving the poor overlords to sleep in the park with only their faith in the free enterprise system for a blanket.

Sam Burdette, president of the state Greyhound Owners and Breeders Association, has already made overtures for a buyout plan if the Legislature would pass a decoupling bill – eliminating the requirement that the management of Mardi Gras and Wheeling Downs operate greyhound racing as a condition of maintaining their casino licenses.

Oh sure Sam, turn your back on your fellow overlords. Do you really think sucking up to the new politburo will save you a trip to the reeducation camp when their takeover is complete? It's like you're only in it for the money, Sam, unlike your fellow overlords who are part of the wholesale commodification of innocent living creatures for (no) profit because they love the breed so much. Nobody likes a sellout Sam.

However, the industry is not likely to go down without a fight, likely with outside money and interests pushing for continuing the state subsidies and racing – particularly from Florida, home of 13 of the nation’s 21 remaining greyhound tracks, and where the industry fought to defeat a decoupling bill in the Florida Legislature this year.

Oh man, talk about outside agitators. Oh wait, we thought the Grey2K animal rights wackos were the outside agitators. OK now we're all confused. This make any sense to you Teddy?

I am a very laid back boy. I love to cuddle. I am friendly and love to be around people. I love to have kisses on my head. I get along well with dogs of all sizes and cats. I can go up and down the stairs. I love to go for car rides. I know how to go to the door and tell you I need to go outside. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here. 

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the This Will Not End Well Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The TWNEWD is a division of the I've Got A Bad Feeling About This Corporation, a wholly owned subsidy of This Can't Be Good, LLC.

It seems the West Virginia version of the Dunning-Kruger experiment has noticed that all the money they've been funneling to the overlords in the last few years has yet to come back to them. Who could have predicted? Anyway, like good bureaucrats everywhere they have decided to do something about the situation by initiating a study. Hooray for procrastination!

A contract could be awarded this week for a study to determine the fiscal impact of state subsidies for greyhound racing — and the potential costs and benefits of eliminating those subsidies.

 Uh oh. The Legislature has put a contract out on the overlords. HaHaHaHa! A contract and a "contract." Play on words there. Get it? You people really shouldn't read this blog until you've had your coffee.

State Lottery Director John Musgrave said “We were asked by the two present Finance chairs, through the Department of Revenue, to do a study to assess dog racing, and make a determination to see if decoupling is viable”  West Virginia is one of several states that require racetrack casinos to also offer live thoroughbred or greyhound racing. With “decoupling,” the casinos are no longer obligated to offer live racing, or use casino revenues to subsidize racing purses.

Well, it depends on what you mean by "viable" there Mr. Musgrave sir. If you mean cutting loose the cash sucking overlord albatross from around the necks of the casinos and the state then sure, it's viable. If you mean subsidizing the overlords' reluctance to get jobs, then not so much.

“It seems like greyhound racing is on a path of destruction,” Sen. Roman Prezioso said. “They’re losing money, and we’d like a study to see how much money they’re losing and what they can do about it.” Prezioso said that in tough budget times, it’s difficult for the state to keep directing millions of dollars a year to what appears to be a failing industry. “We’re supporting that industry, and it just doesn’t seem right,” he said. “We can’t keep subsidizing an industry that’s failing.”

Here's a little financial tip for you Senator Prezioso: If an industry is losing money they don't "appear" to be a failing industry, they are a failing industry. See, because the whole idea of being in business is to make money. Hope this was helpful.

In September, Sam Burdette, president of the West Virginia Greyhound Owners and Breeders Association, told a legislative interim committee that, between the reduced purse fund subsidies and an ongoing decline in wagering on live races, the greyhound industry in the state is struggling to survive. He said at the time that only about three of the 17 kennels racing at the Mardi Gras Casino and Racetrack in Nitro were making a profit, citing weekly revenue reports from the racetrack.

"And the only reason those three are showing any profit at all is because the trainers make the kennel help sell plasma down at the Red Cross," Burdette added. Geez, Mr. Burdette, that's a bit extreme don't you think? What about bake sales, or  auctions? On second thought, to have an auction you'd need to have something people want to auction off and since most people don't want to have anything at all to do with the heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit, it might be hard to attract bidders. Plasma might be the way to go after all. What do you think Frank?

I am a head-strong boy but I am easily re-directed if I need to be corrected for something. Nothing upsets me. I love to cuddle. I am friendly. I love to be around people. I have met all kinds of new people and love them all. I enjoy getting kisses on my head. I am housebroken. I can go up and down the stairs. I love to go in the car. I get along with dogs of all sizes and kitties too. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here. 

Hounds Home For The Holidays

We thought we'd try and catch you before you head off to the annual Turkey bake, gravy lake, tummy ache, for heaven's sake, big mistake, give us a break Uncle Jake football wake and see if we could convince you to offer your couch on a long term lease to a homeless skinny dog. Also, we plan to be in a tryptophan induced coma ourselves, at least until the Lions game--and depending on how they play, maybe during.

And speaking of induced comas...Stoli.

But what conversation with you our esteemed reader(s) would be complete without mention of everyone's favorite social pariahs, the overlords. But in the spirit of the coming War on Christmas which unites us every year in the annual holier than thou national freakout, we thought we'd forgo our usual expedition to Dimholt forest and leave the overlords to their holiday feast which we believe is comprised of the souls of innocent children. We could be wrong about that. Anyway, for a change of pace, let's go visit an animal rights wacko and see how she's spending the upcoming festivities. No doubt drinking green tea and polishing her Birkenstocks with organic macerated tree bark, no?

Ellen Schmidt is one of 40 greyhound activists who plan to protest today in front of the Naples-Fort Myers Greyhound Racing and Poker Room in Bonita Springs. The protesters want state legislators to pass a greyhound injury reporting law that would require Florida's 13 dog tracks to notify the state of every injury at their facilities. The activists also want legislators to stop a Florida law that forces dog tracks to race greyhounds in order to keep their poker room permits.

 Obviously Ellen hasn't any knowledge of greyhound racing or she would know that the units...erm...dogs are given the highest level of care possible if by some almost statistically impossible chance they are injured, the tracks are expertly maintained by a crack staff, and no expense is spared in making their off track lives comfortable. 

The "decoupling" bill is expected to see the House floor this spring. Naples-Fort Myers track owner Izzy Havenick supports the bill because greyhound racing is losing him about $2 million a year as fewer and fewer bet on the old sport.

 OK, here's our dilemma: Mr. Havenick is obviously an overlord, yet he wants to end the commodification of innocent living creatures for (no) profit, so does that make him an animal rights wacko? On first blush, one might say no, because he's only in it for the money, yet regardless of his motivation, the outcome would be less greyhounds doomed to a life of potential suffering, injury and death. Does Mr. Havenick's means, justify the end? Would Ms. Schmidt count him as a colleague even though his reasons are suspect? Will Batman escape the Joker's trap? Stay tuned.

"Decoupling is part of a much bigger picture," said state Sen. Garrett Richter, R-Naples, who headed the Senate's gaming committee in the last session. "There is an entire debate that transpires over gaming, dog racing, and destination casinos. That whole subject has to come into that context and probably be considered for all its components."

"And before you ask why we don't just spin off the greyhound issue and deal with it separately because from a legal standpoint decoupling wouldn't materially affect the bigger gambling issue, remember this is Florida you're talking about." Senator Richter said. "We never met a straight forward, uncomplicated issue we couldn't screw up."

"We have been saying for years now that the Legislature needs to do something about dog racing," Havenick said. "At least allow the market to dictate how much we can race rather than using an antiquated law."

"Well, we have been trying to do something," Richter replied, "But why try and solve one problem when you can lump them all together  and do nothing about anything? I mean, why did the people elect us anyway?"

Well, you may have a point there Senator Richter. Look all around the country today at almost any level of government and it seems the whole idea of politics is to shout loudly and warm a chair. Really talented politicians can actually do both at once. Pretty impressive huh Hunter?

I am very attached to people and love to be around them. I am a low-key girl. Since I have been in my foster home, I have had a bath and had my nails trimmed and I was not fazed at all by any of it. I can go up and down the stairs. I am a very smart girl. I am housebroken. I don’t mind being in my crate if nobody is home but I love to be around people so much that I don’t want to be in it if someone is home. I get along with dogs of all sizes and I am also cat friendly. I love to go for walks and go to the dog park to run and play.For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here. 

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the It's Never So Bad It Can't Get Worse Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The INSBICGW department is a division of the When It Rains It Pours Corporation, a wholly owned subsidy of If It Wasn't For Bad Luck You'd Have No Luck At All, NA.

 Now, if you're an overlord you've probably gotten used to being a social pariah. People crossing the street when they see you coming, covering their children's eyes, the petitions from your neighbors demanding you move, all that stuff is pretty much par for the course at this point. But there was always one place you could go where people didn't get up and move away if you sat down. One place where you could be pretty certain no one was going to fling a flaming bag of dog poop at you. One place where you could be with people as heartless and unfeeling as you were, and that was the track. It was your oasis, your respite from people with souls, your calm from the storm of disgust that rained down upon you everywhere you went, if you ignored the cries of the injured and dying greyhounds all around you that is, but that was never a real problem for you was it? Well, Bucko, we don't mean to be the bearers of bad news but...

Of the 21 greyhound racing tracks left in the United States, 12 are located in Florida, all are losing money, and many track owners want out of the business.

 We know what you're thinking: "Where's the loyalty? All these years we exploited innocent living creatures for money until we used them up, then threw them away like yesterday's newspaper, and now, just because the track owners aren't making any money they want to toss us out into the streets? Is there no justice?" Yeah, it is a puzzler. In an industry that puts profit ahead of everything else--even life if you happen to be a greyhound--we really don't know where attitudes like that come from.

But in order for the money sucking tracks to fade out for good, it will take the State House and Senate agreeing on a bill that will officially untie the tracks from profitable poker rooms and rescue thousands of dogs who advocates say, are living as hostages.

"Money sucking tracks?" Oh come on, that's just piling on right there. We mean, it's almost like you are saying the overlords are parasites or something. Well, OK they are parasites, but still, have a little decorum will you? And what's with rescuing dogs that are "hostages?" What about the overlords? Don't they need to be rescued too? Aren't they hostages? Oh sure they went into the business willingly and they get to go home at night, plus they don't die as often as the greyhounds who were born for the singular reason of making someone else money, but still, other than that...

“We lose money on live racing. It would actually improve my bottom line if we stopped racing,” said Pat Biddix , partner and general manager of the Melbourne Greyhound Park.

Ouch. That's got to hurt. It's like Mr. Biddix walked up to an overlord and said "You're a loser, dude. Why don't you get lost?" OK, it's not like overlords haven't heard that before, starting with their third grade teacher when they repeated for the fourth time, but when it comes from the guy whose moral fiber is only slightly more firm than overcooked linguine, it's got to give you pause and maybe cause you to reflect over your life choices.

Biddix is in favor of the decoupling bill because he wishes to keep and grow his business with profitable forms of gambling.

Now Mr. Biddix, it sounds like you're saying greyhound racing isn't profitable.

“The truth of the matter is it’s time to quit racing dogs. What we’re doing is a little bit barbaric, we know that,” Biddix said. “For us, decoupling means stop running a business that has been losing money for about 11 years. That’s not right. We should have the right to get out of it.”

Truth? Hey come on Mr. Biddix, if there's one thing the overlords don't need right now it's truth. By the way, how can you be a little bit barbaric? Isn't that like say yeah, he makes Attila the Hun look like Mother Theresa, but he likes flowers, so it's all good.

Coming from two very different sides of the issue, Carey Theil, executive director for Grey2KUSA and Biddix both agree the best way to keep the decoupling bill from falling on deaf ears is for the public to speak up.

Hey, there's an idea. The public should speak up for the dogs because they can't speak for themselves. What do you think Dauntless? Sound like a plan?

HMS Dauntless the Magnificent! A fine looking fawn. He actually looks like a "fawn"! He is tall and lean, majestic, just like the ship he's named after. Dauntless is just an all around happy guy! He gets so excited when someone visits him or gives him attention he will wiggle and wag his entire body. He thinks the world is an adventure and he would love to share it with a family. He does great with understanding what you want him to do at the kennel. He is doing great at the kennel but he has not been in a foster or a home yet , so he will need to adjust to that. He is very smart and wants to please and he adores people! Plus... Canine Blood Hero... Ask why that makes me special! For more information about these dogs, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know the slow unraveling of days and the soft whisper of deflating hope...erm...we mean know that Florida is the epicenter of  heartless exploitation of living creatures for profit as home to 13 of the remaining 22 greyhound death camps in the United States. Recently the state legislature commissioned a study of the entire gambling infrastructure in the state with an eye towards coming up with a comprehensive set of policies for all aspects of the gaming industry.

As far as the overlords are concerned, a critical part of that policy would have to do with decoupling which simply means the state would say, "race or not, we don't care." Now, you might think this would be cause for great celebration amongst the overlords as they finally get the yoke of government regulation and interference in the exercise of their free market rights removed. Yeah, well no. Really. No. Seriously.

OK flash forward to now and the state is holding hearings to let people who will be affected by these policies come and have a say. Let's listen in, shall we?

One speaker, Randolph Goodman, stated that he supported the decoupling of racing and casino licenses in order to expose the financial weakness of greyhound tracks, which rely on subsidies for purses and operating expenses, he said. “There is no demand for greyhound racing any more,” Goodman said. “If you decouple, you will see.”

Oh now that's a little harsh, Mr. Goodman don't you think? We mean think of all the benefits that accrue to the state from greyhound racing. Why just recently a study was done that analyzed racing contributions. As the author's wrote:

Greyhound racing is a “dying sport” that has been hemorrhaging revenue for years, according to a study of commissioned by the Florida Legislature.

See? When you...oh wait, that's not the quote we were looking for. Just a second...ah...over...yeah, here it is:

The first 307-page report, released last week, gave an overview of all aspects of the state’s gaming industry, but painted a particularly bleak picture for facilities that offer greyhound racing. “Handle,” or the total amount wagered, has plummeted over the past two decades. “Total handle for the 13 facilities that ran greyhound racing fell from $933.8 million in [fiscal year] 1990 to $265.4 million in [fiscal year] 2012, a decline of 67 percent,” the report read.

Oops. That's not it either. OK, look we'll have to get back to you on that. Did you have a comment Michele Lazarow, Hallandale Beach city commissioner?

"Being housed in a small cage for 20-23 hours a day is a life that no one should have to endure. "Do you allow your dog to be treated that way?...It seems that forcing a business to race is not practical. It's time to move away from this archaic thinking into the 21st Century."

Now, Ms. Lazarow, it's not the purpose of this hearing to get into the treatment of the dogs. Besides, since they represent such a great investment of time and money, and since their thought of as practically members of the family, their care and comfort is first rate. Just ask Ron Williams, or Ursulla O'Donnell, or Ritt and Steinmann. And no, Ms. Lazarow neither are we going to discuss greyhound doping, or transportation issues. You are out of order.

Hey Darla, we bet you're thinking it's not just Ms. Lazarow that's "out of order" huh?

Meet Sweet Darla is available for adoption! She has just turned 9 years old, brindle in color and as sweet as can be. She's great with kids, cats and is a real lover. She's friendly, healthy and waiting for a new home (and couch) to call her own. She's living with 2 other greyhounds in her foster home and loves them to death but would like her own couch and yard to call her own. She likes attention, as any dog does--probably a more quiet household would be Darla's choice. Could Darla be the doggie for you and your family? For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the Mixed Messages Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The MMD is a division of the Words Is Hard Corporation, a wholly owned subsidy of What Part Of Loser Do You Not Understand, LLC.

But first a little background. Frequent reader(s) of this blog know accomplishment is the path of increased expectations leading to the valley of disappointment...erm...we mean know that here in post rational America there are two groups of our fellow citizens whom we occasionally single out as examples of why head injuries should be taken seriously, namely the overlords and legislators. In most cases we deal with these unfortunate examples of the results of being given paint chips as an after school snack separately, but occasionally they come together in what can only be called a singularity of stupid. This is one of those times.

This last week the overlords were confronted yet again with yet another dope slap from reality when yet another study was released that said one more time what every other study of the institutionalized exploitation of innocent living creatures for profit has said, namely, get a real job losers. Or more precisely,

A new study on gaming in Florida predicts six dog tracks, including Ebro Greyhound Park, will end live racing if the state eliminates a law requiring tracks run a minimum number of races to operate a poker room.

OK, pretty straight forward, right? Well, that just shows how little you know about the advanced state of data interpretation practiced by that particular subset of society which we respectfully refer to as semi-sentient bags of wasted protein. (bless their hearts) Take it away Mark Hess, associate manager of Ebro Death Camp for Greyhounds:

Hess said as long as greyhound racing is profitable, Ebro will continue to run the dogs. And he believes racing will continue to make money, even if decoupling passes.

Now, if you have the brains god gave a spinach plant  you might have a bit of a problem following that train of logic past the we're only in this for the money part, so let's listen as Mr. Hess elucidates his analysis further:

“We don’t know for sure (what would happen),” Hess said. “We would have to take a good look at it, and we’re not really going to spend the time to look at it until decoupling really exists.”

So, to recap: We're only in this for the money. Decoupling will not affect the money. We don't know what will happen because we haven't been paying attention, therefore PROFIT!!

Right now you're thinking Ha Ha Ironicus, that guy's pretty dumb so what's new? We want to see the dog of the week.

Oh we are so not there yet gentle reader(s). Enter Senate Gaming Committee Chairman Garrett Richter, (R-etard).

A $400,000 gambling report will be delayed because it is too confusing and needs to be reviewed for accuracy, according to Richter.

"Have you looked at that thing?" Richter asked. "It's nothing but words and charts and graphs. What am I supposed to do with that? I'm a politician, not a dictionary."

Understood Mr. Richter, but could you be a little more specific as to the nature of your confusion? Surely you have staff that could help you with the big words.

“There is absolutely nothing in the report that either satisfies or dissatisfies me,’’ Richter said.

We see. So what is it in the report that is confusing, yet neither satisfying nor dissatisfying?

Although he had not seen the report, Richter said he learned it was confusing and supported the delay.

Understood. Again, to recap: The report is confusing. That doesn't affect me one way or another. I have not read the report, therefore DELAY!!

OK, now we can meet the dog of the week, but you'll have to stop weeping for America first.

Doc is a handsome, 3 year old fawn. He is playful, loving and curious. Doc enjoys his food and playing outside in the yard with people and toys. He gets along with the 8 and 9 year old humans that come to visit and with his foster brother grey. Doc sleeps through the night in his crate and doesn't seem to be bothered by storms. It is as though he has always lived with a family in a home. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent readers of this blog cultivate the benefits of acquiescence...erm...we mean know that Florida is the center of the greyhound exploitation industry here in these United States. Sort of the Mordor to our Shire, the Pet Sematary to our Fairy Woodland, the Blackgate Penitentiary to our Gotham City, the...well, you get the picture. The point is, America's Freudian nightmare hanging out into the Gulf of Mexico is home to more death camps for greyhounds than the rest of the country combined.

We tell you this to help you understand that if there is anywhere on the North American continent where the overlords can wake up in the morning and not wonder if they made the right career choice turning down that scholarship to Billy Bob's Long Distance Truck Driving School and Fast Food Fry Cook College it has to be Florida.

Well, it used to be Florida.

Greyhound racing is a “dying sport” that has been hemorrhaging revenue for years, according to a study of commissioned by the Florida Legislature.

OK, speaking as professional educational technologists here we see that "dying sport" is in quotes which indicates that it came directly from the report as described by the authors, but  hemorrhaging revenue for years is the descriptor the writer of the article thought most appropriate to modify the quotation. Put the two contributions together and one is left with the inescapable conclusion that everyone with the brains god gave a street sign thinks greyhound racing sucks gravel through a straw.

This cannot be good news for the overlords.

The first 307-page report, released last week, gave an overview of all aspects of the state’s gaming industry, but painted a particularly bleak picture for facilities that offer greyhound racing. “Handle,” or the total amount wagered, has plummeted over the past two decades. “Total handle for the 13 facilities that ran greyhound racing fell from $933.8 million in [fiscal year] 1990 to $265.4 million in [fiscal year] 2012, a decline of 67 percent,” the report read.

Allow us to step in here and point out that it looks like the overlords have lost the handle on greyhound racing.  HaHaHaHaHa! See what we did there? A play on the meaning on the word handle. Another example of the sophisticated humor you've come to expect here in the marbled halls of IM Central. But back to our story.

Facilities that have greyhound racing lost $35 million on racing in 2012. They rely on card rooms, which made $39 million in 2012, to offset those losses.

OK if our Texas Instrument 86a graphing calculator with FM radio and GPS is accurate that means because of the overlords gambling kingpins in Florida took $4 million in profit from their card rooms and essentially took the other $35 million out back and set fire to it.

We're thinking that probably didn't make them happy.

The industry has tried to legalize so-called “decoupling” in recent years to allow companies to close money-losing dog tracks while operating profit-making card rooms.

Yep. They're not happy.

There's one voice that's been conspicuously absent from this article and that's the voice of the overlords. After all, they created the problem, maybe they have a solution.

The lone voice of optimism in the report was that of longtime lobbyist Jack Cory, who represents the Florida Greyhound Association. He said that greyhound racing could bounce back if track owners invest in their facilities.

Now that sounds like a real good idea there Mr. Cory sir, but what is it you plane to "invest" because if our  Texas Instrument 86a graphing calculator with FM radio and GPS is telling the truth, it sure ain't gonna be money. Hey Craigie, you got any ideas? What's that you say, you'd be happy to invest the time it takes to pee on Mr. Cory's leg if that would help? OK, we'll ask.

Craigie Murphy is a very happy, friendly boy. He loves to be around people and other dogs. He does well in his crate and is housebroken. He loves to go for walks and he loves everyone he meets while out walking. He is also cat safe. He has learned to go up and down the stairs. He is a squeaky toy spaz. When he hears squeaky toys, he will “plow” through the other dogs just to get to the toy. He is also a collector. He will empty the toy box and bring things to his bed. He is a counter surfer and since he is so tall, this is an easy task for him but his foster parents are working with him on this issue. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Friday Hound Blogging

One of the things we like to do on Fridays here in the marbled halls of IM Central, as the Stoli cools, is to check out the intertubial hangouts of the overlords just to get a sense of where the conversation is going. Lately we've witnessed much wailing and gnashing of teeth over the gathering tsunami of decoupling, and by that we mean they're blaming everybody and everything for pointing out that they base their "sport" on the heartless exploitation of innocent creatures who are summarily disposed of in often the most horrendous of ways when they can no longer generate a profit. Also, to be more accurate in the overlords' case it's wailing and gnashing of tooth. The point is, it appears the the impending demise of their greyhound powered ride on the gravy train has penetrated all but the deepest realms of their delusion. We mean, even John Parker has not only lately become aware that there is a wall, he has even begun to ascertain that there may be some sort of writing on it.

But that's not what we want to tell you.This week as we were chuckling over the overlords' penchant for invented spelling we ran across what appears to be an attempt at an actual essay by an overlord who appears to believe he is an intellectual. Well, at least as much of an intellectual as you can expect in Overlordistan. You know the old saying, in a country of idiots the man who can tie his own shoes is king. Anyway, this particular scribe has unleashed almost 800 words starting with the history of greyhounds and ending up with it's all Grey2K's fault. Somewhere Mr. Spock is crying.

Our first thought was Man! We weren't aware there were overlords who knew 800 words. Then we noticed several words were repeated the the real total drops down substantially. We would link to it, but you might go read it then hate us forever for costing you fifteen minutes of your life and 40 IQ points.

But that's not to say we can't bring you the highlights huh? Well, high light might not be exactly accurate, but what the heck, the Stoli's already taken care of at least 40 of our IQ points so let's have at it!

Scientists and researchers feel that the halotypes of our contemporary Racing Greyhounds probably first emerged as part of a branching-off process from the Grey Wolf, which began perhaps as many as 140,000 years ago. This is a staggering proposition. What it essentially means is that Greyhound-like dogs evolved naturally, until they eventually became companions of men. Since the Greyhound has always had a utilitarian purpose, either as a pre-historic, wild and deadly hunter of game, as a swift and efficient courser of vermin, or as a racer of astonishing speed and athleticism, he is unique among canines.

Oh boy, oh boy, let's play One Of These Things Is Not Like The Others! "Wild and deadly hunter of game, as a swift and efficient courser of vermin". Let's see, helping subsistence hunters feed their families and keeping pests and their diseases away, that it? "A racer of astonishing speed and athleticism." Right, becoming a commodity and having their worth measured by how much money they can generate. Ha! That's the different one! This game is fun.

As respected Greyhound pedigree researcher and writer Martin Roper has suggested (in his essay, Everything You Know Is Wrong), it is highly unlikely that the Greyhound was ever domesticated by Egyptian Pharaohs, as had been long thought to be the case.

Umm...The appeal to authority, which is called Ethos for all you keeping score at home, is a common and well respected technique in essay writing, but Martin Roper? Don't know much about him. Well, to be an expert you need a long list of credentials and accomplishments, so let's go see what Mr. Roper has done to deserve his exalted position in the aforementioned essay, shall we? Hmmm, it appears an appeal to Mr. Roper is like asking for investment advice from Sponge Bob Square Pants.

So while on one hand we have gained a much deeper and more accurate understanding of how our Greyhounds have come to be who they are today, on the other hand, we see a new litany of outrageous dis-information being disseminated throughout all forms of media. This popular, contemporary Greyhound mythology has arisen from a cartel comprised of “four-legs-good, two-legs-bad” academia, animal rights activist extremists, donation-seeking lobbyists and propagandists, and a daisy chain of activist-“journalists”.

 OK somewhere in that paragraph we fell into a wormhole or some other time portal device because one second we're reading about the history of greyhounds and the next instant the topic has changed to animal rights activism. Someone alert the staff at the Large Hadron Collider! We've discovered the non sequiter particle!

This new mythology is rooted in an elitist, “New Age” dogma, which preaches that the use of any animal for any human purpose whatsoever is “speciesism”, and is, by definition, oppressive, imperialist and “colonial” in its nature and practice, and therefore must be prohibited.

Huh. Guess we'll have to get ourselves one of those New Age dictionaries because in our dictionary speciesism is defined as "a belief of humans that all other species of animals are inferior and may therefore be used for human benefit without regard to the suffering inflicted." That sort of defines greyhound racing, doesn't it there Mr Essay Writer Sir?

A culture comprised of the mostly non-university educated, rural, agrarian, working-class, which views the keeping of animals not simply as an end unto itself, but as the means to an end, is therefore deemed intrinsically and systemically cruel, inhumane, barbaric, inferior and outmoded. That would be “outmoded”, as in “doesn’t deserve to exist”… as in “greyhound racing professionals”.

Oh, nice move there Mr. author sir. Did you see how he injected that little bit of class elitism in there?  "A culture comprised of the mostly non-university educated, rural, agrarian, working-class?" See, it's not really about the needless suffering and painful deaths of the greyhounds at all. It's just those college educated liberal egg heads a coming 'round here sticking their noses where they don't belong. We'll call this the Rick Santorum gambit. So, our question is, how did a group of people who started the paragraph out as "mostly non-university educated, rural, agrarian, working-class" become "greyhound racing professionals" by the end of it? Correspondence school?

We won’t belabor the preposterous concept of “speciesism”, since the essence of Darwinism and the nature of all species is to compete ruthlessly and without remorse for domain, habitat, food–and in the Darwinian model, often to the complete annihilation or extinction of less well-adapted species.

Yeah, that's probably just as well there Mr. Essay Writer sir since you obviously didn't understand speciesism and apparently don't get Darwin either.  See, adaptation is about the organism's relationship with its environment, not how it competes with other organisms. Hope we cleared that up for you.

Nor should we give any credence to the oxymoron of “animal rights”.

Whoa! Did you see what he did there? In one sentence he negated an element of moral philosophy going back over 200 years! Somebody better tell Tom Regan to start looking for another job.

Proponents of animal rights wish to co-mingle amoral creatures within the realm of uniquely human, intricately-reasoned, moral constructs like rights. The first person who can successfully plead the case of Salmon’s Rights to a hungry Grizzly Bear will be the first person who can speak credibly to such a ludicrous concept.

 Hey! There's the non sequiter particle again. OK, this is where we came in so hey Drop Kick how about we take you out for some "utilitarian purpose" like say peeing on that tree over there? Afterwards you can engage in some "swift and efficient" chasing of your ball.

AHK Drop Kick is a very quiet and calm girl. She is learning to play with toys. She asks for attention by poking you with her nose. She does well in her crate. AHK Drop Kick would do well in a home by herself or with other dogs. She would do well in a home with older, well-behaved children or teens. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know the one certainty you can count on in this life is the advance and eventual triumph of entropy...erm...we mean know that we've been monitoring the decoupling situation in Florida which, because it contains 13 of the 22 remaining greyhound racing tracks in the country is like Mordor for the overlords, which we guess would make people like Carey Theil and Christine Dorchak hobbits which probably carries this little analogy a step or two farther than it should have gone.

 Well, the point is things are not looking good for the overlords.

"We need to remove these mandates,'' Rep. Dana Young said. "We need to stop propping up the greyhound-racing industry.''

Well, "propping up" is a pretty strong term, don't you think? 

Even at Derby Lane in Pinellas County, were people do turn out for the greyhounds, Derby Lane spokeswoman Vera Rasnake said some days are better than others. "It could be storming outside, it could be really, really something out of the ordinary, we'd still be forced to run the dogs in order to open the poker room," she said. Plus, the races cost both the card rooms and taxpayers quite a bit of money, as the tracks rely on nearly $5 million a year from the state.

 Oh sure it sounds bad when you say it like that, but look at all the state is getting for that $5 million.

"When you start thinking about the fact that you've got these animals running around the track, day in and day out, in the heat of the day, that many times, and you've got no one watching, it doesn't make any sense," said Rep. Dana Young, R-Tampa, referring specifically to the Bonita Springs track.

Um...well we were looking for something a little more upbeat there. You know, excitement, thrills, exhilaration, stuff like that. Of course if no one is watching it does kind of cut down on the whole we should keep doing this thing. What do you say Jack Cory, a spokesman for the Florida Greyhound Association?

If pari-mutuels were to stop racing altogether, Cory estimates $5 million in state revenue would be lost.

OK, we're not mathematicians or anything, but if you figure the state is giving you $5 million to stay in business, and you're giving them back $5 million in revenue that's like...ah...47...carry the 2...divide...yeah, that's like a wash, right Billy Bob?

 Billy Bob is a three year old who, as near as we can tell, never raced. He was born in West Virginia or Alabama or someplace down there. The overlords aren't really particular about records and such if the unit isn't profitable. For more information about these dogs, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Wooo Weee! Do you know what time it is? No, it's not Howdy Doody time. Quit dating yourself. Although, come to think of it, that was a rather fine time, wasn't it? It's Howdy Doody time, it only costs a dime, to make your booty shine. We may not be remembering the lyrics quite correctly.

Where were we. Oh yeah. Overlords.

It's that time of year again when the overlords gather in that shining jewel on the Kansas plain, Abilene to throw their shoulders out of joint patting themselves on the back for making it through another year of inflicting brutal exploitation, unnecessary pain and suffering and pitiless deaths on the world's oldest breed of dog, the companions of kings, the inspiration for untold works of art and literature, the greyhounds, or, as they like to say it, suck a buck off a pup.

And who better to chronicle this august gathering than our good friends at the Abilene Reflector Chronicle Telegraph Press Gazette Times Tribune News Journal Post Dispatch this year featuring Tim Horan, sports editor because in the interview the publisher asked everyone how many quarters in a football game and his answer was the closest. Take it away editor Tim!

Bigger was expected and bigger it will be. The National Greyhound Association’s fall meet, which starts Monday and runs through Saturday in Abilene, will have about twice as many greyhound entries as last spring’s meet.

 Oh, we're back baby! Twice as many greyhounds. How you like us now animal rights wackos? This has got to mean people flocking to the tracks like lemmings to the sea...er...like moths to the flame...no...winos to the liquor store fire...ah forget it. It means greyhound racing is getting popular again, right editor Tim?

Gary Guccione, NGA’s executive director said a change in format last spring allowing all of the entries to compete in the finals is in place this fall. Traditionally, a greyhound had to finish in the top three to make the finals. This fall greyhounds running fourth through six will also compete on Thursday and Friday.

OK...um...you changed the rules so more people could come, and more people came. That's your big news? That's the lede? Come on editor Tim! Give us the real story, like how many overlords successfully completed their probations, or how many overlords prematurely sold their dogs and turned their kennels into meth labs when the Florida legislature passed the decoupling bill.

Kenneth Biehle of Thorndale, Texas, entered 90 greyhounds, the most of any participants.

"It's like the lotto," Biehle said. "I figure I got to have me a winner in there summers, and if not, well, let's just say all 90 dogs won't be going home with me if you get my drift."

Oh we hear you Mr. Biehle. We know you run a tight ship. Angling for your own spot in the greyhound hall of fame just like that there Vince Berland feller, huh?

Wednesday night, Greg Fast, a greyhound owner from Burlingame, Kan., will be honored at the banquet.

"Does that mean I don't have to pay for a ticket?" Fast asked.

"What? you think we're made of money?" Guccione responded."Do you know how much dues money we lost when all those breeders turned their kennels into meth labs?"

Probably a fair amount huh TJ? But on the bright side, at least those folks have a more respectable vocation now.

TJ, aka Lola is a very sweet, quiet little lady. She has a beautiful brindle coat, and we received many a compliment when out on walks. She loves to chase a ball, and run laps in the backyard, but prefers to lay on her pillow when inside. She has been out of her crate for over a year now (she sleeps on a pillow on the floor in the master bedroom) and we have had absolutely no accidents or problems with her. She is a "shadow" dog once she gets to know you, and prefers to be in the same room as you. She has very expressive eyes, and gives you that "puppy dog" look almost every time she looks at you (which makes her very hard to resist!).  Lola would be absolutely wonderful for a family with older children, or a couple with another dog. She would not do well with a single owner who isn't home for most of the day, or a family with younger children who are looking for a dog to actively interact with them. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.