Hounds Home For The Holidays

We thought we'd try and catch you before you head off to the annual Turkey bake, gravy lake, tummy ache, for heaven's sake, big mistake, give us a break Uncle Jake football wake and see if we could convince you to offer your couch on a long term lease to a homeless skinny dog. Also, we plan to be in a tryptophan induced coma ourselves, at least until the Lions game--and depending on how they play, maybe during.

And speaking of induced comas...Stoli.

But what conversation with you our esteemed reader(s) would be complete without mention of everyone's favorite social pariahs, the overlords. But in the spirit of the coming War on Christmas which unites us every year in the annual holier than thou national freakout, we thought we'd forgo our usual expedition to Dimholt forest and leave the overlords to their holiday feast which we believe is comprised of the souls of innocent children. We could be wrong about that. Anyway, for a change of pace, let's go visit an animal rights wacko and see how she's spending the upcoming festivities. No doubt drinking green tea and polishing her Birkenstocks with organic macerated tree bark, no?

Ellen Schmidt is one of 40 greyhound activists who plan to protest today in front of the Naples-Fort Myers Greyhound Racing and Poker Room in Bonita Springs. The protesters want state legislators to pass a greyhound injury reporting law that would require Florida's 13 dog tracks to notify the state of every injury at their facilities. The activists also want legislators to stop a Florida law that forces dog tracks to race greyhounds in order to keep their poker room permits.

 Obviously Ellen hasn't any knowledge of greyhound racing or she would know that the units...erm...dogs are given the highest level of care possible if by some almost statistically impossible chance they are injured, the tracks are expertly maintained by a crack staff, and no expense is spared in making their off track lives comfortable. 

The "decoupling" bill is expected to see the House floor this spring. Naples-Fort Myers track owner Izzy Havenick supports the bill because greyhound racing is losing him about $2 million a year as fewer and fewer bet on the old sport.

 OK, here's our dilemma: Mr. Havenick is obviously an overlord, yet he wants to end the commodification of innocent living creatures for (no) profit, so does that make him an animal rights wacko? On first blush, one might say no, because he's only in it for the money, yet regardless of his motivation, the outcome would be less greyhounds doomed to a life of potential suffering, injury and death. Does Mr. Havenick's means, justify the end? Would Ms. Schmidt count him as a colleague even though his reasons are suspect? Will Batman escape the Joker's trap? Stay tuned.

"Decoupling is part of a much bigger picture," said state Sen. Garrett Richter, R-Naples, who headed the Senate's gaming committee in the last session. "There is an entire debate that transpires over gaming, dog racing, and destination casinos. That whole subject has to come into that context and probably be considered for all its components."

"And before you ask why we don't just spin off the greyhound issue and deal with it separately because from a legal standpoint decoupling wouldn't materially affect the bigger gambling issue, remember this is Florida you're talking about." Senator Richter said. "We never met a straight forward, uncomplicated issue we couldn't screw up."

"We have been saying for years now that the Legislature needs to do something about dog racing," Havenick said. "At least allow the market to dictate how much we can race rather than using an antiquated law."

"Well, we have been trying to do something," Richter replied, "But why try and solve one problem when you can lump them all together  and do nothing about anything? I mean, why did the people elect us anyway?"

Well, you may have a point there Senator Richter. Look all around the country today at almost any level of government and it seems the whole idea of politics is to shout loudly and warm a chair. Really talented politicians can actually do both at once. Pretty impressive huh Hunter?

I am very attached to people and love to be around them. I am a low-key girl. Since I have been in my foster home, I have had a bath and had my nails trimmed and I was not fazed at all by any of it. I can go up and down the stairs. I am a very smart girl. I am housebroken. I don’t mind being in my crate if nobody is home but I love to be around people so much that I don’t want to be in it if someone is home. I get along with dogs of all sizes and I am also cat friendly. I love to go for walks and go to the dog park to run and play.For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here. 

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from an undisclosed location here in the marbled halls of IM Central which is definitely not down in the cocktail supply room in the comfy chair that's in front of the 60' plasma. So don't even bother looking there. Seriously. Waste of time. The reason we've gone dark is so we can report to you on some big time 007 stuff those pesky animal rights wackos recently carried out on the overlords. Now, you might think why would anyone want to surreptitiously surveil the overlords, what with the poor personal hygiene, unpredictable psychotic episodes and chronically untied shoes.

Ha. Well that just shows you why you aren't in the spy business. What if all those unsavory characteristics are just a front? A ruse to keep the public's prying eyes out of their business. A subterfuge to divert attention from their nefarious activities. OK, they're not. Overlords are really like that, but it's the only way we could segue to this week's post.

An undercover investigation by Panorama has caught a trainer revealing how he doped greyhounds in order to rig bets - which he claims have paid out up to £150,000.

How can this be, you ask. We know the overlords put the health and welfare of their furry charges above all else. As professional athletes the units...erm...dogs have to be kept in tip top shape, fed the best food available and kept in posh surroundings so that they can compete at the highest levels. Plus, there's the whole we lurvvves our hounds part of racing which is why the overlords decided to subject innocent living beings to the commodification required to make them into (no) profit centers in the first place. So, is this just some cunning plot by the animal rights wackos to besmirch the overlord's otherwise spotless reputations? What do you think overlord Chris Mosdall?

Chris Mosdall, has raced at a number of tracks but most recently been racing weekly at Wimbledon Stadium, home of the English Greyhound Derby - the most prestigious race in the sport. He told the undercover reporter that he doped dogs in his care despite knowing the risks to their health. He said he must wait a couple of months before doping a dog for a second time as the practice messed her system up. "You will burn her kidneys out," he said. And despite boasting that he was known as "the biggest crook in Wimbledon," he revealed that he had long been able to get away with cheating, saying: "It's been ten years since I've been caught."

And there you have it. It seems the animal rights wackos will stop at nothing to concoct fabrications that show the overlords in a bad light. It's almost like they wait, what?

Panorama bought a dog from Mr Mosdall, which he continued to kennel and train, and covertly filmed him showing the drug he used to alter the dog's performance.Three days later he said he had used the drug to dope two dogs before they raced and correctly predicted the effect the substance would have on their placings.

What we have here is the classic case of the "bad apple." An obviously unscrupulous, heartless and uncaring person such as Mr. Mosdall will now face the full wrath and fury of the industry.

The GBGB have apparently been repeatedly warned by other trainers in the last two years that some dogs at Wimbledon showed signs of having been drugged. But Mr Mosdall was only stopped after the GBGB was alerted about the undercover investigation.

Now, two years may seem like a long time to followup on complaints that were coming from other overlords, but you have to take into consideration the industry-wide competition among the various regulating bodies in greyhound racing to be designated the most ineffectual and useless there is, with bonus points for actually making greyhounds less safe while under the benevolent protection of the overlords. Right now the GBGB is only three points behind Florida's Department of Business and Professional Regulation and there's still two months to go in the season.

We also examined the record of the regulator - the Greyhound Board of Great Britain (GBGB) - in dealing with trainers whose dogs tested positive for drugs, including substances such as steroids, beta blockers or cocaine. In some instances, trainers have accumulated multiple positive tests while being allowed to retain their licences and continue racing their dogs.

 Oh yeah baby! Suck on that Florida! Time to make room for that trophy on the mantle. GBGB! GBGB! GBGB!

The trainer said he treated his dogs with love and care and that he would never do anything to harm them. He said that he regretted the admissions he had made to the undercover journalist, and said that he had only been trying to convince him that he could give his dog an advantage.

Oh...um...well, sorry Mr. Trainer sir. Our mistake. We've obviously been misled by the animal rights wackos and their stated agenda of turning us all into tofu eating, Birkenstock wearing, green tea drinkers because if you can't trust the word of an overlord, who can you trust, right Carlo?

I am mellow, laid-back and very friendly. I am a very lovable boy. I am housebroken. I get along great with dogs my size but I have not met any small dogs yet. I am learning to play with toys. I am also learning to go up and down the stairs. I do not mind being in my crate. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here. 

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog will remember the dulcet melodies of youthful songs sung among the bright fields of flowers bursting like petaled fireworks now become the gray chant of age echoing in a graveyard forest with trees so bare they don't even dream of leaves...erm...we mean will remember last week we reported on the overlords in Iowa and how they had petitioned the state gaming commission to grant them license to maim and kill greyhounds until they blew through the $36 million casinos had thrown at them to go away. As an aside we'd like to point out that based on their average salary in Iowa, $36 million would cover about 700 and some teachers. Just making an observation.

Well, as we predicted, the Gaming commission said "Sure, go ahead, whatever Jerry Crawford wants."

Live dog racing could have a home in Iowa for the next few years, a state commission said Thursday in issuing a license that gives a trade group authority to run the soon-to-be last dog racetrack in the state.

Boy, that's a ringing endorsement, huh? The continued commodification of innocent living creatures for (no) profit could be happening at the last track left in the state because the state commission said yeah, whatever. You can feel the excitement.

Commission administrator Brian J. Ohorilko said the IGA will need to update racing officials on several key issues before they can be operational on Jan. Among those conditions is updated information on security plans and how they will maintain the kennel compound and racetrack. The IGA has also not entered into any agreements for simulcasting.

IGA president Bob Hardison said he couldn't comment on how the group will ensure it meets all the required conditions."We haven't decided yet how best to burn through that $36 mil the casinos gave us," Hardison told reporters. "Salaries, of course, that's a biggy, and I guess we'll at least have to put some windows in the kennels and get the furnaces working again. Wouldn't want to get too carried away on stuff for the dogs though, we figure the place will go belly up in a year or two."

It means the IGA will have $36 million to operate the racetrack. The group said in its application that "this dedicated fund is more than enough to cover operations for live racing for the first five year lease the IGA will enter regarding the facility." Despite this, Ohorilko said further proof of adequate financing still needs to be met, "just to make sure that they have the means and wherewithal to do what they're telling us that they want to do."

"Well, what we want to 'do' is get our hands on that $36 mil," Hardison said. "You think we want to stand in line with the rest of those losers who are splitting up the other $36 million? Oh, and continue giving the exciting, fun world of greyhound racing to the families of Iowa, so come on out and bring the kids. Nothing is more fun for a nine year old than watching a dog tumbling down the track then screaming in pain until someone comes and kills it."

Hmmm...Hard to argue with that marketing plan...if you're a sociopath, huh Italy?

I am an inquisitive girl. I am very friendly. I am adapting well to new situations and being in a home. I am housebroken. I love dogs of all sizes and I am cat friendly. I have met so many new people while in my foster home and I just love everybody. I walk well on my leash. I absolutely love playing with toys and chasing the ball. I learned how to go up and down the stairs on my very first day in my new foster home. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here. 

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the Edward R Murrow wing here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The Edward R Murrow wing is located just across from the Fox Is To News As Oatmeal Is To Bird Poop Center for the Study of Analogy which is housed in the Bafflegab Building. We're down here filing a report from the road trip we recently took Des Moines, Iowa to see the sights. Ha Ha, just kidding. There are no sights in Iowa. We were there to attend a couple of meetings between the overlords and the powers that be concerning how  $72 million the casinos paid out to get greyhound racing off their backs was to be distributed. The overlords' first suggestion was  unmarked, non-sequential, small denomination bills, but the Iowa Racing and Gaming Commission took issue with that because they didn't think the G-strings of the girls at local strip clubs would support the influx of cash causing them to fall down and thus violate one of the city's decency policies.

The Iowa Racing and Gaming Commission is the body responsible for regulating all aspects of gambling in the state. It is composed of six people, all white (hey come on, this is Iowa) four men and two women. Commissioner Delores Mertz is on the panel because she has the unique distinction of dating Robert E. Lee when they were in high school together and Commissioner Kris Kramer, who never spoke through any of the proceedings is on the panel because someone has to wear a short skirt. It's in the bylaws, you can look it up.

Anyway, the first order of business after Commissioner Jeff Lambert--who is also the Coordinator--called the meeting to order, along with the assistance of Commissioner Carl Henrich--who is also a Coordinator because you can never have too many coordinators--was to hear representatives of the Iowa Greyhound Association explain why they should be granted a license to race in Dubuque and take $36 of the $72 mil and continue to kill and maim greyhounds there. This was actually their second request for a license. Their first request had been for a permit to pile the cash in the center of the Dubuque track and just set it on fire, but it was denied because the Dubuque Fire Department couldn't guarantee they wouldn't cause the whole city to burn down.

Now, we figured this was pretty much a done deal being as the Commissioners probably knew if the overlords didn't get their way they were going to start holding their breaths until they passed out and stuffing beans up their noses and nobody wanted that, so we were trying to decide if we went to the water cooler in the back of the room and acted like we were getting a cup of water would anyone notice if we slipped a little Stoli into the mix, when up to the microphone steps overlord Dean Miner.

"The IGA are power hungry greedmeisters whose only intent is to rob and plunder the good citizens of Iowa, or more specifically, us. And I can prove it," he said, holding up a three ring binder that looked like it had about four reams of paper in it. Later, I got a look at it. It was called "Opinion, evidence, documents and proposal" which tells us he doesn't know the difference between a list and a title. Obviously overlord Miner hadn't done this himself which meant he was the leader of a rebel alliance. And who was Emperor Palpatine to his Luke Skywalker? A fellow named Jerry Crawford who was the attorney for the IGA. Yes, you heard that right, an overlord and a lawyer. Wow, thinks us, this guy has to be about 14 different kinds of evil. All of a sudden we were paying full attention, which, as an aside, isn't something we do very often, just ask Mrs. Maximus.

Anyway, overlord Skywalker, uh, Miner launched into a chronicle of Crawford's evil ways that went way past his allotted time to speak. In fact, Commissioner Ohorilko, who was tasked with keeping the speakers on schedule signaled Miner several times that he had run out the clock, all to no avail. He fired a small cannon, threw fruit at Miner, but finally gave up and shot himself. Two other commissioners died of old age during the presentation. Commissioner Lambert declared a short recess while the bodies were removed.

Well, needless to say we were quite intrigued by all this. Overlord on overlord conflict, this was better than watching republicans try to explain why they don't believe in climate change (Pro tip for republicans: just say "because I'm stupid." Saves time for everybody). So we were trying to figure out where all this might go when suddenly the room became noticeably colder and the lights dimmed. A man, although we weren't sure it was a man at first because we couldn't see the face clearly due to the hood, stepped up to the podium to speak. He said a single word, "approve" and by the way the Commissioners began clutching their throats and gasping for air we knew the speaker had to be Jerry Crawford. Then the room went totally dark and when the lights came on again he was gone and there was a distinct order of sulphur in the air. Commissioner Lambert thanked everyone for coming, reminded us to be grateful we were still alive and adjourned the meeting.

The afternoon session was a meeting with a representative of Spectrum Gaming, which was the company the Iowa Racing and Gaming Commission had hired to determine how best to distribute the $36 million the IGA wasn't wasting in Dubuque to the rest of the overlords and the dogs. Overlord Miner rose to speak but before he did Commissioner Lambert asked for time to call paramedics so no more Commissioners would be lost. Overlord Miner explained that would be unnecessary as his comments were going to be brief which precipitated a mass exhale of relief from the attendees. Miner explained that however the money was divvied up some should be reserved for employees of the kennels who were currently not included on the list of folks getting dough. Now, we always knew that the overlords would dump a dog like a hot rock once it quit making money for them, but we weren't aware they felt the same way about the humans who worked for them, so to hear Miner's proposal was doubly impressive, coming as it did from an actual overlord.

Next up was overlord Bob Rider who had broken everything down by percentages, which impressed us because we were unaware the overlords even knew about percentages. Overlord Bob kept saying his plan wasn't going to make anyone rich, but it was fair, thus equating fairness with not getting rich, which seems and apt correlation to us as, given the nature of what the overlords do, not getting rich at it seems only fair. Another interesting thing about overlord Bob was that he was a double amputee, having lost both his legs somehow.We point that out for no other reason than during his presentation he said his dogs had paid for one of his prosthetic legs which caused us to wonder how many of his dogs' legs he had paid for.

Next overlord Jorene King spoke. She represented an industry adoption group and she just wanted the fellow from Spectrum to know she didn't know anything about anything when it came to what would happen to the dogs, but thought it would be useful to speak and waste everyone's time for a bit. Although she did mention that however the money was allocated, since everything came from the same pot, some overlords would be hesitant to submit their dogs for adoption figuring that the more money that went to saving dogs, the less would be left over for them.

After that came well known animal rights wacko Leslie Forys who gave an overview of the plan her group had submitted to Spectrum Gaming before the meeting. She talked about the network of 189 adoption groups around the county who stood ready to accept refugee greyhounds, the projected costs of veterinary care, transportation, food and housing until a permanent home could be found, and various other aspects involved with evacuating dogs from the area.

All in all a very illustrative experience, thinks us. Overlord infighting, money grubbing and oh yeah, guess we'd better do something to help the dogs all rolled into one day in Iowa. We were packing up our stuff and wondering where the closest happy hour was when James Flanagan rose to speak.

"My name is James Flanagan and I represent Grey2K," he said and immediately one of the overlord ladies in the back went into seizure. Overlord Bob began speaking in tongues. "I just want to remind everybody that we all have a common purpose here and that is to help the dogs," he continued, but by then the overlords had all gathered in a corner of the room and were chanting something we didn't quite catch. After a bit one of the overlords stepped forward and said, "I'll never let one of my dogs be adopted be an anti-racing group, even though they are the only ones who apparently care enough to come up with a plan." After that the overlords regrouped and slowly backed out of the room eying Flanagan warily.

So that was our great adventure in Iowa. It was educational, but you know what? It wouldn't break our hearts if the next one was in some place where you couldn't see from one end of the state to the other. Iowa is so flat it doesn't even have puddles, know what we mean Lotus?

I'm a white hot mess! Just kidding! Okay, truth is I am just new at all this and its confusing. Like slick floors-- who thought that was a great idea? And that dog in the shiny wall? She always growling at me when I am eating my supper. Of course I growl back and then the people laugh at me. I have also discovered the joys of animal crackers, and peanut butter! Toys are fun! People around me describe me as "so sweet and loving." Well, I HAVE gotten the knack of kissing. I am a great kisser! I will clean your ears, face, neck, etc., for you! Who can resist with my sweet little face? Give me a bit of time to adjust and and I am gonna WOW you with my best stuff! For more information about these dogs, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.