Friday, September 11, 2015

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know the path to enlightenment is circular...erm...we mean know that on numerous occasions we have discoursed on the plethora of banned substances that course through the veins of both the overlords and their canine charges. In the interests of full disclosure we feel it necessary to point out that as charter members of the Stoli for breakfast club we are not in a position to sit in judgment on the particular conscious altering choices that the overlords might make, only to point out that, like us, they make a choice whereas the greyhounds do not. Which brings us to one Brian J. Webb.
A Mardi Gras Casino greyhound tested positive for cocaine, but the dog's trainer apparently got off on a bureaucratic technicality regarding the Division of Para-Mutuel Wagering's inspection manual.
When asked to explain what the "technicality  regarding the Division of Para-Mutuel Wagering's inspection manual" was, Chelsea Eagle, Deputy Director of Communications for Florida Department of Business and Professional Regulation said, "Well, basically, no one in the office had read the manual. That thing's like a zillion pages long. And no pictures! What do you want from us?"
According to a report filed by the Florida Department of Business and Professional Regulation, inspectors paid trainer Brian J. Webb a visit several weeks later to interview him about Waylon Hambone testing positive for the illegal drug.
We have secured a transcript of that interview which we present for your edification:

Interviewer: Do you know anything about your dog being high on cocaine?

Webb: No.

Interviewer: OK thanks.

The Bureau also conducted followup interviews with Webb's two assistants, Tyus Hall and Ghloam Quintero. The trascipt of those interviews is reproduced in its entirety below:

Interviewer: Do either of you know anything about how one of your dogs came to have cocaine in its bloodstream?

Hall: What?

Qintero: I can hear colors man!

Interviewer: OK thanks.
Webb's case has gotten lost in the bureaucratic shuffle of antiquated rules, even in the face of at least twenty greyhounds that have tested for cocaine in recent years.
"Now look," Eagle said. "The Department's position is that most of those people are high most of the time. How else are you going to get through a day where you routinely put innocent living creatures in harm's way for no good reason and even less money? If, occasionally some of those...uh...coping enhancers find their way into an actual greyhound, well, that's just a cost of doing business, you know?
According to records, Webb is no stranger to run-ins with the Division of Pari-Mutuel Wagering in the past. On March 24, he was fined by the state for an unspecified incident recorded on December 17, 2014 — three days after Waylon Hambone's positive test result.
When asked to explain why the incident was "unspecified" Eagle said, "It's my understanding that everyone was drunk at the time and no one has a clear memory of what actually happened."
Further records show that a Brian Webb from the Dubuque, Iowa, Greyhound Park was suspended in 2009 for 32 days for "the use of profanity, fighting, threatening, and intimidating behavior on facility premises." Webb was cited after he "made intimidating and threatening physical contact with another licensee." it seems the heartless commodification of innocent living creatures in the pursuit of (no) profit tends to make one rather testy. This surprise you at all Ripkin?

Ripken can live with cats or small dogs, but we don't yet know if he can be an only dog. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

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