I'm Calling For John McCain. Did You Know Obama Is A Vampire? Oh, And Something About The Economy

Well, it looks like the last two weeks of this campaign are going to climb up out of the slime pit they mistakenly fell into when the republican candidate temporarily lost control of his campaign because someone forgot to stock the straight talk express with enough Metamucil to get from St. Louis to Champagne, Illinois and they had to stop in Ohio where they happened to run across a local political consultant who made some interesting points that senator McCain, in his obstructed state, mistakenly decided to take advantage of. How do we know? John McCain says so.

"We're focusing on the economy," the Arizona senator said. "Listen to me. I'm the candidate, not Caribou Barbie and this campaign is about the economy. Especially the part where Bill Ayers is collecting acorns to be turned into bombs and shot by slingshot at republican voters on election day by Kenyans brought into to this country illegally by George Soros. "

McCain said "it's absolutely not true" that the economy is a losing issue for Republicans. "If we didn't think we could win on the economy do you think we be talking so much about why Obama will choose a Muslim for Secretary of Labor? Did I mention he's black?"

McCain has been using a remark by Obama that he wanted to "spread the wealth around" to criticize the Democrat as favoring socialist economic policies. "Do you want the federal government nationalizing private institutions?" McCain asked the 15 people gathered to hear him at a recent rally. "Too late," someone in the crowd shouted.

Senator Biden, in a rush to commit his eighth verbal gaffe of the day and thus establish a new personal best, told democratic campaign donors that when a crisis hits, they would have to stand with them, because it wouldn't be apparent Senator Obama would have the right response."

"Forget apparent," McCain said. "Senator Obama won't have the right response, and we know that because we've seen the wrong response from him over and over during this campaign. I've called him every name I can think of, impugned his patriotism, and even threatened to kick his you know what, and all he does is keep talking about the economy, jobs and our wars. Is that the kind of person you want in the White House?" But by then most of the people had wandered away after realizing Sarah Palin wasn't with McCain.

It was unclear whether McCain might step back from his attacks after Obama's campaign announced that he will suspend campaigning for two days later this week to visit his gravely ill 85-year-old grandmother in Hawaii. "We probably will," said a campaign spokesperson. She's the white one isn't she?"